For those in their 40s and 50s

[Fatandfifty49]

Do you miss being younger (ie late teens, twenties) or do you embrace middle age?

What do you miss about your twenties and what do you enjoy about being older?

I miss the spontaneity you have when you are young, the exuberance because every experience is exciting and new and the bravado.

I didn't like the insecurity and worrying about what people thought or the poor sense of judgement I had - especially re friendships and men.

I love having the experience behind me and being past caring and the confidence that comes from it. I don’t like that the best years ard behind me or the signs of advancing age plus all the extra stresses such as elderly parents

I miss my waist and cheekbones.

Late 40s and I suppose what I miss most is the sense of possibility - the future being a mystery in which all my hopes still remained to be fulfilled.

I’m mid 40s. I don’t miss much about my twenties except the energy- I’ve developed a lot of chronic pain type disabilities in the last few years and I feel really angry about that - anger seems a weird choice of word but I just hate the fact I can almost feel my body shutting down as I’m getting older.

I miss my stronger mental health. People say you gain more confidence with age, but I am 48 and have never felt so uncertain.
I procrastinate, worry about every little thing and fret over my kids.
I miss the confidence of my 20s, the freedom and energy.

@ArblemarzipanTFruitcake

Late 40s and I suppose what I miss most is the sense of possibility - the future being a mystery in which all my hopes still remained to be fulfilled.

YY to this. I know that (all going well) there will be adventures and things to enjoy in the coming years but there’s a lot that has already happened, so that element of everything major being a complete mystery has gone.

I miss my waistline 🤣 and the fact that I could eat and drink what I wanted and remain a size 10. That's all really. I welcome my middle aged wisdom, trusting my instincts and being confident enough to call out BS. Being able to prioritise what's worth worrying about and letting other stuff go. Caring less about what other people think of me. Only having people in my life that I want there and being less of a people pleaser. I feel liberated.

I'm mid 40s and on the whole it's good. I have suffered a back injury which has taken much longer to heal than I imagine it would have done in my twenties. Also my hangovers are murderous

Aside from that I'm fairly happy with my lot, though being an adult is not all I had it cracked up to be.

I'm in my early 50s, and while I look back with nostalgia and would love to have my youthful energy and skinny figure back, Je regrette rien! i was a teenager in the 80s which was fantastic, despite living in NI and the Troubles raging on. Then in the 90s I moved to London after uni and had an absolute ball, I met my husband who introduced me to proper clubbing and all that that entailed. We were able to afford a garden flat which would be out of the question now. Then in my thirties I had a baby and we moved to Ireland to
be closer to family and geta proper family home> Ireland was booming so we had a good time there until the recession hit and it turned to shit. So in my 40s we moved to Oz and now live in paradise! So absolutely no regrets here, I have lived my life to the full and have no interest in going backwards. We do have the odd drunken night listening to the old choons, and would love to do an over 50s London 90s club night if there was such a thing. But I'd need a chill out room with comfy sofas!

No, I’m so much happier at 45 than 25, I would not want to go back to being young ever!

@SukiPook

I miss: The craic and laughs with friends and the frequency of that... daily, really! Dancing all night at a rave Being loved up on white doves in the 90s Grunge Gigs (obviously I still go to gigs but not in ages due to lockdown and having a baby last year) Being able to suddenly look attractive just by putting on a bit of eyeliner and lippy Snogging Spontaneity and not giving a f**k about a lot of stuff Being slim Cycling everywhere Being in a band The lack of cares and responsibility Having no mobile phone Being free of aches, pains and migraines

I don't miss:
Cigarettes
Drinking and hangovers
Most of the drug use (exception - see white doves, above 😆)
Thinking self-worth was linked to people wanting me sexually
Being skint
Lack of judgement and discernment
Random sex, and bad sex
Sexual assaults/non-consensual sex
Feeling guilty and like a bad person - internalised subconscious lack of self-worth- unhealed childhood stuff
Thinking I was fat when I clearly wasn't
Worrying about what other people thought of me (especially re weight)
The selfishness and lack of wisdom I had
Self-sabotaging behaviour
Feeling like a failure
The terrible jobs (waitressing, call centres etc)

Yes to every one of these!

