How do you know when you are slipping mentally

[Feelingoood]

Inspired by a pp on another thread that said it’s when she stops having baths. I Just realised it’s when I spend too much time on mumsnet looking for answers! I now realise that means I need to do things that make me feel better - time alone, tidy home, wash clothes - as a matter of priority. How do you know when you are sliding 8nto depression?

when I can't bear to listen to music because it jangles my nerves

As well as not looking after myself, not wanting to see people. Just wanting to stay in bed and not get up. But definitely the not bearing to listen to music is the very first sign.

I know I'm in a bad place when parcels start arriving 3-4 days a week. Technically addicted to shopping, I usually try and play it off as a joke but DH has suggested rehab more than once.

I start feeling a bit paranoid about things. Not as in the kind of paranoia a schizophrenic might have, but it's the only word I can think of.

When I'm out and about I feel self conscious like I'm getting in the way or bothering people, I start worrying about things I've said or done and whether people are annoyed with me and I start reflecting back on embarrassing things I've done in the past.

It's anxiety I suppose but those are the symptoms.

Mind is more anxiety although I do have depression too. It's very evil and I have severe GAD.

When I'm not so good I don't sleep, cry ALL the time, ruminate over the same bad stuff over and over again , self harm , research suicide methods and obsess about them, I can't go to work, I become snappy and I barely eat. I feel dreadfully alone and will barely talk to anyone: will drop the children to school and will come home and hide. I also shy away from any other human contact and past trauma repeatedly enters my head so I hurt myself to get rid of the thoughts...It goes on and on . Not fun.

It's bad and I really need to get some more help but I am terrified of that. ☹️

When I become forgetful.

Black cloud, numbness - feels very much like a hormonal chemical thing

When I realise I haven't showered for a few days, and still don't have the impetus to.

I stop eating.

I panic over inanimate objects, eg if I pick up something in the supermarket and then put it back I worry the object I've put back will feel rejected.

Lots of things…I’m slipping at the moment and it’s horrible. Heightened anxiety about literally everything (car journeys = fatal car crash, a small ache = terminal disease, DS going to school = I can’t even bring myself to write it), waking up in the small hours in a complete panic, crying all the time, a feeling of impending doom, not wanting to see anyone or go anywhere, a feeling that everyone would be better off without me, just wanting to shut myself off from everything, not caring what I look like, not wanting to do any housework. The list is endless.

@SirChenjins

Lots of things…I’m slipping at the moment and it’s horrible. Heightened anxiety about literally everything (car journeys = fatal car crash, a small ache = terminal disease, DS going to school = I can’t even bring myself to write it), waking up in the small hours in a complete panic, crying all the time, a feeling of impending doom, not wanting to see anyone or go anywhere, a feeling that everyone would be better off without me, just wanting to shut myself off from everything, not caring what I look like, not wanting to do any housework. The list is endless.

It's horrible isn't it.

I could have written this.

Unmumsnetty hugs to you 💕

@hulahoopqueen I’m glad you mentioned shopping as this is the #1 most obvious one for me.

Actually since I’ve identified it, I’ve noticed that I can spot and control it a lot more easily. I will allow myself to shop and put things in the trolley, but only buy maybe 1. This is a major improvement.

It really is 😢 The effort to hide it is exhausting.

Unmumsnetty hugs back to you 💕

@hulahoopqueen

I know I'm in a bad place when parcels start arriving 3-4 days a week. Technically addicted to shopping, I usually try and play it off as a joke but DH has suggested rehab more than once.

Rehab might be an overreaction, what about therapy? Addiction is often a coping mechanism employed by traumatised people.

I really identify with a lot of things mentioned on this thread.
I have GAD and I didn't even realise that there were things I do until I started reading this.
My main issue is that I obsess about something happening to my dc. My biggest fear is that they go missing and I even feel afraid of this happening when we're all in the house! I also become v anxious about my health. I empathise with the pp who mentioned that every ache = something awful, etc
I pick at my skin (in my case, my ears - grim I know) and my nails are shredded down to the quick. I also overeat by picking away at snacks and eating hunks of bread late at night when I'm not remotely hungry.
I can't be bothered having a shower at the best of times, but I force myself to do it. The house gets messy and I get v snappy and irritable with my dh who doesn't deserve my wrath.
I hope everyone on here gets some relief from their symptoms and some understanding in their lives.

@Feelingoood
Thank you, I'll try to catch it earlier and try and 'praise' myself for the things I do achieve and be more positive towards myself.
I don't mean to sound 'woe is me' but I don't think I deserve any 'praise' for doing 'normal' things that other people can do without hassle and screwing it up, it's a hard mindset to change and I tend to try and push myself more initially and force myself to cope or appear to cope so that other people don't think I'm being pathetic, and then I give up and think what's the point? I'm useless anyway and my little issues are evidence of that, and the harder I try the less I seem to get right and I lose heart.

The common theme seems to be that most of us become really harsh towards ourselves, punishing ourselves in one way or another by lack of self care, isolation from other people, losing interest in things we love and not doing them, doing things that are detrimental to our general well being.

