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Original poster

Social media damages children's mental health. Ban it?

87 replies

noblegiraffe · 25/01/2022 13:09

This blog from Sam Freedman lays out the evidence that use of social media is linked to a rise in mental health issues in children and young people samf.substack.com/p/kids-and-social-media-a-mental-health?r=15j85e

He concludes that he will be keeping his 12 year old twins away from smart phones for as long as possible.

I've got one DC who is entirely uninterested in social media and one who is too young; but I can see that in the future there will be a big battle there.

It's not entirely clear what is meant by social media, whether that includes messaging apps, but schools are rife with problems caused by those too.

Have you seen any impact? Is it possible to keep them off it in this day and age? What can be done to mitigate the impact if not?

OP posts:
user1497207191 · 25/01/2022 19:14

@MasterGland

Seeing the impact of SM in schools has made me adamant that I will resist it at all costs for DS. We are a low tech household, though. We don't have a TV or any games consoles, so maybe that wil make it easier to resist when the time comes?
You're going to struggle when your DS's homework timetable/assignments are online and they're given work that involves online material, youtube videos, the school's portal/VLE to view/download worksheets & resources etc.
sadpapercourtesan · 25/01/2022 19:22

@noblegiraffe

Personally, I think it's actively wrong to deny older children (secondary onwards) the opportunity to engage in what have become normal channels of communication with their peers.

And the opportunity to develop mental health issues/self-harming behaviours as a result?

Fingers in ears isn't a good approach. If you are going to allow it, I think efforts need to be made to acknowledge the risks and potential harms and minimise them.

And expecting kids to be able to do that for themselves when many adults find it incredibly difficult is a bit of a non-starter.

I'm not minimising the mental health impact of too much/inappropriate usage, or at least I didn't mean to.

I definitely think parents should be limiting and supervising and guiding - I just don't think banning outright (as per the thread title) is feasible or desirable, as whether we like it or not this is a HUGE part of teenage culture. Loneliness and exclusion has mental health implications too. It's the lazy option IMO to just say "well we don't do that in our house", when your child has to go and interact with a cohort of peers who increasingly don't relate to one another on any other level.

There is also the worry that if you ban these things for your children, they will see material on other people's phones, and they won't have the confidence or the trust to come to you for help if they do see something that is too much for them. One of mine was shown an execution video on a friend's phone at school when he was about 12 - he came home and told me and we had a really long series of talks about it. If I had banned him from looking at social media altogether, he would still have seen it. He just wouldn't have shared it with me.,

My two are 17 and 19 now. Our approach was to allow social media at secondary school age, with our involvement and support, building gradually towards adulthood when they would hopefully have the skills and the experience to manage it all for themselves.

MsTSwift · 25/01/2022 19:29

Master You would hold firm in your ban in the face of an otherwise reasonable non dramatic teen in tears because of inadvertent social exclusion caused entirely by your rule for which you are massively resented? Really?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
RockAndHardPlace1 · 25/01/2022 19:31

My DC are banned from social media, I don't have it myself either so they can't say I'm a hypocrite. Win win Wine.

It destroys everyone's mental health, wastes time and promotes bullying. I wish they'd just have a blanket ban on it.

MsTSwift · 25/01/2022 19:37

How old are your dc out of interest?

OpheliaHardon · 25/01/2022 19:41

@MsTSwift

Mine have said it would be social death not to have a phone (13/15).

Try standing firm on banning this in the face of a sobbing 13 year old adamant she is being excluded from her friendship group because of our no SM rule when all the other parents allow it. Would be interested if you can - we caved. Was trashing our relationship.

I found the same with my youngest (now nearly 18). The others weren't that bothered, so it wasn't an issue. I don't have a smartphone or any kind of device, so I have never 'modelled' screen-bound behaviour. But to some extent you have to base your decisions around what's realistic for your particular child/ren.
MsTSwift · 25/01/2022 19:44

Absolutely. My neighbour with a same age Dd was quite smug that her Dd chose not to be on sm so it wasn’t an issue for her. She’s now worried sick as her teen has no friends and never leaves the house. Like it or not it’s how many teens particularly girls connect with their mates.

OpheliaHardon · 25/01/2022 19:44

@MasterGland

Seeing the impact of SM in schools has made me adamant that I will resist it at all costs for DS. We are a low tech household, though. We don't have a TV or any games consoles, so maybe that wil make it easier to resist when the time comes?
Not necessarily. I last watched TV in about 1995 and don't have a TV. I don't have a smartphone or an ipad or anything at all other than a desktop computer. No games consoles. No nothing. My youngest still lives her life through social media. She is totally unlike me, and her entire life revolves around nights out, friends, etc, etc, etc. Social media are her portal to all of this. I detest it but accept that it is the way she conducts her life. As I say, it was far easier with the older DC as they weren't bothered about it. But there are no parenting points for banning social media for teenagers who don't want to use it.
OpheliaHardon · 25/01/2022 19:48

@noblegiraffe One thing I did at the start was reserve the right to look at absolutely everything on DD's phone so long as she was under 16 and I was paying for the phone. If she wanted a phone, I had to have the password, and I could look at it if I felt concerned enough to do so at any time. I did use this maternal privilege once, when she was 14 or so, and was right to have done so. I loosened the reins gradually.

user1497207191 · 25/01/2022 20:06

@RockAndHardPlace1

My DC are banned from social media, I don't have it myself either so they can't say I'm a hypocrite. Win win Wine.

It destroys everyone's mental health, wastes time and promotes bullying. I wish they'd just have a blanket ban on it.

