Does anyone feel they’ve had a nice, easy life?

[OnlyFoolsHaveMoreKids]

I have a theory that in the end we all get a share of misery. What do you think?

For example, some people have a horrible childhood then a wonderful adult life. Some people find their perfect spouse then lose them to illness.

Does anyone here think they’ve had a great life without traumatic deaths, illness, abuse, financial woes etc.? Or do we all have our cross to bear?

@WildRosie Happy Birthday!

I think I've been mostly lucky in my life and that it's all an accident of birth. Or Fate, if you will. Though I do wonder if some people don't attract an unfair share of shit in their lives, for no apparent reason? Like some people have caught Covid two or three times, even being vaccinated and boosted, and then others who've often been exposed but not necessarily fully protected, have never caught it. Unfathomable.

I led a charmed life until 18 months ago, I lost close family members in quick succession and it absolutely floored me. Things can change so quickly.

It’s so interesting to get everyone’s take on this.

Just wanted to add that my MIL told me she has no regrets, whereas my DM unfortunately is desperately filled with regret and resentment. Even though on paper (only as far as I know of course) both have had a similar deal.

I've had plenty of awful things happen over the years e.g. my Dad died young, I suffered a miscarriage, lost everything in a house fire, had a breast cancer diagnosis at 49, my DB died too young etc.

But between times, thank God, my life has been extremely privileged and plain sailing. DH and I still very much in love. Very proud of the young women our DDs have become. Beautiful home. Great social circle. Very close to my family. No money worries. So, I honestly consider myself incredibly lucky 😊

@Redlorryyellowduck I am so sorry for your losses.

I consider myself very lucky. Been through a couple of hard times with family illness but we are all still here, a lot of my early teen years were spent looking after my siblings which was tough but we all got through it

I really feel for the amount of shit some people put up with. Recently my dh and I had something amazing just fall in to our lap and I cried because I felt like I am too lucky and something bad was going to happen because I don't deserve such good luck to come y way. Sounds stupid sometimes but I over worry and think it's going to go wrong

@Footprintsinthegrass Ooh yes, I know that feeling well. My instinct is that if I have too much good, then I am “owed” more bad.

I had a horrendous childhood ( starvation, neglect) to name a few but I think because that was so bad that I just don't register the bad stuff in adult life.
I'm very matter of fact about death and illness and see it as part of life we will all experience,so try not to dwell on the bad stuff.

@OnlyFoolsHaveMoreKids

I have a theory that in the end we all get a share of misery. What do you think?

For example, some people have a horrible childhood then a wonderful adult life. Some people find their perfect spouse then lose them to illness.

Does anyone here think they’ve had a great life without traumatic deaths, illness, abuse, financial woes etc.? Or do we all have our cross to bear?

I'm not sure that theory stacks up. People who have endured awful childhoods rarely enjoy adult life fully because they are still saddled with trauma.

The best thing a person can have is a loving and secure upbringing.

@jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey 😨 That is truly horrendous. You must have such strength to see things how you do.

@sweetbellyhigh It seems like the most basic thing we are all entitled to. And yet…

😢

@sweetbellyhigh called it.

With that, anything else that comes is easier.

I sometimes wonder this too. I know families that seem to have nothing but drama or traumas.

My childhood was not great, very poor, violence and womens refuges. But we all have to live by our choices. To be honest I have a very easy adult life compared to a lot of people I read about on here. Because I believe my childhood shaped me and the decisions I made later on (and some luck). It made me tough and wise beyond my years. I have no real worries or dramas. I make sure it stays that way. I work hard and don't tolerate CFs or drama llamas. But I think we all get our share of heartache in the end because that is life.
I know in the future I wont be able to walk. So I make the most of my mobility whilst I can. I may limp, some days may be in some pain but I can walk\work, so I do. I do feel that my easy days are dwindling but attitude is everything. I don't feel sorry for myself I am pragmatic and try and prepare for it.

I'm jealous of all the people here - my life has been shit since I was born. Guess I had to balance it all out.

