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9 year old dislikes school and cba with learning

105 replies

puppystress · 10/01/2022 15:35

My ds goes to school with shoulders slumped every morning and it's actually starting to get me down, I have run out of ways to try to encourage him or talk to him about it.

He has plenty of friends, no bullying issues. Doesn't struggle with the work he's given and is either average or above average jn all subjects. He just thinks the work set is a waste of time and boring. He just doesn't see the point in learning.

He describes his teachers as "hypocritical" (they don't answer his questions but when he doesn't answer their questions he gets "told off ") he definitely is sensitive to being "told off"...often getting teary at what he perceives to be a telling off when actually it isn't at all. If that makes sense.

Teachers have described him a kind, considerate and popular member of the class. They have said he surprises them consistently because he gives the impression he isn't listening but then goes on to prove (either through questioning or through the actual work he does) that he was in fact listening and taking it all in. They have no concerns regarding his learning or his social skills.

I'm kind of rambling now, guess I'm just venting, in the hope someone comes along and tells me something magical to do or say to change ds' view of school. I loved school and learning so I can't really relate and never quite know what to say. I want to connect with him about this and ultimately I'd love to see him going off to school happy.

Any suggestions?

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puppystress · 10/01/2022 16:26

Bump

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Justkeeppedaling · 10/01/2022 16:29

It sounds to me that he's finding school too easy and might need more challenging work.
Have you discussed that with the teachers?

puppystress · 10/01/2022 16:31

I did mention it but she didn't really agree so I left it as a subject...

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trumpisagit · 10/01/2022 16:41

You need to take it back to the teacher.
Your child is unhappy at school, and the teacher could do more to help him.
Arrange a meeting, raise it as a concern and ask what they can do to encourage /motivate him.

puppystress · 10/01/2022 16:51

I asked him about school today.

He told me about his teachers asking a question to the class:

"where do Polar bears live?"

He answered "the desert"

To which she replied "that's ridiculous" and asked another child

Ds was upset because she wouldn't let him explain that places like the antarctic ARE deserts and also he was upset that she used the word ridiculous. He wanted to have a conversation with her about how deserts are places that are baron and devoid of plants etc but she shut him down. He has described this about her before.

I am also flabbergasted that she used the word ridiculous. No wonder he doesn't like her.

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eddiemairswife · 10/01/2022 17:03

Polar bears don't live in the Antarctic.

Justkeeppedaling · 10/01/2022 17:05

Maybe ask her what she actually said.

DD1 showed absolutely zero interest in reading in school, and never progressed past the middle of the colours, but she was reading quite difficult books at home, above her age range. She found the books in school boring.

puppystress · 10/01/2022 17:07

Arctic not antarctic

I think he just doesn't like not being able to discuss stuff with his teacher.

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FrenchFancie · 10/01/2022 17:07

Yes, see I think your son was being a bit facetious there. I mean, yes the arctic is a desert but not in the way that most people think of. The teacher probably didn’t have time to have a discussion about deserts being devoid of plants, plus it might confuse others in the class.

Have a conversation with his teacher, but the problem lies with his attitude which only he can change.

Suprima · 10/01/2022 17:11

@puppystress

Arctic not antarctic

I think he just doesn't like not being able to discuss stuff with his teacher.

If this happened as it said it did, then I would say your son knew this would be the teacher’s reaction and he wanted an example of her moving on to ask someone else as an injustice or a slight against him.

She didn’t ask what icy rainless regions are classified as, she asked where polar bears live. The answer was the Arctic.

Beamur · 10/01/2022 17:12

A desert is classified by rainfall not temperature.
I suspect your DS is smarter than his teacher! Will he have a different teacher next year? Could you afford for him to have a tutor so he gets some more interesting education in the meantime.

secreteatingteen · 10/01/2022 17:15

@FrenchFancie

Yes, see I think your son was being a bit facetious there. I mean, yes the arctic is a desert but not in the way that most people think of. The teacher probably didn’t have time to have a discussion about deserts being devoid of plants, plus it might confuse others in the class.

Have a conversation with his teacher, but the problem lies with his attitude which only he can change.

Yes I sort of agree with this, although he sounds like a smart cookie to be fair.

I suppose the problem is that the teacher has got 29 other kids to worry about, so he or she can't get in to fascinating conversations with each child individually. That said, I agree that following up with him/her is what's needed. Maybe he's super bright and needs to be stretched a bit more?

