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Original poster

My DMs response to news we're getting a dog

103 replies

Catnuzzle · 31/12/2021 14:31

Since lockdown both me and DH work from home. I only work 3 days a week, he iccasionally pops into the office but I'm home all the time. I'm late 40s. 2 DDs (13 &11). We have two cats but have always wanted a dog. We've found one. We're rehoming from a family who can't provide the care he needs. He is perfect for us and hopefully we are for him. My husband and I both run, our DDs are animal mad.
I sent my mum a picture of him, his name and that he's coming to live with us. Her response? 'Why on earth are you getting a dog?'
I would have thought it was self-evident. Just another example to add to a veeeerrrrryyyy long list of why our relationship is strained.
Just wanted to rant.

OP posts:
Ihaventgottimeforthis · 31/12/2021 16:32

He's beautiful OP.
DH & I regularly run with our collie cross - have a google of canicross & see if you have a local club, it's a brilliant sport.
Dogs are built to run, obviously pavement pounding isn't good for them but with the right kit and a bit of common sense you will all have years of happy running together!

AlternativePerspective · 31/12/2021 16:33

I don’t actually think that mums mean it to be spiteful or whatever, but in your heart of hearts your kids are still your kids, and in some instances your words and responses will reflect that.

Whenever I have had new animals (and I’ve had a number over the years,) my mum’s response has always been along the lines of “WTF do you need any more for?”

And the way my mum thinks of animals is that they’re a tie, which they really are. But she’s always taken well to my animals when they’ve arrived, and my African grey parrot lived with them for around 6 months when I was seriously ill, and when I had to rehome him because of said serious illness, they did the 8 hour round trip to the wildlife park where he now lives, and I know that if they hadn’t liked the look of the place they wouldn’t have left him there.

TBH I would have serious reservations about rehoming a border collie from someone who claims they can’t meet the dog’s needs but didn’t consider taking him to a border collie rescue so they could find the most appropriate home for him.

Have you paid money for this dog per chance? And have you ever owned border collies before, because they’re really high energy, high maintenance dogs, and a dog who is likely already set in his ways isn’t going to be an easy ride.

Original poster
Catnuzzle · 31/12/2021 16:34

Takenforgrantednana - what is the right reason to get a dog anyway? We want one, can provide a suitable and loving forever home to a dog that needs one. Isn't that the only reason?

OP posts:

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Dogs
Rockbird · 31/12/2021 16:37

Just having the same thing here. My brother has a dog, no comment. I say that we're thinking of getting one and you'd think I'd said I was going to buy 20 of them. Why do I want a dog, do I know how expensive they are, I'd be mad to get one, they ruin your life, I'm so irresponsible (married, own home, job, youngest child is nearly 10, DH works from home permanently with his own business). Mothers! Hmm

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 31/12/2021 16:39

My in-laws have been furious with DSIL ever since they got a dog. No idea why, they've got the perfect set up - big house and garden, financially secure, someone at home most of the time, kids not so young that they can't be taught to be respectful of the dog, able to take her on holiday with her or have her cared for at home if not - and the dog herself is an absolute sweetheart, who they've got very well-trained.

MIL and her DH reacted as if they'd brought a rabid wolf into their home, and have never backed down, despite all the evidence that the dog is a darling. It's caused a real rift in their relationship, and I don't understand why. They both like dogs, they used to have a dog, they just don't approve of SIL having a dog. Confused

Original poster
Catnuzzle · 31/12/2021 16:41

Alternative - we are making a contribution as they are giving us all his toys/equipment etc. Of course we have concerns that he hasn't had the correct training from birth, we know the breed is high energy and needs lots if mental stimulation. We are looking forward to meeting the challenge.
I had a baby without ever having had experience of caring for one, had another one and they're both still alive and thriving. If we can do it with humans, why on earth can't we do it with a dog?

OP posts:
Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 31/12/2021 16:42

Maybe all these older generation ddog haters worry you won't be so available for their care because your ddog will now be your priority?

takenforgrantednana · 31/12/2021 16:48

@Catnuzzle

Taken- he is a lockdown puppy. They lost their previous dog unexpectedly and bought this one as a knee jerk reaction. They cannot provide the time and attention he needs due to working long hours out of the home. We can. He will be one of our family and we will make all the effort and give all the time he needs to settle and train him. He's a border collie, extremely bright and within 20 mins we had already got him to sit for a treat. We are doing our research to make sure we are doing the best for him. I have spoken with his current vet, they asked me to give him a hug from them as they'll miss him. I'm not sure why it's assumed we don't know what we're doing or can't overcome any issue with patience and time. Which we have in spades.
collies are not suitable with young children around, yes they are very clever dogs but they need to be stimulated all the time or they become very snappy they re also very jealous dogs resulting again in using their teeth to get what they want
onlychildhamster · 31/12/2021 16:48

I had a hamster for over a year and I still haven't told my parents who live abroad as I know they would be negative about it. They would say things like I need to focus on building up my career more and earning more money.

takenforgrantednana · 31/12/2021 16:51

oh an before anymore comments come on here saying im a dog hater! you couldnt be further from the truth, as im sat typing this with 2 dogs wrapped around my feet!

