Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Does anyone ever regret having baby number 3?

81 replies

babybrain77 · 17/01/2022 21:17

DH and I are divided on the issue of whether our family is complete. We both keep going back and forth. We are lucky enough to have 2 gorgeous children and we are just starting to feel like it's getting easier again.

On the one hand, I count my blessings every day and we are just about juggling childcare with two careers. On the other, I get this deep feeling of sadness thinking we might not do it all again.

Please share your experiences of going from 2 to 3 (or deciding to stay at 2!)...

OP posts:

Garysmum · 17/01/2022 21:50

The older two regret I had another even though the age gap is tiny.

Mischance · 17/01/2022 21:51

Never regretted it. Our third DD was born when her sisters were 6 and 8, so quite a big gap. She basically had 3 mummies - and loved it; and so did they.

But I do regret the number of total idiots who commiserated with me because I had had another girl - just don't get me started on that.......

Thistooshallpsss · 17/01/2022 21:57

Three in four years all grown up now and brilliant dynamics because you don’t get head to head arguing in the same way. Not a lot of money for holidays etc but they have grown up friends able to support each other and even us a tiny bit now we are older.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

weegiemum · 17/01/2022 21:58

We were stopping at 2 and I had a mirena coil ("safer than sterilisation" was how I was sold it!). It fell out and I got pg with dd2. Already had dd1 and ds. So I had 3 kids under 4!

It was hard going and yes, it's changed the dynamic but she's amazing and it's so good to have her in our family. She's 18 now and training to be a beauty therapist (free massages, nails, facials etc etc) and a total joy.

We wouldn't have chosen it but the likelihood of the coil failing was so minuscule, we reckon she was meant to be! Dh had a vasectomy when I was 5 months pregnant though!!

WonderfulYou · 17/01/2022 21:59

I never understand why people plan to have 3.

Growing up the majority of my friends were all part of 3s like it was the done thing but I think any odd number is always worse than an even number as one is always left out.

Mines an only child so I can’t judge but I personally would stay at 2 or plan to have 4.

Pinetreecone · 17/01/2022 22:00

Keep your life easier and stick with two.

MrsM36 · 17/01/2022 22:02

Another "surprise No3" here... whilst I would not change DD3 for the world for me (& especially DD2) it took a period of adjustment- DD2 was 10 when DD3 was born, so was very used to being the "baby of the family". All 3 of mine are girls, they are 16, 13 & 3.. for the most part our youngest is doted on by her big sisters (& their friends) & she absolutely adores them in return. Obviously there are times when juggling toddler tantrums & teenage angst can be hard work but generally I love the dynamic our youngest has bought to the family. My husband was always adamant that 2 was enough, I was a bit more on the fence, however I knew as soon as DD3 was born that that was it (& not because my pregnancy had been awful... it was a breeze - I just knew). My husband & I both agree that DD3 was the piece of our family puzzle that we didn't realise was missing until she arrived.

M1RR0R · 17/01/2022 22:02

I love having 3, but it’s absolutely harder. I think life would be much easier with 2, but I don’t like an easy life
Wouldn’t change a thing!
(Would not have had a third if they couldn’t have their own bedrooms though, as an only, that was important to me)

Comedycook · 17/01/2022 22:04

I have two...now they're older, I find I'm juggling their activities after school and at weekends and it can be a logistical nightmare....not to mention their schoolwork and friendship issues. Don't think I'd cope with a third.

Liz1tummypain · 17/01/2022 22:05

We had a gap of five years before our third kiddie so it wasn't horrendously hard in terms of logistics and dealing with tantrums, feeding strops etc because the first and second were old enough to help, and understand. It made the family complete, for us. I do think it might have been more sensible to have had a smaller gap but hey-ho, it's all fine now.

Bloatstoat · 17/01/2022 22:06

My third is currently refusing to sleep except on me, she's 7 months. My older two are 6 and nearly 3, it's been a big adjustment for all of us having another baby in the family, and at times I've felt really guilty for taking time away from my elder two. People see it as really natural to want a second child, but 3 seems to raise a lot of eyebrows, lots of pointed "oh you're brave being outnumbered" sort of comments. It was very much a heart over head decision for both.DH and I - we always really wanted 4, and it's unquestionable that it is harder,money and time and everything stretched thinner. It was a really hard pregnancy and physically I'm a way off recovery.
But. When I see how much my older children love their little sister, when I sit with them all together (somehow 3 can manage to get on one lap at the moment, although not without some fighting!) it feels just how our family was meant to be and I wouldn't change anything for the world.

offersoverr · 17/01/2022 22:06

My third is an absolute darling. But… childcare was literally more than my earnings once he’d arrived so I gave up and became a SAHM.

roseberrycherry · 17/01/2022 22:07

I have two, one DD and one DS, youngest nearly 7. I'm very content with the two, but as they get older I get sad that I won't have the baby stage again, no more buggies, cots, breast feeding, baby bumps etc. DH and I won't have anymore, but it's been really hard drawing a line under the baby stage. I know deep down we don't want anymore children, but I think I just mourn the ending of my stage of baby/toddler parenting.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 17/01/2022 22:08

No, he's an amazing 14 year old now.

