Mumsnet Village Hall - committee members and volunteers needed

[FavouriteMug]

I've got the keys and we've got the entire building to ourselves. There's a kitchenette with a large enough fridge for Gin (maybe milk if absolutely necessary).

I need committee members and volunteers to organise a packed social calendar.

On the agenda for first meeting:

The Mumsnet Play - we need to agree on the script and then we can start casting

Life Drawing Class - we need a subject and smocks of course

Cake and Gin night - cant decide which night but I think gin should be funded from play proceeds.

Hot Desk Space - those of us who work from home can come together once a week and pretend to be busy and important.

Excercise Class - but what? We don't actually need to turn up but it should at least appear on the calendar.

Book Club - I can't be arsed so someone else will need to volunteer for this.

So, whose in and what can you contribute?

@Mumdiva99

Can I just check - whose been taking the minutes tonight? I know I said I would but remember I told you I couldn't use my laptop in the hall as the plug hadn't had an electrical safety check and the battery's so old it runs out in a few minutes (ironic really).

I have to note that whilst this may have been the state of affairs with previous committee business, it is not legal to appoint somebody to act as Clerk who is not a fully elected official of the Full Hall Committee. The Statutory Instrument applicable (relevant section attached for your ease of reference) requires that in the absence of the appointed Clerk, the Committee is able to approve a member of the committee to act as Clerk for the duration of the committee but said Committee member must not be a de facto Member of the Committee and is unable to vote on any matters for which they are acting as Clerk in the absence of the Clerk. Moreover, as a result of this, the meeting is no longer quorate and thereby no motions can be approved until such time as the legally appointed Clerk is in attendance to the Full Hall Committee.

I would therefore suggest that Members reconvene over refreshments, which, as you are aware, is not possible in the Hall due to the Risk Assessment prohibiting the consumption of hot refreshments in the same postcode as a Member who is deemed Clinically Vulnerable and must take place in a premises where the public has a legal Right of Access.

So, see you in ten minutes in The Mouldy Badger, then?

Are you licenced for weddings?

I'm offering to be the life model for the art class. Given the snag tights thread moaning about cellulite covered fat arses being on display, I might be a controversial choice but I want to be body positive. I hope the chairwoman is prepared for the deluge of anonymous letters complaining about how unhealthy it is to have fat bodies on display, how we have lost sight of a normal size and how the skinny members are now going to gorge themselves fat on the cakes from the home baking stall so they can look like me.

Who is going to be parking monitor? There are only three spaces and Jen thinks she has the right to park in the parent and child spot since there are no disabled spaces.

I volunteer to be stage manager, and my DP will run lighting and sound. In order to keep the lighting and sound desks safe from the Cubs, we have stored them at our house and are making a tidy profit hiring then out to all and sundry.

The dimmers were installed before 15amp was standard, the amps pop every 7.23 minutes, and the overhead scenery bars were condemned when they were inspected by the Council, but none of that stops us.

I’ve lost track of who is doing the official laminated signs, so I’ve put up an unofficial laminated sign asking for an official laminated sign to be put up in regard to diluting juice. All of the childrens groups need to use diluting juice without all the E numbers, after the brownies and cubs had a poster paint frenzy. We are still trying to get the paint out of the ceiling lights and the stage curtains.

Is there space for Neighbourhood Watch meetings which I could host?

Not about security and police matters per se, but just for us all to watch, report back and gossip about what our neighbours are up to…

I have been out and bought some toilet brushes to put in the toilet cubicles.

@Blueberryflavour

I’ve lost track of who is doing the official laminated signs, so I’ve put up an unofficial laminated sign asking for an official laminated sign to be put up in regard to diluting juice. All of the childrens groups need to use diluting juice without all the E numbers, after the brownies and cubs had a poster paint frenzy. We are still trying to get the paint out of the ceiling lights and the stage curtains.

That was NOT a "frenzy". They were all earning their Pollock Badge and we thought the Hall would appreciate the improvement to the decor with high art.

@Impatientwino it is definitely the type where we sit round drinking wine, eating cheese and putting the world to rights. We may occasionally mention said book of month to justify to our DHs why this is an 'important activity' that is essentially to our pretentious growth and they must therefore have DCs and provide us with the wine. Consider yourself deputy!

