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Original poster

Have you ever bumped into a school bully later in life?

261 replies

IcyWinterWonderland · 14/01/2022 19:05

Has anyone bumped into a school bully later in life? like years after leaving school? How did they react when they saw you? Did they look guilty? I recently saw one of my many school bullies and as I walked past her I said "You are a vile nasty bully". She replied "I don't think so" and scuttled off quickly.

OP posts:
TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes · 15/01/2022 23:19

Snaps? Seven years later, on a random sighting, as the person is leaving?

Unbelievable? That police might be involved when someone breaks a person's nose as they leave a nightclub? There's nothing to investigate when that happens?

Where do you live?

6 questions in a rather short reply! Has your finger got stuck on that key?

Why do you want to know where I live? What a weird thing to ask Hmm

SinisterBumFacedCat · 16/01/2022 00:54

Having come from a mostly very nice family of mostly very lovely people there has been an odd smattering of really not very nice people who tip up every other generation, who are angry and aggressive, who are competitive and greedy and kick off at the merest perceived slight where everyone else is looking embarrassed and baffled and go on to become the stuff of family legend. Looking back I think they were total narcissists, they were raised by the same parents, around the same siblings and extended family, the same socioeconomic background and yet behaved and treated others completely differently. If there behaviour was due to some very secret family trauma surely it would be present in most, if not all the others, but it just wasn’t. Whilst I don’t believe people are born bad, I do think some struggle to empathise and are very entitled. People are so keen to excuse bullies, despite the fact that their victims also have crap home-lives and traumatic upbringings which are largely forgotten.

interferingma · 16/01/2022 08:50

Yes @SinisterBumFacedCat (hilarious name by the way). One of DD's bullies felt it was her right to be at the very top of the academic pile. But someone else was there, so she became one of the principal tormentors. Pure narcissism and entitlement. Not trauma. I really don't know or much care what the other excuses were from the others. Maybe @DrSbaitso is right and they had it tough at home. All I know is DD had it tough at school and it leaked on into her future life.

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 16/01/2022 10:03

*Yes. At school she had surrounded me with about 15 other girls , they backed me into a corner and threatened me until I cried. I was in year 8 and she was in year 10. I started kickboxing shortly after and got really good at it

A few years later I was 16 and in the pub ( used to borrow my sister's ID ) and she started on me infront of everyone. I shouldn't be proud but I am, I absolutely battered her. The police came and SHE got arrested*

You seriously assaulted someone in a pub because she was mouthy and the police arrested the person who was battered? Aye, right. Of course that happened.

DrSbaitso · 16/01/2022 10:16

@TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes

Snaps? Seven years later, on a random sighting, as the person is leaving?

Unbelievable? That police might be involved when someone breaks a person's nose as they leave a nightclub? There's nothing to investigate when that happens?

Where do you live?

6 questions in a rather short reply! Has your finger got stuck on that key?

Why do you want to know where I live? What a weird thing to ask Hmm

Because I'm curious to know where a person could get their nose broken on a night out and there be no police involvement, and also how a person can be said to have "snapped" seven years after the event.
DrSbaitso · 16/01/2022 10:20

Oh, sorry, and also why a person should find it "unbelievable" that police might investigate a person breaking another person's nose.

There have been no actual answers so despite your amazement at the questions, I think they're good ones.

DrSbaitso · 16/01/2022 10:25

@SinisterBumFacedCat

Having come from a mostly very nice family of mostly very lovely people there has been an odd smattering of really not very nice people who tip up every other generation, who are angry and aggressive, who are competitive and greedy and kick off at the merest perceived slight where everyone else is looking embarrassed and baffled and go on to become the stuff of family legend. Looking back I think they were total narcissists, they were raised by the same parents, around the same siblings and extended family, the same socioeconomic background and yet behaved and treated others completely differently. If there behaviour was due to some very secret family trauma surely it would be present in most, if not all the others, but it just wasn’t. Whilst I don’t believe people are born bad, I do think some struggle to empathise and are very entitled. People are so keen to excuse bullies, despite the fact that their victims also have crap home-lives and traumatic upbringings which are largely forgotten.
Well, these things manifest differently in different people. And while all parents will swear they treat all their children equally, plenty of adult children say otherwise.

Anyway, I don't know the people involved in interferingma's experience. I'm not saying anyone did or didn't have a certain thing happen. I'm just saying that none of us knows what happens at someone else's home, even if the family is middle class, in a close community and seemingly privileged...and when you do tell, people often don't believe it. Even people IN the house don't always know. How many children are abused by another household member and everyone else either never knows or goes into heavy denial?

We just don't know. It doesn't excuse bullying to accept that we just don't know.

lookingforadvice21 · 16/01/2022 10:26

@TroysMammy

Not the school bully but someone in our group who wasn't that nice to me. Me "hello, how are you?" Other person "hello, you're still short then" Me "and you're still ginger" as I walked off.
Embarrassing comment on your behalf. Would you have commented on their skin colour? How disgusting and uneducated. Hope your kids don't hear you make comments of discrimination against something someone was born with. Vile.
IsMaeOnTheAsmae · 16/01/2022 11:05

TheGoldenWolfFleece

You seriously assaulted someone in a pub because she was mouthy and the police arrested the person who was battered? Aye, right. Of course that happened.

Confused why would I lie on an anonymous website you weirdo Grin are you her?

