For those in their 40s and 50s

[Fatandfifty49]

Do you miss being younger (ie late teens, twenties) or do you embrace middle age?

What do you miss about your twenties and what do you enjoy about being older?

I miss the spontaneity you have when you are young, the exuberance because every experience is exciting and new and the bravado.

I didn't like the insecurity and worrying about what people thought or the poor sense of judgement I had - especially re friendships and men.

I love having the experience behind me and being past caring and the confidence that comes from it. I don’t like that the best years ard behind me or the signs of advancing age plus all the extra stresses such as elderly parents

I miss my breasts! I got cancer when I was 36 (I'm 44 now) and had a double mastectomy. I've never had reconstruction and I'm a peace with my scars, but I (and DH!) do miss my boobs!
I miss the freedom DH and I had pre-kids but I'm much more 'sorted' now.
I should have changed jobs more. I've worked for the same organisation for 20 years, in a wide range of different roles, but I am too well paid to move now!

@MeredithGreyishblue I’m 43 and am very happy to reclaim middle aged as a purely descriptive term!

@Diditopknot

Oh god I miss my youth so so much!

My body, my face, my gorgeous long blonde hair!

Planning holidays, flights, shopping trips on my days off, buying clothes and records and shoes!!

Going out to a club at weekend, what I was going to wear, who was going to be there.
Concerts and music festivals.

Now I’m fat, frumpy, 50 and on a hamster wheel of monotonous routine.
No concerts, no dancing, no holidays or shopping trips. Short frumpy greying hair, middle aged middle fat spread.
I miss it and I enjoyed every moment!

I'm 51, fitter and stronger than I've ever been! My body will never be mistaken for a 20 year old but I'm happier in it than ever and I keep my hair long because I want to. My kids are now young adults so me and DH have the freedom to do what we want.

I took up running when I was 46, joined a gym this year and now lift weights. We go to 5 or 6 concerts a year.

Life is for living and I love the age I am now, I want to still run and lift weights when I'm 70!

@HappyGreen

I miss raving

Me too. Dancing all night, the music, the energy and sheer debauchery of my youth and none of it recorded .
Good Times

👌🏻.

I miss my parents and others who have died.
I really really miss the freedoms women had (partic younger women - including me!) which are eroded by social media/celebrity culture/increasing misogyny and other threats to women’s’ rights. Progress made didn’t feel as though it would stall or reverse ffs.
Miss a general sense of exploration/discovery - big or small stuff which has largely changed due to internet/google earth etc. Don’t miss the inequality of access to info and discovery which is levelled a bit through internet etc.
Miss rough raw unbranded anarchic stuff like punk/ad hoc music dives, crappy clubs, lock ins, loads of stuff which has been regulated out of existence for good reason often but miss the ‘rough’ stuff sometimes. Was never at the sharp end of it though.
Really miss cheese and onion in green bags and salt and vinegar in blue. And will never believe anyone who says that was never the case !

I think people are taking middle aged as literal. It’s generally considered a social construct and relates to how old someone looks, as oppose to their actually age. For example - “Two middle aged women walked past” the person doesn’t know old the women are, but makes an assumption based on their appearance.

Yes at 40 your about halfway through life if you live until 82, so middle aged technically, but most 40 year olds don’t look what the term middle aged historically described.

Middle aged has been used for years and years so it stands to reason that someone aged 40, 80 years ago looked like an older woman. With better make up routines, beauty products, availability of more quality and better fitting clothing, hair dyes etc… a 40 year old these days will look younger than a 80 year old back then.

Personally I’d describe middle aged as 50-60 or more to the point, people that look between those ages.

They do say that from 40 onwards the ageing process kicks in more rapidly. So I think it would be easier to distinguish a 40-30 year old than a 30-40 year old.

Last point, there was a woman at my work about 20 years ago and worse long flowing skirts, cardigans, flat shoes, short grey hair… I thought she was about 62. She was only 45, but she looked so much older!! The point being she looked like I imagine a 45 year old would look like 80 years ago. Not these days.

