For those in their 40s and 50s

[Fatandfifty49]

Do you miss being younger (ie late teens, twenties) or do you embrace middle age?

What do you miss about your twenties and what do you enjoy about being older?

I miss the spontaneity you have when you are young, the exuberance because every experience is exciting and new and the bravado.

I didn't like the insecurity and worrying about what people thought or the poor sense of judgement I had - especially re friendships and men.

I love having the experience behind me and being past caring and the confidence that comes from it. I don’t like that the best years ard behind me or the signs of advancing age plus all the extra stresses such as elderly parents

No concerts, no dancing, no holidays or shopping trips I do far more of these now than I did in my 30's when my DC were tiny.
I don't feel invisible in the way some on MN refer to as feeling in their middle age.
I enjoy being financially secure.
I do have less stamina and I loathe that so many I have known are no longer around. At 20 I thought a 70 year old had lived a long life, now 70 is only 20 years away and twenty years in the past seems recent to me.

Yes, I miss it all. And I didn’t even notice it slipping by. I especially regret the opportunities I had but didn’t take due to being too shy / scared of repercussions. I tell my 18 year old not to be afraid to live his life and that it’s okay to take risks.

I'm nostalgic for how fresh and exciting everything was, but I don't miss it as such. I had a lot of fun and I still do, but my definition of fun has changed these days.

I’m in my 50s and the thing I really miss is the optimism that some big change will happen. I’ve just retrained and am embarking on a new career that I love so it’s not that I’ve stopped learning or growing, it’s more a sense that time is limited and I have to choose what I do wisely rather than just seeing how it all pans out. I feel a real sense that I don’t have time to do everything I want to do.

And I massively miss the belief that the nhs will be there for me when I need it - and also that sense of invincibility that I had when younger. Since I hit 50 quite a few of my peers have gotten ill and some have died. The realisation that life is short is becoming more present in my life. I definitely miss the more carefree younger me.

Age 60. Past the menopause. Adult children. Young grandchildren. Mum in residential home with vascular dementia. Lost my closest sister to ovarian cancer last year
2 other siblings with whom I have a strained relationship.
I spend a lot of time harking back to.my 20s ( In the 80s) best time to be alive. I so wish I could go back.and do it again.....and put right a few mistakes!!

I don't miss them.
Not because I didn't enjoy my 20s - I really did. I had a ball. But I feel I've been there, done that, and can honestly say that decade by decade, I've enjoyed life more.
Yes, the body isn't what it was, but the 'contentment' if you like, is far greater. I have a sense of satisfaction with my life, whilst yet still harbouring the idea of things I still want to do. I can look back and be proud of what I have achieved so far, yet I am no longer looking to impress anyone (particularly at work).

I'm at a stage where we are financially secure and that is so liberating at work, knowing that if I wanted to, I could hand my notice in at any point - I no longer am worrying about how we are going to pay the mortgage if I say what I'm really thinking in meetings etc.. Believe me, that feels good.

I’d never be young again my life for years was hell from 8 onwards. At least today I can do as I -lease .

I like being my age now (50’s) but would love to have a full working body and energy of my teens and 20’s.

I'm nearly 40.

The absolute best part I feel is having built up more experiences. When I was in my early twenties, I had neve left Ireland.

Now at nearly forty, I have visited forty countries and I have built up so many experiences. It is like being half way through a good book.

The bad side is my body doesn't heal as quickly as it used to, and having a parent dying, and more responsibities

I'm 43 and my best years are not behind me. What a depressing way to look at the world. There are things to enjoy at every stage of life.

Right now my children are getting easier to deal with but not yet got to teenage tantrums, my career is finally where I wanted to be after 20 years of graft and I can consider the most senior roles. I have money to live life the way I want and financial security. I am confident. I still look good(!) I have good old friends and some new. I don't focus on material and shallow side of life but also the spiritual.

I don't look back on my 20s or 30s as something to be repeated. I do look at colleagues in their early thirties and envy their selfish self centred lives but I had mu share of that and now I'm doing family life with all its hard work. I will go back to a more selfish life in another decade. I will try and enjoy each phase of my life for what it is and not regret it.

Being 40 is like being half way through a really interesting book.

I have built up so many experiences and wisdom at this age. I am looking forward to see what happens next

My DD went on a fab weekend away. The plan was she would text me to say she's got in from clubbing safely. I was quite amused to get a call at about midnight to say she was just going out! The concept of that was so alien to me I nearly spat out my horlicks! I used to go on benders for days at a time I just don't know what happened to me?!

yes to it all, teens great years met DP early 20's introduced me to concerts festivals travelling, then parents needed caring and everything stopped -career stalled and all freedom disappeared. Parents passed and we quickly had DC's to look after , now DP parents are elderly and kids are hitting teen years so life is getting busy again, almost working opposite shifts to each other. Is it sad to hope we will be free in 10 years?

To the poster who said "No concerts, no dancing, no holidays or shopping trips. Short frumpy greying hair, middle aged middle fat spread."

Is it finances preventing this not age? I'd understand if financial circumstances limit access to these things including beauty good diet and self care. But if money not too tight then all of these things are within your reach and self care can be done on a budget.

Dont give up just because you're older. Have fun now.

Don't talk like you're 90! When you are 80 or 90 then rejoice you lived so long and then look back on the good times.

I don’t miss it at all. I’m much happier now and have lots more friends than I ever did in my 20s. I wish I’d had more fun when I was young,. I was too boring and sensible.

I'm just thinking. I was 17 when mobile phones first came out.

I do miss those old days when there were no mobile phones. We were much freer in a way.

If someone wanted to ring me they would ring the house phone. And I could just not answer and they would leave a voicemail.

Now people can contact me 24-7 on my mobile. And If I don't answer a call, people get angry .

