Does anyone ever regret having baby number 3?

[babybrain77]

DH and I are divided on the issue of whether our family is complete. We both keep going back and forth. We are lucky enough to have 2 gorgeous children and we are just starting to feel like it's getting easier again.

On the one hand, I count my blessings every day and we are just about juggling childcare with two careers. On the other, I get this deep feeling of sadness thinking we might not do it all again.

Please share your experiences of going from 2 to 3 (or deciding to stay at 2!)...

It will depend largely on the pregnancy, birth and health of the third child. It could ruin your life. Or it could all be fine, like the other two.

I’m sad I’ll never be pregnant again, never breastfeed again-Never have a newborn - but categorically don’t want another child to raise!

We have 3 and the dynamics of the family are completely different. It is so much harder logistically when you are outnumbered by your children. I would not be without my toddler, we all adore him and are so happy he is part of our family but bloody hell. It is hard work! Really really really hard work!

Ie I stuck at 2!

I decided on 2 because it means they have a room each another child meant 2 of them would have to share so they have each got their own space . Financially 2 is comfortable 3 when they are older and cost alot more would have been tight

I have 3. Single parent now, but even when there were 2 parents and 3 DCs someone always felt left out! Someone wise once said to us that you need one lap per child .

However I wouldn’t be without DC3 and would happily have gone for a 4th if we hadn’t separated.

After the third you may feel sad again.. and the fourth... fifth... you get my point x

no

she is my absolute darling-

would have had more if not too old but accepted that I am one of those pppl that always wants another and I eventually had to stop

No advice but in a similar situation except it’s just me back and fourth, my partner is in the no camp. Logically 2 works well, they each own have their own rooms, if we went to a 3rd we’d have to convert the garage to an office, I hate being pregnant and both were precipitous labors, and I’m petrified of giving birth in a shop or somewhere ridiculous. But thought of never breastfeeding again, or waiting for that first smile, first steps I feel so emotional. I’m hoping I’ll feel happy with my lot soon. By no means I adore my 2 and live in the moment with them, but my mind does wonder there 🤣

I'm a lone parent of three but even when I was with my ex it was bloody hard. It changes the whole dynamic of things. I remember crying on the kitchen floor a few months after I had my third thinking what the hell have I done?

11 years in I wouldn't change them for the world but it's so tough as that last second you might have had to yourself is gone.

I couldn’t say regret because I adore DC3. I thought I had thought it all through and just didn’t feel complete with 2. However, in another life I would stick with 2. With a career - 3 is hard. The extra homework, the sick days from school, the never ending bickering and just sharing time 1:1 can be tricky. If you work less than FT you may find it easier. Childcare for me was much easier with 1 or 2, 3 is a struggle for school hols and childcare for socialising is a rareity.

Good luck with your decision, it’s not an easy 1 especially when feeling that sadness. I still feel sad now we won’t have the joy of finding out pregnant again, bringing a new baby home, cuddling a newborn but in reality they phase passes and the real hard work begins

No regrets at all.

Honestly. I have two older children are dreams and my third, who is a lovely child but it’s been a source of personal regret for me. The pandemic, the cost and difficulty of childcare vs getting a job, and the fact they recently received a diagnosis of autism. In some ways I’ve been unhappy about it. If you’re in a good place, maybe stay there.

Love having three and don’t regret it for a moment (particularly because I had a different gendered child for number three, which does, to me as a parent, feel different in some ways - I know this is a thorny topic though!)

The house seems far quieter and calmer when just two of them are here and the bickering/odd number logistics gets me down…however, I wouldn’t change it.

No 3 was an unplanned shock. Dds were 12 and 9.
Its bloody hard work and puberty plus a toddler is not fun. The gap works well now though. 20 year old DS gets to practice driving in DD1s car, and has sleepovers at Dd2s house!

We stuck at 2 and it was hard to begin with but I'm increasingly glad. So many possibilities are opening up for us as a family which would have been closed down with 3. I would not have been able to give my children, or myself, or my marriage, everything I want to give them if I was stretched in yet another direction. A third would have been a triumph of hormones over sense in my case.

@Newbabynewhouse @mumsiedarlingrevolta I think this is the other problem - I always wanted a big family and I can definitely imagine having 3 and thinking "we shouldn't stop with an odd number".

We have got the space for a 3rd (and 4th!). It's the time that worries me - we both have pretty intense jobs, me in finance and DH in education. Over the last year we've often felt like we're juggling so many balls that one is bound to fall. And we enjoy both getting one on one time with each child every weekend, as well as time all together. But then I think of how exponentially happier we are since DD arrived and I think we'd be crazy not to go for that again.

Absolutely not - was a suprise and I wasn't sure at first but I am so glad I had them

@ZoeTheThornyDevil this is how I feel. How old are yours if you don't mind my asking?

Never regretted - never at all.

But number 3 was much more tiring and made the whole thing unmanageable. I think I was doing pretty well with 2 when I look back on it.

But I think long term, 3 will have been the right thing for us.

I once thought I’d have 4 but not since the youngest turned 12 months!!

No, my third is an absolute joy. Totally unplanned - I was always in the “never let the kids outnumber the adults” camp - and with her brothers aged 5 and 10 I thought I was done but I swear she came out smiling. She is now 19 and has never given me a moment’s grief, her brothers adore her and as adults all three continue to get on really well. BUT if she had ended up with significant additional needs or just been a different personality I may not be saying the same.

@babybrain77 my youngest is almost 4 and over the course of the last year I feel the pre-baby me has re-emerged like an iceberg out of the fog and I'm increasingly looking forward to my post-baby-phase life.

It is hard and sad to close the baby door, I think always no matter how many you've had. It's a big thing for a woman's life to admit that that stage of your life is behind you. But I don't think it gets any easier with delay.

We stuck at 2 for the same reasons as @OnlyFoolsnMothers

I’m the middle of 3 so to me it was the perfect number. Adore my siblings, had a wonderful upbringing in a close family.

But now my boys are 10&7 and although I would love to be pregnant again, nurse a newborn, and feel the weight of them, the idea of going back to diaper bags, pampers, potty training, after pains, night wakings, strollers and tantrums is a hard nope even though we could easily afford it.

From a more immediate point, it doesn’t feel like there’s anyone missing from our family. My boys are close friends, and another would disrupt that balance.

Best thing we ever did! Just didn't feel complete with two, so decided to try for a third, knowing there were no guarantees. I always felt someone was missing. I'm not a fan of chaos, so some days it's overwhelming. But I love the dynamic and love their relationship. Hope we all stay as close as we are. I will say though, that I'm currently a SAHM and think it makes a big difference in how difficult it is to juggle three.

We have two and neither of us wants another one at the moment. Never say never though. Maybe if we won the lottery and had a massive house and a tonne of help!