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Original poster

My DMs response to news we're getting a dog

103 replies

Catnuzzle · 31/12/2021 14:31

Since lockdown both me and DH work from home. I only work 3 days a week, he iccasionally pops into the office but I'm home all the time. I'm late 40s. 2 DDs (13 &11). We have two cats but have always wanted a dog. We've found one. We're rehoming from a family who can't provide the care he needs. He is perfect for us and hopefully we are for him. My husband and I both run, our DDs are animal mad.
I sent my mum a picture of him, his name and that he's coming to live with us. Her response? 'Why on earth are you getting a dog?'
I would have thought it was self-evident. Just another example to add to a veeeerrrrryyyy long list of why our relationship is strained.
Just wanted to rant.

OP posts:
RoseRedRoseBlue · 31/12/2021 14:39

I have the same problem. My mother revels in endless negativity, and there isn’t one occurrence she can’t find fault with. I just avoid her as much as possible, and we too have a challenging relationship. Enjoy your beautiful pup and have a lovely 2022 🙂

Dixiechickonhols · 31/12/2021 14:45

My mum was similarly negative but denies it all now. She’s dogs grandma, adores him and comes to see him/walk him each week. I think some people are just more negative. We were similar set up - I was wfh and part time, daughter was 11, we got a rescue not puppy. Have money for pet insurance, dog walker etc. No reason not to get one. He’s love of my life currently snoring next to me.

Gnome134 · 31/12/2021 14:49

My Mum said exactly the same when we told her we had got our dog. Always negative!
When I told her I was pregnant with her first grandchild, and she was going to be a Grandma her response was "oh dear".

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Dogs
MerryChristmas21 · 31/12/2021 14:50

Congratulations!! Lovely for doggy to have a new home where his needs will be better met!!

But where's the photo???

Maybe your Mum just thinks that now the kids are getting more independent that it's madness to get a dog that puts restrictions on your life?

But you're both adults, so presumably thought all that through & decided it's something you're happy with!

Does she like dogs? Did you think she might dog sit for you?

MrsWalrus · 31/12/2021 14:52

Yep … can imagine my own dad being like this. Some people just really cannot get their heads around people liking different things!

Original poster
Catnuzzle · 31/12/2021 14:54

Red, that's it perfectly. Revels in the negative. We are LC, particularly after I invited her to visit last Easter time and she messaged back to ask if my brother was invited as well, when I have previously made it very clear he isn't welcome in my home anymore. I'm not allowed to have boundaries though, I'm supposed to bend over backwards to keep everyone except myself and my DH and DDs happy. I didn't respond to her message and it was 6 months before she did finally visit.

Dixie- no chance of her being DDogs grandma. I already love our new DDog and I've only met him once! Glad you are enjoying yours. I know we will very much enjoy ours. I'm not going to let DMs rudeness spoil it. I knew she would respond like that, funny I feel like I disappoint her constantly, but she always lives up to my expectations Grin

OP posts:
wheresmymojo · 31/12/2021 14:55

My parents were the same.

They also wondered 'how on earth I would look after a dog?'.

I'm nearly 40, I have a mid-level management role and have 4 very happy cats, the older of which have been with me for 9.5 years. Hmm

wheresmymojo · 31/12/2021 14:56

With my DM I've realised that she's...

A. Incredibly risk averse personally so looks at everything from that lens

B. Forgets that I'm not the exact same person I was at 18 when I moved out of home.

Original poster
Catnuzzle · 31/12/2021 14:56

This is DDog. I know , he's beautiful 😍

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Original poster
Catnuzzle · 31/12/2021 14:58

Where's- how did your cats react when your dog arrived? That's our only concern at the moment.

OP posts:
wheresmymojo · 31/12/2021 14:58

She is beautiful!!!

Here is my DDog

My DMs response to news we're getting a dog
Wombat43 · 31/12/2021 14:58

My Mil was like this, furious we got a dog, no clue why as they've always had one. Was furious when we got another dog, so dogs 3 and 4 we've not told her until they've arrived. When, apparently, it's all ok...

Dogs are great, you'll enjoy having one!

AnxiousHeffalump · 31/12/2021 14:59

He’s beautiful.

