My DMs response to news we're getting a dog

[Catnuzzle]

Since lockdown both me and DH work from home. I only work 3 days a week, he iccasionally pops into the office but I'm home all the time. I'm late 40s. 2 DDs (13 &11). We have two cats but have always wanted a dog. We've found one. We're rehoming from a family who can't provide the care he needs. He is perfect for us and hopefully we are for him. My husband and I both run, our DDs are animal mad.
I sent my mum a picture of him, his name and that he's coming to live with us. Her response? 'Why on earth are you getting a dog?'
I would have thought it was self-evident. Just another example to add to a veeeerrrrryyyy long list of why our relationship is strained.
Just wanted to rant.

Yes. If they live next door and bark all day.

My dm thought it was ridiculous when we said we were getting a dog.

we have the time, money, home, love and the time was right in our lives.

She thought we were insane. (it's because she wasn't consulted and we didn't get pre approval for our decision)

I'm thinking of getting a dog. I will also be thinking the same as you Mum.

I know it's a bit mad but I'm probably going through with it. I'd expect my Mam to say nice things though (even if she thought I was mad).

Update with a picture when they have settled in please.

I think your mum has found MN and is trolling you OP

@Catnuzzle what breed is he? He's lovely. Enjoy!

Mine said that as she thought i already had a lot on my plate. She loves her now though

We're in the considering a dog phase and talking through the ins and outs with all our dog owning friends, to help us make an informed decision. However, I dare not discuss it with my parents as I know this would be my DM's reaction. It really saddens me that things that should bring me joy are over shadowed by knowing what her reaction will be.

My DCat and her sister got chucked out of their home at 5 years old because they couldn’t “settle” with the new dog. Horrific. Why would you stress out your cats?

Funny, I posted because my relationship with my mum is poor and yet again she has made me feel like a disappointment in her reaction to my happy news. I didn't post for judgement on our carefully considered decision to rehome a dog. Thank you to everyone (some more than others ) for your comments.
I'm sorry to hear there are other parents out there like my DM. But I have a long loving loyal and rewarding relationship with DDog to look forward to.

Cake, that's exactly it. Why can't she just be happy for me?

Yes, feeling like a disappointment is exactly it. She won't approve if we get one and if we discuss it with her and decide not to, I'll never hear the end of how that was the right choice. Oh the burden. Oh the pressure. Oh the commitment. I resent not being given some credit for having actually thought it through and made an informed choice. Instead of having some fun and enjoying the decision making process, I'm constantly exhausted by having to be so mindful of what I say.

I feel I walk on egg shells. Suddenly my anxiety, need to be organised and control issues make sense.

Cake - ditto to everything you said.

Hi op congrats on your beautiful dog! Don't underestimate the amount of training he will need to keep him busy. Check out the facebook group Dog Training advice and support - the one with 285k members. It's all about gentle dog training there's tons of guides on all aspects of dog training. Including settling in rescue dogs and introducing to cats. Also have a look at clicker training. Dogs pick things up SO fast with a clicker its quite amazing. Karen pryor is a dog trainer with lots of gentle clicker training information.

And ignore your mum. He's gorgeous.

And I'm sure you're aware already but the chances of your dog biting to maim just because he's a collie are vanishingly slim. If anything he might try and round you up on walks like he would with a sheep.

I will have a look thank you Swiss. I'm hoping he herds the girls

Already purchased clickers!

I’ve learned over the years to limit what I tell my dm, she gets over involved and gives unwanted opinions. Reducing what I tell her has helped massively. I just present her with facts after they’ve happened. 🤣

Meet Alfie 🐾

Mil doubted our ability to look after our dog! 😂

I wouldnt worry @catnuzzle I 'made my mum ill with stress' when I got a cat. They had cats for 40 years, I had my own home, a steady income etc no reason to not get a cat, cant have children, got pet insurance, had an enclosed back garden etc but still the decision was so stressful for her it made her ill

She was then determined that the cat would spend her entire time shut up in the back porch, never come put to the rest of the house and I would spend limited time with it. The reality is she has pretty much free rein, plenty of cuddles and Im not cruelly confining her to one room (something my mum never actually did with her own cats) whenever I mention the cat being in the living room etc I get reminded that i agreed she would stay in the porch in a disapproving telling off voice, despite the fact I literally never agreed to this. I also get called 'naughty'which does my fucking head in, im in my 30s deciding where my cat goes is not 'naughty'

Any funny stories about said cat (showing her butt to everyone on teams meetings, stealing a ball of my yarn, bringing me her toys) is met with pursed lips and 'well if you will let her have free rein of the house' as if shes creating absolute carnage (to be fair the stealing the ball of yarn one was slighly carnage-y)

I have come to the conclusion she is:

A control freak, her cats were only allowed in certain parts of the house at certain times, me not doing it exactly as she specifies really messes with her control freakishness
A grown up, where as i am clearly still a child incapable of having a pet
Not allowed nice things unless she gives me permission first. She hated it that I told her when I got a cat instead of asking her first. She literally catasrophiesed it like I had wrecked my life and kept reacting like i was a naughty little girl who had gone behind her back. I have to be firm sometimes and point out I am telling her I am doing something not asking her permission.

She then proceeded to have a 3 month relapse of her mysterious illness which has no name or diagnosis but conveniently flares up when needed... because of couse I was such a bad daughter getting a cat and causing so much stress and worry

So, you know, could be worse... you have my sympathy though the constant negatively and feeling like its a fight just to live your life is just so draining!

(Sorry that was weirdly cathartic, i didnt mean to write so much)

Sounds like you've done your research and have a great set-up for a dog.

As children our first dog was a border collie - he was one of the gang and my best friend. DH and I have had a golden retriever and a cairn terrier over the years, and our current canine companion is a collie cross - the smartest dog I've ever met. The children taught her so many tricks and took her to agility training for many years. She's 13 now and the children have flown the nest, so now I'm responsible for keeping her amused all day! I call her my personal trainer.

As long as you accept there will be issues in the beginning (all of ours have been rescues and none plain sailing) and are willing to put the time and effort in, you will be rewarded with loyalty and love. Good luck.

It sounds like you have done plenty of research, OP. Don't let anyone else's opinions bother you. As others have said, the chances of him biting just because he is a collie is extremely small, I think that was a poster generalising the entire breed over one incident. Your DDs are of the age where they can help to care for and take responsibility for the dog, which, as well as being massively fun, is good for them developmentally. I've introduced a dog into a house with cats and it all went well.

Don't let people's negativity on here bother you either. Some people on here think that you haven't done your research properly until you have consulted them and that if you have the nerve to disagree with them, you are deluding yourself.

HRTWT but make sure you don’t run with the dog until it’s 18 months old- it destroys their hips.
Also we just hosted one of my oldest school friends and her DH because they got a dog this year and her mum won’t have it to stay!

@Catnuzzle

MrsWalrus that's it, she genuinely can't understand that people can like different things and make different decisions than she would!

You have just described my mother too! Honestly, it's exhausting. I've been with them just over a week now and i nearly went home early 2 days ago. Everything I do is questioned or wrong, or it's like she doesn't trust me to do it. I'm mid 40's, run my own home, have a successful job, manage to keep myself fed and watered, don't have any debt, and yet she still questions me doing basic things, and god forbid you might want to do something she wouldn't choose to. Everything is looked upon from the negative angle, and now with covid she's got even worse. Oh, and she'd never tell my brother the way she tells me so I get all the moans aimed at him too! Rant over.