I weigh 25 stone and don't know what to do

[delilabell]

I don't know how this has happened. We'll I do its cos in eating ridiculous amount of food.
I want to get back to size 22 /24 . I felt comfortable and confident. I now am size 28/30 and I'm disgusted in myself. I'm addicted to sugar I know I am so instart to think about cutting all sugar but them I think I don't want to because I love chocolate. But thats the addiction isn't it? I'm just looking in tje mirror at myself and I look hideous. I joined ww last week (previously was a part of it and lost 5 stone ) but its changed so I wimped out amd cancelled it. I did slimming World once and lost a stone but I got so obsessive that I had to stop for my mental health.
My mental health isn't great. I obsess about things. So if I am losing weight I obsess every hour about how much ill have lost. Dividing the amount I want to lose over the weeks I want to over and over in my head. And then I become so obsessed I have to stop.
I just don't know what to do about it. Any help would be most appreciated please.

And by "question yourself", I mean, politely, constructively, as you would to a good friend! And be prepared to answer "no" to some questions. Sometimes you will have so much going on that, honestly, the only realistic item to consider is, "how can I manage to have less going on in future".

If you look at it in black and white terms, in Good and Bad food, in absolute Must Lose 13 Stone terms, you’ll probably give up and feel like shit. You can’t lose 13 stone (unless you slice yourself in half) but you can lose an ounce by having two biscuits rather than four, by walking to that toy shop instead of getting in the car. You can say I love chocolate and it makes me happy at the moment so I’m getting that individual bar and I’m going to suck every square rather than the giant bar and cram it so I barely taste it.
Nothing doesnt matter - it’s so easy to say “I’ve eaten all the chips so what difference does the extra make?” but it does, and it matters in both directions. Enjoy the chips-the taste, the crunch, the salt but make sure there’s 10% fewer on your plate. Yes, that won’t mean you lose 3lbs the fist day and get that endorphin ‘win’ but slowly, imperceptibly you send yourself that message that you can feed and nurture yourself AND care for yourself.

Start tiny and recognise and celebrate every time that you make a choice that actually helps you.

I would go with dieting and losing weight to start off and not worry at first about exercise (the main thing to lose weight is the diet part). Once you've lost some weight you'll have more confidence to do the exercise.
I weighed 18st last year and had type 2 diabetes and high BP (I'm short, so I 'should' weigh around 8) and in April I started Exante 800 diet which is 3 meal replacements of around 200 calories each plus a 200 calorie food allowance. It was very hard at first, but I lost 8lbs in my first week, and then 3-4lbs in subsequent weeks. By August I'd lost 4st. I went on holiday and mostly stuck to 1200 calories per day apart from the odd meal out (rare because of COVID) I then lost small amounts/maintained on the 1200 version of the diet after my summer holiday, as life got in the way, but in November I was 4st9lbs down. At Christmas I totally enjoyed myself, ate lots of chocolate and no regrets because I knew it could come off in January. I put half a stone on in December but lost it in the past week back on Exante. I'm hoping to lose another 2½ stone at least.
It's totally worth a go - I never predicted how much my health would improve too. My BP and sugars are actually back down to normal levels and I can get up the stairs and across the railway bridge without feeling like I'm about to die!
Nutracheck, I agree with others, is brilliant for keeping track of your food, exercise and weight in one place. It works with pretty much any sort of diet.
As far as worrying about feeling deprived goes - have a planned treat now and again and then you feel in control but also don't feel too deprived. But make a conscious choice and do the right thing most of the time.

It can get obsessive - I've started a new regime and spend a lot of mental energy on it, thinking about what I'll write, when I'll eat it, how much I'll lose by X date and so on. After a few weeks not do much as I'll be settled in to it.
I've lost 7 stone twice and it is so easy to put back on. I was already overweight and have gained almost two stone over the last couple years - instead of using the lockdowns to shake up the routine I seem to have just been eating non stop!
So back in My Fitness Pal to count the calories and provide motivation and tracking my steps and working out. Thank you @MattDamon those walking videos look good and a way to ease in to moving more - it's pouring with rain do I think I might try one out inside!

