Family history. I don't get it. Can you explain?

[Jessicabrassica]

My mil is obsessed by family history. I am really pleased she has a hobby and she talks about it a lot. (It's a bit like a 10yo talking at you about super heros).

But I really don't get it.
I have told my children stories of the people who were in my life growing up, and some of my mum's stories from growing up. But these are people of whom we have actual meaningful memories and relationships.

I understand there is skill in the detective work but I struggle to see how your 4th cousin 3x removed is actually relevant if you have to find them on the internet and don't know them irl.

I come from a lineage where blood relatives are generally a bad thing. I'm adopted, dm was fostered and df went non-contact with his family. I don't really get 'family'. This might colour my view.
I'd like to get to a point where I understand the relevance if long-dead and unmet relatives. Can anyone help me out?

I found my mother's side of the family fascinating. We knew a lot about Dad's but it wasn't until recently that we discovered one of mum's ancestors had won a V.C at the battle of Rorkes Drift. We never knew that she had Welsh roots, let alone that.

It brought me peace to identify and find out about my parents (and their parents and their parents and so on). I thought it would be more of a finite thing, but with DNA projects there are new discoveries all the time. Questions about my identity have been resolved and it’s been surprisingly therapeutic to know peace and to have a connection with my various genetic communities. Especially those who have had to live in secret for hundreds of years like the Sephardim, thousands of miles from home, how can spitting into a tube unlock so many mysteries? And to see the unbroken lines of female migration around the globe, mothers and daughters dating back thousands of years, is just fascinating.

Also everything already said about social history at a personal level, it completely absorbs me. I especially like the conflicts, ancestors on each side trying to kill each other with really shit weapons. Great great whatever grandmothers giving birth halfway across the Atlantic in the sixteenth century, can you even imagine? Maybe it will teach me a little humility and gratitude.

But it’s wider than just my personal ancestry, it’s given me a deep appreciation of the current state of affairs in the US and how well all those disparate communities have compromised on the whole where before I could only see problems.

I think this becomes more important the older you get. Maybe feeling less relevant in older age, less important to those around you as your children move on and forge their own lives? I couldn’t have given two hoots about it ten years ago but now I find myself wanting to know more, understand where I came from. A family member found out that one of her relatives died at Dunkirk. My son was awed by that.

Professional genealogist here. Call the Midwife does the explaining for me - we have a ceaseless appetite for social history. How many novels start with the discovery of a box of old letters? The past will always fascinate us because that could have been us.

I never, ever tire of my job. I get to look at birth, death and marriage certificates all day and not one of them is ever boring. It's someone's life, and it tells a story. There's hilarity, tragedy and drama in all of them.

This is the Scottish genealogists favourite entry ever, you'll need to zoom in. It's Mr Bastard the excise man living amongst the distillery men of Kildalton in 1871. His wife's name is a gift to us all. Merry Christmas!

I don’t feel connected to my cousins, so I definitely can’t get excited about people further back. But I have found some interesting things in my family, and that makes me feel connected to those individual people.

Are you interested in your birth family history? I'm adopted, and find little of interest in tracing my adoptive family history. But my biological roots are pretty fascinating.

I find it fascinating and have got really into researching my house and the people that lived here, and their lives. The little thrill you get when you make a breakthrough!
The amazing details in newspaper articles etc that bring people to life. Thinking about who has lived in these walls before me.
I guess for me it’s the history and how people lived but with a personal element.
But then lately I’ve been thinking I might have asd and I do get very ‘into’ things.
I guess you either find it interesting or you don’t, and that’s ok.

@MorrisZapp

Professional genealogist here. Call the Midwife does the explaining for me - we have a ceaseless appetite for social history. How many novels start with the discovery of a box of old letters? The past will always fascinate us because that could have been us.

I never, ever tire of my job. I get to look at birth, death and marriage certificates all day and not one of them is ever boring. It's someone's life, and it tells a story. There's hilarity, tragedy and drama in all of them.

