Mumsnet Village Hall - committee members and volunteers needed

[FavouriteMug]

I've got the keys and we've got the entire building to ourselves. There's a kitchenette with a large enough fridge for Gin (maybe milk if absolutely necessary).

I need committee members and volunteers to organise a packed social calendar.

On the agenda for first meeting:

The Mumsnet Play - we need to agree on the script and then we can start casting

Life Drawing Class - we need a subject and smocks of course

Cake and Gin night - cant decide which night but I think gin should be funded from play proceeds.

Hot Desk Space - those of us who work from home can come together once a week and pretend to be busy and important.

Excercise Class - but what? We don't actually need to turn up but it should at least appear on the calendar.

Book Club - I can't be arsed so someone else will need to volunteer for this.

So, whose in and what can you contribute?

Has anyone seen the petty cash box?

Last I remember seeing it was on the bar in the pub last night.

@TallyHoMyLittlePeachMuffin

You know perfectly well that you are not allowed within 50m of any noticeboard.

Marjorie does a fantastic job - how dare you besmirch her.

Could I book the hall for a couples dance class? Preferable not following the gin hour as Doreen from no12 will use it as an opportunity to get up close and personal with any husband but her own. I'm good at dealing with the passive aggressive type and divorce limitation because the American spin is being led with the wrong handhold. For those couples looking to do something 'together'. Could open up an opportunity for someone to run some therapy sessions?
Let me know hourly rates. Ta babes x

That accusation was never upheld as well you know @skellingtonboot and we've all heard the rumours concerning you and the verger, so don't come the high and mighty with me ducky

I think you should all be ashamed of yourselves making all these plans without obtaining the prior approval of the Chair who has held the position since before Adam was a lad. Sneaks off to write anonymous letter to the local newspaper and the Parish mag and The Times.

In the interests of communication, I take it you've checked the hall has no WiFi, mobile phone signal or landline (due to the line having to be run across the neighbouring property who are holding them to ransom for a wayleave.)

Any contact has to be by the red phone box opposite the pub or by walking up to the tip of the road where you can sometimes get a blink of Vodafone.

Except the youth group who have hacked into that lady across the roads broadband.

Where did we land on conversational french for the over 50’s? And yes, it really must be 50+ otherwise we’ll have Yvonne from the Mouldy Badger in here every 2nd Wednesday giving my Martin the ooh la la. Oh, and before anyone starts, no he doesn’t like it he’s actually very serious. He’s a notary don’t you know

Someone upthread mentioned the WI. Can we get Jackie Weaver in as guest speaker?

No one responded to my post asking whether Brendan, the BodyShopatHome/Avon/Younique consultant could have a table at the fete so she had dumped 20 boxes of catalogues outside the hall. Please can group leaders hand out at their next sessions as I don’t want to face Brenda’s wrath. Also, Brendan has requested details on the order forms are filled out in PRINT and BLACK INK only.

*Brenda - aaah! She really will be mad.

@KingJeremyTheWickedd

I see I’ve already been overruled on the use of the colloquialism ‘stitch and bitch’. I’m off to pin a cheery (read passive aggressive) memorandum to the notice board

I'm with you, a far more accurate description of MN interactions!

Picked up a message from the Gentleman’s Life Drawing Group, they want a weekly booking. Not sure if they are a mens only group who do life drawings, or if they only draw men. maybe both? Anyone know a member?

@Purplewithred

Picked up a message from the Gentleman’s Life Drawing Group, they want a weekly booking. Not sure if they are a mens only group who do life drawings, or if they only draw men. maybe both? Anyone know a member?

I think there would be plenty of upright 'members' at the Gentlemen's Life Drawing Group.

@TallyHoMyLittlePeachMuffin

The woman in that film with the verger is someone that he paid to dress up like me.

I wouldn't touch him with a bargepole not since I found out he washes his knob in the font

@Purplewithred

Picked up a message from the Gentleman’s Life Drawing Group, they want a weekly booking. Not sure if they are a mens only group who do life drawings, or if they only draw men. maybe both? Anyone know a member?

From what I’ve heard in the Mouldy Badger, Yvonne’s on first name terms with most of the members…

@MrsMoastyToasty

Someone upthread mentioned the WI. Can we get Jackie Weaver in as guest speaker?

It'll need to be approved by somebody with authority.

Yes yes! to Jackie Weaver

@pansypotter123 to be fair, do we actually know who the Chair is?

Has anyone replied to Kind Laura from the PTA yet so those of us having to do a school run don't need to wear disguise? I'm thinking we could blag that Monday night is closed for Essential Works. No one ever knows what that is, but we could start a rumour about gas.

Another email, a men's group would like to meet monthly for their Hobby. Discretion precludes me from saying what it is as it's cycling outing. Officially it's Dungeons and Dragons as that's less concerning evidently.

The Mouldy Badger char found the petty cash this morning by the dart board.

Except the youth group who have hacked into that lady across the roads broadband

So that’s who it is. Little sods.

Hello, me again!

Might I press you for an answer for the Rainbow Alliance on the question of Gender Neutral Toilets? Phoenix (she / his) could pop round and put the decals up?

I realise some groups might be a bit disconcerted but in all honesty it probably wouldn’t be that different from the day of the Winterval Bring and Buy.

If you remember the urinals in the gents overflowed and the remaining toilets had to be shared out: Ladies use from the hour til half past and gents from half past til quarter to. But what with prostate issues, the long queue for the ladies and the fact that the church clock was slow we had fully inclusive toilets from the hour to a quarter past, and half past until quarter to 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏴‍☠️.

So I do think a precedent has been set.

What time can I let Phoenix know they will be expected?

Note for the treasurer:

The toddler group will need to provide snacks so I'm off to but jammie dodgers and pink wafers, Ribena, and bread and butter for toast. We'll also need 20 juice cups and use of the kitchen to provide snacks for the parents and toddlers. If I keep my receipts can I have it back from the kitty please? Next week I can buy things from the 50p per child entrance fee.

The vicar wants to know if he can book Friday evenings for his Youth Club 'Playing and Praying?'

@StrifeOfBath we may have a two bird one stone situation if Phoenix is doing Essential Works that could throw off Kind Laura from the PTA. Better still if they could put a Gas Board decal on their van.

If the Chair can be found any agrees I can start the rumour on the Class WhatsApp group after drop off.

Roger Fotherington-Smythe, captain of the veterans' cricket team, is looking for one of the women here to volunteer to make cricket teas every Sunday in the summer (cricket season runs from April to September/October). Apparently it's a job that's too lowly important for the team members to undertake themselves.

Rounds of sandwiches and home-made cakes, please.

Oh, and you must provide your own tabard.

From what I’ve heard in the Mouldy Badger, Yvonne’s on first name terms with most of the members…

Members, eh?