Dedicate this year to looking after yourself. Not just food - go low carb - but in every way, from sleep to reading good books to talking nicely to yourself. Be kind and gentle to you, and keep going. Don’t eat after 6pm even if you are still hungry, know that you will be eating a healthy breakfast in the morning. And good luck!

Typos! Sorry, but you get the idea

@delilabell My heart went out to you reading your OP. It is a very difficult position to be in and I would imagine very daunting to tackle on your own, but you can do it.
I would suggest trying to deal with the mental health side of things first, recognizing all the positive attributes you have and all the potential you have, recognizing the non-food things that make you feel better, things the healthier you would be able to do etc. Your GP may help point you in the direction of supports that may help specific to you. (There is so much advice on this thread, all good advice but to read, it can be overwhelming and hard to know which direction to go in) Do you have a trusted family member of friend you could confide in who would support you on your journey?
Small steps, small changes at a time, build in new healthy habits as you go, you will get there!

Amazing advice on this thread by so many who are, or have been, in similar shoes. I am one of them and will be following as well as checking in for updates from you. I completely agree with posters who have said to not completely restrict yourself from a treat, starting by limiting it to one a day is a huge first step in the right direction. I tend to snack a lot and have a massive sweet tooth - keeping a food diary helps me. Initially all sorts of crap had to be written down but then I started thinking “Could I replace chocolate so it doesn’t have to go in the book?”
Obsessions are very dangerous that’s why I think you definitely shouldn’t completely restrict yourself. Set yourself tiny, achievable targets and go from there.
Do it for your beautiful kids, I am trying to! Some days are better than others and that’s okay!! Don’t give up because you have a couple of bad days. They happen for everyone. Take care and do keep checking in!

At your size you need a DRs help to begin with and help would start reducing your calories. You want to do a staggered reduction in calories and
Walk walk walk! Walking is so underrated but at your weight it is the only safe way to exercise until you lose a bit of weight.

I shifted 3.5 stone last year. Ended up putting a stone back on but I’m back to losing again and have a fair few to go yet.

@hivemindneeded has given excellent advice. I hate the word ‘diet’, I focus much more on eating well and making sure I move more and eat less, it’s that simple.

You also need to be in the right headspace - focused and determined. I suggest looking at some online CBT to help with your obsessive tendencies but I think you can use this to your advantage! Are you a visual person? If so, start keeping a record - food diary, steps taken, measure your body (more effective than checking your body weight), take a photo of yourself now (for your eyes only!) which you can compare to the same photo in six months time, every pound you lose, put a £ in a jar (and plan what you’re going to spend it on!), use post it notes to write posts comments and put them in places that you’ll see them on a frequent basis, read up on nutrition and start to understand it more, increase your activity, don’t be afraid, get the kids involved, have a tight piece of clothing that you’d love to wear again? If so, put it on and write notes on how it makes you feel, where does it feel tight, how much do you want to wear it again and where would you wear it to! Avoid setting rigid targets... particularly around timeframes, instead focus on inches lost or lbs gone and when you reach a certain goal, celebrate that achievement! Keep this private, don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself, but being more healthy for your kids has to be the biggest incentive possible! If you want this, you will do this 💪🏼

You’ve taken the first step, here’s to thousands more!

Don't be so hard on yourself OP, it won't do you any good. Start gentle and easy. The important thing is don't stress yourself out.

One simple thing I found helped me loads was drinking more water. I try to have two litres a day, starting with two medium glasses first thing in the morning. It seems to help with the cravings.

Good luck.

Great post; acknowledging you're not happy with a situation and writing it down and sharing it is a step up!

