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Original poster

Worried about this visit to relatives with toddler

96 replies

mincepiesx1000 · 20/12/2021 12:31

We are due to visit relatives on Boxing Day who are a 3 hour drive away from us, returning that evening. It will be me, my DH and our 18 month old DD. Due to Covid we haven't visited the relative's home since DD was born- we have met up outside, been for walks etc but not been inside their home.

I am unfamiliar with caring for my toddler in someone else's home and it might sound silly but I feeling a bit nervous about how it's all going to work. Our DD is very lively and energetic and her behaviour is typical toddler, very excitable and she just wants to run around and grab and explore everything.
The relative has a real Xmas tree with glass baubles which I know DD will try to grab. There's a glass coffee table and the relative has a collection of porcelain type statues / figurines all around the room, as well as ornaments. They also eat a lot of sweets at Xmas and always have open tubs of Roses, quality street etc on the floor lying about. (Our DD is still not on sugar as we are following WHO guidance.) The relative lives in quite a small home and there will be about 10 people there. There's not enough seating for everyone and they us usually end up crowded in the living room perched on the floor etc. There's also two dogs which have been known to poo on the floor, and leave fur behind.

All in all I am worried the whole day will be about holding DD back and saying no all the time, which will be stressful for us all and inevitably cause tantrums. It's so much easier at our own home but the relative has expressed they want us to visit them as last year we couldn't due to lockdown, which I can understand.

There's no table and relatives always eat meals on their laps on the sofa, and there's no high chair, so I'm also wondering how we manage DD's meal times.

I also don't know how to manage DD's nap or where / how she can sleep.

Has anyone else experienced this with their toddler of a similar age? Any tips?

Thank you!

OP posts:

CharlotteGoldenblattYork · 20/12/2021 12:33

I just wouldn't go! It sounds awful! Can't they visit you instead?

Original poster

mincepiesx1000 · 20/12/2021 12:34

Aaah 🙈 Like I said, the relative was very upset when we couldn't go last year with our then 6 month old, and is obviously very keen for this visit.

OP posts:

emmathedilemma · 20/12/2021 12:36

Go out for a walk to get her to nap in the buggy? A good excuse to escape the chaos too!
Could you take your highchair?
Hopefully if there's that many people in a small space there will be enough adults to entertain her and distract her away from ornaments etc but i don't think it's unreasonable to ask that they move the chocolates out of her grasp.

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Original poster

mincepiesx1000 · 20/12/2021 12:37

No space in our car to take the high chair.

OP posts:

lochmaree · 20/12/2021 12:39

I wouldnt go either.

if they are very keen then they'll try and make it easier/possible for you by moving breakable stuff, maybe keeping the dogs in a separate space, not having chocolate easily accessible. you could take a highchair and travel cot, or just sit her on the floor/your knee to eat and take her for a drive to nap. either that or I'd go but only spend an hour or so there and then go out to somewhere nearby for the other part of the day.

escapingthecity · 20/12/2021 12:39

Can you go out for a walk for at least part of the time so she has some time to let off steam? Will any of the time coincide with her naps? If you have a travel cot, fold up playpen or portable high chair, I would take those - or ask around to see if you have any friends you could borrow one from. We have a travel cot which we throw in the boot of the car whenever we do a visit like that.
Also, ask the relatives in advance about which bedroom you can put up the travel cot in and whether they have any neighbours who can lend them a high chair for the day, so that you flag up these issues.
Pack some toys/books to keep her entertained - you could even keep a couple of her Christmas presents back so that she can open them in the car or at their house to divert her. (She won't notice if she has a couple fewer on Christmas Day!). And take plenty of healthy snacks/a meal prepared in case they don't have anything which is suitable for her to eat.

KatieKat88 · 20/12/2021 12:39

3 hour drive means she'll fall asleep in the car so I wouldn't worry about naps. Say she'll need an earlier bedtime (and get her ready for bed in pjs at their house) and let her fall asleep in the car on the way. Try to use this as an excuse to leave earlier if needed! If there are lots of people there rope someone else friendly into helping to distract away from breakables/stuff you don't want her to eat. Bring a little blanket and do a floor picnic with a lunch box? We have a bento style one that works well. Tell yourself that it's just one day and you will get through it!

ArachnidArachnid · 20/12/2021 12:40

Initially thought you were being precious but as I read on I felt my blood pressure rising!!! That sounds so stressful. She’ll tolerate maybe 20 mins at a time in that noise and sensory overload and without space to run about and play. And will have just spent 3 hours in a car seat… is there a garden? I think you’ll have to break it up with taking her elsewhere to play. Maybe u and OH can take it in turns so you both get to show your face. Schedule a big run about in a play park.
How do u feel about screens?

ArachnidArachnid · 20/12/2021 12:43

Yes have a blanket and make a little picnic and play area in a corner - you’ll need to sit with her in it. As long as they can shut the dogs out! Bring a tub of picnic snacks for her - lots of rice crackers, chopped veg, cheese cubes, bread sticks - all clean and un stressful stuff.
Make sure yourOH knows to keep you topped up with snacks and drinks as the person on point can sometimes get missed when it’s a busy help yourself thing
She’ll need to just go on someone’s lap for the meal.

