Do you say 'Mum', or 'my mum', when speaking to a non-family member?

[EinsteinaGogo]

Inspired by a recent thread where the poster typed 'mum said XXX, dad said YYY', mum did XXZ, dad did YYY, all the way through a really, really long thread.

I've always said 'my mum, my dad' unless speaking to my brother or sister, because of course - my mum isn't your mum and I want to differentiate!

Sweeping generalisation but I have found that people who don't do this tend to be very insular / self focused. Stop saying 'mum' to me - it's not my mum!

How do you refer to your parent outside of family?
'

I always say “my mother” but mainly because I’m from the North East but live in Oxfordshire and it always sparks an entirely separate convo if I say “my Mam”. Otherwise I’d say that. Interestingly though, older people in the NE often seem to say “me Mam” even to their own siblings who share the same Mam!

@SergeiL

I have always felt a bit grumpy about this. I think especially since my parents are dead. But I have never articulated it, as I felt it was a bit out of order. So thankyou to those who agree.

To be honest, I feel it is the same as people who talk about ‘the wedding’ when they are getting married at some point in the future. Alongside all the other people getting married …

You're right, @SergeiL perhaps it's not just restricted to parents, but a character trait of people who are myopically the centre of their own universe.

• regional norms & dialects excepted

Ah I thought it was just me that got annoyed by this! I would always say "my mum", but dh often says "mum" when talking to me about his mum...I always pull him up on it but he doesn't see the issue..I'm not his sister, shes not my mum! 😂

Some people say me mum or our mam.

I always use 'my' when talking about parents, except when talking to my siblings. If I'm talking to my children I will refer to Granny or Grandad.

It's interesting that a few people here still use 'my' when talking to siblings. I have never come across that in real life, and it seems weird to me, but the Bennet sisters do it in Pride and Prejudice so it obviously has a long and respectable history!

Always used to be "my mum" until she died (15 months ago). Its almost subconscious but I definitely say 'mum would have' / 'mum did' / 'mum was' when talking about her to friends now when I never used to.

Oh my goodness! This has always bugged me!! I would always say ‘my mum/my dad’. I don’t always find people who refer to ‘mum’ to be self-centred, but they often talk about all their friends and relatives by name to me, whereas I would say ‘my sister, my uncle, my friend Sophie’ etc. I feel I’m always supposed to know the people they are talking about.

@RedskyThisNight

I'd say "my mother" rather than use "Mum" at all.

This.

@EinsteinaGogo

For those of you who have friends who don't put 'my' in front of mum (or chosen word), and it's not a dialect thing, are the friends more needy / self obsessed than others?

I’d say “my mum” but it wouldn’t bother me if other people didn’t. I certainly wouldn’t think they were needy or self obsessed- I would just think they are crediting me with enough intelligence to know they are referencing their own mum!!

I say "my" but haven't really noticed what other people do, and I'd think it fairly obvious they weren't talking about mine!
Something I've noticed only one friend do, is that people she knows, but we don't, she just refers to them by name. "Sarah came with me to the hospital when I broke my ankle" "Pete was hilarious the other night" whereas I'd say "a friend came with me" etc it doesn't bother me, but I've noticed it.

My mum/mam in third person, although I call her mam. I'm not keen on the regional word mam and am mum myself, which most family have ignored . I use mum mainly when I'm talking about her at work as mam is regional and I work for a multi national company where English is not always the first language. I would only stop the my (or me as I'm in the NE) when talking to my dad or brother.

drop not stop

@EinsteinaGogo

For those of you who have friends who don't put 'my' in front of mum (or chosen word), and it's not a dialect thing, are the friends more needy / self obsessed than others?

You sound really unpleasant and judgemental

My Mum, never just Mum. My siblings and I say my Mum to each other.

@EinsteinaGogo, no idea if it’s a regional thing, but I have just looked back through my messages and my brother also must say my mum/dad because it’s how he texts!

My husband has the same thing when midwives say 'baby' instead of the 'the baby'

My mum - unless I’m talking to my sister or her sisters, in which case it’s Mum (although my mum’s been dead for a while now)

The one that really annoys me is ‘Mother’, especially when middle aged blokes do it for some reason. Suggests some sort of strange formal interdependency to me.

‘My mother’ or when speaking to a sibling ‘mum was saying…..’

I was just thinking about this the other day. I find it really annoying. I would say "my mum" or "my dad" unless I was talking to my brother.

It also annoys me when people just talk about others as if we know them - "it's Helen's birthday tomorrow, we are going for lunch". Who the eff is Helen? Say "my friend/sister/cousin/hamster Helen".

Definitely ‘my mum’.
Only ‘mum’ if talking to siblings.

If a friend refers to ‘mum’ - to me, it suggests we have the same mum.

@Mumoblue

Both? The first time I bring her up I’ll say “my mum”, but then after that I’ll say “mum”.

I don’t think you can really draw any conclusions about people from whether or not they say “my” before “mum”.

yes i would do this if i was talking about my mum although i tend to say mother rather tha mum

My mum.

My mother (when she was alive)
My lovely old Ma
My much missed mum.

I am a lawyer (crime) and do so family related child protection stuff where in court and between representatives and in reports etc parents are referred to as ‘mother’ ‘father’ and I’ve always hated it - eg ‘I’m for father’ or ‘father failed to attend’ or ‘the next witness is mother’

Mum.
I didn't realise it was controversial ! Not sure why I don't say 'my mum', it has always been 'Mum', even to strangers.

I think it's a bit of shorthand like posters on MN referring to DM not my DM. You know it's not your mum they are on about from the context.