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Original poster

Am I invited to the wedding?

85 replies

Awkwardusername · 07/01/2022 17:39

My partners cousin is getting married on August; they sent the invite a few weeks ago and sent one invite to the family home, addressed to “The Smith’s”.

I automatically assumed I wasn’t invited (I don’t mind if I’m not!) however my partner pointed out that by then, I’ll be Mrs Smith, as we’re getting married before the wedding.

Partner isn’t particularly close to his cousin or auntie/uncle so feels weird asking, and partners mother has just said “yeah of course” I’m invited without actually finding out!

Help please!

OP posts:
Tippexy · 08/01/2022 01:20

@WorriedGiraffe

Do you and your partner live in the house? If you don’t I’d assume nither of you were invited as otherwise they’d have sent you an invite to your home.
This!
Lockdownbear · 08/01/2022 01:27

@WorriedGiraffe

Do you and your partner live in the house? If you don’t I’d assume nither of you were invited as otherwise they’d have sent you an invite to your home.
That would be my take too, they've invited Aunties and Uncle and cousins still at home or under a certain age.
Lockdownbear · 08/01/2022 01:37

I've just saw the siblings are in their 30s.

Awkward but I'd have invited anyone over about 21 with a plus 1.

Op are you sure this isn't a "save the date" with a formal invite to follow, it seems very early to send out invites.
I actually think your DH should message his cousin, difficult I know because you don't want them to then fell obliged to invite you if they hadn't intended to but at the same time they maybe didn't know where to send yours.
Carefully worded message.

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Weddings
St0rmTr00per · 08/01/2022 01:50

I have a very large family, one uncle and aunt have 4 children, all with partners. Then between those 4 have 17 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild. So that's 28 people from one branch of my family alone. Some of those 4 cousins I'm close to while others I only see at funerals but I would never invite some and not others. When I have family birthday parties / christenings for my DC I tend to send one invite to my uncles house for "the trooper family", like your invitation came. The ones I'm close to jump at the chance and the ones I'm not don't feel obliged because their name wasn't on it (and probably feel a bit unwelcome as I didn't name them). Works great. So I can only assume your invite is done on the same grounds.

unwicked · 08/01/2022 02:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

AcrossthePond55 · 08/01/2022 02:35

I know it's fallen out of popularity, but this is why there is (or used to be) an 'etiquette' for addressing envelopes. If they'd just addressed it to "John and Mary Smith" instead of 'The Smiths' or list all the invitees, unless they have your address in which case you should have been sent your own invite, it would avoid all this confusion, ie

John and Mary Smith
Bob Smith, Jim Smith
Tom Smith and 'unwicked'

I'd normally assume that 'The Smiths' are the people living at the address, but it would be odd to include adult cousins living there, but not invite another cousin who has left the 'family home'. Therefore I agree with PP saying that 'The Smiths' are meant to be the Uncle & Aunt of the Happy Couple.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 10/01/2022 09:05

I would say The Smiths includes all Smiths living at that address. It may be intended to include your DP if he very recently moved out and cousin wasn't aware. I don't see it includes you in any way.

HermioneGrangersHair · 10/01/2022 09:16

@AcrossthePond55

I know it's fallen out of popularity, but this is why there is (or used to be) an 'etiquette' for addressing envelopes. If they'd just addressed it to "John and Mary Smith" instead of 'The Smiths' or list all the invitees, unless they have your address in which case you should have been sent your own invite, it would avoid all this confusion, ie

John and Mary Smith
Bob Smith, Jim Smith
Tom Smith and 'unwicked'

I'd normally assume that 'The Smiths' are the people living at the address, but it would be odd to include adult cousins living there, but not invite another cousin who has left the 'family home'. Therefore I agree with PP saying that 'The Smiths' are meant to be the Uncle & Aunt of the Happy Couple.

I agree with this - it seems old fashioned to have an etiquette - but it worked 😀. In this situation the couple could be inviting 2 people , 4 or even 6. Imagine if 6 turned up to the wedding and it was only 2 they had intended to invite. This happened to me recently - i had a wedding invite and it wasn’t clear if it was me or me and DH - luckily I asked as he wasn’t invited! IMO it’s the fault of the couple of people turn up not invited (because it’s likely to happen if their invitations to everyone are so very vague.) OP that doesn’t help you I know. I think you are just going to have to ask to save embarrassment all around.
user1471554720 · 10/01/2022 11:00

If your dh's cousin's family don't get on with you: are they being deliberately vague just so you will feel puzzled like this?

Are they hoping you will not know, attend, and then feel awkward when there is no place marking for you? I would hope that most people are not conniving, but I have seen this done in mean girls scenarios with women in their 20s. Issue a vague invitation, and then act all surprised when friends of friends turn up saying 'what a surprise, well, you are here now....'

I could be all wrong, but your dh should meet his cousin, talk about it and then his cousin may say, are you coming or we couldn't invite cousins. It will be clearer then.

Kite22 · 10/01/2022 11:40

I agree @HermioneGrangersHair and @AcrossthePond55

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