Does anyone feel they’ve had a nice, easy life?

[OnlyFoolsHaveMoreKids]

I have a theory that in the end we all get a share of misery. What do you think?

For example, some people have a horrible childhood then a wonderful adult life. Some people find their perfect spouse then lose them to illness.

Does anyone here think they’ve had a great life without traumatic deaths, illness, abuse, financial woes etc.? Or do we all have our cross to bear?

I reckon I’ve lived over three quarters of my life and most of it has been plain sailing.

Only the deaths of loved ones has been sad especially of a few that died relatively young.

I would say that health problems bring everything into perspective.

@Shapiro This gives me hope! I know we all have trials and tribulations like you say bereavement, but I wonder if it’s just the case that some people have it easy, and others just get a shitty time.

So far (40s) I have led what I gratefully describe as a charmed life. Much of which was due to the accident of my birth into a supportive, loving and fairly wealthy family. And with (so far!) good personal health. Yes, I could have made different choices and lost those advantages but I haven’t. Yes, my DDad dies far too young and I miss him horribly but that strikes me as the stuff of a normal life and nothing to feel hard done by about.

Had a very lucky life so far, the only sadness has been infertility and mc/ tfmr. We were lucky in the end though and had a beautiful healthy son.
Otherwise very lucky to have had wonderful parents, a lovely DH, great friends, a nice home, financially comfortable and an interesting career.

@DelurkingAJ Of course, your attitude towards these advantages, one of gratitude,

I am truly #blessed

@DelurkingAJ sorry, accidentally pressed post.

…is possibly something that has influenced how you see your life? I wonder if others in your shoes would feel hard done by if they had a more negative outlook.

I feel like my life has been relatively easy so far. My main hardships in life have been my parents divorcing when I was a kid, finding uni hard socially and financially, and now as an adult, navigating the difficulties of marriage and moving abroad. None of those things are major compared to what some people go through. I agree that health is the big one.

I have a lovely friend whose husband and young son are both terminally ill with unrelated illnesses and I really think that some people do seem to have really shitty luck. However, who knows, I could have similar tragedy ahead of me in my life too. You just never know what the future will bring and I find that both depressing and unfair.

@Snowisfallinghere yes, anything could happen and change everything overnight. And I suppose peoples’ outlooks are quite reasonably changed in those circumstances a lot of the time.

I really am rambling on this thread, sorry!

Good and bad - like life - similar for most I would guess.

Lots of ill health and a stressful childhood, which on the surface looked fine - but wasn't. Classic middle-class hidden unhappiness and keeping face.

Nursing OH till his death - but that is something that afflicts many.

All balanced out by truly wonderful DDs and GC.

I've had to deal with a couple of bereavements in the last ten years - those are the two main negatives. Today, I've turned 51. I'm in good health as far as I know, although I know I should lose a little weight. I've been in permanent full time employment for most of my adult life, I have my own (modest) home with just three years to go on the mortgage and my own car. But I've done all this by myself with no one to share any of it with and that hasn't always been easy.

I know some people who have been dealt the most horrific hands in life and they are some of the most kind beautiful souls I've ever come across. It's not fair and the just don't deserve it and it breaks my heart.

I myself have had ups and downs but overall I'm very thankful for the life I have. Even when my luck is down I have a wonderful supportive family so I feel like I'll always be OK in the end.

I feel Ive had a relatively easy life, im healthy, have a lovely home, good job and been fortunate to travel to most places on my bucket list...hoping it doesn't all come crashing down!

I do feel like I’ve had a very charmed life, although there are definitely some things I would change if I had the choice. My hardships have been average/normal. Like @Snowisfallinghere I’m aware that all could change in an instant, though - I know three people who’ve had cancer diagnoses in the past year, two of them are aged under 40.

I immediately thought, yes, me, I've had a charmed life, but when I think about it, possibly not! Childhood issues (parents unstable relationship), my own divorce, my cousin died when we were 18 (less than a year between us), my close friend dying in a tragedy shortly afterwards, the loss of a loved uncle, miscarriages and infertility, many many cycles of gruelling IVF, and finding out I have a degenerative condition that means I'll lose my sight and hearing . . .

HOWEVER. I still feel incredibly lucky and as if I do have a charmed life. I have a gorgeous DD, a kind and lovely DH, healthy family and friends, a good job that allows me excellent quality of life.

So maybe its perspective? And life is what you make it?

I think I've had a pretty easy life so far (late 40s). No serious health or financial worries, no abusive relationships, no early deaths in my immediate family (my uncle - but I'd say that's a step removed from a life changing experience). I do recognise and appreciate my luck btw!

Interesting question OP. My childhood was rough but not as rough as things you read about on here (or even as abusive as my own DH’s childhood). I generally consider myself to have had a nice, easy life. Two wonderful children, supportive husband, no untimely family deaths (so far), enough money, interesting job…. as PP said, I have suffered miscarriage, redundancy etc but I consider those a normal part of most people’s lives. Albeit awfully sad and stressful. I am truly appreciative of what I have and don’t take it for granted,

I'm on paper I would say I've had a lot of grief. All my aunties, uncles and grandparents were already dead or died from when I was about 15, followed by my mum when I was 21. My dad did live until I was 42. But I feel like I have learned to have an inner strength and reliance. I have a lovely husband and dc, as well as siblings still. I feel happy in myself and always have.

Mine is charmed in many ways. Good childhood, successful career, comfortably off, children happy and sorted. A great 24 year marriage.... well the first 12 were good. Then the bombshell af the brain tumour diagnosis which saw my husband go from a clever high achieving lawyer to a wreck of a person who had no memory, couldn't walk or talk. He died in 2012 it was hard but 10 years on I'm marrying again and feel very lucky.

@WildRosie Happy Birthday!

Gosh this has really made me think. Great thread! I am very very blessed. As I sit here today with all that matters to me I feel, & am, a very lucky woman but yes there have been hard times.
What saddens me most is I’ve had the misfortune of some very crappy people in my life. My Morher, Sibling, friends. It just seems to be an ongoing problem for me.
I have a wonderful husband & children & in many ways that’s enough but if I let myself really think about it it really hurts.

I firmly believe that you have to stop often to smell the roses because something could come along tomorrow that could make today’s problems seem pathetic. Perspective is everything.

It’s stomach churning to think about how much others suffer.

I had a traumatic and difficult first 23 years of life (think childhood abuse, abandonment issues, I could go on). I went through a healing period which involved a lot of therapy then when I was completely stable and happy I met my amazing husband at 25. We have an incredible life together. I'm 32 now and we have a lovely home, brilliant holiday memories, a beautiful son and another baby on the way. I still have scars from my past but I also like to think my past gives me an enhanced and deeper appreciation of what I have now. I'm really happy and content.

I did until 4 years ago. I used to wonder whether something would come along to spoil it. Happily married, comfortably off, wonderful DC.

Then age 59 my health went downhill in lots of ways. So life is no longer perfect but I am always upbeat and positive.

Yes I've always felt like we all get our share.

In my teens and early twenties,I had a really awful time. I felt like the unluckiest person, especially compared to my friends who all had perfect lives.

We are in our forties now. My adult life in many ways has been much easier than theirs...theyve experienced infertility, illness etc whereas I haven't.

My view now is that no one escapes the shit.

I think most who know me would say have had some extraordinary bad luck over the decades.

But there's still so much to be grateful for.

Your question made me think of a friend who lives in a million pound house and cries on the phone about all of life's tiny frustrations.

Ie. We all experience our troubles intensely, even if, objectively, there is great disparity.