I overheard dd's boyfriend saying his house is more 'fun' than ours. I feel a bit hurt!

[Wisteriabloom]

Our daughter (age 22) and our son (18) both live with us.

We all had a very busy run-up to Christmas with work, shopping, meeting up with friends etc, was at my sister's house Christmas Day and hosted dh's family Boxing Day. All went very well!

Much as dh & I are sociable people, I think we generally see these days between Xmas & New Year as a chance to.chill, catch up on TV, enjoy any new books/music we've been given, and eat leftovers!

Dd's boyfriend is staying with us, then they're both going back to his family on Wednesday, and staying New Year. I overheard part of his phone call to his friend about New Year plans. He said 'Yeah we're only here until Wednesday, then back to mine for New Year, we actually have FUN at my house!'

Now he's perfectly polite to us, and we both make an effort hosting him, cooking, chatting etc, but I've never really felt we've 'gelled'. We watch completely different stuff on TV to him (I actually don't 'get' some of his film references and type of humour🤔

He's not into sport at all (dh is an avid football fan), so they haven't even got that in common! Dh also struggles to know what to talk to him about. Dd is, by nature a fairly quiet person ( a bit like me), and doesn't really say much when he's with us all. As dh says, it seems up to us to 'make all the jolly'! They do go out when they're here, but never for long and anyway, it's a rainy long Xmas Bank Holiday! I'm upstairs at the computer at the moment, pretending I'm catching up with work, but I'm really escaping the stilted atmosphere for an hour! He does try with us, as we do him but dh & I are both feeling we can't just chill out as we normally could on a Christmas Bank Holiday!

From what dd says, at his house there's lots of noise all the time, ie doors banging, playing tricks on each other, games or Charades, but we're not really that sort of family!

Dh is getting annoyed with me as he said he needs to accept us how we are, and with all the effort I'm making to host he should be grateful (I think he is, he's always saying thank you and offering to help out), but it's a bit awkward how different we are from each other!

I'm aware of it generally, but things like this are always more pronounced over Xmas, aren't they!!

People never overhear things they like. It wasn't meant for your ears and it sounds like he isn't that much fun for you either. Just remind yourself he's polite and helpful and not everyone has to have fun in the same way.

I wouldn’t worry too much. Most people like their own family’s way of doing things (particularly at Xmas) and their “fun” might be your nightmare and vice versa. He’s entitled to speak freely to his friend and he wasn’t directly being rude to you. I think it’s live and let live. You’ve been as nice as you can to him, but that’s all you can do. You can’t change your family vibe just for him, not should you x

I think the key thing here is you weren’t meant to hear him say that. Families are all different and it’s okay that he sees his as more fun than yours. That doesn’t mean it is more fun - like you say it wouldn’t be your cup of tea at all and that’s okay! Its not a competition. As long as everyone is being nice to each other that’s all that matters. Just try and forget you heard him say that.

I’m not quite sure why you’d need to entertain a 22 year old. But then his house sounds exhausting to me. Maybe he can come up with something fun to do

Yeah I much prefer the idea of your house op. Banging doors and tricks sounds grim …

I don't like the sound of him. 😉
He's at an age where you are still expected to be somewhat immature and unappreciative so I'd put it down that.
Move on, etc.

Yes, I’d rather stay at your house than his !
It’s not up to you to entertain him, both he and your DD can find stuff to do. If he’s that bored he should go home early and let you have some alone time with your DD.

I agree with your DH. People enjoy different things. BF will just have to suck it up.

Did he say he wasn't enjoying being at yours?

Meh, you’ve said you don’t ‘gel’ and are not enjoying hosting him so it’s not surprising he’s not finding it that fun either.

It was rude of him to say that to his friend, loud enough for you to hear, while in your home. But would just ignore! And just do what you / DH fancy for the rest of the visit.

I’d much prefer Christmas at yours OP!🙂

Everyone is different and he was just chatting to his friend, I’m sure he wouldn’t dream of intentionally offending you. Just grin and bear it for now, things might improve anyway as he grows up and doesn’t want to run around playing tricks all day!🙄

I agree, I definitely wasn't meant to hear it! I'd come back from dog walk and because the dog was so muddy, came through the back door to dry him off, rather than letting myself in through front door as i would normally! Dd's boyfriend was talking in the kitchen, looked a bit sheepish and moved to living room!

Yes, I've only met his mum so far and not been to their house, but it does sound as though their 'vibe' is different!

Dh suggested they do this afternoon's dog walk, I can hsar them getting ready now!

I don't think it matters if you fail to find common ground with him. I'm not my in-laws' kind of person, but here we are decades later still struggling to find something we all enjoy on TV.

I'm sure he'd be devastated if he knew you overheard him saying what he did, but it wasn't a personal thing against you and it wasn't even really a criticism. He has more fun with his own family - most people do feel they can relax more at home.

@Wisteriabloom get one of the dogs to sh*t in his bed. Great jolly jape for him 😉😂

I have this issue with DS1's GF. There's only me and very quiet DS2 here, GF's house, full of a blended and extended family of lively people is a lot more fun and DS does spend more time there.

I don't want to be them, I'd hate that life and if I'm honest I wouldn't want them both here as much as they are there, but it does make me feel inadequate and the occasional pang of jealousy. I don't know what the answer is

People are different and like different things ,it would be a bit dull if we were all the same and all liked the same things . As long as he’s polite I’d just forget all about it .

Staying at other people's houses is always a bit stressful, you are more on edge than in your own home.

Remember he may also be buttering them up a bit- our house is so much better etc, it doesn't mean it's absolutely true or that he's had an awful time at yours.

If you don't have a lot in common with him, he probably will prefer to be at home, I don't fancy his noisy crazy house, but he's young and perhaps they prefer that vibe.

Don't take it personally, I'd be absolutely delighted they'd gone by Wed to be honest.

Well it sounds like their house is more fun for young adults and there's an awkward atmosphere at yours so he's not wrong.

Your house is just different and it works for you so it's a non-issue.

Don’t give the opinion of someone so much younger than you a minute’s thought. He’s got completely different expectations to you-also he’s perfectly able to find things to do. He might not even be your DD’s boyfriend next year!

I really wouldn’t let it bother you OP. With all your exclamation marks everywhere it clearly has, but I’d try to ignore it and wait for him to push off.

I will stay at yours, OP! Charades and lots of noise and stuff is my worst nightmare

Your house sounds loads better. Loads.

Hang on, why is your dh annoyed with you?

We are all different, some houses are loud and crazy and full of people, others are calmer and quieter!