This is the Scottish genealogists favourite entry ever, you'll need to zoom in. It's Mr Bastard the excise man living amongst the distillery men of Kildalton in 1871. His wife's name is a gift to us all. Merry Christmas!

Please put me out of my misery! Can’t read the screenshot 🧐

It’s Patience @Ylfa.

I understand that when you are younger, none of this seems important. For a start, you are likely to have heard some of the family history from the older generations in the family. As you get older yourself, it does become more interesting. DH began to look into his family history because his dad died young and we discovered that a lot of what MIL told him, about both sides of the family, was untrue. Partly because she didn't actually know and partly outright lies to prevent dh from knowing that the big rift in their family had actually been caused by her. Dh began to look into it, did overed some relatives he knew about vaguely and has now managed to trace back to the mid 1700s. He also now has relationships with cousins he remembered from early childhood but had not seen for over 50 years.
My aunt has traced our family back about three generations. Can't go any further as family came from abroad. Her research has answered some family mysteries though. As well as discovering that anyone in UK with that surname is actually part of the family. Sadly, DH is now the oldest member of the wider family so cannot ask anyone else for information to help him track back any further. For him, the most important thing was to find out that the grandparents he loved so much as a little boy did not just walk out of his life, they were pushed out by their jealous DIL, my MIL.

@Blossomtoes

It’s Patience *@Ylfa*.

Haha that’s great! Thanks 😀

@Cocomarine

I don’t think I can help! Just wanted to say that like you, I see the point in the detective work, but I don’t understand how people feel “connected”. Perhaps I’m just a misery 😉 but when my grandmother showed me several hundred years of tree (pre Internet!) I was fascinated to look… but couldn’t help but think, one affair, one mistake, one baby brought up by other family member with detail lost in time - and I’m looking at the wrong tree. I can’t get that out of my mind. And even if there’s no mistake - I just don’t feel connected to someone multiple generations back or sideways. So following with interest!

But Cocomarine, researching family history is how a lot of those sorts of secrets are discovered!

My dad's great uncle, for example. I found out that he was born 3 years before his mum got married and that she left him with her parents when she moved to London to work. Her husband didn't know the child existed until they'd been married a year or two. The child came to live with them and his name was changed. Dad always knew him as "uncle Bob" but he was actually called Alfred. Dad never knew. He died before I found out.

I also discovered that another ancestor was born out of wedlock, in a workhouse. A bit of detective work in census and baptism records led me to the likely father, even though he was not named on the birth certificate. The mother had given her son an unusual first name, which happened to also be the surname of a man who was living in the same building as her in the census.
Finding out that information stopped me from researching the wrong family further back.

As you can probably tell, I find family history and genealogy absolutely fascinating! I started my research in 1998, before the Internet had really taken off. I have to admit, it was much more fun in those days, travelling around the country to various record offices and libraries, rootling around in the incredible volume of documents held by the Society of Genealogists and searching through hundreds of old documents. It was such fun!
Nowadays, I can find the same amount of information in a couple of hours online that would have taken me months to find a couple of decades ago. It's quicker, but strangely a lot less exciting and satisfying.
Maybe if you'd been into it pre-internet you would have "got it" more.

I can't say that I necessarily feel connected to my more distant ancestors but I have found some interesting people. A composer, and a navy 'hero' of WW2. I'm also intrigued by the fact that part of my family came from Scotland. How and why they made a 350 or so mile journey from a little village to North London. Similarly some characters who seem to have been somewhat economic with the truth regarding their martial status and parentage.

@Hazelnut5

I’m not so interested in my family tree, but I got a huge amount of pleasure from tracing all the people who lived in my Victorian house.

There’s something really satisfying about looking at our rooms, staircase, cornices etc and knowing that they were in exactly this space and called it home.

Finding the occasional piece in the newspapers helps to bring them alive - the family of three teenage boys selling on an early bicycle, the butcher fined for passing off imported mutton as local, the young church minister involved in a huge breakaway from the established church.

Oh you’ve made me want to do this now! We live in a three story converted Victorian townhouse. A project for the new year I think 🤔

I’m surprised he’s still alive if he grew up in the 18th century.

