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Original poster

I overheard dd's boyfriend saying his house is more 'fun' than ours. I feel a bit hurt!

96 replies

Wisteriabloom · 27/12/2021 16:05

Our daughter (age 22) and our son (18) both live with us.

We all had a very busy run-up to Christmas with work, shopping, meeting up with friends etc, was at my sister's house Christmas Day and hosted dh's family Boxing Day. All went very well!

Much as dh & I are sociable people, I think we generally see these days between Xmas & New Year as a chance to.chill, catch up on TV, enjoy any new books/music we've been given, and eat leftovers!

Dd's boyfriend is staying with us, then they're both going back to his family on Wednesday, and staying New Year. I overheard part of his phone call to his friend about New Year plans. He said 'Yeah we're only here until Wednesday, then back to mine for New Year, we actually have FUN at my house!'

Now he's perfectly polite to us, and we both make an effort hosting him, cooking, chatting etc, but I've never really felt we've 'gelled'. We watch completely different stuff on TV to him (I actually don't 'get' some of his film references and type of humour🤔

He's not into sport at all (dh is an avid football fan), so they haven't even got that in common! Dh also struggles to know what to talk to him about. Dd is, by nature a fairly quiet person ( a bit like me), and doesn't really say much when he's with us all. As dh says, it seems up to us to 'make all the jolly'! They do go out when they're here, but never for long and anyway, it's a rainy long Xmas Bank Holiday! I'm upstairs at the computer at the moment, pretending I'm catching up with work, but I'm really escaping the stilted atmosphere for an hour! He does try with us, as we do him but dh & I are both feeling we can't just chill out as we normally could on a Christmas Bank Holiday!

From what dd says, at his house there's lots of noise all the time, ie doors banging, playing tricks on each other, games or Charades, but we're not really that sort of family!

Dh is getting annoyed with me as he said he needs to accept us how we are, and with all the effort I'm making to host he should be grateful (I think he is, he's always saying thank you and offering to help out), but it's a bit awkward how different we are from each other!

I'm aware of it generally, but things like this are always more pronounced over Xmas, aren't they!!

OP posts:
NumberTheory · 27/12/2021 18:32

*here

BurningTheClocks · 27/12/2021 18:34

This is our 38th Christmas together
I still remember the stunned expression on his face as he survive my family with multiple conversations, a decibel level three times his usual and all the religious frippery and traditions.

The boy is polite, not causing you a problem as a guest and you weren’t meant to overhear him chatting to a friend.
My parents are dead now, as are my husband’s. We never became truly comfortable and relaxed in each other’s families, the differences were huge, but we managed civil and affectionate. And made our own family.

Muthalucka · 27/12/2021 18:36

Haha banging doors. Ohh I just love that time between Xmas and NYE when I can just bang doors to my heart’s content.

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TheresACrackInEverything · 27/12/2021 18:36

He's talking about sex, I think, not charades?

Goldbar · 27/12/2021 18:37

You're not enjoying hosting him. He's not enjoying being hosted.

Sounds like a pretty typical Christmas/ family holiday really Grin.

There's a lot to be said for people coming for a meal (and perhaps staying the night if they absolutely need to) and then going home again.

Bookridden · 27/12/2021 18:45

@Ionlydomassiveones your house sounds lovely to me!

Tropicaltutu · 27/12/2021 18:51

But at that age haven’t they got other things to do places to be rather than stay in with you? I can imagine how any young adults would still be wanting to stay in with parents having fun with the fam now. Slamming doors and pranks? They aren’t 6.

What do these people do? Surely it’s all clubs, travel, events and friends? Even the local pub at a push?

Then when the babies come along and they settle down they wing it back to family. (panics looking at own kids that il have to entertain them when in their 20’sShock) what fresh hell is this?

BleuJay · 27/12/2021 19:26

You and your husband should dress up as clowns and chase him around the house in the style of Benny Hill, catch him and your husband hold him down whilst you tickle him with a feather duster until he can’t take any more fun.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 27/12/2021 19:31

He's 22. He should be making his own entertainment, not expecting his girlfriend's parents to plan it. If he doesn't enjoy your hospitality he's free to go. I think he's mistaken you for Butlins.