Next step - try to speak to your gp and get professional help. Hard I know at the moment but it does seem that the psychology part needs expert help. Drastic gastric surgery won't help address what's going on in your mind.

Here's what helped me - declutter the cupboards, freezer and fridge of the high sugar stuff. If it's there, it'll get eaten.

Write shopping lists - and stick to them. Helps move away from impulse buying.

Avoid the supermarket aisles packed with biscuits, chocolates, ice cream, cakes ... I just don't go down them, so I can't see it.

Instead of beating yourself up, write down your goals and hopes - some new clothes, being able to enjoy a long walk, running about with family in the park. Nice things.

And I really like @whatlauraloves on Instagram, she's a lovely body positive vlogger with lots about fashion, beauty, pampering, hair, makeup, home ... she's fab.

All the best! X

Please don’t be so hard on yourself. This is a common plight faced by many. As with anything you have spotted a problem and so now is a good time to try and make some changes to fix it. Maybe you can take some of the principles from SW (such as balancing out carbs, protein and veg) in meals) with a bit of WW (whatever you feel is most healthy.
I have lost a fair amount of weight over the past 2 years by doing the following;
Consider looking at portion sizes (get a small bowl and once finished ask if you are still hungry - if you are eat a bit more)
Get into a routine of when you eat
Snack on low calorie crisps, hummus and carrots.
Be aware of how much bread you eat.
Don’t deny yourself chocolate or sweets but buy the small snack size ones and have one when cravings start and know they are there for later. Try and let them melt in your mouth to prolong the sweet hit.
Take it one day at a time and remember it’s a marathon not a sprint and denying yourself entirely does not work but reducing slowly is often more sustainable.
You can do it

Start moving more to start with. The endorphins from excersise will make you feel good, let your cravings switch. Once you start getting a kick out of the excersises start making diet changes. I find it easier to get fit than eat well, but once I'm fitter my diet improves. I've slipped lately, and the junk food has come back. I'm starting workouts again from Monday, And I've cut out the drink, that helps too

It sounds simplistic but you need to eat less and move more. Even tiny steps towards those two each day will make a difference. Set yourself small targets and if you don't manage them today, try again tomorrow.

There is a set of videos on YouTube called yoga for bigger bodies that I think would suit you. It is based very much in the idea of do what you can today and you'll manage a bit more tomorrow.

If I had the money to pay for it, I would love to have a weekly session with a therapist who specialises in weight loss. Someone to help with maintaing motivation but also exploring underlying reasons for my unhealthy relationship with food and support with a long term plan to stay healthy.

OP please don’t feel bad about possibly being the largest person at a class. I was very overweight and unfit at one point, and so anxious about my first military fitness class. Everyone was so supportive. Nothing but people being really encouraging.

A few years later we had another large lady who joined and couldn’t run initially due to her weight. Again, everyone was lovely and the instructor really positive with her. She lost lots of weight, got a London marathon place and aimed to walk/jog it. She did it in 7hrs, and the instructor was so proud of her he almost cried. He went to watch and waited for her to finish. Properly upset the guy in our class who did it in under 3hrs and didn’t even get a look in 😂 I think I’m trying to say that people will have huge respect for the ones they know find it hardest, but keep going anyway.

I have to not keep junk food in the house. I also tell my colleagues not to offer me cake or chocolates. We got lots of delicious sugary gifts over Christmas and I’ve either regifted or for a few thrown them out (feel terrible but just can’t have cake sitting there). 20 minutes of will power in the supermarket is easier than a week of will power at home!

Good luck. The first few steps are the hardest 💐

I haven’t read every post so apologies if someone else has suggested this. I would really recommend Noom which is a diet app but it looks at the psychology of why you eat, when you eat and techniques to change it. You also have a coach who checks in with you about once a week and you can contact for support via the app. The psychology of it helped me a lot. They also have recipes (costs extra but if you say no the first time they offer it again at a reduced price) and that helped me find healthy things I liked to eat. The whole thing helped me understand more clearly what foods are healthy / more filling etc. Good luck with it, you can do it.