My boyfriend at the time also got arrested. She got arrested because she tried to carry it on outside and the police saw a pissed up woman threatening people Hmm

Original poster
IcyWinterWonderland · 16/01/2022 11:10

To be honest, quite a lot of my school bullies have got their karma

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 16/01/2022 11:15

@IcyWinterWonderland

To be honest, quite a lot of my school bullies have got their karma
How so?

Karma is simply the idea that your actions shape your future. It's really quite different to "everyone gets what they deserve".

Original poster
IcyWinterWonderland · 16/01/2022 11:17

Well they are nasty people who have done horrible things to people, and sometimes their horrible personality has come back to bite them on the ass.

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 16/01/2022 11:20

@IcyWinterWonderland

Well they are nasty people who have done horrible things to people, and sometimes their horrible personality has come back to bite them on the ass.
Well that makes sense. If you go around being awful to everyone, you will eventually piss off the wrong person. It doesn't do to make enemies all the time.
Loyaultemelie · 16/01/2022 12:19

Mine made the first 4 years of high school hell. She tried to friend me on Facebook about 5 years ago and I ignored, she then sent me a message apologising profusely for how she'd treated me and explaining some circumstances she had been going through but acknowledging it was no excuse. I did accept her apology after thinking about it and accepted her friend request. She's now got a lot of the characteristics she bullied me for and we have a lot in common

ANameChangeAgain · 16/01/2022 12:26

There was always a back story. I was never bullied as such, but we had a "mean girl" at junior school who picked on me from time to time. It turned out she one of the girls who had been groomed into doing favours for a popular male teacher. She went missing in her 30s after living in a chaotic life on drugs. They never found her body, but someone was charged for her murder.

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 16/01/2022 12:31

*why would I lie on an anonymous website you weirdo grin are you her?

My boyfriend at the time also got arrested. She got arrested because she tried to carry it on outside and the police saw a pissed up woman threatening people*

So you can't have absolutely battered her then, or you'd have been arrested too. "Absolutely battered her" implies you caused some nasty injuries. Which is it? Did you batter her or didn't you?

I really can't see why you're proud of yourself brawling in a pub, and at a house party. Terrible behaviour all around and I'm not sure how you come off any better than the bully in this little story. Maybe in her version of events, you're the bully.

SomethingSuss · 16/01/2022 12:32

@IsMaeOnTheAsmae

TheGoldenWolfFleece

You seriously assaulted someone in a pub because she was mouthy and the police arrested the person who was battered? Aye, right. Of course that happened.

Confused why would I lie on an anonymous website you weirdo Grin are you her?

My boyfriend at the time also got arrested. She got arrested because she tried to carry it on outside and the police saw a pissed up woman threatening people Hmm

What's happening here is @DrSbaitso is looking for holes in stories and purposely picking them apart to be a bully defending GF whereas everyone else can see the holes and know instinctively that something else happened that the poster hasn't gone into. Clearly it's a case of "more than that happened of course but basically this was the result..."
DrSbaitso · 16/01/2022 12:35

What's happening here is@DrSbaitsois looking for holes in stories and purposely picking them apart to be a bully defending GF whereas everyone else can see the holes and know instinctively that something else happened that the poster hasn't gone into. Clearly it's a case of "more than that happened of course but basically this was the result..."

I think you've confused me with someone else. I'm the one asking if there was any police involvement when someone got their nose broken at a nightclub, and not finding the concept unbelievable. I'm also asking how someone can use "snapped" as an excuse seven years later.

I'm not asking anything about this one.

SomethingSuss · 16/01/2022 12:38

I do apologise @DrSbaitso I'm getting you and the other picker mixed up. I meant @TheGoldenWolfFleece

x2boys · 16/01/2022 12:38

I think some of these responses have been massively embellished Hmm

IsMaeOnTheAsmae · 16/01/2022 12:40

TheGoldenWolfFleece

Your definetly her Grin

TheGoldenWolfFleece · 16/01/2022 13:35

Nope I'm not her. I just think "battering" someone is something a bully would do and maybe there's two sides to this particular story. As i said before, being bullied doesn't give you a green card to act however you want. I've really no idea why you're so proud of it.

IsMaeOnTheAsmae · 16/01/2022 13:45

TheGoldenWolfFleece

Your purposely ignoring where I stated she started on me first Confused I also said I was 16 and 19 at the time and I'm now 30 Hmm

I have no idea why my bully story out of the hundreds posted has bothered you so much.

Clearly your enjoying yourself Confused

Nonivknamesforcatapillars · 16/01/2022 14:21

There’s often a back story with bullies.

I feel like I could be a bitch when I was a teenager. There was one girl I used make fun of mercilessly, though it was all verbal and never physical. It’s not something I’m proud of and actually do feel quite bad about now.

This girl came from a lovely supportive middle class family. I on the other hand had an abusive, neglectful mother, there was never enough money, I didn’t even own a coat for several years on the trot etc. home was a pretty miserable place. I was also badly bullied by a girl in the year above, who was incredibly violent. Actually tried to drown me at a local river where teens used to swim, and very nearly succeeded. I pretty much lived in fear of her for a couple of years. That coupled with the fact I probably have undiagnosed adhd and am pretty impulsive led me to say a lot of things I’m not proud of.

The girl I used to tease could comment on this thread and you’d all think I was a terrible bitch, and to be fair I was. But there’s usually a back story.

Nonivknamesforcatapillars · 16/01/2022 14:23

Oh and I have seen her as an adult. We both just kind of looked at each other and didn’t say anything.

I’ve also met my bully as an adult. I’ve sorted my life out and am now a pretty decent human being, she is not.