If Mumsnet was a woman how do you imagine her? (lighthearted, hopefully)

[flashbac]

Just for fun!
Everyone will have a different answer.
To me she has 2 kids. Salary around 50k. Works from home. Lives in a detached house in a nice area.

She’s a two faced bitch: sympathetic and kind sometimes but brutal, unreasonable and a total cow at others, especially when she’s hormonal (PMT, pregnancy or menopausal)

Miserable and at constant war with people around her, especially her in-laws.

Are you building her one part at a time @batmanladybird

👃

Claims she's older than she is to add more weight to her words; to make her look like she's lived and had more experiences than she actually has.

Every year, her age goes up by 5 years. She's about 75 now. By next year, it will go back down to 37 or 40 and repeat.

@100problems

Are you building her one part at a time *@batmanladybird*

👃

I do hope she has a moving, battery operated leg for ease of pissing up against her husband, before her MIL visits 🤣

That person at the party who holds court & exaggerates every story . Spits out thier tea and can barely breathe when something is a best mildly amusing

She would do the weekly shop online with Ocado.

Loves being a martyr.
Hates MIL
Hates SC.
Wears cashmere wrist warmers.
Gets “posh chocs” and “smellies” for Christmas.
Doesn’t understand that not everyone is like them and those in their little insular bubble.
tinkly laugh

The mad cat throwing lady from The Simpsons

Wealthy, pretty intelligent, wise beyond her years. Caring but doesn't suffer fools gladly. Has a goady younger sister.

@GaladrielHiggins

The mad cat throwing lady from The Simpsons

Definitely the most accurate yet 🤣

Ends up 'crying and shaking' in responce to a lot of minor things.

Her husband doesnt indulge this behaviour - he'll just walk off. Later, when she's stopped shaking quite so much, she'll start a thread called 'AIBU to expect my husband to comfort me?' and come to the conclusion that she needs to LTB.

When in front of a keyboard: Opinionated, forthright, feminist, independent, successful. Happy to drive to the other side of Europe on her own.

In real life : Anxious, neurotic, introverted, meek. Won’t drive on motorways, or at night, or into big cities or on roads she doesn’t know, or DH’s car.

Clare Balding

@100problems

Has 101 on speed dial so she can make reports that much quicker

Has 111 on speed dial but mostly to see how well they are able to diagnose illness she's already googled

Reports anyone without a kid in the car at the supermarket if they park in a P&C spot

Drives absolutely at all times bang on the speed limit, but slows down on a main road to let people out of side roads (in flowing traffic) because it's good manners whatever the Highway Code may say

Says "snack" and her kids have a "snack" every 5 minutes

Doesn’t everyone say “snack” even if they don’t necessarily eat them! It’s a really normal word

Have you ever seen Camping? Vicki Pepperdine's character in that.

Whats wrong with the word 'snack'?!

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Whats wrong with the word 'snack'?!

There are some rather vocal, strange MNetters who hate the word!

That and 'meal'

Yeah I know 🤣

Has the mn haircut
Wears joules long sleeved tops and the mn scarf
Has a ds called Kit, the perfect really good looking Dh & a batshit MIl
Tinkly laughs
Doesn't open the door to anyone unexpected
Makes a small roast chicken last 12 meals

@Forgotthespuds

That person at the party who holds court & exaggerates every story . Spits out thier tea and can barely breathe when something is a best mildly amusing

God, I don’t think she’s like that at all. Far more likely to be sitting in the outer fringes resenting the fuck out of Alpha Woman and muttering about extroverts, cliques, Queen Bees and people with loud voices, and counting how many times everyone else there hadn’t messaged her back within a hour when she ‘checked in’.

Deeply neurotic, complains of having no friends but doesn’t want to speak to anyone or even answer the door to them. Wears those fabric dungarees over Breton tops. 2 kids called Ottilie and Felix. Makes great claims about loving diversity & social mobility but lives in the whitest and poshest part of her town. Likes to shoehorn how long she breastfed for into every conversation.

I actually never hear, pack a bag with or say the word "snack" in real life. To me it's a totally MNworld only word.

Doesn't want to make friends at work because she has enough friends already
Doesn't answer the phone or the front door

How do these people meet their partners if they don't talk to people?

Mrs always right, hates anything that isn't middle class eg hot tubs and all inclusives, drives an old car so no one will ever guess how wealthy she is.
People in real life are always shocked at the beautiful house in the picturesque village she lives in.

She is perpetually single because her solution to any sort of strive in a relationship or imperfection in a partner is to....LTB

She is also NC with her entire family and cuts friends out if her life at the drop of a hat.