I mean A 40 year old these days will look younger than a 40 year old back then

I enjoyed my 20s and 30s but I dont miss them.

I’m at a point where I don’t need to be out all the time, I don’t have the angst that goes with being single or new relationships and I now have two amazing kids that I wouldn’t change for anything.

I’m actually fitter than in my 20s now and definitely eat better. I look at the home I’ve built and love it. And I’m in a good place career wise without feeling I need to be constantly proving myself.

I don’t miss the anxiety and insecurity of my teens and 20s. I didn’t really recognise it very well at the time, but I knew I was holding myself back and that I was generally afraid.

It’s still a work in progress, but slowly growing in confidence and bravery is good, and I am well paired with DH in that we are confident about different things so we encourage each other.

I’ve just got a permanent job after a career break to be SAHM, so I’m excited to see where that takes me and to try and set myself some real goals.

They do say that from 40 onwards the ageing process kicks in more rapidly. So I think it would be easier to distinguish a 40-50 year old than a 30-40 year old

Sadly, I spent too much of my youth being prematurely middle aged. I was very serious, anxious and insecure. In my early 20s I thought going out for lunch and a potter round a naice market town was wild living. Things improved when I went to uni’ as a (somewhat) mature student, and I do often miss those years. I miss good quality clothing from high street brands (find vintage items and am shocked at the difference). I miss pre-internet innocence, too. I’m basically ageing in reverse, with attitudes and adventurousness. I began a new career in my 40s and that was a big decade generally in terms of self discovery. In my 50s, I feel grateful for all the good things, but miss my mum who died last year.

I was busy raising four children in my 20s and 30s and then the teen years in my early 40s...(shudders at the memories!)
54 next week, my children are grown up, only one (special needs) is dependent on me. I now have a dog, work part time, am learning to play the piano, and have the absolute joy of being a grandparent.

Yes I'm more tired now, I ache a lot and looking after my grandson to help with child care might finish me off but I love my 50s so far.. I care less about how I look, how others think of me. I genuinely take pleasure in my home and family and walking miles with the dog. I've made peace with never having a decent career (due to dh's job) and after many years on MN I'm also genuinely grateful to be married to a kind, loyal, good man!

I've even embraced my greying hair and have grown it long , wear what I like, and don't feel the need to be anything but myself. I'm lucky that I have no major health issues so far and hope to keep myself reasonably fit and healthy!

I'm much more confident than I was even at 30, and we're a lot more financially secure, but I do miss my pre-menopause body and skin. My boobs sag, my skin is knackered, I have to do pelvic floor exercises every bloody day.

On the other hand, I can manage a full day out doing something physically active, and can also afford the appropriate clothes for it so I stay warm and dry!

Married at 24 so I dont think I was ever spontaneous (spontaneity actively discouraged by parents). Now just coming up to 55 and I am far happier now. I have more confidence than I had in my 20s. Still happily married. DCs are all adults now so our relationship with them is changing. Just got to get youngest DC through the last couple of years of university.

The only thing i miss is my flat belly. But if that wasn’t there, nor would my kids.

I font really look back, we all do too much of that. Look forward, that is where life is.

I travelled the world in my early 20's. It was fun but I much prefer my holidays now 4/5* luxury, long haul.
I haven't let myself get frumpy and fat and still go out just as much, possibly more. The main difference is that I have money now and can work part time but still afford the lifestyle that I want. I was always skint in my younger years and worked all hours yet could never afford to do what I wanted.

This is a timely thread. I am 50 at the end of January.

I think, and I stress think. That I look better now than ever. This has had a lot of help however - 6 stone weight loss, plastic surgery on lower face and neck due to weight loss and having a very saggy neck as a result. Botox, fillers ect.

It might be that others think I don't look my best I don't know but I'm quite happy with my changes over the last 2/3 years.