I love it but I do appreciate that not everyone finds it exciting and I only really discuss it with my Dad who is also interested but not good at online stuff. I don't get emotional about it all but it's just something that appeals to my nosey nature. I like to know where I fit in the bigger picture.

My grandfather was heavily into genealogy too, he was always on the hunt for his grandfather who disappeared off the face of the earth. I've picked up his paper research and added to it but still not managed to find him! I wasn't overly interested until I found a suffragette direct relation on the 1911 census. My family and DHs family hasn't really moved about much in the last 300yrs so it's nice to go for a walk and look at previously occupied houses and graveyards and learn about to social history surrounding it all.

@GameofPhones

I have 'inherited' papers, photos and a portrait of her from my deceased sister-in-law, since my brother also died. I can't trace any of her relatives, but it feels disrespectful to just throw these things away. If I could trace relatives, they might be glad to have them. Any suggestions?

You could contact the family history society in the area local to where they lived, or where she originally came from, if you know it. They may know of people researching connected surnames.

I am fascinated by genealogy and have spent about 10 years researching my husband's family (my sister has done our family). As others have said it's part the joy of the detective work, the thrill of discovery, of piecing together clues about someone's life, understanding that life was different then, but people really weren't.
Nearly every family will have a skeleton in a cupboard. I have discovered a scandalous divorce and another woman who lied through her teeth to cover up her origins. I'm lucky in that the family became wealthy in the 19th century and there is loads of material about them beyond births, marriages and deaths. I love understanding how they bettered themselves.There are wills that tell the story of family relationships and personal letters that reveal someone's character. My husband wouldn't admit it, but he has benefited from the brave decisions taken by his ancestors in the 1790s and 1840s.
I have learned loads about the industrial revolution, about non conformist religion, and general social history.

My dad was very much into family history as a hobby in his retirement .
I have inherited files and files of his investigations and whilst it doesn't mean much to me at the moment, I'm keeping it in case I show an interest in future . Plus which I couldn't bear to throw all his hard work away .

I make my money from looking into other people's family history so have a bit of a vested interest.

Most of my clients are not interested in their 4th cousin 3 times removed. They ask me to look into a certain line going back, so maybe their grandfather's mother back through direct parents only.

I think learning about what people you have a connection to were doing at a certain period of time makes it more relevant. I mean, we all know that loads of young men died in the First World War. But when you research a woman with four sons born 1892-1899 and find that three were killed and the other injured, you start to see how the history impacted individual families. There are SO many websites and ways to find out information out there, local newspapers are brilliant for adding colour and bringing our ancestors to life.

One of the first clients I ever had was convinced that all 4 of her grandmother's grandparents were Irish. Totally convinced. Was nice to confirm that she was 3/4 right, and show her where the other grandparent came from in Scotland.

But it's OK not to "get" it. There are LOTS of things that I don't get and we all like different things. But family history / genealogy is a massive market in the UK, and growing all the time.

@LondonWolf Oh do! It’s so exciting finding stuff out. Even seeing our house listed in an old census gives me such a thrill.

Funnily enough I have been doing some family history this afternoon. It's wet outside and I can't do anymore indoors until tomorrow.

I find it so interesting but my DH and the rest of my family just tend to roll their eyes when I provide them with fascinating facts . Have found relatives in Canada, Australia, New Zealand, US and South Africa.

My grandfather was born in another country and his family came back to England when he was about 6. I wish I had been more interested when he was still alive - would have loved to talk to him about what he could remember about living there and the journey back (1890's).

Have yet to discover any single, elderly millionaires looking for someone to leave their money to, but I live in hope.

Most interesting was the case of the attempted murder and suicide on one side of the family. I also discovered that a great uncle on the other side lived for a while and married a women from where I live now (West Country). We all originate from East Anglia.

Oh, also discovered that my DH's Great Great Grandmother died after being hit by a train. She was deaf an didn't hear it coming according to newspaper reports at the time.

See, just don't get me started.

@thatsallineed Great idea, thankyou.

oldest family tree!?