@NeverDropYourMooncup great idea to go to the pub. Not so great idea to let @BorisBooster and @favouritemug show off their pole dancing skills. I fear the 'do not park here every second Tuesday sign' will never be the same again. You did manage to remove the bend didn't you?

We do need to minute the fact that the suggestion 1 bottle of cava rose would do 10 glasses was just utterly ridiculous. I'm looking at the tight fisted Fete committee there. The PTA's idea of one bottle 2 straws was much more palatable.

See you next month for the next meeting. See.my drama group next week. For the first read through. Except @Spikyhatepotato who won't be seen until 1 week before the show at the tech rehearsal when they explain why the whole blocking in scene 3 won't work and we have to redo the set.

Who's opening up for Sunday school ? The Church hall remains subject of a crime scene after Mrs Rogers had too much of the communion wine and walloped Mr Rogers with the alter candle stick.

@Mumdiva99 I do need to brush up on the pole dancing. Practising on the rotary washing line just not cutting it

🤣

Brenda down the road wants to know if there will be tables to hire at the fete so she can promote her BodyShopatHome/Avon/Younique.

She’s a “consultant” don’t you know.

@poshme @neverdropyourmooncup and anyone else who volunteered to be treasurer, I think I got in there first, but as taking on the job is like taking the oar from the ferryman on the Styx, I will keep shtum. I might make thinly veiled allegations of financial impropriety as an outlet for my bitterness, despite the fact no one in their right mind wants the job.

This is fun, count me in. I will handle the paperwork. Oh and I expect a bottle of white wine at Xmas each year along with either chocolates or sweets. I also can do numerology lessons and other fun activities like bingo and music club too. I also am interested in running a library and regular church services as well. I can even teach French etc to you guys in addition.

@Namechangeforthis88 great!

The ladies doing the fair this afternoon need £200 float in 5 and 10p pieces.

The man who did the gutters needs paying (cash only) and ideally doesn't want his name mentioned on any paperwork anywhere.

The key holder says we need more keys cutting but they're a specialist sort of key and so far the committee have not voted for the premises sub committee to discuss this, so you'll need to explain to the key holder why you can't pay him back the £700 for key cutting.

The auditor wants the accounts form last year as soon as possible.

And someone has donated £1000 but it can only be spent on pictures. You'll need to explain (again) to the premises and main committees what restricted funds are, and that it can't be spent on loo roll.

I have a garage full of loo roll just in case we had another lockdown.

Can do a deal ??

@poshme great...didn't we want a new portrait of the queen. I think it might be a bit generous to pay a GCSE student £1000 but we could use it as a prize for an art competition to get a new portrait.

Will there be A murder club on Thursday afternoon?

There will be a real murder soon if the security lights aren’t realigned so that they don’t shine into my bedroom window in the middle of the night if a badger walks past. And just because I live opposite doesn’t mean I’m happy to put the chairs away after every Rural Cinema show.

Proposal to make the hall cash free. We have no need for cash in this modern age.

@AllThePogs

Proposal to make the hall cash free. We have no need for cash in this modern age.

The paper free initiative didn’t go well though, did it?

[quote Namechangeforthis88]**@poshme* @neverdropyourmooncup* and anyone else who volunteered to be treasurer, I think I got in there first, but as taking on the job is like taking the oar from the ferryman on the Styx, I will keep shtum. I might make thinly veiled allegations of financial impropriety as an outlet for my bitterness, despite the fact no one in their right mind wants the job.[/quote]
Excuse me? I never volunteered to do anything. I merely share my extensive knowledge and experience of the Law and tell you all where you're going wrong

And you still needed to be nominated, seconded and voted to the post. There is no 'I got there first' here and my useful moaning insights as though I'm some sort of High Court Judge are designed to ensure that there is no impropriety. They also enable me to say 'told you so' when nobody actually listens to me and it goes tits up on both compliance and governance.

I'll be in charge of the Notice Board but I'll need a badge that shows I'm the official notice board key holder
I know Marjorie has done it for the last 300 years but quite frankly she's got lax and it reflects badly on us as a committee
I take a dim view of it