LaTomatina · 20/12/2021 12:44

If it's a 3 hour drive probably the toddler is inevitably going to sleep in the car, at least one way?

And yes, you have to take her out for a walk for part of the day, maybe relatives will come too with the dogs?

If you have a good relationship with these relatives you can be really honest/laugh about how awkward it is/put the sweets out of reach and warn them to lock up the breakables if they really want you to visit!!

Otherwise just make your excuses, say it's too far to bring a toddler for just 1 day...

Original poster

mincepiesx1000 · 20/12/2021 12:44

She won't fall asleep in the car. Her nap is always at 12 and we will be setting off at 8. She will have to nap during the day.

There's a garden but they never use it or open the doors to it - it's overgrown and full of dog poo so I wouldn't want her going out there.

Gosh I am starting to worry now!

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 20/12/2021 12:45

It sounds like a nightmare!

If it's really important to go I would limit it to a few hours maximum. I would DD out for a walk during that time, hopefully everyone could go, but if not at least you can get out with her.

I would maybe save some small presents for Xmas day to take with you, hopefully that will keep her occupied for a while. You could also do a treasure basket type toy for her to keep her entertained and away from ornaments etc.

emmathedilemma · 20/12/2021 12:47

@mincepiesx1000

No space in our car to take the high chair.

See if anyone you know (or local facebook selling page) has a travel seat you could borrow? They're no high chair but at least she'd be restrained! www.boots.com/baby-child/babyfeeding/highchairs-booster-seats/mayborn-tt-chair-harness-grey-10259106

RiverSkater · 20/12/2021 12:48

I would definitely go for a walk so you DD will sleep though she will have slept in car I would have thought then bring her back in the buggy.
Plenty of toys.
Will she be the only child? The adults will entertain her too.

Do a safety sweep and tell your relative you need to put breakables / dangerous stuff like poo out of reach. If she refuses tell her you can't stay long and say why.

Toddler safety trumps your relatives need to see her.

GTAlogic · 20/12/2021 12:50

Nap in the buggy

Take a high chair or just give her meals in a plastic bowl on the floor. Put a cloth down if you're worried.

Ask relative to move breakable things and chocolates (or move them yourself).

Leave fairly early.

Relax your standards, let the relatives fuss over her and just go with it.

Papertrail392 · 20/12/2021 12:52

It's going to be stressful, no doubt about it. You either suck it up, except that it'll be pretty horrible but your relatives will be happy or make an excuse. Will it be 6 hours driving in one day? That's an awful lot for a toddler to cope with (and you for that matter!). How's that tickly cough/temperature feeling?

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 20/12/2021 12:54

Maybe your worries are unfounded and they will have toddler proofed as much as they can before you arrive.
I know I'd be moving anything breakable if a toddler was coming to visit !

Atla · 20/12/2021 12:56

Can't you just tell the relative to move breakables /chocolate and keep dogs out of the way?

Manage expectations - say DD needs to nap at 12, take your own snacks for her. I understand the anxiety, as the house sounds like fil & step-mils, but I do think you are being a bit precious. With two adults and 1 toddler it's not that hard to keep away from xmas tree & ornaments and it's only for a day. If she misses a nap or eats less than ideal food (barring allergies) is it the end of the world? I agree with pp who said get out for a walk for a bit and break the day up.

AliceW89 · 20/12/2021 12:57

Is it 3h there and 3h back or 3h round trip? If it’s the former I wouldn’t be going for that reason alone with an 18 mo!

curiouscatgotkilled · 20/12/2021 12:58

It will be fine, probably a bit stressful for you but dont worry, its just one day. She can eat on your lap or cruising about, sleep will either happen or not, it wont hurt her either way
Just go with it, shes in your care and safe.

Atla · 20/12/2021 12:58

Definitely take toys/books to entertain her as well.

Original poster

mincepiesx1000 · 20/12/2021 12:59

For some reason they seem oblivious to child proofing, even though they have older children themself! They haven't really thought about us or how tricky it's going to be and keep talking about how they have waited 18 months for this, so I feel like right now they're just fixated on their own experience.

I am actually hoping one of us has to self isolate now!

OP posts:

User00000000 · 20/12/2021 13:00

It would be really unfortunate if you were waiting on PCR results on Christmas Day.....

curiouscatgotkilled · 20/12/2021 13:01

I used to take a tub of dairylea sandwiches and a banana everywhere when mine were that age, if she doesnt eat as much as normal she will catch up the next day.

Original poster

mincepiesx1000 · 20/12/2021 13:01

With two adults and 1 toddler it's not that hard to keep away from xmas tree & ornaments

I don't mean to sound defeatist but honestly I don't think you're met a toddler! Or at least not one like mine. It absolutely is hard - it will be constant, and the more we keep her away the more frustrated she'll become.

OP posts:

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