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Have you ever bumped into a school bully later in life?

261 replies

IcyWinterWonderland · 14/01/2022 19:05

Has anyone bumped into a school bully later in life? like years after leaving school? How did they react when they saw you? Did they look guilty? I recently saw one of my many school bullies and as I walked past her I said "You are a vile nasty bully". She replied "I don't think so" and scuttled off quickly.

OP posts:
Dolphinnoises · 15/01/2022 13:28

I’ve never seen my bully again. It a few friends who were bystanders tried, in our early 20s, to invite her and me to a social event.
“We can invite xxx!”
“Well, if you do, I won’t be there”
“Why? It was so long ago! You should put it behind you!”

I think actually it was all about them. They wanted it to be resolved so they didn’t have to think too deeply about their lack of a spine at the time

UserBot314159 · 15/01/2022 13:31

I'm short and ginger (well, red headed) and in defence of the person who said this upthread, it was response to a dumb statement 'you're short''. I got it. It was like doh, you can state the obvious, so can I.

My hair is going grey now, I'd love the red back.

interferingma · 15/01/2022 13:36

But @UserBot314 I expect having red hair meant your hair greyed later than most? My Mum's beautiful red hair was still dominant among the grey the day she died aged 81. My son't hair is so beautiful that his sister is jealous.

TheRooom · 15/01/2022 13:39

@Itsnotover I actually was bullied and no, I obviously don't feel in any way warm and fuzzy about any of the perpetrators. However, a lot of these comments are horrible. Feeling gleeful that someone is fat and ugly and struggling with life, as if those are the worst things you can be and therefore is somehow "karma". And celebrating someone's brain injury or premature death is just in poor taste.

SerendipitySunshine · 15/01/2022 13:58

Yes. I ended up feeling sad for her as her life had gone in a very different direction. Looking back, I think she was having a hard time at home and took it out on me. My life got better, but hers is still tough, so I can't hold any grudge.

TimBoothseyes · 15/01/2022 14:00

@TroysMammy

Not the school bully but someone in our group who wasn't that nice to me. Me "hello, how are you?" Other person "hello, you're still short then" Me "and you're still ginger" as I walked off.
You sound like a piece of work yourself. My DD was constantly bullied for being ginger. Bet you thought you were oh so hilarious saying that.
TheRooom · 15/01/2022 14:04

@TheGoldenWolfFleece

It really is horrible that so many people think your bully getting old, and being fat and ugly is karma. As if having the audacity to be fat and/or ugly or even worse, GINGER is a failing and therefore they're as ripe for ridicule as your bully thought you were at school.

Being bullied doesn't give you the right to be a twat yourself and throwing out fat and ugly as insults says a lot about the person you grew up to be.

I was horribly bullied by at school but i got therapy and moved on. I couldn't care any less about the bullies. Don't care if they're fat or thin, happy or sad. If i saw them on the street i would say hi and walk on. I wouldn't take to social media saying I'm glad they had a serious car accident and had brain damage ffs. If you're glad about that there's something wrong with you.

Well said.
Porfre · 15/01/2022 14:04

@TheGoldenWolfFleece

It really is horrible that so many people think your bully getting old, and being fat and ugly is karma. As if having the audacity to be fat and/or ugly or even worse, GINGER is a failing and therefore they're as ripe for ridicule as your bully thought you were at school.

Being bullied doesn't give you the right to be a twat yourself and throwing out fat and ugly as insults says a lot about the person you grew up to be.

I was horribly bullied by at school but i got therapy and moved on. I couldn't care any less about the bullies. Don't care if they're fat or thin, happy or sad. If i saw them on the street i would say hi and walk on. I wouldn't take to social media saying I'm glad they had a serious car accident and had brain damage ffs. If you're glad about that there's something wrong with you.

Maybe theres something wrong precisely because they were bullied?
RainbowBriteUk · 15/01/2022 14:08

@FI0N

Yes, I really wanted to do and say all these things that I’d planned in my head. Some witty decisive comment that would cut her to the core.

