Family history. I don't get it. Can you explain?

[Jessicabrassica]

My mil is obsessed by family history. I am really pleased she has a hobby and she talks about it a lot. (It's a bit like a 10yo talking at you about super heros).

But I really don't get it.
I have told my children stories of the people who were in my life growing up, and some of my mum's stories from growing up. But these are people of whom we have actual meaningful memories and relationships.

I understand there is skill in the detective work but I struggle to see how your 4th cousin 3x removed is actually relevant if you have to find them on the internet and don't know them irl.

I come from a lineage where blood relatives are generally a bad thing. I'm adopted, dm was fostered and df went non-contact with his family. I don't really get 'family'. This might colour my view.
I'd like to get to a point where I understand the relevance if long-dead and unmet relatives. Can anyone help me out?

Haveing watched a lot of these types of programs, families where the mother died and the father couldn’t look after them, were farmed out to relatives and friends, changed names and passed off as their won. There will be a lot of children not connected to their ‘birth’ father or children conceived from an affair and the wife raises the baby.

I’m not convinced these trees are a true reflection!

I think the stories are far more interesting than just dates and names.

Doing my family tree, I discovered that real census data from my family had been used in a GCSE History question. A normal family, very typical of the area in that they were crowded in a house and poor. The question was around living conditions etc.

Urgh. We have one of these in our family. I get really embarrassed as there are relatives I can't tell apart, who I see once or twice a decade. Family tree person is so invested and I don't get it at all. I want to be interested but am more preoccupied with the here and now.

I've traced my family on one side back to the 1400s, on another back to about 1760, but can't do any other sides because of immigration and destroyed records.

One reason why I find it fascinating is that you realise that modern "social" issues are anything but. There's some really strange stuff in my family tree in the early 19th century, and the location of the events makes me wonder whether they incidentally informed a somewhat famous novel as villages were small back then and what happened would have been whispered about.

I've dabbled at this occasionally. I'd like to do more as I find it fascinating being able to see how your family fitted within the context of historical events.

For me it brings history to life and makes it relevant.

@Jessicabrassica

Thank you. I guess I'm struggling to see the people and the richness of their lives when all you have is a dob, number of siblings, parents jobs ... I'm more interested in the ” our Xmas pudding recipe has been passed down from x who was the kitchen main at Downton" kind of story. That feels tangible. Agatha, born in 1832, one of 8, spinster, died 1873 just feels like data not like an actual person.

To be honest I feel the same about my birth family. They're also nothing but names on a piece of paper

Maybe I'm just stuck between 2 families - 1 where I have genetic links but no social ones and one where I'm not related but I share the social stories.

You're halfway there. The facts (dob etc) are just the skeleton, the rest of the interest is in the fleshing it out.

Tracking where they lived, their careers, good fortune and bad that's been recorded, it tells a story. Not just a personal one, but one that's part of the fabric of our society. It's history made real. These are not just stories, but real people. You might read in a history book about people who endured poverty and ended up in a workhouse, but that's an ancestor who did that. A real person, experiencing real things. They're experience led to great reforms industry, society, law, politics...That led not just to the world today but the experience of your life and mine.

Likewise if ancestors were more fortunate. Maybe they were politically active, maybe they did some good in the world. Or maybe they were an example of the bad.

When you look back through archives and see how one person's fortunes may have changed through the life (or didnt); where they lived and moved to, who they met...It shows you the reality of the history.

For some people it's a way of honouring their grandparents and great grandparents, their lives and who they cares about. It's a way of remembering them.

Usually, the biographies of people that are recorded in history are those of the rich, the supremely talented or the infamous. People who know their family tree back generations whose ancestors were generals and aristocracy and made the laws are seen as important and key figures in history. In truth, ordinary people were every bit as important, if not more. Many of society's greatest leaps forwards have come about because of the efforts of the "underclasses". Honestly? The lives and stories of ordinary people are more important to our history then many of those whose portraits hang in museums and galleries today.

About 15 years ago someone trying to find their family history caused our family to find out out my great grandmother had another child before marrying my grandfather. It was an intriguing side story for my extended family, but did seem to have more meaning for that child's descendants. Unfortunately they never did find out who the father was (it was during WW1, the assumption is they were killed before the baby was born).

