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Original poster

Does anyone feel they’ve had a nice, easy life?

91 replies

OnlyFoolsHaveMoreKids · 17/01/2022 18:22

I have a theory that in the end we all get a share of misery. What do you think?

For example, some people have a horrible childhood then a wonderful adult life. Some people find their perfect spouse then lose them to illness.

Does anyone here think they’ve had a great life without traumatic deaths, illness, abuse, financial woes etc.? Or do we all have our cross to bear?

OP posts:

Daydreamsinsantafe · 17/01/2022 20:14

@CakeRabbit I’m sorry for you and I wish you happiness in the future.

I was also thinking that intellect can be a huge burden. Brilliant minds are often quite tortured. I know some people who are very simple in their thought process and nothing seems to bother them. My friend’s mother is a lovely woman but she’s like a ditsy sitcom character. She’s had some awful things happen to her & honestly I don’t think any of it really registered!

I read an article somewhere about the link between IQ & suicide. Anecdotal I l know but there are some very prominent intellectuals whom either suffer from depression or have ended their lives.
Both a blessing & a curse it would seem.

tunnocksreturns2019 · 17/01/2022 20:15

I’ve had some lovely lovely times and still do but no, not an easy life. My big brother died when he was 9; my DH coincidentally died from the same cancer in his 30s. My eldest has ADHD and probably ASD too amongst other issues, is very angry with the world and is taking it out on me, and has been doing so for months. At the moment I’m finding it very very hard to see beyond how much easier and lovelier life would be with my wonderful DH here. I love my eldest as much as my younger DC but it’s the latter keeping me going at the moment. I’m so so tired.

Esspee · 17/01/2022 22:49

I have had a lovely life and I am so grateful for it.
We were a working class family, dad went to work and mum was a full time mum. It was a very stable childhood, nothing remarkable happened. I got a really interesting job, married a gorgeous man, went to live in the Caribbean and once our children were born I became a full time mum. Life was lovely, I spent the summer holidays back home and my parents spent the winter with us. Nothing remarkable happened to us. Our children excelled at sport and both ended up with masters degrees and got great jobs abroad.
My husband died 17 years ago, that was a tough time but now I have a new partner and we're happy.
I have travelled widely, lived in different countries, have loads of academic and outdoor interests and feel so grateful that my unremarkable life has been so happy. I am what Mumsnetters would consider old, but I'm content.

Holothane · 17/01/2022 22:52

No,to be honest bloody hard work from 8 onwards emotionally abused for years still am but doing something about it.

IKeptYouLikeAnOath · 17/01/2022 23:01

So far!

Married my first love.

Got pregnant first try both times.

Have a job I enjoy.

A close family.

Have a good sized house with a sea view.

Had a book published, which was my childhood dream.

And now I feel I've jinxed the future

IGotAVaxAndILikedIt · 17/01/2022 23:17

I'm 44 and so far smooth sailing.

My father did die when I was a child, but to be honest I don't remember him and still had a fab childhood (large supportive family), so no trauma from that.

I'm a lucky person.

piglet81 · 17/01/2022 23:25

I have been very fortunate so far. I try to remember that and count my blessings

pinknsparkly · 18/01/2022 06:39

This is such a lovely thread! I'm struggling a lot at the moment with mental health and keep, unsuccessfully, trying to force myself to think positively. But this thread has made me consider that I could try gratitude instead as it would feel far less forced. The reality is that, despite a shitty childhood and an adulthood interspersed with mental health issues, I do have a lovely life overall. In part, it's the presence of my lovely husband and wonderful daughter in my life that makes me feel so guilty and undeserving to be struggling with mental health issues as I don't feel I have a right to feel as mentally crappy as I do.... this sounds like a negative post but it's actually cautiously optimistic, so thanks OP for starting it!

Snowisfalling33 · 18/01/2022 06:47

Yes I've generally been very lucky, lovely family, stable jobs all my working life... most of which I've enjoyed well enough. Not rich by any means but I don't struggle for the basics so I'm always comfortable. One healthy, happy child conceived easily.
I've had my trials and rough patches like everybody else but in general I know that I'm lucky.

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 18/01/2022 06:53

Yes me too. One of 4 dc in a very loving stable childhood. I have parents who utterly dote on us all and have offered free childcare to my two dc. I have a secure job that pays enough, my own house in a beautiful part of the country. My teens are bloody lovely and I'm proud as punch of them. Got divorced 6 years ago but that was amicable, now remarried to a lovely bloke.