I met her at a friend’s party about 20 years later and she was already pretty drunk. She shrieked my name from across the room and embraced me as if I was a long lost friend.

I didn’t know what to do or say. I stood there like a wet lettuce while she told everyone hilarious stories of our school days. I nodded along weakly, frozen to the spot and overwhelmed by some emotion I can’t even identify ( perhaps shame or fear).

I’d like to tell you that her life has been a disaster but it’s not. She’s an accountant with HMRC Hmm and married with a child.

She is very overweight and quite plain, which made me feel slightly better. But also annoyed with myself for being such a bitch for judging her on her size.

At the end of the party she was so drunk the taxi she called wouldn’t take her. So she staggered back into the party and the hostess asked me to take her home ( she lives near me and I was the designated driver for my partner and I. ) I didn’t know how to say no blush] .

Anyone else with half a brain would have seized the opportunity and dumped her miles from home beside a deep river. But no of course I took her home. Unfortunately she lives in a lovely house in a good part of town.

I’m such a saddo. This is probably why I got bullied by her at school, because I never had the courage to say “ Just fuck off Alison, you’re a fat ugly bully”.

Does this lady live in Porthcawl, surname beginning with 'R'?
Soubriquet · 15/01/2022 14:09

Yes. She is now a nurse/midwife and she helped me when I had a miscarriage and had to stay in hospital.

She was lovely and even let my dh in early to help support me.

It was obvious she had grown out of it so I’ve forgiven her

ILoveHuskies · 15/01/2022 14:10

I was bullied all through school. and the worst ring leader used to constantly take the mick out of my eyebrows as it was the late 90s and I'd over plucked them. It was mortifying.

I have since trained in semi permanent make up and have my own business doing microblading, ombré and powder brows. And make a very good living at it (I also have good brows myself nowadays!) . She's on my Facebook so she'll know all this. In fact I have all the bullies on Facebook so they can see how successful I am (probably makes me petty but I don't care 😂)

DrCoconut · 15/01/2022 14:15

My school bully was vicious to me. Really nasty and I think it left me with long lasting social issues. Anyway, a while ago she friend requested me on Facebook and I accepted. I kind of decided to forgive her after years of being really angry and bitter about it all and it has been incredibly healing. I realise this is not for everyone though.

CanIPullYouForAChat · 15/01/2022 14:16

A boy bullied me throughout secondary school. He singled me out of everyone and was relentlessly cruel to me, I couldn’t stay out of his way or keep my head down as he would go out of his way to target me, and would take every opportunity to say really vile things to me and humiliate me in front of others.

I saw him in a pub in our late 20s and we just nodded hello to each other but I felt 12 years old again in his presence. All my adult acquired confidence and self assurance evaporated. He still seemed like an idiot and was very immature, shouting and showing off but he didn’t say anything to me.

I found out recently that he lost his baby to illness. It’s incredibly sad and I obviously would never, ever wish that on anybody as it’s the worst thing that could happen to a person. But I hope he is a more caring, emotionally mature and empathetic person now.

Snugglepumpkin · 15/01/2022 14:16

Yes.
She was the coat check girl & tried to greet me as if we were long lost sisters.

I didn't need to say anything as the fact that her job was as the coat check girl meant her life said it for me.

I couldn't care less if someone wants to do that sort of job & certainly don't look down on them, but she was alwasy so full of how special she was & all the amazing things she was going to do when at school.
Seeing her in a position she used to look down on & mock felt great.

She was so sure she'd be the person who was handing over her coat to go into the important meeting she treated everyone else like shit & the only way she gets into them now is to hope for a promotion so she can offer people a selection of hot drinks.

Stormyinacoffeemug · 15/01/2022 14:17

Yes, and she is still equally as vile as she was back then. Its been a couple more years now and I recently found out she works in a school I was going to apply to work at. It's a special school and she works with some pretty vulnerable children. It makes me sick someone who put me through what she did now helps shape young people's lives.