OffCycling · 17/01/2022 22:10

I very much wanted a third. My husband kept making excuses to delay, saying we'd start trying for another "When we're less tired" "When you've lost weight" etc. before eventually telling me (one Christmas!) that he didn't want another after all. Our marriage never really recovered from that although we're still together. Our children are now 19 and 17.

Somebodyelsestrain · 17/01/2022 22:15

Our third is now seven and such a delight. Loads easier than his brothers. Even the baby months/years were easier because I was so much more relaxed and confident. I don't regret him one bit.

But, and it is big but, it is much, much harder overall with three compared to two. The family dynamics, the car, the not being able to please all the people all the time...

For me I was unbelievably broody after no. 2 was born there was no way I could not have another one. It did take a while to bring my partner round but he's quite pleased with the youngest too. I'm afraid if you're broody like I was it doesn't matter how hard it's going to be you'll just do it anyway.

Thank goodness I had a relatively difficult birth the third time as I think that has made sure I have never even once contemplated a fourth (too old and tired now).

ohidoliketobe · 17/01/2022 22:17

@weegiemum

We were stopping at 2 and I had a mirena coil ("safer than sterilisation" was how I was sold it!). It fell out and I got pg with dd2. Already had dd1 and ds. So I had 3 kids under 4!

We wouldn't have chosen it but the likelihood of the coil failing was so minuscule, we reckon she was meant to be! Dh had a vasectomy when I was 5 months pregnant though!!

Similar mirena failure story here. DS and DD were 4 and 6 so we were very much moving on from the baby stage and really enjoying our dynamic. Idea of a 3rd was a total shock to the system, especially as I was already 11 weeks by the time we found out (no periods with mirena). We quickly got our heads around it and braced ourselves, and she's been an absolute dream. There are obviously times where I do think life would be easier with 2, but I also have fleeting moments when I'm tired or ill and think it would be easier with just the 1, or even none! It's just a fact. We adore our bonus baby.

PufferFishGoneWrong · 17/01/2022 22:19

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

I’m sad I’ll never be pregnant again, never breastfeed again-Never have a newborn - but categorically don’t want another child to raise!

This for me too. Newborn baby stage and cuddling for hours breastfeeding and being pregnant was my favourite.

WhenwillIlearntoadult · 17/01/2022 22:19

I have 3 children. I found adapting to having another baby much easier than going from one to two but, like many others have said, logistically it was much harder. The world is set up for 2 adults and 2 children! Sadly. And being outnumbered can be frustrating at times. Now they are older, it’s really nice (18,15,12), although they are seldom all together! 😂

Puffinhead · 17/01/2022 22:20

I have 3 and they were all planned. It’s only now that the youngest is 10 (older 2 are teens) that I think how easy our life would be if we’d only had 2.

I didn’t mind the baby and early years but I’m exhausted now they’re all older! Doesn’t help that I’m peri-menopausal either - those caring hormones are somewhat depleted now!

It’s not just the expense, size of house, holidays, cars, practical things etc but also how they get along with each other - my lot argue constantly!! (With me/DH and each other). They also seem to require more emotional support and at times I don’t feel I’m up to it. Also the impact another pregnancy will have on your body and physical/mental health. However, this is just my experience and everyone is different!

I wouldn’t change anything but if I knew how it would be I’m not sure I would’ve made the same choice.

Icecreamandapplepie · 17/01/2022 22:22

Having a third, especially close together, was very hard.

But no, I don't regret it one bit. Three is perfect for us, always someone for each child to play with. And I very much felt done then. No regrets.

feelsobadfeltsogood · 17/01/2022 22:24

I have 2
A third was never an option 1 is always left out and most friends with 3 either are trying for another to even up or regretting it
Plus although we have a 4 bed house the 4th room is an office size and financially 2 is just about ok snd we can do nice things but 3 would push that and the thought of more full time childcare bills fills me with total dread 😰

2girls76 · 17/01/2022 22:26

I was one of 3 (2 older brothers) and always felt like an only child.I decided very early on that 2 of any gender was enough.My thoughts are 2 children either get on or they don't,they have each other to turn to/play with etc and no one else to through into the mix.Doesn't mean this will happen but more likely to IMO.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 17/01/2022 22:29

I'd love a 3rd baby. Just not sure I want another child.....I find them much harder work after age 2!

newusername2009 · 17/01/2022 22:31

Def no regrets. Yes logistics change but worth it for us.

Flip

1 2 3 4