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Original poster

MIL not hiding the fact she thinks I need to lose weight

88 replies

FlippinFedUp21 · 29/12/2021 18:33

Staying over at MIL's for a week.

She made a comment on night we got here how much food we ordered from takeaway.

Tonight she's served 3 tiny pizzas between 8 of us. When I say tiny I mean personal size pizza, 8" inches. With 4 growing children in the house who were saying how hungry they were I held back. Ended up with 1 tiny slice of thin crust. MIL described this as "plenty".

I feel fucking miserable. I'm not overweight and even if I was you don't deliberately serve a small portion of food. We are all adults, I don't need portion control, I need pizza!

I've gone upstairs for a sulk and to plot a late-night takeaway delivery. She will no doubt comment on it if we do have something delivered. I might order an extra garlic naan to frisbee at her.

OP posts:
Jjjayfee · 29/12/2021 20:02

I think ordering a takeaway would make a tricky situation worse. But, if there is no option, go for it.

WildImaginings · 29/12/2021 20:11

'This isn't enough food.'

That's literally what you needed to say to her.

At the point she described ONE piece of pizza as plenty I'd have said 'it's not plenty, and it's nowhere near enough for any of us.' I'd have also pointed out the absurdity of adults having one slice of pizza each so that the children could have three slices.
I'm not calling you absurd for doing this by the way, of course you don't want the kids to go hungry. It's absurd that it even came to this in the first place.

If she had protested then I would have firmly said, again, that it was nowhere near enough food for that many people and suggested she put more food in the oven (because she should have put more in in the bloody first place!!) or suggested a takeaway.

doadeer · 29/12/2021 20:13

It's strange your husband didn't just say mum we need more food. It's a bit weird for adults to have 1 slice of pizza.

FlyingPandas · 29/12/2021 20:15

To be fair, I think that a lot of elderly people do, quite naturally, start to eat less, but some of them genuinely forget what it was like when they were younger and had larger appetites, and can become judgemental as a result.

I've seen this with various older relatives including my own parents (all in their late 70s/80s) - they simply can't stomach any more than small quantities of food.

We had an elderly aunt over on Christmas Day, she pulled me aside before DH served the food and anxiously asked if we could just serve her a 'small portion' because she can't cope with eating more - she had one small roast potato, two brussels sprouts, a tiny slice of turkey, one pig in blanket, one roast carrot and a teaspoon of mashed carrot and swede and she still couldn't finish it all.

Years ago she'd have had several roasties, two generous slices of turkey, plenty of veg and stuffing etc etc etc and then had a large helping of pudding.

It's a natural part of getting older, I think, but it is so wrong when it is assumed that everyone should have an elderly appetite. My aunt had a tiny portion herself but made no comment about the fact that everyone else piled their plates high.

Similarly, my parents and PIL might now have reduced appetites themselves but they are still sensible and generous hosts. They would never in a million years dream of serving smaller portions to their teenaged DGC simply because they themselves now eat smaller portions.Thankfully they are all self-aware enough to recognise that their DC and DGC have larger appetites than they do.

lastqueenofscotland · 29/12/2021 20:26

I’ve an aunt like this who is so stingey as she hates waste. Even my DM who eats like a bird always has to have a meal before she goes.
When you host her she’ll happily tuck through an amount that would satiate the most hollow legged of teenagers, and nail her way through all the nibbles and chocs as well as at least a bottle of champagne to her self Angry

CovidForChristmas · 29/12/2021 20:33

Sounds like plenty of food to me Grin
I’ll never forget the time I was trying to lose weight and I went to a party where there was a buffet and it ran out within minutes. I did wonder for a moment if it was a sign.
Turns out the host just massively underestimated how much people eat. Especially when they have travelled an hour to get there. Oh and children eat you out of house and home. That too.

Goldbar · 29/12/2021 20:39

@Snowsaurus

Once we had dinner with mil and fil, they live in another country and we’d travelled far. They are lovely but have a serious issue with food. We’d been by the beach and out all day. Mil served, beteeen 6 of us, 2 boiled potatoes, salad and dry ryvita. The 2 potatoes were for my dh and fil. We sat down, and my dd then 4 yrs old happily put the 2 potatoes on her plate and ate them. Mil did not look happy but didn’t say anything. DH ordered pizza. Grin
I would have found this very funny too Grin!

I would find the limited food very annoying too, OP. Yes, maybe I could do with losing a few pounds, but my in-laws' house, where I have to make polite conversation while running after my DC and preventing them trashing the place and also be awkwardly helpful in someone else's kitchen, is not the place I would choose to start a diet. In that situation, I need hot tea and plenty of sugary carbs!

And the kids being hungry would annoy me too. There should be enough food for children to be able to eat until they're full (even if the pizza runs out and it's garlic bread, toast or a bowl of cereal).

Gensola · 29/12/2021 20:58

My MIL does things like this. Recently we drove a 4 hour round trip to see her and she cancelled the booking we’d made for lunch in the local pub because she had a “giant ready meal” that was “massive and far too much even for three” - it was a one person lentil dal, which she microwaved and then served with wilted lettuce (no rice) and when DH said it’s not enough she kept stating that there was “much more there than you think” even when he had served us all two pathetic tiny spoons of orange mush. We ended up having a pub meal on the way home.

NynaeveSedai · 29/12/2021 21:11

My dad does similar. He doesn't like to eat breakfast until about 11am and then nothing til dinner at 8. He is the cook of the family so we have to follow his timings. He also forgets that children need to eat more regularly than that. It's so frustrating. My brothers eat snacks in between meals but I get frowned upon if I do.

DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 29/12/2021 21:16

It’s funny how the small-portion-givers are often so exaggerated in the way they describe the food — not just quietly/mistakenly believing it’s enough, but emphatically insisting on it being “plenty” or “massive” or saying things like surely we’ll never eat all that. I’m sure I’ve seen similar anecdotes on other threads like this.

I wonder if it’s a sort of subconscious effort to convince themselves. Or maybe it’s more of a straightforward, deliberate, passive-aggressive tactic to make it harder for anyone to argue.

Snowsaurus · 29/12/2021 21:19

@DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice ”That will do me.”

Snowsaurus · 29/12/2021 21:24

@NynaeveSedai

My dad does similar. He doesn't like to eat breakfast until about 11am and then nothing til dinner at 8. He is the cook of the family so we have to follow his timings. He also forgets that children need to eat more regularly than that. It's so frustrating. My brothers eat snacks in between meals but I get frowned upon if I do.
Who says he is the cook of the family though? You and your brothers can do it. Challenge him.
Lazydaisydaydream · 29/12/2021 21:24

My mum invited me round for a bbq a few years ago as my husband was out for the afternoon. I was 8 months pregnant and she served me half a burger (she had the other half). That was it!!! I was so hungry I honestly thought I was going to collapse. She said the burgers are so big she never finishes them so knew it would be big enough to share Confused. I think once people are used to small portions they honestly can’t imagine that other people might need more food than that!

Definitely get your husband to put his foot down. Or do it yourself if it’s that sort of family.

Megacervixosaurus · 29/12/2021 21:29

My MIL frequently tinkly laugh comments about her lack of judgment with regards to portions and how she makes enough food to feed an army.

And yet every time we eat at her place we are literally scraping the serving dishes to get the last piece of pasta or another mouthful of whatever she’s cooked because there simply isn’t enough.

I’m the opposite, I make sure there are leftovers, if nobody has seconds then it’s lunch for the next couple of days or goes in the freezer.

NynaeveSedai · 29/12/2021 21:31

Who says he is the cook of the family though? You and your brothers can do it. Challenge him.

It's really rude to go visit people and start cooking meals in their kitchen when they've shopped and planned what they are cooking, even if those people are your parents.

He's the cook of his household. Not mine or my brothers' obviously. But I would be offended if he came into my house and decided to raid my cupboards and start cooking a meal. Wouldn't you?

FuckeryIsAfoot · 29/12/2021 21:37

To be fair, I think that a lot of elderly people do, quite naturally, start to eat less

Well, yes, they do burn far less calories as well. For my MIL to maintain her weight, she needs about 1200-1300 a day. Unless I had had 1200 calories of chicken breast and eggs, I think I would be chewing my own hand at the end of the day.

Florencenotflo · 29/12/2021 21:41

FIL worked abroad (without MIL) for a while, we (5 adults and 2 kids) went to see him for a holiday. After 13 hours in total of travel (including a 8 hour flight) with mainly just the plane food, FIL did fajitas for us all using around 2 medium sized chicken breasts. For 8 people! Luckily he has a sense of humour and as soon as MIL had dished up the kids meals, he soon realised it was far too little. DH and BIL found burgers in the freezer and we had plenty of beer 😂

But after cooking just for himself for a few years and having the appetite of a sparrow, he'd lost all sense of quantity when cooking for more people.

WorriedMillie · 29/12/2021 21:46

God, this sounds like my MIL, she’s a judgy cow re the food consumption of others, likes to make passive aggressive digs about my weight (size 10) and “isn’t Kate Middleton lovely and slim”
She under caters, picks at food, talks about how “fat” her friends are and she reads and quotes from the daily Mail, for added twattishness

Snowsaurus · 29/12/2021 21:48

@NynaeveSedai

Who says he is the cook of the family though? You and your brothers can do it. Challenge him.

It's really rude to go visit people and start cooking meals in their kitchen when they've shopped and planned what they are cooking, even if those people are your parents.

He's the cook of his household. Not mine or my brothers' obviously. But I would be offended if he came into my house and decided to raid my cupboards and start cooking a meal. Wouldn't you?

@NynaeveSedai ok sorry, I misunderstood. Thought you lived at home, since you wrote you get told off if you snack between meals but not your brothers. No, obviously you can’t do the cooking then. But you could question him why your brothers are ok to snack and not you, and if you get invited over and the time doesn’t suit you well, then it doesn’t.
woodhill · 29/12/2021 21:51

I don't mind if my dc help themselves when visiting

Thatldo · 29/12/2021 21:56

Nobody else seems to think there was not enough food.Overweight people often have a very different idea of what a normal food intake looks like.

PurpleDaisies · 29/12/2021 21:59

@Thatldo

Nobody else seems to think there was not enough food.Overweight people often have a very different idea of what a normal food intake looks like.
On this thread? I don’t think I’ve seen anybody say that sounded like enough food. I’m not sure I’ve understood your point here.
Gensola · 29/12/2021 21:59

@Thatldo lol why so goady?! 😂

PurpleDaisies · 29/12/2021 22:00

[quote Gensola]@Thatldo lol why so goady?! 😂[/quote]
Probably hungry

FuckeryIsAfoot · 29/12/2021 22:04

@Thatldo

Nobody else seems to think there was not enough food.Overweight people often have a very different idea of what a normal food intake looks like.
One of the pizzas I think OP is talking about is 360 grams. 360x3/8=135 grams. 135 gram of food per person. If you think that's enough, you need help. And I say that gently and with worry, rather than meanness.