The other thing to consider is that maybe the school is very boring. I think lots of schools that are considered good are dull. My DS went to the most dull school for KS1. It was terribly nice, and everyone was moving house to get in there, over subscribed etc. But actually, it was deathly boring. It wasn't until he moved to the least popular and most looked down on school in our area that he started realise what learning is all about because they are creative and imaginative and work hard to get the best out of a much more mixed bunch of pupils.

Solodreamer · 10/01/2022 17:20

@FrenchFancie

Yes, see I think your son was being a bit facetious there. I mean, yes the arctic is a desert but not in the way that most people think of. The teacher probably didn’t have time to have a discussion about deserts being devoid of plants, plus it might confuse others in the class.

Have a conversation with his teacher, but the problem lies with his attitude which only he can change.

This
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 10/01/2022 17:21

I am also flabbergasted that she used the word ridiculous. No wonder he doesn't like her

Spend 5 days a week with 30 kids, and see how that goes for you...

If you reinforce his negative beliefs about his teacher, you will only make things worse for him, in terms of his motivation. Instead, help him to understand why the teacher might not have wanted that conversation at that moment.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/01/2022 17:26

He was being tiresome and she didn't love it. I would explain that a simple answer to a simple question is sufficient.

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/01/2022 17:29

I think he just doesn't like not being able to discuss stuff with his teacher.

And what happens with the other 20 odd kids while he has this discussion with his teacher? Those types of discussion are great at home with parents (my 9 year old would do that), but not in school where other kids need to learn too.

puppystress · 10/01/2022 17:31

Oh shit everyone is hating on my child 🙈

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eagerlywaitingfor · 10/01/2022 17:32

I suspect your DS is smarter than his teacher! So do I. And the teacher isn't smart enough to realise it.

He's bright. Very bright. Everything you've written absolutely screams of it.

puppystress · 10/01/2022 17:34

...well maybe not everyone...

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puppystress · 10/01/2022 17:42

So how can I get my son to enjoy school again?

Apart from telling him not to be a facetious little fucker or to try to open any discussions or explore any ideas with the teacher, that is Grin

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Atla · 10/01/2022 17:45

Mmmn. I would think a child was being sarcastic with that answer (am not a teacher but I have a 9yo). I imagine with 30 kids in the class she can't really get drawn in to that kind of back and forth discussion in a q&a.

I do agree he sounds intelligent and could be bored, but as I say to my ds1 (who has similar tendencies) you've got to learn to play the game. Speak to his teacher.

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 10/01/2022 17:46

I'm kind of rambling now, guess I'm just venting, in the hope someone comes along and tells me something magical to do or say to change ds' view of school. I loved school and learning

There isn’t a magic spell to make him like school. Imagine how he feels when he’s had a shit day at school and then he comes home and has his mum going on at him about school some more.

BluebellsGreenbells · 10/01/2022 17:51

I don’t think anyone hates your child. But he obviously ain’t getting the attention he craves and usually kids being sooo smart means he misses the point she’s making or trying to achieve - so he switches off as he has his own addenda - to our smart the teacher. It’s no clever and it’s not kind.

Dumbledoresgirl · 10/01/2022 17:59

This isnt immediately helpful to you, but, speaking as a one time primary school teacher, it is definitely the case that some children and teachers click together better than others. Your son, meaning this in the nicest possible way, sounds like he is the sort of child who needs a particular teacher he can click with. Maybe next year he will find that teacher?

I also think he sounds as though he will do much better when he gets to secondary school and can interact with teachesa with more specialist knowledge.

That doesn't really help you now though. I would second making an appointment to speak to the class teacher to see if you can work out a better way of working going forward. Maybe there is a TA who could give him a bit more individual time to explore some ideas? You dont get if you don't ask.

secreteatingteen · 10/01/2022 18:00

@puppystress - aww not hating on him at all. I have a 9yo DS who thinks he is very, very clever and fascinating and funny! I adore him, obviously, but I'm aware that he can come across as a PITA too. I've noticed recently that my DS will say something or someone is "annoying" when what he really means is either it's not going exactly as he wanted it to, or the person/people involved don't think he is quite as amazing as he does! Grin Could this be the case here?

I do get that it's a bit heart breaking when you think they are sad. Also - check in with the teacher if he is really disengaged at school. Both mine have gone through phases of saying they hated school but when I spoke to teachers they would say they were really involved and doing well. What I mean is, they can ham it up to us because it gets them some attention and it's interesting to see what we'll do in response, not because they are genuinely miserable.