Does anyone ever regret having baby number 3?

[babybrain77]

DH and I are divided on the issue of whether our family is complete. We both keep going back and forth. We are lucky enough to have 2 gorgeous children and we are just starting to feel like it's getting easier again.

On the one hand, I count my blessings every day and we are just about juggling childcare with two careers. On the other, I get this deep feeling of sadness thinking we might not do it all again.

Please share your experiences of going from 2 to 3 (or deciding to stay at 2!)...

We almost went for a third a few times...but now my kids are 12 and 10 I'm so relieved we didn't.

I feel like my kids need me as much now, if not more, than when they were little. At least wee ones go to bed - tonight my 12 year old was sad about some friend drama, and decided she wanted to talk about it at 9pm. For an hour. I've had 20 minutes to myself before bed and that's it.

It's mentally tougher rather than adding to the physical load - although don't underestimate the logistics of multiple kids attending multiple hobbies and clubs outside of school!

Our third baby is three months old now and she's absolutely wonderful. I have zero regrets about having her.
Our older two are 4 and a half and only just turned 2 - all little girls with planned small age gaps.

Out of the three of mine DD3 is the most smiley and playful baby I've had, she's always smiling and cooing at her big sisters. It was a bit hard juggling the three of them at first but a few months in we've really found our routine. DD3 has just slotted so perfectly into our lives, we all adore her and my biggest hope is that my girls grow up close.

Always knew I wanted three and wouldn't have it any other way.

It's a cliché I know, but no3 just slotted right in for us. Older siblings adored her from day 1 and are so protective of her. Watching them together is the loveliest thing (there are about 3 years between each).

I parent alone a lot of the time and you have to plan ahead to make sure you can fit quality time in with each, but it's doable.

Main concerns for us were practical - needed to extend the house, needed a bigger car etc. But we've not found any of this too bad and we could have done things cheaper than we have (and we are by no means rich).

If we'd not had our third, I would definitely have regretted it. I just didn't feel our family was complete and I'm not sure I'd have got over that.

Dh and I are both one of three and we always assumed we would have three. Our first two were relatively easy and we ummed and ahhed for ages about having a third.
Dh was less keen than me.
In the end I think I came down to thinking that I was much more anxious considering a third child. With either of the first two I wouldn't have blinked if they'd had disabilities etc but with another one it felt much more of a choice and therefore much more of a risk.
Also I came to realise that I would be a better parent to two than I would be to three. (This is not a reflection on others - my friends with lots of children are some of the best parents I know - but for me it would have been true). I'm quite selfish, I like my own space, I work long hours and I was happy to sacrifice lots of things when my children were young but I knew that I would be less and less patient about that, the older I got.
I'm over 50 now and my children are young adults more or less. I'm glad I don't have a younger child in the mix.
I don't regret not having a third at all but I probably had some pangs and "what if" moments until my younger DC was about 7.

I've watched third children take parents to another place. I haven't seen any families break up after a third (except my own, and I was the third) but there always seems to be something that pushes the parents past the kinds of parents they thought they were - the third child gets a different experience.

That's not necessarily good or bad, it's just an observation.

@Newbabynewhouse

After the third you may feel sad again.. and the fourth... fifth... you get my point x

I disagree with this. I went for the third after having the same dilemma. I knew immediately after my third that I was done. It boils down to whether you will look back and regret not having another. When I was asking people about it, every single person who contemplated a third and didn't do it regretted it later but no one regretted going for it and that is what swayed me. I was shocked at how many of my colleagues who have two children did want a third and wished they had gone ahead and done it. That really stood out for me.

These days, when generally both parents need to work to afford even a basic standard of living, I think having any more than two children is a bad idea. I think one parent would need to be earning a serious amount of money (many hundreds of thousands) in order for it not to affect the first two children adversely in terms of time and money. And then there is the environment to think of. And also the risk you take when you roll that dice again - i.e., what if your third has severe special needs?

That longing for another one does go - I had it for a while after my second child was born but I am very glad now that I stuck with two.

3 is so much harder than 2. Looking back I shouldn't have had a 3rd. It's been such hard work and we don't have the time to give to the first two that we'd like.
I obviously wouldn't change it as I adore my little one and his brothers love him too and as they are close in age it works well. But it is v hard work. 2/3 have additional needs (which weren't identified until after I was pregnant).
I know a fair few people who stopped at 2 and then got a dog..a sensible option to stop you having a third as it's enough extra work to put you off.

@Fr0thandBubble

These days, when generally both parents need to work to afford even a basic standard of living, I think having any more than two children is a bad idea. I think one parent would need to be earning a serious amount of money (many hundreds of thousands) in order for it not to affect the first two children adversely in terms of time and money. And then there is the environment to think of. And also the risk you take when you roll that dice again - i.e., what if your third has severe special needs?

That longing for another one does go - I had it for a while after my second child was born but I am very glad now that I stuck with two.

