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Original poster

Am I invited to the wedding?

85 replies

Awkwardusername · 07/01/2022 17:39

My partners cousin is getting married on August; they sent the invite a few weeks ago and sent one invite to the family home, addressed to “The Smith’s”.

I automatically assumed I wasn’t invited (I don’t mind if I’m not!) however my partner pointed out that by then, I’ll be Mrs Smith, as we’re getting married before the wedding.

Partner isn’t particularly close to his cousin or auntie/uncle so feels weird asking, and partners mother has just said “yeah of course” I’m invited without actually finding out!

Help please!

OP posts:
Talipesmum · 07/01/2022 18:39

Definitely ask. “Do you mean The Smiths who live at 99 acacia avenue, or are you including MrAwkwardSmith and soon-to-be MrsAwkwardSmith as well?”

Howshouldibehave · 07/01/2022 18:41

I would assume neither of you were invited unless you got an invitation to your home.

Original poster
Awkwardusername · 07/01/2022 18:41

We’re not in a position to ask, we’ve asked my future in laws to ask and for whatever reason, they won’t.

I was kind of hoping to see how people interpreted the situation rather than being told “just ask” over and over again! If this was you, how would you view it?

I know asking is the best option but if my cousins fiancé asked me if they were invited to my wedding, I’d be baffled!

OP posts:

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Weddings
loobylou10 · 07/01/2022 18:43

Just the smiths who live in the house where the invitation was sent to.

girlmom21 · 07/01/2022 18:44

If it was the wedding of someone who I couldn't even ask a simple question to I wouldn't attend. What's the point?

WorriedGiraffe · 07/01/2022 18:44

But if you don’t no, and they won’t ask, are you going to just not show up and be rude if you were invited? Or just show up and risk it being awkward because you weren’t invited? Not sure what your other options are if you won’t ask.

girlmom21 · 07/01/2022 18:44

But I agree with the people who don't think either of you are invited.

Howshouldibehave · 07/01/2022 18:46

We’re not in a position to ask

Why-do you not have a phone/computer/mobile/mouth?!

If this was you, how would you view it?

I would assume the invitation was for the people living in the house it was sent to. I would never turn up to a wedding where I wasn’t explicitly invited by name.

LawnFever · 07/01/2022 18:48

Lots of people have said they don’t think you’re invited, rather than ‘just ask’.

If my in laws received an invite to ‘the Lawnfevers’ to their home it wouldn’t occur to me that it would be an invite for DH, me or his other siblings who don’t live at home.

DysmalRadius · 07/01/2022 18:48

If my parents received an invitation to their house addressed to them I whitish assume either my husband or me were invited.

ElephantandGrasshopper · 07/01/2022 18:48

I'd assume just your PIL. If they won't ask, they should at least rsvp specifying that 'Mary and John would love to attend', so the couple know not to expect yourself and dp, and that also gives them the option to respond clarifying that the invite actually included the wider family.

DorothyLNaySayers · 07/01/2022 18:51

You're not invited.

ImInStealthMode · 07/01/2022 18:51

If an invite to 'The StealthModes' went to my Parents house I would assume my Parents were invited.

As an adult with my own home I'd expect my own invite, or at least one specifically addressed to me sent care of my Parents, if the inviters didn't have my address (and for some reason didn't / couldn't just ask for it).

MsSquiz · 07/01/2022 18:51

@Awkwardusername

We’re not in a position to ask, we’ve asked my future in laws to ask and for whatever reason, they won’t.

I was kind of hoping to see how people interpreted the situation rather than being told “just ask” over and over again! If this was you, how would you view it?

I know asking is the best option but if my cousins fiancé asked me if they were invited to my wedding, I’d be baffled!

This is weird. Why is your partner not in a position to ask his cousin if the invite includes him or both of you? I presume you are grown adults and your partner is capable of calling his own cousin up?
Onlinedilema · 07/01/2022 18:53

I don't think you are invited. It's intended for The Smiths who live in that house. I even think that is a stupid way of inviting someone. Are people not able to write Dear Sue, Paul and Daisy ....?
You haven't invited them to your wedding either which would strengthen the case for them not inviting you.
Surely your future mil/fil can operate a phone and confirm exactly who the invitation extends to.

thewhatsit · 07/01/2022 18:53

@WorriedGiraffe

Do you and your partner live in the house? If you don’t I’d assume nither of you were invited as otherwise they’d have sent you an invite to your home.
This is what I think. They didn’t send it to you.

Someone needs to clarify because I think whether your finance is invited is equally as ambiguous.

ChatterMonkey · 07/01/2022 18:53

I dont think you are invited

I dont think your dp is invited either 😂

I think if you were to turn up, you would both most likely have that awkward moment when you look for your name on the seating plan and it isnt there...

How long till the wedding? Normally the all day invites get sent out first, then the evening batches go out. If this is the day invites arriving, then wait a while, yours will probably arrive with the second lot.

Bythepath · 07/01/2022 18:54

I did have my cousins fiance at my wedding, and in my family very usual for this connection to be invited, but also know people who wouldn't have invited them. I don't think cousin's fiance, is so unusual to be invited (or not) that everyone on MN will be able to tell you.

However as a guess it is odd that your future in laws wont ask, which suggests maybe they are not that close and in that case you probably aren't invited.
As much as you dont like it unless one of you asks you won't know.

Reallybadidea · 07/01/2022 18:55

Do you even want to go?

thewhatsit · 07/01/2022 18:55

But if for whatever strange reason no one can ask, I would assume only the people living at the address they sent the invitation to are invited.

Wale90 · 07/01/2022 18:56

Hi Cousin,

Mum and dad have said we're invited to your wedding but I think the invitation was just for them, can you clarify?

Original poster
Awkwardusername · 07/01/2022 18:57

Just as a quick aside: without sounding awful, I hope I’m not invited! I don’t get on with the in laws to be anyway, the wedding is the day after we get back from holiday (August), and I’m hoping to be pregnant by then anyway!

Please don’t think you’re insulting me by saying I’m not invited!

OP posts:
TherapistInATabard · 07/01/2022 19:01

@Wale90

Hi Cousin,

Mum and dad have said we're invited to your wedding but I think the invitation was just for them, can you clarify?

This is perfect!
PuppyMonkey · 07/01/2022 19:02

It’s a bit strange that your DP’s mum says yes of course you’re invited. When neither you or he even live at that address? Confused

TakeYourFinalPosition · 07/01/2022 19:03

Neither of you are invited… just the people who live at the house that the invite was sent to. If you or DP were invited, you’d have had an invite sent to your home - even if it was delayed until after you’d moved, or given to his parents to pass to you.

To be honest, it sounds like it’d be unlikely you’d be invited anyway, if you’re not close enough to ask him if you’re invited and he’s not invited to yours.

Although I don’t think I’d ever ask someone if I was invited to their wedding if I hadn’t received an invite… perhaps if you & DP lived with your in-laws, but as it is, it’d come off a lot like you were angling for an invite.