Does anyone feel they’ve had a nice, easy life?

[OnlyFoolsHaveMoreKids]

I have a theory that in the end we all get a share of misery. What do you think?

For example, some people have a horrible childhood then a wonderful adult life. Some people find their perfect spouse then lose them to illness.

Does anyone here think they’ve had a great life without traumatic deaths, illness, abuse, financial woes etc.? Or do we all have our cross to bear?

I had a pretty miserable youth at home with an unstable mum, but it wasn't really really bad. Primary school was miserable but made great friends in secondary school, who are still my friends.

I am now a grown woman with a job I love and pays well (ironically mum's suggestion). It still strikes me how relaxed and happy I an with my life, specially when people say being a student and at the family home is the happy part without worries and being a grown up is shit. For me it's the opposite! I would never go back to my teens.

So I would say now the second half of my life is good and I am looking forward to the future.

I think I've had a relatively easy life - no bad illnesses, father died of old age, mother still alive and currently pretty fit and well for her age. Have a nice husband and a neurotypical son who hasn't been too difficult ;)

I would say the harder things for me have been being in the wrong place at the wrong time at work and losing my job a couple of times which was very stressful especially with one particular micro-managing boss. But I've always found another job easily enough.

Also not having a wide circle of friends and a small family so not much in the way of social events. I've never been to a hen night/weekend, for example.

Oh yes, and antidepressants helped in achieving the second part of my life.

Near perfect childhood, 1 of 4 children, very much loved by my parents.

Now at 34 and with a 5yo DD struggling terribly with mental health and depression

Interesting thread. I agree that to some extent it’s perspective. You can choose not to be a victim, I really believe that.

It’s a topic that Shakespeare was interested in FYI, at the start of Othello he (Othello) worries that he has had “too much of joy”.

Also for all the posterchild people who came from a traumatic childhood and "did good" we need to look at the huge numbers in prison who left care, the huge numbers of those struggling with work due to mental health issues or in relationships with domestic violence or addictions themselves. Its not just mental health issues but higher rates of physical health issues too.

I think its a bit like how sometimes those earning squillions might think "anyone can" if they work hard enough and not see all the things they take for granted in their life or upbringing.

If you think of life as a race, those qith childhood trauma are behind the starting line with their legs tied together. Yes some do well and with the right support or other adult showing love or relario ship or career or counselling yes they can suceed and do amazing things. But that must lead us to "blame" those struggling.

It's been both sunshine and darkness for me. I have a pretty sunny disposition but my parents had a toxic marriage and are both rather self-absorbed, which affected my childhood. I feel very grateful for my life atm- lovely family of my own, a small circle of wonderful friends, a good job, hobbies and interests. I'm most grateful for having had the opportunity to carve out a life for myself away from my parents and sibling (much as I love them) because for me living close to them would have been unhealthy.

So, not a charmed life as such but plenty of opportunities and some good luck, definitely!

It’s a topic that Shakespeare was interested in FYI, at the start of Othello he (Othello) worries that he has had “too much of joy”.

And it's that very fear that leads to the obsessive jealousy and then to his destruction of all his joy.

It's been alright, can't complain, people have it a lot worse. The past 5 years have probably brought the biggest challenges (divorce, DM with dementia etc) but even then, I've seemed to sail through a lot easier than other people do.

My grandmother says she's had a lovely life and not a hard life. She feels very lucky. This life has included

-her father abandoning her, her mother and brother, when the latter was a baby. This meant they lived in such poverty she couldn't even afford the uniform to take up a scholarship to Grammar school.

-losing loved ones in WWII. And enduring one of the worst bombing campaigns of the war. Long separation from new husband, and working both a day job and a night job to help with the war effort.

-caring for he beloved husband through 25 years (yes, a 1/4 century) of Alzheimers, with all the grief that involves.

-having a shock induced heart attack after being a victim of harrassment

-losing one of her two daughters to Motor Neurone Disease

-losing her brother and sister in law to Covid and being unable to say goodbye

I think it's fair to say that some people - like her - have an amazingly positive mindset!

Father died when I was 17. Always felt something wasn’t right as a child/teen and now suspect ASD and/or ADHD. Wasn’t able to have children. DH had cancer but thankfully survived and got all clear. Mum got dementia and had to go into a care home eventually. So yes there have been hard times but OTOH am now enjoying a comfortable early retirement.

Without wanting to risk jeopardising it, I often wonder what I've done to deserve such an easy and blessed life. Yes there are normal trials and tribulations but I've never lost anyone I was close to, no-one has had cancer or anything, parents are still alive and really fit and healthy.
I've never been made redundant, children all conceived pretty quickly, born by ECS but have always been very fit and healthy, Even my divorce from a 20 year marriage was straight forward and with no conflict. The only thing that I don't have is any friends but I'm sure that's down to me not working at friendships as hard as I need to and compared to what some people on here have been through, is nothing.

@Grasp9ng Thank you, it’s a very long story my life but yes im working 0n it and believe my future will be better.

[quote OnlyFoolsHaveMoreKids]@Shapiro This gives me hope! I know we all have trials and tribulations like you say bereavement, but I wonder if it’s just the case that some people have it easy, and others just get a shitty time.[/quote]
I definitely think this.

One of my closest friends has had such a tough life through no fault of her own - just everything seems to go wrong: parental illness, death, family fallings out, poor health, job trouble. I often think "what next?" for her and really hope things will get better.

I would reflexively say that I have - I had a nice, secure childhood, I am close with my family and ILs who are all fairly reasonable people, I am very intelligent and benefited from an excellent education, I met my lovely DP young in life, I am financially comfortable, I ended up in a very secure and well-paid job unintentionally, I have travelled to some amazing places.

But I suppose that the flip side is that most of my money came from a personal injury lawsuit as I was in an accident as a teen that left me with a permanent disability. I also have a couple of chronic health conditions and am expecting to have issues when I begin TTC next year. My health can be a source of immense frustration for me. But I always think that it could be worse, I could have worse symptoms, I could have come away from the accident much worse off or even have died. So overall I have had a pretty good life so far.

I couldn't describe life as easy up to this point, but it's also me to this point. Right now I'm incredibly lucky. We've got a stable roof over our head, no urgent money worries, and while my health could be better my children are healthy and happy.

Maybe if the less pleasant stuff hadn't happened earlier in life I would be more fixated on the negative now, as it is I now just feel grateful.