Life has been good (please god don't let it all go horribly now!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻)

HardbackWriter · 18/01/2022 06:54

I've had a very lucky life, but I'm 34 so who knows what is to come? I don't think it's true that we all get our share of misery though, sadly - it would be 'fairer' if we did but the truth is that trauma often leads to more trauma, that people who have been abused are often targets of abuse, that poverty is a hard (not impossible, but hard) trap to escape. It doesn't really all balance out.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 18/01/2022 06:59

It’s so true that a happy childhood and upbringing provides a rock solid foundation for all future life.

And that is nothing more or less than an accident of birth.

I was one of the lucky ones, and I’m so happy and content with life right now.

But I am acutely aware that I don’t know what’s around the corner. Both my grandmothers died before I was born (breast cancer). My Mum died when I was 29 and my Dad when I was 41 - hardly orphan territory, but even now, most of my friends have at least one parent still alive, if not both.

But my parents gave me the best possible start, so even though they’re not here, they well and truly set me up. To have faith in myself, make good choice, and be a good parent myself.

I can’t believe how much of it basically comes down to where the stork decides to deliver you.

Touch wood - ill health isn’t around the corner.

TheChip · 18/01/2022 07:13

Mine was awful up until I hit my 30s. I hope that's the end of it and I can now live in peace, but if not I think after everything, I'll be able to handle whatever comes my way. I hope.

Grasping · 18/01/2022 07:27

It’s interesting that your MIL and DM have different thoughts on this OP. I wonder how much of this is about self fulfilment.

Aside from bereavement and trauma I do think much of our happiness and fulfilment comes from our state of mind.

I feel lucky. I do believe to a certain extent you make your own luck though and as I age I’m still surprised at how my life has panned out. It can all change in a blink of an eye though and I agree with others that good health is the most important thing.!

Grasping · 18/01/2022 07:29

@Holothane

No,to be honest bloody hard work from 8 onwards emotionally abused for years still am but doing something about it.

I hope the future is better for you x

Desmondo2021 · 18/01/2022 07:30

I feel like I've had a fortunate life. A strong, close supportive family. No particularly concerning health issues. I have had my share of stresses, a stillborn, an abusive first marriage and a messy separation. I guess it depends on whether you allow a handful of traumatic events to shape and define your feelings towards your overall life.

ChakaFridaMendips · 18/01/2022 07:31

Yes and no - dad died when I started secondary school which removes the safety net feeling of it will never happen, and my family are not wonderfully close and have some sort adhd/asd traits which seems to make me a bit of a target for bullies / hen pecking. I lost mum too in quite a dramatic year. Compared to many friends who still have both parents plus grandparents and a big social circle it’s not so easy.

But I’ve carved out a little career, travelled and lived abroad, have a house and a kid and a lovely partner and a couple of good friends and we live quietly. I’ve managed to make things steady and happy.

You have to play the cards you’re dealt.

Grasping · 18/01/2022 07:38

I have 2 friends who tragically lost their DHs suddenly. The grief is all consuming but they have very different outlooks on life.

There are 3 things that have happened in my life that I never believed possible and that makes me think anything is possible for the future. I have also had 2 major events in the last 5 years that have totally changed my outlook on life. They were both awful, but they have made me rethink my priorities and my life has changed for the better.

Everything that happens shapes our future

Grasping · 18/01/2022 07:41

Sorry for my ramblings 😂
I’m approaching a milestone birthday

WakeUpLockie · 18/01/2022 07:43

So far yes, so I’m sure I’ve got lots of hardship to come! Enjoying the good times while they’re here! I’m 32.

scooterbear · 18/01/2022 07:45

I did until I was 35,other than a very sad period following a still birth. The last 7 years however have been an unending shit show with no sign of any let up on the horizon. I truly believe it's cyclical though so I'm really looking forward to the long period of peace that must be coming my way (soon please )

WoodenReindeer · 18/01/2022 07:45

I do think gratitude and other similar things can make a difference.

However... we have to be so careful not to move into a position of "they'd be fine if they just thought positively" or victim blaming. Have a look

WoodenReindeer · 18/01/2022 07:49

Oops pressed too soon.

Have a look at the research around ACEs amd the long term impact of childhood trauma. A child from an abusive childhood/alcoholic parent etc cant just "think gratitude" and have the same life as someone from a loving nurturing family.

There are very real impacts on adults who haven't had an adult who loves them. And there needs to be more funding for mental health and interventions etc. And yes people can ivercome and survive and do well but we dont anyone any favours by doing down the real hurdle they face.

Helocariad · 18/01/2022 09:02

I would agree with that @WoodenReindeer.

HelloMissus · 18/01/2022 09:06

Think a lot of it is predisposition.
I grew up in care but I’ve always been predisposed to sunshine not darkness IYSWIM.
Some people with much happier starts are predisposed to the darkness.
I don’t think you can help where you sit.
Obviously you can do things to help yourself, but I doubt you can change your essential self so you should never feel guilty/ungrateful.

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