QueenofLouisiana · 31/12/2021 14:59

Mine was similarly non-plussed about our dog. She’s just spent Christmas adoring the dog and he is now pining for Nanna. 🤣

Original poster
Catnuzzle · 31/12/2021 14:59

MrsWalrus that's it, she genuinely can't understand that people can like different things and make different decisions than she would!

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Original poster
Catnuzzle · 31/12/2021 15:01

Wheres - those ears!!!!! Grin

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MrsWalrus · 31/12/2021 15:03

Beautiful dogs!

Floralnomad · 31/12/2021 15:03

Did the dog live with cats in his previous home ?

wheresmymojo · 31/12/2021 15:03

Obviously they were horrified and were very much like 'Why the fuck is there a wolf in my lounge?'

We fed them Dreamies every time she was around and that got them to the point that they'll happily be on the cat tree / sofa / bed / our laps when she's around.

Two of them will now touch noses with her when she's calm but get a bit scared when she's being bouncy/doing zoomies/barking. Two are still less keen. They'll also curl up on the bed when she's on the bed.

We have taught her 'stay', 'focus' (on me as a distraction technique) and 'leave it' so are going to do some training we saw on YouTube that stops her wanting to follow them (she just follows them to want to play but they think she is stalking them).

BleuJay · 31/12/2021 15:04

What breed of dog is it?

You mention that you and your husband both run and I hope you won’t consider that as the time to exercise your dog. It does not do their joints any good to pound hard ground and it’s unnatural to keep them at the same gait as yourself.

Some breeds of course are great for constant running such as Huskies but the majority are not and I have lost count of how many dogs I have met who have arthritis and joint problems because the owners mistakenly thought it was ok to keep the dog on the lead whilst they ran every day on hard pavements/surfaces.

If you run on the beach that will have a softer impact on the dogs joints but it’s unlikely you will be running on the beach every day.

If you run in a park and can let the dog off the lead to move at its own pace and to stop and sniff which is so important for a dogs mental well-being then that would be preferable.

I’ve also witnessed a whippet collapse after I previously spoke to a owner telling her that it was not good to take the dog running as the breed was not meant to to run at a human pace for an hour.

She didn’t listen and now has no dog.

BleuJay · 31/12/2021 15:07

Just seen the picture of your lovely dog!

Sorry if my previous post came across as a lecture!

I often meet two types of dog, ones with behavioural issues because they are under exercised and ones that suffer physical ailments from over exercise or the wrong time of exercise - jogging/running and I just wanted to pick up on your comment about you and your husband running.

Quornflakegirl · 31/12/2021 15:07

My MIL told me that she won’t congratulate me when I fell pregnant as anything could happen during the pregnant.
When we told her we were having twins a few weeks later she said “Oh, you just can’t do anything properly”.

Some people are just weird and plain nasty.

wheresmymojo · 31/12/2021 15:08

This is the YouTube video in case it's useful for you. His other videos are good too and he has a free app called Pupford which shows you all the basic training you need to do step-by-step

wheresmymojo · 31/12/2021 15:09

@wheresmymojo

Obviously they were horrified and were very much like 'Why the fuck is there a wolf in my lounge?'

We fed them Dreamies every time she was around and that got them to the point that they'll happily be on the cat tree / sofa / bed / our laps when she's around.

Two of them will now touch noses with her when she's calm but get a bit scared when she's being bouncy/doing zoomies/barking. Two are still less keen. They'll also curl up on the bed when she's on the bed.

We have taught her 'stay', 'focus' (on me as a distraction technique) and 'leave it' so are going to do some training we saw on YouTube that stops her wanting to follow them (she just follows them to want to play but they think she is stalking them).

Forgot to say, it's only been 3 weeks so actually pretty good progress for that kind of time...

Original poster
Catnuzzle · 31/12/2021 15:10

Floral - yes, he currently lives with cats.
Where - planning on lots of treats to reward amazing behaviour for dog and cats!. We're creating separate spaces etc, gentle supervised introductions. Lots of research to make sure we get it right.
Bleu- that's really useful, my DH is a trail runner so off road rather than pavements and whilst 8 do occasionally do a 10 miler, i'm more of a 5km park run. He's a border collie, so lots of exercise and mental stimulation. Looking into agility etc.

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