Am I invited to the wedding?

[Awkwardusername]

My partners cousin is getting married on August; they sent the invite a few weeks ago and sent one invite to the family home, addressed to “The Smith’s”.

I automatically assumed I wasn’t invited (I don’t mind if I’m not!) however my partner pointed out that by then, I’ll be Mrs Smith, as we’re getting married before the wedding.

Partner isn’t particularly close to his cousin or auntie/uncle so feels weird asking, and partners mother has just said “yeah of course” I’m invited without actually finding out!

Help please!

When you say family home do you mean you and your partners home or his families home?
Writing an invitation to the smiths if he is the only smith that lives there would be weird and so it would include you.
If you live with his family then it’s more of a grey area and you’ll have to ask

Are they invited to your wedding?

Are they invited to your wedding? And therefore no you’ll be a smith by then? If so I’d say it’s an obvious invite to you too.

It doesn't sound as though you actually want to go to the wedding anyway.

It was sent to his parents’ house; his siblings still live there.

He’s not invited to ours but we’re having parents and siblings only; he’s invited to our reception.

I would take this to imply the invite extends to me too on the grounds of marrying and taking on that surname before the cousin's wedding. Invites collectively addressed to "The ............s" or "The ........... family" usually imply children in the family are invited too if there are any

Do you and your partner live in the house? If you don’t I’d assume nither of you were invited as otherwise they’d have sent you an invite to your home.

@WorriedGiraffe

Do you and your partner live in the house? If you don’t I’d assume nither of you were invited as otherwise they’d have sent you an invite to your home.

No we don’t live there!

Good point, I didn’t think of that!

I don't think you or your DP are invited in that case tbh.

I think one of his parents needs to contact them to clarify.

If neither of you live there, it is quite a grey area.

I would presume his parents are invited only.

If you don’t live there I would’nt presume your invited.

I too would assume the collective 'Smiths' refer to those living in the house where the invite was sent. Seems odd not to specify though exactly who they mean!

I would have thought they'd send your partner a separate invite to his home, if you/him were invited. Do they know his address? Did he move out very recently?

@Hairyfriend

I too would assume the collective 'Smiths' refer to those living in the house where the invite was sent. Seems odd not to specify though exactly who they mean!

I would have thought they'd send your partner a separate invite to his home, if you/him were invited. Do they know his address? Did he move out very recently?

When the invite was sent we were in the middle of moving from a rented flat to a bought house which just adds to the confusion!

I assumed I wasn’t invited but he was, but now I don’t know! 🤦🏻‍♀️

It’s an invite for the people who live in his parents house, if you and your partner were invited they’d send an invite to your house.

I don’t think it’s intended for either of you.

I don’t think either of you are invited then, just your future PIL’s.
One of them needs to contact their sibling to get clarification.

When the invite was sent we were in the middle of moving from a rented flat to a bought house which just adds to the confusion!

If the invite was for either of you they would’ve sent it via his parents if you were moving, I think it’s for his parents & possibly his siblings who still live at home.

You definitely need to contact them to clarify as it's not clear.
It seems really strange to have not listed the names of those invited on the invitation unless it's a very casual party style wedding without a sit down meal where the numbers don't matter hugely.

I think contacting them looks like you’re angling for an invite.

People don’t send invites intended to include adults who have left home to their parents house.

I think your future in laws should just RSVP yes or no but I really don’t think the invite is intended for anyone who doesn’t live at that address.

Fucking hell - just ask them!

Just ask?

His parents should clarify exactly who is invited and whether the siblings still at home are invited too.

If his siblings have partners, that would be even more confusing. I have no idea why they wouldnt just include everyones names for clarity!

The "embarrassment" of asking them is tiny compared to a)turning up unexpectedly or b) not RSVPing

Get your DH's parents to ping a message over "not quite sure who you are including in the invitiation. Do you want all "The Smiths" to come (DFIL/DMIL/YourDH and Awkard) - or is just for us (DMIL/DFIL)."

Why is this such a big troublesome thing to do. You know. Communiciate.

@Whatthefucketyfuck

The "embarrassment" of asking them is tiny compared to a)turning up unexpectedly or b) not RSVPing

Get your DH's parents to ping a message over "not quite sure who you are including in the invitiation. Do you want all "The Smiths" to come (DFIL/DMIL/YourDH and Awkard) - or is just for us (DMIL/DFIL)."

Why is this such a big troublesome thing to do. You know. Communiciate.

Yup. This.

They are bound to get questions if they have been vague.

Just ask!