I miss the spontaneity that comes with having no dependents, and I miss being able to eat what I like without putting on weight. However, those things are far outweighed by being taken seriously as a person with more life experience and the stability that comes with not making major life changes every couple of years.

No regrets and I'm happier in my 50s than I was in my 20s and 30s. Yes, the body creaks more, I don't have the energy I did, but I'm happy to say no to things I don't want to do and comfortably set in my ways.

i miss my figure

I miss the weight I was then, and my very healthy attitude to food. I ate what I liked, which was usually very healthy food in small portions.

I miss some of the freedom. I had a very interesting life in my twenties. Always off abroad on work projects. If I wanted to do something, I did it. No DH and DC and DCat to negotiate. I was a much freer spirit in those days. DH is very very steady and calmed me down a bit too much. Now DC have left home I am starting to get itchy feet again.

But I don't miss the loneliness. Even though I was way more attractive physically then, I could never keep a boyfriend because I was so neurotic and self-doubting. I love the confidence and fuckit feeling you get post meno. Also, until recently I would have said I desperately miss the energy, but my energy has come back post meno and I really enjoy the feeling.

I miss the energy I had and optimism and excitement about my future life.

@Endofdaysarehere

I’m 42 and absolutely not middle-aged thank you.

But you are. This is the problem I think, you have to figure out how to embrace it. Midlife is probably a better term.

I miss everything being possible. Experiences being new and exciting. The feeling that there was loads of time so the choices you make don’t really matter. The fact your body will let you get away with murder.

I don’t miss the endless self doubt and self criticism, the feeling I had to do everything, the panic that nothing would fit, or that I had to be everything to everyone.

Lots of things about midlife are way better - I could just do without time running out or have to worry about maintaining health..

I'm enjoying my 40s so far. I feel stable, which I didn't feel in my 20s, and my 20/30s were all about raising small children. Now my youngest is 11, at secondary school. She still needs me around but I can go out without her, etc.

We've got a house that we can comfortably afford. We can afford a UK holiday each year if we want. We can afford to have a dog, which I've wanted for years! So a lot of what I embrace about my 40s is the stability. Stable marriage (I was a single parent for years), stable job that I quite enjoy (even though it's exhausting), financial stability, housing stability (we rented for a long time before we could afford to buy, and the thought we might have to move again if the landlord wanted to sell etc felt very unsettling).

@Endofdaysarehere

I’m 42 and absolutely not middle-aged thank you.

What is wrong with a factual description that going by probability you are likely halfway through your life? It’s a statement of fact rather than a judgement on you.

And I don’t think being middle-aged should imply anything about your life and interests. 40-50 year olds are massively varied with different lifestyles. Doesn’t stop them all being middle aged though.

Late fifties here. The only difference between then and now for me is that my body protests when I try to move it too fast nowadays, as in leaping up from a chair for example.
I loved life then and I love it now.

Middle-aged is chucked around as a pejorative. Especially about women.

It isn't really used to describe an age halfway through life. It's a woman that we find old fashioned or silly or slower on the uptake with a cat's bottom mou and ideas different to yours. (I say this as a mid 40s with no intention of giving a shit what people think!)

I don't miss anything although last two years have been crap.

As a typical bloke I really enjoyed the car-culture of my 20s. ran a Jag 2.4 for one year. Decent job with overtime never worried about cost of fuel.
I can echo a remark upthread. In my 20s & 30s I used to dress well. There were places to go where everyone dressed smart. Good suits, my own Dinner Jacket, even made to measure shirts one year.

Then we got married, Old Austin Maxi.
Absolutely No Regrets.

I miss having very little to worry about.

I’m early 50’s. I’ve been married over 20 years and honestly never thought I could be so happy. Our kids have grown and we don’t have grandchildren.

I really don’t miss being younger. These last 20 odd years have been the best of my life.