How do you know when you are slipping mentally

[Feelingoood]

Inspired by a pp on another thread that said it’s when she stops having baths. I Just realised it’s when I spend too much time on mumsnet looking for answers! I now realise that means I need to do things that make me feel better - time alone, tidy home, wash clothes - as a matter of priority. How do you know when you are sliding 8nto depression?

Yep, all here:

• Withdrawing from everyone
• Sleeping in and wearing the same clothes for days
• Not showering
• Not being in touch with family/friends
• Not caring for plants/garden
• Feeling sick
• Feeling like I want to get away from it all, whether a hotel or off a cliff
• Blankness

It is so, so shit, and to fellow sufferers...

(Oh, and randomly, watching Harry Potter films....)

@Sayithowitisbaby

When I start worrying about money, not wanting to see or speak to anyone and most of all when I start feeling like a bad Mum. I'm a single parent and find it really difficult during the holidays to do things with the DC because of a lack of money and lack of energy. I just want to sleep all the time or zone out watching TV. The guilt of not doing anything with the DC really makes me spiral faster into a depression. I hope this makes sense. Mentally I'm not in a great place at the moment but hopefully will be ok in a couple of days.

Exactly the same here single mum with same anxieties @Sayithowitisbaby ....I wake up and heart starts beating and I just think I've not made the most of holidays with them, but I'm just so tired and they never want to go out anyway (teens) I also become insular and don't want to interact with people, and when I have to everyone irritates me, and then I ruminate about how annoying they were. Winter isn't a good time for my MH, it feels like a dark curtain pulled over me for 3 months. I'm convinced humans were meant to hibernate in winter.

Not me but my DD, her hands get dry from over washing and she seeks reassurance on random things. She usually can tell herself that she's got some anxiety/intrusive thoughts going on but I think she subconsciously also needs me to know too so she's less alone with it.

• I start avoiding going to bed/getting enough sleep - spending too much time online instead.

• I engage in risky sex with men that I don’t know well enough. I guess it’s a validation/wanting to feel something sort of thing.

• I feel restless and want to change my life.

• I struggle to read books. In fact I’ve read fewer books since the start of Covid than during any other time in my life.

It’s only recently that I can recognise that I’m slipping but I’ve found it allows me to sort of ground myself and cling on to what’s real long enough to start putting in coping mechanisms.

When places start becoming messy - generally I keep up on general tidyness, but when I'm sinking it's the first thing to go really.

When I drink every night
When I withdraw from people
When I really want to get in the car and drive to the top of Scotland
When I'm telling everyone and everything to fuck off (mostly in my head!)

There’s a good relapse prevention worksheet that can be really helpful in making a note of your warning signs and things that you know will help. It can be difficult to think of what helps and what to look out for when a dip is looming so lots of people find it useful to already have it written down. It can be good for partners or family to be aware of to.
www.get.gg/docs/RelapsePrevention.pdf

When I start avoiding people.

For me it’s when I realise I don’t want to shower. That’s the first sign.

Waste hours on social media.

When I notice my ‘slippery behaviours’ and can’t be arsed doing anything about them. I tell myself I need some down time, Netflix, microwave meals, self-care, whereas these are actually ‘no care’ activities. I find scheduling things with friends arrears this, although 95% of the team i can’t be arsed. So what is better for me is having a busy calendar before the slippery times. And usually I’m too late when I recognise this :(

I stop going out
I start checking doors, switches etc
Lack of personal care
Tiredness
Lack interest in anything
Stop sleeping

I’m stuck in this cycle right now.

I’m identifying with a lot of this. I avoid going to bed, stop talking to people, convince myself I’m a complete failure and everything I’ve ever done was wrong. Relive past events over and over in my head, berating myself for my stupidity, or lack of courage.
Also spend hours looking on the internet, rather than doing what I should. I’m a parent. I should know better.
Just before coming on here, I googled my teenage love and discovered he’s written a book! Cue me feeling even more of a failure. Meh. Wish I could snap out of it.

Insomnia
Harsher critical voice

Constantly tired but cant sleep
Making up paranoid scenarios in my head
Hating everything but thinking everyone hates me
Snapping at my children
No interest in anything
Drinking coffee or tea but no water

Anxiety more than depression, but my main symptoms of a bad phase are:

Irritable and snappy
Zoning out
Feeling like I don’t have anything of any value/not feeling adequate.
Insomnia.
I notice more aches and twinges on my body, or I imagine symptoms I don’t have and obsess about them.
I get exhausted and then fall into a bad routine of being too tired to shower or put on different clothes and become generally grubby for a week or two.

My trich flares and I pull my eyelashes.

I can't watch tv or read or concentrate.

I drop the kids to school and want to get straight back into bed.

Actually sleeping in the day trumps all those.

As others, it's always triggered by some external event, and leads me to feel Im a failure in everything and that everything is pointless, senses of guilt, and a feeling i am repulsive and universally disliked. Thankfully it doesn't happen that often but interested to know what people do to bring themselves back when they feel the spiral start.
I try to rationalise things and break things down into smaller pieces to tackle, but the only thing that really helps is time.

• I start washing my hands more often, staying constantly aware of what my hands have touched to know when they need to be washed again

• Getting an eczema rash flare up on my neck or my eyelids start twitching

• Skipping breakfast and lunch, and then just grabbing a bag of crisps or biscuits instead of taking the time to prepare even something simple like toast or a sandwich

• Having PJ days on the weekend rather than getting dressed

Can't focus on one thing at a time. Tonight I was doing 3 things at once.

Stop reading

Lose all interest in food

yes to neglecting personal hygiene, just sort of shut down, don't want to go to sleep because I've got to wake up, sometimes I over eat, other times I stop eating

all Nottonightpet
Thank you this is an amazingly helpful thread!it’s wonderful to realise I’m not alone. I’m one of those people that think everyone is having a better time ( they probably are)! There are some really useful signs that You have pointed out that I now realise I do. Definitely not showering and wearing same clothes and not caring about house. Or self.
Nottonightpet I have a friend that coped by telling himself off and hitting himself. He found constantly saying encouraging things to himself ( and leaving bullying workplace) helped.
Thankyou for the link too, pp.

I spend hours each day ruminating and also become irritable and anti social. It's exhausting but I never recognise the downward spiral until after the anti depressants have kicked in and I realise just how chaotic my thinking was.

That's interesting @somehowsunshine, during my last episode, the thing that made my DP encourage me to go to docs was me being obsessed over how good it would be to be put into coma for month and be looked after. I just thought this was normal at the time and surely everyone wants that but looking back it was perhaps a sign that not everything was so great!

Checking out of everything and everyone around me. In the run-up to the anniversary of my baby's death earlier this month I spent a week living on the sofa in my office. Barely moving, barely eating, sleeping there, not talking to anyone... not great.