Social media damages children's mental health. Ban it?

[noblegiraffe]

This blog from Sam Freedman lays out the evidence that use of social media is linked to a rise in mental health issues in children and young people samf.substack.com/p/kids-and-social-media-a-mental-health?r=15j85e

He concludes that he will be keeping his 12 year old twins away from smart phones for as long as possible.

I've got one DC who is entirely uninterested in social media and one who is too young; but I can see that in the future there will be a big battle there.

It's not entirely clear what is meant by social media, whether that includes messaging apps, but schools are rife with problems caused by those too.

Have you seen any impact? Is it possible to keep them off it in this day and age? What can be done to mitigate the impact if not?

Let’s not try to suggest that a parent monitoring their child’s online activity for safeguarding reasons is at all like an abusive partner.

Just because "some" parents are abusers isn't an excuse/reason for parents not to monitor their children's computer/device usage.

noblegiraffe, the best analogy I heard was from someone who came in to talk to the kids and (separately) parents at my school.

If a child misbehaves in a maths lesson you don't ordinarily ban them from attending lessons. You monitor them and actively teach them how to behave properly. Similarly with social media use. You monitor their activities and intervene when necessary.

There may be circumstances where a ban is necessary (either for their own wellbeing or that of others) but monitoring and intervention should be the first port of call.

Waiting to see what noble responds to the concept of a child misbehaving in her maths lessons...

So many parents think their 12yos 'privacy' outweighs safeguarding. That's where it all falls down to me.

And that's before you get into faked lives on instagram, dodgy websites pushing anorexia or whatever onto vulnerable 15 or 17yos.

Can I contribute? I'm on MN for GC reasons but I'm actually a member of the generation allowed to grow up with social media (now young adult, early 20s). Was very unrestricted (clueless parents) and had some sites as young as 11 as I argued my case using other children in school etc.

I can unequivocally say that social media made me an unhappy teenager - the groundwork was already there of course (bullied/isolated in school) but it led me to be even more isolated from my peer group than before and gave me major self-esteem issues.

I was actually more successful talking over Snapchat with people at school than I was in real life, but that brings into question why they didn't just talk to me day-to-day! I don't have happy memories etc. of time spent messaging, it is low-quality time which will fade away

Most social media sites are configured to be addictive, someone with access will always choose them over a less appealing diversion which might be nicer in the long run (books, going outside). A child definitely does not have the faculties to deal with this so it's unfair to impose this on them - you wouldn't let your underage offspring start betting in casinos - it's the same mechanism

Every single social media site contains extreme pornographic or sexualised content to some degree and a curious child will always be able to find it. Eg. Tumblr is 13-plus and until 2018 it was full of hardcore pornography which was easy to find and explicitly allowed under T&Cs (there's still porn now, it's just underground). Similar situation with Twitter and even Pinterest I think

Out of my friend groups I can always tell who has spent the most time online based on how they speak, socialise, conduct themselves. Teens on Tumblr and Instagram are often lauded for being really politically conscious but this is just code for 'can repeat a slogan'... there is rarely any context or actual education going on. Same on YouTube, it's mainly 'infotainment' set up to make money from ads, buy them a book instead

A well-researched book is better than any Google search and I have extreme reservations about schools becoming so dependent on online learning. Looks like we will probably never escape the internet in school, work, etc. so a good idea might be teaching children to use the web intentionally and not aimlessly. Eg. have a task in your mind, do the task, then log off and do something different

I wouldn't mind letting 11-year-olds on Whatsapp if a parent regularly checks their activity and if they also regularly socialise outside of school - it's not a substitute for a social life. If there is certain language on Whatsapp it is probably being heard within school too. You are not invading a child's privacy by doing safeguarding checks although it will definitely feel that way to the child. Tell your child that if they have something private and important to say then the conversation should be in real life, basic adult etiquette. Avoid Snapchat because it regularly recommends obscene sexual news stories designed to shock young viewers, BDSM plastic surgery etc.

TikTok is designed to shorten attention spans, is mind-numbing, has an algorithm pushing attractive girls so viewers end up insecure, is full of sexualised content which goes under the radar, and romanticises mental illness as a modus operandi (similar to Tumblr in the early 2010s, many girls self-harming as a result). I would be anxious about even older teenagers using it.

During A Levels I had a chat with my close friend about this who seemed far happier and better-adjusted than me, very active outside of school and a great student, she had the same opinion/experience exactly and said she would also ban future offspring from social media. This is a common opinion in my generation which I think really says something

I wish my parents had just confiscated my phone all day weekends and after school... the only things that came of internet use are that I'm now very knowledgeable about old films (directors, actors - but could have learnt that from a book in greater depth!) and art (same). I taught myself a language over the internet when I was 16/17 but that required an insane amount of discipline which not even I had at the time and which a younger teenager definitely would not have. Most of the supposed benefits of youth internet use could be attained with a library card, while avoiding the cost to personal development and mental health

I'm happy to answer questions if you want to know what it was like to grow up with unrestricted access to these sites

Fabulous post NoWireHangersEver

Would love practical solutions to remove my teen girls phones. Battle Royale. They would see that as a massive punishment when they haven’t done anything wrong…this is the hardest issue of parenting for us BAR NONE

@noblegiraffe

I don't for a second think people were less distressed in the past

And yet hospitalisations for self harm have increased since 2012. The blog in the OP deals with these arguments.

The negative effect of social media on the mental health of children appears to be a real phenomenon.

Well, yes, if you choose that very specific way of monitoring mh then things will seem worse now. Luckily "admissions for self-harm" is not the accepted stat for measuring a nation's mental health (there are scales for this though).

Maybe people are admitted for self-harm because we are more active in offering help. Maybe because society had become more accepting so people are more willing to ask for help. Maybe (and this is what I really think) the changes in society have brought a shift in the types of mh problem - less trauma from wars, domestic violence, childhood abuse that was seen as acceptable, extreme poverty and expose to death, but more anxiety linked problems.

I think the article over simplifies the issue and picks and chooses it's sources.

NoWireHangersEver That’s a really insightful post.
It also worrisome me for my child. I understand phone use is more restricted in french schools for kids.
I don’t understand why a child of 12/13/14 or even should have any or much online privacy.
It’s the access to violent porn that worries me the most, as I don’t think young boys are equipped to understand what is acceptable sexually.

@NoWireHangersEver Thanks, that’s a lot of food for thought. Do you have a view on Instagram? My dd does an activity where the teachers often say to look at something on there - so far I’ve got it so she can look it up with me (in practice, she never does) but she’s pushing hard to get it herself. All her friends have it, of course.

Apart from that, she just has WhatsApp and internet filters that only allow white listed sites. But it’s a constant conversation and negotiation.

Your friend who will “ban social media” for her future child sounds extremely naive. How on earth does she think that will work when the child is a teen? They will be socially isolated and will blame her. In solving one issue she will create other (potentially worse) ones. I don’t know any parent that has managed to ban a phone beyond 13.

@RockAndHardPlace1

My DC are banned from social media, I don't have it myself either so they can't say I'm a hypocrite. Win win .

It destroys everyone's mental health, wastes time and promotes bullying. I wish they'd just have a blanket ban on it.

@RockAndHardPlace1

And what do you think Mumsnet is, if not social media?