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What savings do you have that DP doesn’t know about

118 replies

Jay36 · 18/01/2022 21:18

As it says on the tin!

OP posts:
Flickflak · 18/01/2022 23:13

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userxx · 18/01/2022 23:15

@Jada1234

I had 30k my ex husband made me spend every penny on our house, but had his own savings. So I saved 45k he didn't know about and then I left him.

Glad you left the fucker.

Totalwasteofpaper · 18/01/2022 23:19

None.

I do have 4 savongs accounts in my name only. He has 3.
We both know approx amounts and we sit down to financially plan about once a year.

This helps us be tax efficient and make sure everything is running smoothly.

redbigbananafeet · 18/01/2022 23:22

@AlphabetStew

Haha. Nice try Tom Wink
🤣
SquirrelG · 18/01/2022 23:22

None - why be in a relationship if you don't trust them?

nalabae · 18/01/2022 23:29

Hiding things in your marriage is by a good thing or anything to be proud about

nalabae · 18/01/2022 23:29

By means not

pitterpatterrain · 18/01/2022 23:30

We both have savings / ISA / pension - and I could tell you roughly what is in his, and similar back. Not the exact number but broad estimates.

Our day-to-day account is shared and we both pop money in there. If we run out we top it up.

VikingsandDragons · 18/01/2022 23:31

All of it, he doesn't even know how to log into our bank account. But all our finances are joint and this is his decision. He knows we have savings, and he is very grateful I save, as it means he doesn't have to worry about money, however he has a mental health condition that is very very much triggered by finances due to events in his past, a fear of scarcity, so he manages much better this way and it's a coping technique we agreed on and put in place. He knows where the file is that has details of all our savings accounts if anything were ever to happen to me, and he could at that point either access it or get his dad to help him, and he could technically look in it any day while I'm still here, but he never has, he is content to just ask me what our budget is for the next car, holiday, are we okay to do an extension or whatever.

Allsorts1 · 18/01/2022 23:38

My DP and I have completely seperate finances and just pay for agreed bits of our life (eg he covers mortgage and I buy groceries, he earns 6 x my salary and it is his flat). But I think even if we married we would keep separate finances? Maybe put a certain agreed amount into a joint account for future mortgage and bills and child stuff but keep our own separate savings? I can’t imagine him having a say in everything I want to buy - and what if I want a facelift when I’m 50!? I want to be able to say “my money my choice”.

ivfbabymomma1 · 18/01/2022 23:51

Nothing, we share everything / have access to everything. We each take £250 a month for our own "do what you want money" and I don't know how much of that he has saved up, and he probably won't know how much I have (hardly anything) but that's it

dane8 · 18/01/2022 23:52

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caringcarer · 19/01/2022 00:10

I have my own savings account but DH knows roughly what is in there known as my fof.

Sportslady44 · 19/01/2022 00:11

None.

Ploppy1322 · 19/01/2022 00:16

Everything we have, DH has no interest in our finances and leaves it all to me 😆

Thecheeseiscrackers · 19/01/2022 04:40

We keep our money separate. We have a joint savings account, but it is my money. It was his idea but he lost interest early on. He's got no idea what is in there and does not want to know. Or how to access it. I don't mind putting money in. I know we have money for a large unexpected bill. We are due major building work on a shared chimney. He knows we can pay our half in full.

Then I have a couple of savings accounts of my own he knows about. It is important to me I have money should we split up so that I can afford to leave. He does not know what is in there. I watched my mum financially abused so have always kept a tight control of my own money.

He does have a savings account of his own. I have no idea what is in it. He might mention in passing roughly what is in his main account. But I don't need to know. We both pay certain bills. If a bill is large the other will pay towards it without fuss. Otherwise our money is our own.

Agadorsparticus · 19/01/2022 04:48

Everything is joint for us. I have a £5 bond from when I was a child only in my name.

isthismylifenow · 19/01/2022 05:28

I didn't have any while I was married, which was very unfortunate because he is now an ex and thing will have been so much easier if I had thought ahead.

So, in hindsight, both my dc have accounts in which I have managed to put in a decent amount for them both. They are teens so are very aware that this is a keeping safe fund. We have had long discussions about this, and suggested that even when they meet someone this account is to be 'forgotten' about day to day. You never ever know what will happen in the future. So we call it the secret account. I feel incredibly strongly about it and I will try very hard to not let my dc make the same mistake as I did.

You can have a DH/DW who you love and share with, but it is so important to have a back up, a just in case plan. If you never need it, that's great, go on a cruise later in life or whatever. But always have a plan b financially. Too many woman get screwed over financially when marriages don't work it. It's usually the DW who lost her income and independence through giving up work to look after the DC.

No matter how happily married you are, think about a save me fund. As you just never know when you may need it.

isthismylifenow · 19/01/2022 05:38

@nalabae

Hiding things in your marriage is by a good thing or anything to be proud about
I am sorry to say but this is naive thinking.
Gimlisaxe · 19/01/2022 05:52

I am not sure if this counts, but at the moment I know its £600

By the end of the year it will be a few thousand, we are both shit with money, if we see it we spend it, so it goes into a seperate bank account, that we ignore, there is a card to it, but its an online only account, every so often I put it into various spaces, but it just sits there till Christmas, out of sight out of mind for both of us, but if in a really desperate situation its there

QOD · 19/01/2022 06:00

I was thinking about this the other day
. About £14 000 but it’s not mine mine. It’s money my mum has given me to put in premium bonds (£6000) and odd bits elsewhere
He knows I have money stashed away and I always save the day in an emergency
He probably thinks I have about £4 000

NatalieH2220 · 19/01/2022 06:07

None we have savings accounts which has joint money in. Not sure who has access to which as they're linked to our personal accounts.

SilverontheTree · 19/01/2022 06:14

He knows I have a lot of savings but not the exact amount and bank accounts.

Grasping · 19/01/2022 06:48

@bloodywhitecat 💐
I’m so sorry x

Dippingdots · 19/01/2022 06:56

None, we only have joint savings accounts.

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