In better times I wonder if it's because of all the pressure loaded by life to succeed to a high level and have everything, and to be happy all the time. That unless you're happy all the time then there's something wrong and I do wonder if that in itself is an unrealistic expectation? Negative emotions and feelings are human and maybe the emphasis is more on not feeling them or not showing we feel them rather than learning how to deal with them and work through them?
I think that's what it is for me, but I don't know why? The sky won't fall in if some people think I'm silly or pathetic for feeling overwhelmed, or is it that I'm scared I'll have what I think about myself confirmed and it'll take away any motivation I have to try if I admit that?
I guess I don't feel I have the 'right' to feel that way and therefore do things that I think will appear to others that I don't while secretly dealing with it by punishing myself for feeling that way.

@savagebaggagemaster

I really identify with a lot of things mentioned on this thread. I have GAD and I didn't even realise that there were things I do until I started reading this. My main issue is that I obsess about something happening to my dc. My biggest fear is that they go missing and I even feel afraid of this happening when we're all in the house! I also become v anxious about my health. I empathise with the pp who mentioned that every ache = something awful, etc I pick at my skin (in my case, my ears - grim I know) and my nails are shredded down to the quick. I also overeat by picking away at snacks and eating hunks of bread late at night when I'm not remotely hungry. I can't be bothered having a shower at the best of times, but I force myself to do it. The house gets messy and I get v snappy and irritable with my dh who doesn't deserve my wrath. I hope everyone on here gets some relief from their symptoms and some understanding in their lives.

I understand absolutely how you feel.

My obsession is my husband as well as my children. Even thinking about it makes my heart race and I want to burst into tears.
It's absolutely horrendous isn't it. 💕

I am on anti depressants long term; they keep the black hole away but I am not well. I am retired just wish the days were shorter; say 6 hours. Enough to wash, clean, tidy, eat, shop etc and then just sleep the rest of the day away - safe not anxious. Neither reading or tv property occupy me I know I am just using them to pass the time, like reading a magazine before a dentist appointment. Jigsaws do help. So I can live a reasonably happy life just not for a full day. Bless you all

@BananaPant for you
Although it's horrendous, it's good to know that someone else understands what you're going through.

This thread has been really helpful - I see myself in so many of the posts.

A need for total silence, I cannot have any noise. I don’t know why. I also completely lose my appetite & even the thought of food makes me queasy.

When I stop brushing my teeth at night.

When the dark thoughts feel seductive and I fleetingly envy the dead.

When I can't even smile at my kids.

When my thoughts are bitter.

While I wouldn't wish it on anyone...it's also oddly reassuring to see I'm not that unusual! Thanks for the thread op

I have ocd so using more and more disinfectant and hand gel. Checking lights and switches more and locks.

When I stop wanting to communicate - in any way not just talking I'm really bad. It's sort of ironic as I do it in order not to worry people as those closest to me are easily able to tell even from texts that I'm sliding, but then they also know I'm sliding if they don't hear from me at all! I got a telling off and I now have to "check in" every few days just a text or message saying "I'm still alive" literally!

I jump when the phone goes with even a sm notification.

I'll read mn but not post not check in on my regular threads.

When I stop doing even basic chores/self care - it's pretty bad anyway but if I slide it gets awful!

@KatyN I've not been able to sleep in silence for decades! Always gotta have something on! Nowadays it's streaming and when the stream stops (why does that happen?!) the silence actually wakes me up! I then have to start the stream again to have any chance of getting back to sleep. When properly awake need to be doing 2-3 things at once

@Nottonightpet not stupid and you're not pathetic! Please be easier on yourself (I know it's hard)

When I can’t be bothered to prepare food in any way, like putting some porridge in a microwave is too much effort.

I had about 18 months prior to lockdown where I didn't cook at all I was living on ready made crap, takeaways and sandwiches!

Lockdown affecting groceries and takeaways (with the ocd doorstep deliveries no good to me!) was actually what kicked me out of it cos I couldn't GET the ready made stuff! Silver linings...

Yes to the grooming routines slide!

@BookLovingNorthLondoner I'm a lit grad! I can't remember the last time I read a book! It's simultaneously not distracting enough and requires too much concentration

Currently been awake 26 hours I keep trying to overcome the insomnia but it's so hard

@pastypirate keep seeing your name on threads. I have dermotillomania (skin picking) it of course gets worse when I'm anxious and unfortunately I'm most likely to pick at my face, similar to habits like nail biting half the time I'm not consciously aware of doing it

@HippyMoon I'm so very sorry for your loss I can't imagine!

I have 3 bereavement anniversaries in jan, one is my 1st mc which was a long time ago, the others are more recent, close relatives. I hate January!

@hulahoopqueen and @Luckystar1
spending addiction is real a relative of mine has it luckily she found a good therapist that recognised and acknowledged it it's not so widely acknowledged in uk yet (her therapist is Australian immigrant) I hope you can find help

The common theme seems to be that most of us become really harsh towards ourselves

Everyone says this to me in relation to my Mh, that I'm far too hard on myself. Therapists point out I'm waaay more forgiving to even awful people than I am of myself

This is me ON anti depressants and max dose of pretty serious ones too! I'm supposed to be starting on another as well as the current ones but I'm worried about interaction and side effects and nobody has yet provided reassurance

For me it's when I stop listening to music. I've lived my whole life with music in the background, but it stops when I'm depressed or feeling more anxious than usual.

When I'm snippy with the children for no reason, can't cope with their noise instead of letting it slide past me.

When I don't bother with tidying the little things that accumulate, and then feel overwhelmed by the mess.

When the normal day-to-day tasks like laundry are too hard and just pile up.

When food is exhausting so I don't eat.

for those who are struggling. It has been such a difficult couple of years.