Difficult when schools encourage/set up their own SM groups for some lessons/work. My son's school were very keen on it and some teachers told their classes to set up a class Whatsapp group (start of GCSE years) for group discussions, idea sharing, those who've missed lessons to ask for homework/worksheets etc. It was even more commonplace in his A level years where all his classes had whatsapp groups. The teachers were members of the groups which immediately stopped any abuse towards staff and monitored/controlled any signs of abuse between pupils.

The idea of them isn't wrong. What is wrong is the abuse and that needs either parents or teachers being members of the groups to monitor.

user1497207191 · 25/01/2022 20:11

My son also lives his life through SM. He's now in his second year at Uni, but in his first year, it was literally a lifesaver when he was virtually trapped in his tiny student flat on campus and everything was online, as there was no F2F teaching at all for his course (staff weren't on campus). The campus common rooms, bars, clubs, even library were all closed, and the teaching blocks were locked. By use of SM, he got to know a lot of "friends" doing various modules on his course as they did a lot of chatting over SM re assignments and supported each other. He said it was quite a novelty at the start of year 2 when they started having F2F lectures, tutorials, etc when he met for the first time, loads of people he'd been chatting to online the previous year!

User48751490 · 25/01/2022 20:16

@motherrunner

I’m also shocked that parents allow phones in rooms at night. I know DD’s classmates and teammates message each other late at night and into the morning - why aren’t they asleep?!
We block access to his phone via an app at night but he can use it as an alarm to wake up for school. It isn't a black and white situation. He can listen to music on his phone too. Sometimes helps children to sleep.
User48751490 · 25/01/2022 20:21

I use Discord now so I can see what it's all about as my eldest uses it. I don't like having to go to these extremes but I feel that I need to navigate this world and know how it all works.

Thankfully he is sensible and not interested in FB.

Original poster
noblegiraffe · 25/01/2022 20:53

The teachers were members of the groups

Oh now I would say there’s absolutely no way as a teacher I’d be in a WhatsApp group with my classes. We’re definitely not allowed them on social media.

OP posts:
motherrunner · 26/01/2022 05:43

@noblegiraffe

The teachers were members of the groups

Oh now I would say there’s absolutely no way as a teacher I’d be in a WhatsApp group with my classes. We’re definitely not allowed them on social media.

Us either!

I do encourage ‘working groups’ but this is through Teams. At my school a team is set up for each class, they can communicate on there and obviously it can be moderated my me, as their teacher, and my HoD, who has to be part of each team. At sixth form, it’s the sixth form directors.

No way would pupils have my phone number!

waterrat · 26/01/2022 08:53

Is WhatsApp a total default now for year 7 and up? I have a child nearly at this age and while I'd love to say I won't let him use it I will have to if it is how kids communicate.

The worst bit about WhatsApp for me withnkids is the endless distraction..I find it painfully distracting myself even with all notifications off

MrsPsmalls · 26/01/2022 10:16

Ban social media if you want a friendless mentally ill child. Social media is how children communicate. They are not going to bother with a tedious child with fussy parents who make it impossible to contact him outside school hours. Your child will be excluded and very very angry'. I would even say preventing him from having a friendship group is abusive.

MsTSwift · 26/01/2022 10:24

We realised this as the truth early on. Yes it would be lovely to “ban” phones but unless you have the ability to time travel back to the 90s it’s not a workable solution for an averagely sociable child.

user1497207191 · 26/01/2022 10:26

@noblegiraffe

The teachers were members of the groups

Oh now I would say there’s absolutely no way as a teacher I’d be in a WhatsApp group with my classes. We’re definitely not allowed them on social media.

Difference is that it's the school who was driving the use of whatsapp for classes, so there's a kind of onus on the school/teacher to monitor it's use.
user1497207191 · 26/01/2022 10:28

@MsTSwift

We realised this as the truth early on. Yes it would be lovely to “ban” phones but unless you have the ability to time travel back to the 90s it’s not a workable solution for an averagely sociable child.
It's a lifeline for the less social or introverted child too. They may well be more able to communicate with their classmates and friends remotely if they struggle with face to face.
Original poster
noblegiraffe · 26/01/2022 10:30

So how do you mitigate against the clear harms of social media, MrsPSmalls?

Absolutely fuck-all use calling parents ‘abusive’ about something that is a problem either way.

OP posts:
TeenPlusCat · 26/01/2022 10:33

I think permitting certain platforms but monitoring use is the way to go.
It is lovely for some, but a nightmare for others.
There are too many 'liberal' parents who put the whole world in their child's hands in their bedroom and then say they trust their child.

And remove the phone at night. Buy them a proper alarm clock.

duvetdayforeveryone · 26/01/2022 10:33

Social media needs to be put into the national curriculum. Children need to have classes explaining what they see on social media isn't real. The post has been highly edited, and a tiny snapshot of a person's life.

Showing children also helps :)

BooksAndHooks · 26/01/2022 10:36

I think it’s far easier to monito friendship issues, what they are getting up to if you are able to monitor their online activity. Far better to monitor and educate than banning it. If it isn’t on social media it will be in real life where you have no idea what is being said and what is going on. Being the odd one out also isolated them and they will be left out of plans made online, online chats etc and edged out.

user1497207191 · 26/01/2022 10:41

@noblegiraffe

So how do you mitigate against the clear harms of social media, MrsPSmalls?

Absolutely fuck-all use calling parents ‘abusive’ about something that is a problem either way.

Mitigating against the harms is easier than banning it. Just needs proper education (at home AND school) and monitoring by parents etc.

The genie is out of the bottle. SM is here to stay, so we have to learn to live with it.