I did think this tonight- eldest back from school we logged into her online school gaming thing for 20mins and then this evening did her comprehension book- I’m wfh- when both are in school it will take a lot of effort to ensure I’m fully involved with their education (even before extra curricular activists and play dates). At bath time my husband and me each took one child to brush their teeth and get ready for bed. I did wonder “where would a 3rd go”

I was so content when I had two that when I fell pregnant again even tho we used protection I was not happy at all. All the way thur pregnancy I just wasn't sure on if I could cope with 3. When she was born that all changed couldn't imagine not having her she's so funny and caring.
If you can afford another one then go for it!! Has soon has u see ur baby u will not regret it xx

Well. Interesting.

I got seriously told off on MN; ban threatened about 2-3 years ago for not only suggesting one counts ones blessings, but also citing two close friends whose mothers determined decision to have a third resulted in a child with severe additional needs, the effects of which destroyed their families.

I was heavily attacked by parents to whom this had happened. Fellow offspring spoke of the difficulties in their lives, as a result.

You can never know, obviously. Life is a risk.

Another ban? 🤔

(FTR I deregistered).

Always consider your third journey may differ vastly from your first two.

Three is easier than two.
Yes kids are expensive but what else would we spend our money on in the end?
Three play together, help and support each other.
They bicker which means they learn conflict resolution.
I love having three and can't imagine having only two. They each have siblings, not just one sibling to rely on, and we feel like a team.

I heard someone say that if you're struggling to make a decision it probably means that both options are good. I thought that was a really interesting perspective.
I think the difference is who shoulders the potential downsides. Stopping at 2 and it being the 'wrong' choice - it's mainly you who bears the emotional fallout, having 3 and it turning out 'wrong' the brunt is taken by more of the family as a whole.
That's worse case scenario though. Realistically I think you're looking at two outcomes where each will probably be fine. I'm sure your kids will have wonderful happy lives being a pair, or a three. I'm sure you will adjust to and appreciate whichever number you have, whether that's two or three.
For what it's worth we have full on jobs in my family and we are sticking with 2. I don't necessarily feel complete but I feel 3 would be a step too far for us.

Sometimes. Youngest is 6 now. He's gorgeous and fun but makes a lot of noise. He annoys his siblings no end.

They always fight. Everyone wants something different; there's never a unanimous conclusion amongst them so someone's always aggrieved or disappointed.

Hotels and taxis and small cars are permanently off the table.

We are always outnumbered and can't really manage things like homeschooling or quiet activities like craft, even with two parents helping. Someone's always left out and a bit jealous about it. They do not quietly coexist.

This could be specific to my kids. But may advice would be to expect sibling rivalry when they're older.

I have three. I wouldn't say I regret it because he's lovely, but I have found that three is a LOT harder than two.

Partly because DC3 was not an easy baby - the worst sleeper by miles, and a very willful determined toddler (whereas the other two were quite compliant). But even now we're past that stage, it's hard work. All three of mine are sporty, which is great, but getting them all to training and matches is a constant juggling act.

I've stuck at 2 and tbh, no 2 probably shouldn't have happened (much as I love him to bits but he is a lot lot more work than no 1 and a lot more worry)

If you have it 'perfect' now, why chance it? I would say the problem is we miss the baby stage. But that bit is such a small part.

What happens if no 3 has learning difficulties? Anger issues? Changes the dynamic entirely?

@CoastalWave I think that's the thing - it feels pretty perfect now. But I felt that when we just had DS too - we were so happy I couldn't imagine things getting better. Then DD arrived and we all just got exponentially happier. So now I wonder if baby 3 would bring the same again, or whether we'd be better just enjoying the lovely 2 that we have.

[quote babybrain77]@CoastalWave I think that's the thing - it feels pretty perfect now. But I felt that when we just had DS too - we were so happy I couldn't imagine things getting better. Then DD arrived and we all just got exponentially happier. So now I wonder if baby 3 would bring the same again, or whether we'd be better just enjoying the lovely 2 that we have.[/quote]

Well, read the replies and you have your answer.

Maybe.

Or maybe not.

No. Had two boys and definitely didn't want any more, had no longing for a girl or anything. But accidentally fell pregnant and was pretty distraught to say the least. Had a girl who is almost 5 and she's absolutely completed our family. We needed her we just didn't know! Bloody hard work with three though, but I am mostly on my own as dh works long hours. And no grandparents near enough to help. But no, I don't regret.

We stuck at 2...
DH never wanted more
Being realistic I couldn't manage 3 when DH away working
House not big enough
Finances
Childcare
I'd of loved a third however DS was a traumatic birth which has had long term health implications for me.
Consultant told me in no uncertain terms he was adding to my notes I cannot have another vaginal birth.
Im lucky to have my two boys, don't feel anything is missing but sad il never have another baby stage, although they need me and I wouldn't risk my health to do it again now.

No! Three children here and best thing I ever did! Absolutely love it 😍

Had four. Didn't want an odd number!

I’ve got three and I would defintely say it’s been a big step up from having 2, I do feel like life with 2 is so much easier to just be spontaneous and adventurous whereas 3 feels very chaotic. But I guess that will probably calm down a bit as my youngest gets older

No regrets here. And as soon as DC3 was born I knew I was done so you won't necessarily be hankering after a fourth...

I always wanted 3 but my 3rd pregnancy was twins!