My father on the other hand isn't exactly sure how many aunts, uncles and cousins he has. His father and mother each had at least 10 siblings. He's mentioned a second marriage of a grandparent as well. Unfortunately both had very common names, so it could be hard to trace.

DHs family... his parents found out they wee second cousins after they married. Theres a recently discovered photograph of them as children.

Horses for courses op.

Interesting to some, dull to others.

My FIL is really into it. He pops round a lot and often tells everyone about finding a very distant relative, lived near Birmingham! Worked in a butcher shop! Didn't have children!

I listen with interested face but not interested at all.

If you have v interesting people who did blimey things then I get it way more.

I like photos though. They are way more interesting to me. Clothes, faces, expressions etc.

Eg I love star Trek.

I could explain why.

But in the end it's either your sort of thing or it isn't!

I'm really into it too, for me it's the detective work side of it!

I found out that my grandmother's entire family had been wiped out by the holocaust. As her DM moved to the UK from Lithuania and went NC, she had always wondered what had happened to them. It was horrible finding out, but it's also really interesting - and we found a family photo!

I don't have contact with my father and I found an entire new branch of relations. It's quite fascinating when you get into it! But I think you need to be really into it to get it. It's not for everyone.

I really like the "thrill of the chase" through history and have more recently got in to DNA Ancestry (so, more puzzles to solve). I'm not so bothered by how or if the people are related to me and get quite a buzz out of helping other people with their family trees.

I'm an MPE myself (having mis-attributed parentage experience) and so I particularly enjoy helping people figure out who their biological father is.

I think a lot of it is to do with stories too, I enjoy the story side of it.

I keep feeling there must be a website for exchange of 'orphan' documents and chattels. Of course there is the Ebay 'Ephemera' section where you could offer things. There is an interesting (to me!) Radio 4 programme tracing the relatives of people on discarded wedding photos.

My parents arrived last night for Xmas whilst I was unpacking the massive supermarket delivery. Within minutes of their arrival, my Dad had covered the kitchen table in maps of the field system around the village he grew up at some point in the 18th century. I was less than polite in response to his comment that I didn't seem very interested.
My thoughts on this are, first, that people do it as they get older as they are increasingly aware of their impending death and so want to make sense of their place in the world and that they, too, will be remembered and talked about in years to come. Secondly, my dad sees this as a project and, of course, for the 40 odd years he worked and the 15 or so years of education before that, whenever you do a project, it gets looked at and commented on, often positively and so he is used to and looking for that feedback.

I got heavily into family history and found it very emotional. I cried when I discovered that my great grandmother lost eight of her 15 children in infancy and again when I found my great, great grandmother ended up in the workhouse. I have a great sense of gratitude to those ancestors who have passed me their genes and whose lives were so hard.

Whenever I read any social history, or watch a historical drama, etc, it makes me wonder what my life would have been like if I’d lived then, how it might have felt, and so on. And I find that fascinating. Finding out about the lives of your ancestors is the closest you can get to answering those questions. That’s why it’s interesting to me, anyway.

Within minutes of their arrival, my Dad had covered the kitchen table in maps of the field system around the village he grew up at some point in the 18th century.

I’m surprised he’s still alive if he grew up in the 18th century.

It absolutely is about the individual stories in the context of the historical period. Wondering what led them to make certain decisions or how they reacted to certain situations.

Being able to then link that to buildings that still exist and things like that is also fascinating.

I love the detective type work and I also love the social history side of it all.

I find it fascinating and spend a lot of my free time researching my family history. I think my interest was piqued when I was really young because we had loads of mysteries about the people who were alive. There was a family story about my great-nans mum dying young and her being sent to live with family (turned out to be true). She later divorced and no one knew what had happened to my great granddad. Another great granddad was born overseas. My granddad who I knew really well wasn’t able to tell me the names of his own grandparents because he was brought up in care. I was able to tell him that, researched his family back to the 1700’s, we found out they came from a nearby village and went to the cemetery together to find some graves. It was really important to him and really rewarding!

I really enjoy the puzzle solving aspect of it and learning about how people lived in previous generations. I’ve found some tragic stories and some amazing ones, but I don’t feel particularly emotionally connected to them either way, I just find it super interesting.