My body is crap, 5 children and being obese for a long time has worked it's magic sadly. Perhaps I would have benefitted more from a tummy tuck but I only had one choice due to finances so I decided that what you could see and not be fixed by Spanx would be the surgery that I would have on my neck.

I have bad joints, I saw a consultant last week who said basically that there wasn't much that could be done. He offered steroid injections but said that they wouldn't last long and that I could only do that 2/3 times max so it probably wasn't worth it.

I miss the spontaneity of youth despite having my older children young ( 20,22 and 25 ) I miss the cup being half full attitude that I used to have.

Menopause has wreaked havoc on my mental health, I find joy in little these days but to the outside world and my family it looks like I do so I guess fake it till you make it!?

I wish I had made different decisions ( don't we all! ) I am though, grateful for reaching 50, so many don't and for that I say thank you every day.

Mentally I think I'm around 30, I'm not as sensible as I should be - I still enjoy the stuff that I enjoyed 20 years ago, I don't like gardening ( never have ) or knitting. You don't have to be old to enjoy those things I realise but sometimes I wish I had a hobby I really loved.

I miss being single with no children so I could do whatever I wanted that was working for me instead of always taking everyone feels into account/taking the back seat.

I don’t miss how unsure of myself I was

I think that 20 year old me would be pleased about my career success but disappointed that I'm now alone in my late 50s. I miss the optimism and energy Of my 20s but not the ups and downs, budget limits and emotional insecurities. I have a good life now (except for my relationship with my son), a beautiful home and great friends and I'm much more stable - and still a bit silly.

I miss the energy, the possibilities, the feeling that it would last forever. I don't miss being incredibly lonely throughout most of uni (fell out with small group of friends, people on my course thought I was weird so could go a day without anyone talking to me). Also don't miss spending best part of my 20s in a shite relationship.

Love that I'm comfortable now financially, have a wonderful DD and DH. Miss spontaneity (friends are like me, all with young kids, so meeting up is a nightmare to arrange), don't like the possibility of my health getting worse as the years go on and instead of thinking the days will last forever they now feel so very short

I miss my pelvic floor and waistline. Other than that I'm happy to be older. I worry a lot about healthcare/NHS though. My neighbour is in her early 60s and was very fit and active, and within a year her hip crumbled and she's very disabled and in a lot of pain. The waiting list is seven years in our Trust, or £12k privately.

I'm in my 40s. I am enjoying it in many ways but a lot of things this year (hello peri) have just made me feel my younger years were a completely different life. I don't feel 'old' but there suddenly seems a huge disconnect. A sense of my generation moving on and it being the time for the next one.

A member of a band I was mad about in my uni years died this year. I met him once and fished out the photo - shocked to realise I must have been about 19 and him 25. In our circles the albums he had already made by that point were stone-cold classics of the genre. But looking at the photo, we were babies. It feels five minutes ago and another life all at once.

When I get used to that feeling I'm sure things will look up going forward!

I'm very late 50's and I don't really miss that much . I have twins aged 20 who I find exhausting at times and was widowed nearly 5 years ago . However I am fitter than I ever was, I run marathons , half marathons etc and am the same weight I was at 20 . I don't care about what others think so much and am happier in my own skin . I realise now more than ever that I am not as boring as I thought I was when younger and that others are more boring than I thought they were . And that everyone else's lives are really not as interesting as they are made out to be on SM. I think if SM had been around in my younger days , I wouldn't have believed that .

I'd like to have the physical capacity and bendiness I had in my 20s (and up to my mid-40s, before peri-menopause kicked in), and a smidge of the idealism. But I'd like it tempered with the life experience I've painstakingly gained now I'm in my early 50s.

I do enjoy not being told off for being too cynical any more though (this was a regular refrain, mainly from men, in my 20s, as I'd developed a very sharp tongue due to life circumstances and, well, stupid men...thing is, events always proved my cynicism right!) Now I just embrace my inner hag. ;)

I’m early 50’s and have found each decade better than the one before. I really do enjoy having grown up DC that I am close to, friends I have time for and enough money to do what I want.