@Thecheeseiscrackers the not tolerating CFs and Drama Llamas is something I am trying to channel. It doesn’t come easily to me as not how I was brought up, as a result I’ve been walked all over quite a few times. When I look around at other who stay out of drama this seems to be essential.

Yes.

I have been incredibly lucky so far and constantly think that my luck is bound to turn soon.

I had a lovely life until my 50s. The usual break-up traumas and bereavements, job stress etc, but nothing long-lasting and affecting the inner, positive me.
Then my dad was diagnosed with cancer and my mum with dementia, friends got cancer and three have died.
I don't think you can escape setbacks forever if you have relationships with other people.

I’ve had an incredibly fortunate life, it’s almost a running joke that things always go well for me and DH. I’m lucky in all the ‘big’ ways (family, career, husband, kids, no major bereavements etc) but if someone’s going to have their train cancelled or get shat on by a pigeon it’ll always be me I don’t think the universe is fair or that luck evens out and I agree with pp that a good upbringing is the best thing someone can have; short of possibly being bereaved of a child, I can’t imagine anything else that could happen in adult life that would be bad enough to make me as unlucky overall as people who have bad childhoods for whatever reason.

[quote Daydreamsinsantafe]@WildRosie Happy Birthday!

Gosh this has really made me think. Great thread! I am very very blessed. As I sit here today with all that matters to me I feel, & am, a very lucky woman but yes there have been hard times.
What saddens me most is I’ve had the misfortune of some very crappy people in my life. My Morher, Sibling, friends. It just seems to be an ongoing problem for me.
I have a wonderful husband & children & in many ways that’s enough but if I let myself really think about it it really hurts.

I firmly believe that you have to stop often to smell the roses because something could come along tomorrow that could make today’s problems seem pathetic. Perspective is everything.

It’s stomach churning to think about how much others suffer.[/quote]
Thankyou Daydreams.

I don't think anyone goes through life unscathed. Some of those things are part and parcel of the circle of life. Some have to face things that are unbelievable cruel and hard.

Up until 10 years ago yes I felt I had a relatively charmed life. Despite getting divorced we co parented well, kids well adjusted. Large extended happy family.

Then it all fell apart. Lost twins in late pregnancy. Then it got considerably worse when my beautiful up until then healthy eldest child was struck down and died from a brain tumour.

Lost my mum a year later but she had had a full life, a business, marriage, kids, grandchildren. Still left too early though. My dad is losing his fight against dementia but again he had a full life. I'd say those bits are part of the circle of life.

I have love and beauty still in my life. I live with grief alongside it. It's how we live with the cards we are dealt with. Some say that the bad things make you stronger. I don't feel particularly strong, I just try and make the best of it.

I've had a pretty horrible life so far tbh. Not much to be happy about. Can't even imagine the lives that other people live.

This is a good question.

I don’t think I’ve got 7 years throughout my life without having something more than the “share” of bad news or life upsets. I was born with a hearing disability (which set me back academically) - I nearly died being born and giving birth myself, my mother left when I was 7, fraught in the relationship she wasn’t kind to me for a long time but I know there was love there and I ended up nursing her till she died in early 2020. I’ve lost friends to sudden death, I had to divorce my ex husband whom I loved unconditionally because of his drinking which left me broken hearted for a good 4 years.

I grew up on the breadline until I was about 14.

And then the lose of grandparents, some younger relatives before their time.

All this before I was 36.

But I consider myself extremely lucky and don’t think this is a bigger share or more than others, if anything I think I’ve been blessed with a lot of lovely things and experiences in my life, I have a family who I adore and am very close to, my son who is a wonderful 7 year old and I’m pregnant again (going solo as the father does not want to be involved) - a good family and tight friends group, to me, is truly priceless.

Yes I have why me days, and yes I have days where I wonder if it could have been easier for me and circumstances been kinder, but I think how you look at your share hurt and/or if you’ve had an easy/blessed life is really down to your own perspective.