You need to find something else to obsess over. Bonus points if it involves a lot of walking!

Have you done any family history research? It's a bit too easy to get sucked into doing it on the computer but walking round graveyards is fascinating. Walk around town taking photos of significant buildings.

@Newrunner29

For everyone suggesting dieting, i have a question im genuinely intrested in, if diets genuinely worked , why is there many? And why do majority of people who are on them put the weight back on (i dont know exact figures ) there has been no diet ever thats been 100 % successful. Even one thats 90%. Surely there wouldnt need to be so many if at least 1 worked. And also for all the people have "failed" , is it the fault of the person and im talking millions of people. My mum spent most of her life on weight watchers yo yoing. Or could it be the fault of the diet? Restricting is known to cause binging.

I also think that people totally underestimate or blatantly ignore the lifestyle and psychological factors in why someone is over weight in the first place.

People will say just do XYZ which isn't always helpful. How is someone meant to cook three healthy meals a day and exercise for an hour every day when they leave the house at 6am, work 12 hours and don't get home until 8pm? As well as looking after kids, family and any other responsibilities they have. People need something that they can fit into their own lives, instead of being sold a one size fits all package that doesn't work for everyone.

It also doesn't take into account the fact that people overeat for reasons in the same way other people smoke, drink, use drugs or any other addictive behaviour used as a coping mechanism. Studies have shown that people with ADHD and ASD react differently to hunger cues and cannot ignore or resist them in the same ways someone NT can. But it is cheaper and easier to label someone as greedy and lazy than to actually look into the problem on a more meaningful level.

In my own experience, the most helpful thing I did was just not eat. I initially started with fasting and I have now started a VLCD. I know it will sound strange but not eating was so liberating for me. I don't need to think about what to cook, what is allowed, how much I am allowed, not being able to find something 'on plan' to eat while I am out or how the hell I am going to make something for breakfast when I have ten minutes to get out of the door.

Taking all of that away and not eating has given me the headspace to focus on why I am over eating. I have noticed that I am overeating when I am stressed. So I am working on finding different ways to cope, relax and unwind. Whilst also looking at ways I can take a bit of the load off as well. I am finally able to focus on the real problem rather than the symptoms.

I was shocked that when I started reading this thread a big advert for a gastric bag popped up. Very inappropriate imo!

I just want to be clear than on the VLCD I am having four meal replacement products which does equate to 800 calories a day. Plus I have a couple of cups of tea so I am probably having closer to 1000 calories a day. I am not starving myself.

I second the poster who suggested reading 'why we eat (too much)'. It's interesting and gives a useful framework for healthy eating whereby you don't need to count anything. Just increasing the amount of fruit and veg you eat is also helpful.

I agree any diet framework where you need to count calories, points etc may not be very helpful for you if it encourages you to become obsessive.

A walk everyday is helpful for weight loss plus improving your health generally - both physical and mental health .

You can find a variety of fitness classes on YouTube- or simply have a kitchen disco .

I would start with simple changes as going on a 'diet' is doomed to fail. Do you know how many calories you eat in a day? Maybe do a food diet for a week (and be honest with yourself) to figure it out. The 4 changes to make are add in more vegetables/fruit (more veg than fruit if you can), add in more protein (more meats and fish and pulses), add more water, add in some movement (doesn't need to be much, start with 5 mins a day and work up so you don't get demotivated) - I did DVDs at home when I lost weight years ago (Davina is great). Focus on adding to your life not taking away. The veg and protein will fill you up on good stuff so you eat less sugar.

Try listening to the podcast A Thorough Examination with Drs Chris and Xand

They are twins, both doctors, one of whom got fat and one of whom didn’t. The difference was that the one who became obese had become addicted to ultra-processed food. It’s a very interesting listen.