BlackCatz · 27/12/2021 19:35

Sounds a bit of an immature douch

Why?

I think my DM's house is more fun than the in-laws. Doesn't make me a 'douche' for thinking so.

He obviously didn't mean for you to hear it, and though it may be a bit hurtful, he's allowed his opinion.

TractorAndHeadphones · 27/12/2021 19:36

@Goldbar

You're not enjoying hosting him. He's not enjoying being hosted.

Sounds like a pretty typical Christmas/ family holiday really Grin.

There's a lot to be said for people coming for a meal (and perhaps staying the night if they absolutely need to) and then going home again.

100% agree Goldbar

@Tropicaltutu not sure where you live but around DP's family nothing much to 'do' at the best of times. Lots of farms, and nature parks, great for family days out but not for young people. None of DP's friends are around much anyway. 90% of his parents' entertainment is going for walks with the dog and calling in on various friends Grin

They're lovely and welcoming people but quite frankly I wouldn't want to spend more than a few days in theirs - or anybody's house over the holidays. When I'm over at friends houses for example it's quite normal to hang out for a bit, then disappear onto my laptop for a few hours if I can't go out - they're usually working or studying though. It seems weird/unsociable to do that in houses of our parent's generation (50-60 year old's).

BlackCatz · 27/12/2021 19:36

@BoredZelda

The replacement is here at the moment, watching Netflix quietly in her room having brought us a home made cake and card reading ‘thank you for being so generous to me this last year.’

“The replacement” What a hideous way to refer to your son’s girlfriend.

I thought that too. Gross.
merrygoround51 · 27/12/2021 19:38

I cannot bear people who expect a ‘show’ and ‘buzz’ when the stay. Good food, conversation etc yes but a show - well no.

Frankly I prefer if they fuck off home. I wouldn’t be insulted

Hotyogahotchoc · 27/12/2021 19:39

I think it's a bit rude of him to say that while at your house where you could overhear him. His house is different but it's not necessarily more fun.

DrivingHomeChristmas · 27/12/2021 19:41

We have 5 older teens and our house sounds like his ‘fun’ house. Tbh I don’t find it that much fun - your house sounds much more my idea of a holiday! I seek a lot of solace with the dogs on long walks!

stairgates · 27/12/2021 19:42

Alcohol, he means his family get more pissed than yours.

Original poster
Wisteriabloom · 27/12/2021 19:44

Thank you for all your responses, generally a mixed bag which is why I like Mumsnet. I need to ooont out though, that he wasn't with us for Christmas, he came on Boxing Day night, so it's that 'in between Xmas & New Year' stage.

Christmas Eve, we met up with neighbours at our local for drinks, Christmas Day we were all at my sister's, and Boxing Day we hosted dh's family, with our 10 & 12 year old nephews. So it's this stage that probably does seem quiet, perhaps he should have been with us over the actual Christmas. It was very full-on!

OP posts:
SymbollocksInteractionism · 27/12/2021 19:51

It sounds like the difference between my family and my husband's.
My family are much more quiet, we have fun but sounds more like how you have described your family.
Husband is one of 3 siblings and my kids love it at the in laws with their cousins, cousins partners, aunts and uncles. There is much more noise and more fun for them.

beenthereboughtthetshirt · 27/12/2021 20:24

Me and boyfriend at that age just used to disappear to my bedroom and have sex. Can't they just have some 'them' time in your daughter's room, @Wisteriabloom.

I think they'd enjoy spending time at yours then. Otherwise it's just boring.

monotonousmum · 27/12/2021 20:26

This is definitely similar to the difference between mine and my husbands family. Mine are definitely more 'fun', but hopefully my in-laws would never know we think that.

It doesn't mean I don't enjoy their company , or love them any less. They're great, just different to mine. It would actually be too much if both sides where the same!

stevalnamechanger · 27/12/2021 20:57

People enjoy different things

My partners house is more fun than my house 🤣 people stay up and watch shows / have drinks / play games

My family are early to bed and I'm a night owl

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