Have you ever bumped into a school bully later in life?

[IcyWinterWonderland]

Has anyone bumped into a school bully later in life? like years after leaving school? How did they react when they saw you? Did they look guilty? I recently saw one of my many school bullies and as I walked past her I said "You are a vile nasty bully". She replied "I don't think so" and scuttled off quickly.

Userbott.
Thank you for acknowledging that it is my perogative not to forgive. I can assure you that "Psycho-Rigidity" has nothing to do with anything. I am very aware that some people can/do change. I am also very aware that some don't. She said she didn't remember being so hateful until I pointed it out. Telling me her child was being bullied and basically she thought I would be pleased just showed that she still thought that deep down everyone was as vile as her.
She tried telling me she was miserable when she was a kid. I told her I wasn't interested.
I spent five years of hell in that place. I longed to be ill so I wouldn't have to go. I spent any spare moment trying to work out how I could get away. I had seen a lot on the news about girls around my age who had run away but knew if I went and then got caught it would be unbearable.
I also tried to work out how I could get my hands on some tablets and how many it would take for me to pass out and not regain consciousness.
So Ps-ycho Ridgity my arse. This was FEAR. EVERY SINGLE DAY that I was there.

I was bullied (psychologically rather than physically) from the age of 11 to 16. All of it was by about half a dozen girls, with a couple of "Queen Bee" ringleaders, one of whom I had considered a friend before that. It wrecked my secondary school years.

I don't live in the same town anymore although my mother still lives there. I don't believe that our paths have crossed in adulthood, though it is possible that we just wouldn't recognise each other if we passed in the street now as it was over 40 years ago.

I suspect (hope even) that we are all very different people now that we are in our mid fifties to the ones we were as teenagers.

@TheRooom Perhaps you should include yourself in that for victim-blaming. You are either a former school bully who thinks this is all hilarious, and/or you've never been bullied.

Let me tell you something since you seem ignorant of the lifelong effects of bullying. It DESTROYS YOU FOR LIFE. It really is as bad as rape. I'm not talking low level teasing, I am talking actual teasing and bullying, day in, day out, every day, every week, every year, which is what I suspect many of the PPs on here experienced. I like them, have been truly traumatised and scarred for life. Even reading this thread has had me in tears at the flashbacks for me, and at the thought of what these posters themselves went through. It really is akin to rape, the bullying did the most damage.

So if you wouldn't judge us for hating and wishing ill on our rapist(s), then don't judge us for hating and wishing ill on our bullies. Because you are insensitive, ignorant and privileged not to have gone through what we've gone through. If your entire life was fucked up by bullies, you wouldn't be so insensitive, so ignorant, so holier than thou and so smug.

So try putting yourself in our shoes, instead of gaslighting us and victimising us all over again. We don't deserve it.

@Bbq1

Maybe not warm and fuzzy but a pp upthread was celebrating the fact that her previous bully had been in a car crash and sustained brain. damage. That's a deeply horrible thing to be happy about.

@Bbq1 You do not have the right to judge that poster. You may think it's horrible, but you don't know what they put that poster through. So you have no right to judge. Try showing some compassion instead of judgement.

@premiumfeet

People that have been bullied have lived through all sorts of trauma at the hands of these people resulting to self harming, mental health issues carried to their adult life and even suicide. Being bullied is such a traumatising horrible experience. Not everyone has got help and this weight has been on the victims shoulder for so long that I honestly cannot judge anyone to feel a relief when they find out that their former bullies have got their comeuppance in life or simply have been nasty back to as a way to stand up for themselves as they are adults and no longer are frightened of them.

It doesn't make the victims a bad person or same as their bullies for wishing or standing up for themselves by lowering down to their levels like the bullies. It makes you human, you want those that have abused you, caused you grief to be served with some sort of punishment whether it's the universe serving this or whether it's you finally strong enough to stand up for yourself and hitting them where it hurts the most (not physically but with the very same words they have used to torment you).

This exactly. If someone was raped and posted that they hate their rapist and wish him nothing but pain, no one would think any worse of them. People would be saying they understand and posting supportive comments to the poster.

So there shouldn't be any difference in someone who viciously bullied someone. The life-long affects are the same.

@notthemum

Userbott. Thank you for acknowledging that it is my perogative not to forgive. I can assure you that "Psycho-Rigidity" has nothing to do with anything. I am very aware that some people can/do change. I am also very aware that some don't. She said she didn't remember being so hateful until I pointed it out. Telling me her child was being bullied and basically she thought I would be pleased just showed that she still thought that deep down everyone was as vile as her. She tried telling me she was miserable when she was a kid. I told her I wasn't interested. I spent five years of hell in that place. I longed to be ill so I wouldn't have to go. I spent any spare moment trying to work out how I could get away. I had seen a lot on the news about girls around my age who had run away but knew if I went and then got caught it would be unbearable. I also tried to work out how I could get my hands on some tablets and how many it would take for me to pass out and not regain consciousness. So Ps-ycho Ridgity my arse. This was FEAR. EVERY SINGLE DAY that I was there.

to you @notthemum I hope you are in a better place now?

There are a few people I knew from school where if they were to be killed or brain damaged I'd think the silver lining was that it will limit how many people they will be able to harm. Some people really are that bad.

I would happily crack open a bottle of champagne if any of my school bullies died

Yes. She was working on a till in Boots and I'd just finished my PhD and was with my very tall, very gorgeous boyfriend. I bought a pack of extra-large condoms, paid with my card that said 'Dr. Spiderlight' and acted as if I didn't recognise her. She practically threw the bag at me and I smiled nicely, said 'Thank you!' and walked away feeling ten feet tall.

@Migrainesbythe dozen.
Thankyou so much. I didn't mention to her that I had written a book which although never mentioned names definitely gave a strong nod in her direction. A couple of years after I saw her last I began running my own successful business and was very happy. I was doing this for nearly 20 years. I am unfortunately now unable to work due to ill health. But it was quite a revelation to me that when I saw her I wasn't at all afraid of her and couldn't stop myself from looking down on her as she had done to me all those years ago and for all that time. 🌷🍷

I had a "frenemy" at school, she was extremely competitive with me. Always asking what grades I got and then trying to beat them. It wasn't bullying but it was quite weird and not very nice.

Then when I bought a house it turns out she's my neighbour. We're actually good friends now and have a lot in common!