I started researching our family tree - working class on both sides but there's still a lot of information available if you dig for it. It is fascinating - I've found war heroes, Barnardo's children sent to Canada, bigamists and adulterers, tragic deaths, workhouses, families of 12, someone who changed his identity and deserted his regiment, someone instrumental in the founding of Christchurch, NZ, and so many other stories.

I don't feel particularly connected to people earlier than my g/grandparents but enjoy seeing how the antecedents moved around and tiny connections/serendipitous meetings. It also leads to further reading about places and history and has also led to me communicating with some interesting and knowledgeable people. I now know far more about the Boer war, Pip, Squeak and Wilfred, sheep farming in 19th century NZ, Honiton lace making, peripatetic oyster sellers and forced migration than I ever expected .

Thb i dont have to be related to someone for it to be really interesting to me.

I just like doing it and finding out the stories.

My mum got into first and then i decided I'd like to do DHs family. So the whole 'its something old people get into, I very much disagree with'. I was early 30s. I think the bigger issue is having the time to do it. Especially early on.

Now i know how to do it and where to look I can do a rough sketch of everything very quickly and then start working from there.

One of the big things though, is there isn't much point doing it unless you write it down. And thats the time consuming bit for me.

I will eventually finish the books and books of stuff ive got... At that point having it all linked, written and recorded starts to have some value.

I can track the fortunes of a man who did time on a prison hulk ship in the 1840s, who lived on the canals and how he took one of his grandsons under his wing when he also spent time in prison. Doing so I learnt how and why punishments changed which was dead interesting (and makes you wonder how our current system will evolve and change as social attitudes change - it helps you understand the present and consider the future). And i can see how his other grandson was honest, hard working as a collier and was able to then give his grandchildren a good future. I can see how mental issue was also a problem in the family and several had some sort of psychosis. But this was probably related to the profession that one family member worked in (lead poisoning - it affects children and the work he was doing was often in the home with family members helping out to make ends meet).

My MIL had a great deal of fear of going mad as she was led to believe it was hereditary - I was able to show her it did exist in her family but why she should not be worried about it. And thats just one tiny fragment of one branch of the family.

I used to work in this area and watched it grow with a few smiles. I the one hand you have got some people who are doing it because it’s trendy, as with everything. We have an economy that’s becoming all about land ownership and family connection again, so people are chasing theirs up to find those connections. Then you have the urge of mortal beings to try to locate themselves, particularly in a time of insecurity and turbulence.

Then for other groups your later comment is revealing. It’s not just about names and dates. It’s about the jobs they did and how they made a living, in a world that was very different to ours. Before electricity, for some people who can trace that far, before the industrial revolution. It’s a gateway - through named individuals that you can feel a connection to - to different ways of life. And that is always valuable.

The way trends and interests change is very informative to those of us who are into history, it tells us a lot about where things may go too.

I love history. Especially social history, and that history being of my ancestors makes it more interesting to me.
I love looking back at the family tree and seeing the same names pop up time and again. I love seeing how people I know are actually related to me. Even very distantly (for example one of the TAs at my DCs primary school is related to my Grandad somehow, married to his cousin I think. My own Godmother is related to my dad somehow but was actually my GM as she's a friend of my mum)
I love seeing the changing names of the maternal line which sadly will die out with me as I only have boys.
My Grandad was orphaned in the war and lost contact with all his siblings. We have found and met most of them.

It's just fascinating.

@GameofPhones

I have 'inherited' papers, photos and a portrait of her from my deceased sister-in-law, since my brother also died. I can't trace any of her relatives, but it feels disrespectful to just throw these things away. If I could trace relatives, they might be glad to have them. Any suggestions?

Roots and Ancestry all have surname boards. If you post on the appropriate surname board, mentioning the towns/ counties involved, someone will probably be interested. I love family history - newspaper reports particularly!

I’m not so interested in my family tree, but I got a huge amount of pleasure from tracing all the people who lived in my Victorian house.

There’s something really satisfying about looking at our rooms, staircase, cornices etc and knowing that they were in exactly this space and called it home.

Finding the occasional piece in the newspapers helps to bring them alive - the family of three teenage boys selling on an early bicycle, the butcher fined for passing off imported mutton as local, the young church minister involved in a huge breakaway from the established church.