DrCoconut · 15/01/2022 14:20

Another bully who was really horrible to me about my dad dying while I was still a child got karma in the form of his own dad's premature death a few years later. Not that the dad deserved it (no one deserves to die of a horrible disabling condition) but I wonder if the son has ever thought about how what he used to say made me feel.

x2boys · 15/01/2022 14:24

@Stormyinacoffeemug

Yes, and she is still equally as vile as she was back then. Its been a couple more years now and I recently found out she works in a school I was going to apply to work at. It's a special school and she works with some pretty vulnerable children. It makes me sick someone who put me through what she did now helps shape young people's lives.
I'm pretty sure they will have vetted her properly ,my child is in a special school ,staff have never been anything but caring towards my child .
Glowtastic · 15/01/2022 14:30

Saw my bully a few years ago at a gig. Still vile, remains unforgiven. I've worked out I'm not a very forgiving person, as when I've tried to be in the past I've felt taken advantage of. I've "forgiven" one so called friend multiple times for various shitty things and her behaviour changes for a bit then she quickly reverts to type. She'd lose her shit if I formally told her I no longer wanted to be friends so I need to work out a way of creating a gradual drift. Part of me hopes she gets a job in another country!

WhatNoRaisins · 15/01/2022 14:37

These threads always leave me feeling I've done the right thing moving away from my home town and having nothing to do with people I went to school with. It doesn't seem like much good comes from these encounters

Porfre · 15/01/2022 14:52

I was bullied by two girls.
It wasnt physical but more mental.

More isolating me from my peers. Spreading crap about me. Sometimes being friendly then tricky me.

Ruined my years at secondary school. It definitely left a lasting affect on my life.

One of them once rang me and left a message apologising. Not sure how she got my number. That was a couple of years after college. She acknowledged what shed done. I didnt reply. But at least feel I've got the capacity to forgive her.

The other one I met one while at university with a different friend who didnt know the history. Thought I'd be bright and breezy. Show her that she couldn't affect me and that we could get past it. But then blanked her after that. I cant pretend to be friends with her. And no I cant pretend shes a holier than thou character as that's how everyone sees her.

I dont really keeps tabs on their lives. But I know the one I met ended up as a lawyer and works in a big city. Dont know much else. I havent got any good will for her. And no I wouldn't really give a crap if shes been through any trauma or if anything crap happens to her or anyone she cares about.

premiumfeet · 15/01/2022 16:03

People that have been bullied have lived through all sorts of trauma at the hands of these people resulting to self harming, mental health issues carried to their adult life and even suicide. Being bullied is such a traumatising horrible experience. Not everyone has got help and this weight has been on the victims shoulder for so long that I honestly cannot judge anyone to feel a relief when they find out that their former bullies have got their comeuppance in life or simply have been nasty back to as a way to stand up for themselves as they are adults and no longer are frightened of them.

It doesn't make the victims a bad person or same as their bullies for wishing or standing up for themselves by lowering down to their levels like the bullies. It makes you human, you want those that have abused you, caused you grief to be served with some sort of punishment whether it's the universe serving this or whether it's you finally strong enough to stand up for yourself and hitting them where it hurts the most (not physically but with the very same words they have used to torment you).

sageandbasil · 15/01/2022 16:23

I absolutely love bumping into childhood bullies. Im doing so much better than any of them

gindreams · 15/01/2022 16:26

@Snugglepumpkin

What a snob

MintyGreenDream · 15/01/2022 16:26

No but i heard through the grapevine that shes now a midwife.I pity any baby that has her as the first thing it sees i really do

Snugglepumpkin · 15/01/2022 16:32

[quote gindreams]@Snugglepumpkin

What a snob

[/quote]
Why am I a snob?
I didn't spend my years at school telling people I was too special to do those sorts of jobs.
I don't think that way now either.

She did.

Incidentally, she came from a wealthy background & was put through private school as a boarder so don't go thinking this was some girl who had no chances in life.
She liked to look down on all those who didn't go skiing every year as just one of their holidays.