MIL not hiding the fact she thinks I need to lose weight

[FlippinFedUp21]

Staying over at MIL's for a week.

She made a comment on night we got here how much food we ordered from takeaway.

Tonight she's served 3 tiny pizzas between 8 of us. When I say tiny I mean personal size pizza, 8" inches. With 4 growing children in the house who were saying how hungry they were I held back. Ended up with 1 tiny slice of thin crust. MIL described this as "plenty".

I feel fucking miserable. I'm not overweight and even if I was you don't deliberately serve a small portion of food. We are all adults, I don't need portion control, I need pizza!

I've gone upstairs for a sulk and to plot a late-night takeaway delivery. She will no doubt comment on it if we do have something delivered. I might order an extra garlic naan to frisbee at her.

On reading my own post back it might not actually be about her opinions on my weight but just her own attitudes to food. She doesn't eat very much but you would still want to make sure everyone else has a decent meal when staying with you? Even if you cook too much you can have leftovers

Let her comment to her hearts content.
You could be very blunt and reply that it’s none of her business, or you could wind her up by by grinning and saying “ ooh what if you’re right?” . She’ll have no idea if you’re agreeing with her or not.

She's a joy sucker OP.
I don't eat much but my dh can eat a 12 inch pizza on his own.
Even my 91 year old dad would need more food than a slice of pizza.

Order a massive takeaway and keep your dc up to share it.

Is she a bit anorexic? I’ve been very hungry sometimes when staying with super slim friends and only realised when I’m a guest in their home that are slim because they have eating disorders.

She's not made a comment on your weight. Is there a history here?

dgs too.

Go down and ask everyone who wants pizza take out. Especially her.

My ds 7 ate a full size pizza in a restaurant last week!! Absolutely no idea how!!

but just her own attitudes to food

If she hasn't commented or made any sly digs about your weight then I'd assume it was more about her attitude and feelings towards food.

If she doesnt eat much, it will have changed the way she perceives a full meal.

( I'm not saying your MIL has an eating disorder ) I'm recovering from anorexia and I struggle with food portions. What seems like a large amount of food to me is a very small amount to my sister or my children. If she doesnt eat a lot it probably has warped her view of what's a large meal and what's not

My late (very slim and elegant) MIL was like this with food. A small to medium roast chicken for lunch would be stretched to feed 8, with 1 roast potato (2 for the men!) and you'd almost have to count individual peas out to make sure everyone got some . She was generous with the gravy but always looked shocked that all the meat had been eaten. We used to take a stash of biscuits or fruit in the car for the DCs on our visits as we'd all be hungry on the way home. DH tried addressing it with her but she thought we were all "just being greedy". It wasnt until she lived with us for a short time that we realised she lived on bars of chocolate and laxatives (found the wrappings in the bathroom bins) and definitely had undiagnosed issues with food following her messy divorce from FIL).

So what's that, about 18 slices between 8 of you?

Were there any sides/salads or was it literally just pizza and nothing else?

I'm not saying she shouldn't want her guests to have more food, but this doesn't look as though she's singling you out if she's fed everyone the same.

With 4 growing children in the house who were saying how hungry they were I held back

Did your husband hold back too and have just the one slice?

Order a takeaway. A huge one. And when she comments, respond that you want to ensure that your four growing children do not go to bed hungry whilst you are staying with her. Point out that whilst it is her habit to eat very little, that's not healthy for growing children.

Ask her if she genuinely thinks she served enough food for four growing children and four adults and if she says yes, firmly respond that if she had your children would not be hungry.

Be blunt. Don't sugarcoat it.

There was salad to be fair (lettuce leaves, cucumber and red onion). I had a portion of that too but not v filling. Husband also had 1 slice. Kids then had a pudding. Ive had a glass of wine that needs soaking up!

That is awkward. We have lovely friends who eat less than us (and I am a size 10 and we’re all fine weight wise) and I find it awkward there isn’t enough food so quietly keep some in our room! With family I’d get DH to say something though that young people need much more food and growing still etc .

MIL and SIL also only had 1 slice each so kids had 3 slices each + salad + pudding. But I wasnt going to take a slice of pizza off a kid! Measly portions for the grown ups basically. Justeat is being deployed as we speak

Was there any salad or sides offered?

Two small slices of pizza and a handful of salad wouldn’t be the end of the world, especially if preceded by soup and/or followed by pudding.

But if no salad (or something else, chips, bread and butter -although both if those are unhealthy stodge) then that’s not really enough to fill anyone of a normal size and weight v

Cross posted!

I will be having a word with MIL as it was very awkward to make grown ups forgo for children. Everyone should have plenty to eat. I will be letting her know 1 slice of pizza is far from "plenty"

EV He could say should we help with shopping as your DC are always ravenous and need good quantities of food

We brought our own wine btw

I would have just said something at the time when the pizza was ordered/arrived. So when I saw it I would have said ‘oh that clearly isn’t enough for all of us. I’ll order some more.’ And then if she said ‘you don’t need to eat more’ I would have pointed out the absurdity of her telling me how much I needed to eat.

I think if you skulk around these issues that’s what let’s them grow and fester, rather than just saying ‘we need more than that’ or ‘there wasn’t enough last time so I’ll order this time.’ If you’re blunt about it people will rarely press on.

The 'weight' thing is a different issue as I've no idea how you came to the conclusion she thinks you need to lose weight, especially if you're not overweight.

All the adults ate the same so it doesn't make sense.

Growing up my dm was like this. It was years later as a grown up, I could see her attitude to food wasn't healthy. Portions were tiny and I was always hungry. She wasn't a great cook either, tbh I don't think she liked food or cooking. She was so thin and seemed to take pride in it. She did used to make comments about my weight and I was only ever a size 8 or 10 while at home! She had a lot of mh issues.

@Snuggledupforwinter I think something food wise is going on with my MIL.She is always telling us she can’t have stuff because it gives her spots or something. She has a really restricted diet. Maybe anxiety based . She got very defensive today when I said I was doing dinner earlier than usual as DH is taking her home today. She wanted her lunch at 4.30. I was doing dinner for 6. I said I suppose you just have a light lunch so dinner probably an hour or so later will be ok. She got really defensive saying it is a decent amount of food and not a light lunch. I think one rice cake, one slice of gluten free bread, a boiled egg and a handful of watercress is a light lunch for a woman who is close to 5ft 10. Bearing in mind she had the same food for breakfast.

DH’s mum. He should’ve piped up at the time.