Original poster
Catnuzzle · 31/12/2021 16:58

Taken - my DDs are 11 and 13. Not young. Both familiar with dogs. All our friends have them, FIL has one. They've grown up with them. I think I've mentioned several times we know they require a lot of mental stimulation. We are planning on providing it. We are looking into agility training. We have bought toys. We will play games and go for long walks. Why the negativity?

OP posts:
Original poster
Catnuzzle · 31/12/2021 16:59

Santa - that's probably it!

OP posts:
AlternativePerspective · 31/12/2021 17:02

I had a baby without ever having had experience of caring for one, had another one and they're both still alive and thriving. If we can do it with humans, why on earth can't we do it with a dog? erm, because baby is a human and you are genetically linked to a baby and possess the maternal instincts required to nurture a baby. whereas a dog is, well, a dog.

And because the dog is a high maintenance breed who has come from irresponsible owners who, instead of seeking help from a reputable rescue to find him a home, have presumably advertised him on gumtree or Pets4Homes and don’t give a shit who they give him to.

I don’t doubt that the dog might not have any issues, but border collies are extremely high maintenance breeds and as a rule aren’t recommended as first dogs.

dottiedodah · 31/12/2021 17:05

Firstly congrats on your lovely doggy ! However as Bleu Jay says apart from possible joint damage ,dogs need to have space and time to sniff and take in smells ,doggy messages (lamp posts /trees etc). Like reading the newspaper as my vet says . So maybe a walk on their own and a run seperately may be better .

spiderlight · 31/12/2021 17:07

He's fabulous!! Have fun with him!

Ameanstreakamilewide · 31/12/2021 17:15

I don't like dogs, they get on my wick.

But even so, i'd be more than happy to hear your good news about getting your ddog.
I think some people just like to be contrary and say contrary things.

It is a tedious habit though, and takes the shine off (what should be) a nice moment.

takenforgrantednana · 31/12/2021 17:15

@Catnuzzle

Taken - my DDs are 11 and 13. Not young. Both familiar with dogs. All our friends have them, FIL has one. They've grown up with them. I think I've mentioned several times we know they require a lot of mental stimulation. We are planning on providing it. We are looking into agility training. We have bought toys. We will play games and go for long walks. Why the negativity?
yeah ok then i will let my friend know that seeing as her daughter ended up in a&e having her left cheek sewn back on after the collie they owned for several years went for her, she was 13 at the time! the daughter had come home to take care of the dog at lunchtime and come upstairs to the loo, the dog wouldnt let her past to go downstairs and it just let rip into her cheek for no reason at all, the dog paid for that in the worst way possible. so yes it happens and 10 years on my friends daughter still has the massive scars on her face from it
takenforgrantednana · 31/12/2021 17:17

you are confusing negativity with reality! these are nothing like your cats to own! collies are for experienced owners really not a first timer like you

MrsWalrus · 31/12/2021 17:22

Just come on MN in future, @Catnuzzle, you don’t need negativity from your mum Grin

QueeniesCroft · 31/12/2021 17:27

My parents are less unusual than I thought! I got a border collie and they were horrified. They constantly criticize how he is cared for, tell me I shouldn't have a dog and tell me I should get a Jack Russell like theirs. A JR isn't likely to be great with the sheep though, really. And no, they hadn't somehow missed the farm, or the sheep and the accompanying need for a sheepdog, they just don't like it when I get anything new. New (and especially nice, new) things are Not For The Likes Of Me. I'm 48 by the way!

My sister, on the other hand, got a Springer Spaniel as her first dog, and keeps it shut up in her tiny house for 12 hours a day. It's making a life's work of dismantling her house and beginning to show signs of aggression, but that's Just Fine, because she is allowed to have whatever she wants, on account of being, I dunno, better than me?

I neither know nor care why it's like this in my family, but it is. At least I now know that it doesn't just happen to me!

InFiveMins · 31/12/2021 17:30

My DM would respond in the exact same way OP. It infuriates me. I haven't read the full thread but I'd be inclined to reply 'Because we want one Smile!' Keep it short and sweet.

QueeniesCroft · 31/12/2021 17:32

@takenforgrantednana

you are confusing negativity with reality! these are nothing like your cats to own! collies are for experienced owners really not a first timer like you
Every collie owner has a first dog. I've only ever had collies and not one has been a disaster. I got a lot of advice first and read a lot of books, but having a collie isn't necromancy, there are no arcane arts to learn.
Dragongirl10 · 31/12/2021 17:35

gorgeous dog, and so very happy a knee jerk purchase of a puppy has had such a happy ending.....well done op!

Viviennemary · 31/12/2021 17:37

Absolutely agree with her 100%. They are an absolute nuisance. Never had one and never wanted one. Horrible dirty smelly barking creatures.

MrsWalrus · 31/12/2021 17:39

There are all sorts of ways one can be a horrible nuisance.

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