I miss:
The craic and laughs with friends and the frequency of that... daily, really!
Dancing all night at a rave
Being loved up on white doves in the 90s
Grunge
Gigs (obviously I still go to gigs but not in ages due to lockdown and having a baby last year)
Being able to suddenly look attractive just by putting on a bit of eyeliner and lippy
Snogging
Spontaneity and not giving a f**k about a lot of stuff
Being slim
Cycling everywhere
Being in a band
The lack of cares and responsibility
Having no mobile phone
Being free of aches, pains and migraines

I don't miss:
Cigarettes
Drinking and hangovers
Most of the drug use (exception - see white doves, above 😆)
Thinking self-worth was linked to people wanting me sexually
Being skint
Lack of judgement and discernment
Random sex, and bad sex
Sexual assaults/non-consensual sex
Feeling guilty and like a bad person - internalised subconscious lack of self-worth- unhealed childhood stuff
Thinking I was fat when I clearly wasn't
Worrying about what other people thought of me (especially re weight)
The selfishness and lack of wisdom I had
Self-sabotaging behaviour
Feeling like a failure
The terrible jobs (waitressing, call centres etc)

I’m 45 and the only thing I miss is having friends who still want to go partying. Covid has made me a bit antisocial mind you. But I’d like to be going out dancing for new year for example. I don’t really feel any more grown up or older than 29 years ago 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm 50 next year. I do miss my late teens and 20s - the freedom of it, the lovely hectic social life, the university friendships, the sheer joyousness of being young and carefree in London in the post-university years, then meeting DH and having lovely carefree years as a couple, buying our first home, more socialising, spending weekends doing exactly as we wanted - but at the same time I wouldn't want to go back to it now. There was a lot of living on my nerves as well as enjoying the moment. I'm definitely more relaxed now, more comfortable in my own skin.

I suppose that in a nutshell I've achieved most of what I always hoped I'd achieve - I'm happy, financially secure, have a lovely DH, three gorgeous DC, beautiful home, a job I really enjoy (even if it's not what I thought I'd end up doing and not the career I'd originally aimed for). The reality is that my happiness and security also comes with worry and responsibility and constant logistical juggling and a constant awareness that my caring responsibilities, with parents as well as DC, will never go away - but I'll take that. On balance, I wouldn't change anything.

I don't feel that my best years are behind me - I'm looking forward to the years ahead - but I do look back on those late teens and 20s years with great fondness and I'm very glad I had the experiences that I had.

I've been very lucky recently - about to turn 50 and I've got back my energy in the last 18 months. I've got back to the same size I was in my early 20s and a lot of pilates means that I generally feel great. I actually probably have fewer aches now, due to the pilates. I'm learning more about clothes, hair and skincare to suit me. My hair started to turn grey fairly early but nature is absolutely not having its way there. BUT.... I'm aware that I can only "age backwards" for so long. In my 20s I assumed my health would be there forever ; now, I'm enjoying myself but feel like the clock is ticking.
I'm absolutely happier being me now - I'm much less of a pain in the neck than I was then.
I do feel that I've l lost my innocence regarding relationships. I assumed I'd be married for life. I threw myself into it, in my early 20s. Now, I look at people who seem to have happy relationships and I'm full of admiration for them. But I don't trust my judgement about my own ones.

Forgot the most important one!😃 ... I don't miss being quite spirituality lost and trying all sorts of things to fill that, with no concept of good and bad, just willing to try and do anything.
I appreciate now having a personal relationship with God and focusing on surrendering to God and going where I am led in life, rather than turning to counterfeit crutches and comforts all the time... it's like night and day. So I wouldn't go back. Except if I could go back but with all the knowledge and faith that I have now. That would actually be fun!

At 50, I am a born again teenager. I go to London fortnightly for booze up nights on the tiles as I live in a rural area where everyone my age is technically dead or at least rooted in the garden shed of doom. I miss the freedom to do long spontaneous holidays of my youth. I miss not having to micro-manage kids, work, life, pets etc. However, I am far happier now than back then, largely as I do not care what other people think about me. No insecurity and I have the money to dress how I like, and buy what I want, and go where I like. I would not go back to my teenager years, as I love my life as it is now. I am excited about the next ten years as I have control and clarity of many things...housing, money, my ambition, my relationship needs etc. Younger me didn't have any of that, and was plagued by worry and anxiety about what other people thought. I am now going to gigs and sports events that I couldn't afford in my younger years, and having a blast.

I miss having so many life experiences in front of me, now I’ve experienced many of them. I miss the endless energy and optimism of my 20’s. I miss the excitement of nights out. I miss meeting someone new and starting a new relationship.

But, I don’t miss the insecurity surrounding my looks that most women have in their late teens and 20’s. I don’t miss being gullible. I don’t miss being a poor judge of character because I was naive enough to think the best of most people. I don’t miss feeling like I had to go out at the weekend otherwise I was missing out. I don’t miss the pressure of wanting to have lots of friends and be popular.

I’m in my 40’s, I’m now a good judge of character. I’m happy to stay in at the weekend. If I don’t want to do something I now have the confidence to say no without feeling guilty or worrying I’m missing out. I’ve been blessed with three wonderful children. I’m ‘ok’ with being in my 40’s 😊

@Endofdaysarehere

I’m 42 and absolutely not middle-aged thank you.

Same and I’m 41! 😂 I’m not middle aged, I’m an adult adult, not a young adult, not a Middle Aged adult or an older adult. I’m an adult adult 😂

And to add there’s a huge difference between a 40 year old and a 59 year old. The 40 year old is as near to 20 as they are to 60!

@Endofdaysarehere very true! If the average age we all live to is 70 then you are long past middle-aged