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Original poster

Worried about this visit to relatives with toddler

96 replies

mincepiesx1000 · 20/12/2021 12:31

We are due to visit relatives on Boxing Day who are a 3 hour drive away from us, returning that evening. It will be me, my DH and our 18 month old DD. Due to Covid we haven't visited the relative's home since DD was born- we have met up outside, been for walks etc but not been inside their home.

I am unfamiliar with caring for my toddler in someone else's home and it might sound silly but I feeling a bit nervous about how it's all going to work. Our DD is very lively and energetic and her behaviour is typical toddler, very excitable and she just wants to run around and grab and explore everything.
The relative has a real Xmas tree with glass baubles which I know DD will try to grab. There's a glass coffee table and the relative has a collection of porcelain type statues / figurines all around the room, as well as ornaments. They also eat a lot of sweets at Xmas and always have open tubs of Roses, quality street etc on the floor lying about. (Our DD is still not on sugar as we are following WHO guidance.) The relative lives in quite a small home and there will be about 10 people there. There's not enough seating for everyone and they us usually end up crowded in the living room perched on the floor etc. There's also two dogs which have been known to poo on the floor, and leave fur behind.

All in all I am worried the whole day will be about holding DD back and saying no all the time, which will be stressful for us all and inevitably cause tantrums. It's so much easier at our own home but the relative has expressed they want us to visit them as last year we couldn't due to lockdown, which I can understand.

There's no table and relatives always eat meals on their laps on the sofa, and there's no high chair, so I'm also wondering how we manage DD's meal times.

I also don't know how to manage DD's nap or where / how she can sleep.

Has anyone else experienced this with their toddler of a similar age? Any tips?

Thank you!

OP posts:
Opus17 · 20/12/2021 14:08

We're travelling home with my nearly 18 month old DS. When we're out and about at family, we will take him for a walk in his carrier for his nap. It's not ideal as in the carrier only sleeps one cycle (45-60mins) and he really needs 2 hours which he has at home but for temporary situations, we make Do. Would that be an option?

I would just suggest LOTS of distraction. Toys, books. I can understand it'll be exhausting though. What about chatting with them to baby proof some things before you go? They should be helping make the home as safe as possible if they want you to visit so bad.

Otherwise, you could just suddenly have a runny nose and need to stay home 🤷🏼‍♀️

HollowTalk · 20/12/2021 14:08

I wouldn't take my children anywhere where there was poo on the floor. I don't care how upset that person is.

CharlotteGoldenblattYork · 20/12/2021 14:09

They sounds manipulative as well as selfish, putting on the waterworks for something that was law and that you could do nothing about

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Opus17 · 20/12/2021 14:10

Oh and for meal times, take a plastic plate and have DD eat on the floor. Itll do for one day.

Opus17 · 20/12/2021 14:11

Sorry, me again. I just remembered the poo and hair on the floor 😓

FictionalCharacter · 20/12/2021 14:13

@CharlotteGoldenblattYork

I think the relative is being incredibly selfish. Their demand to see your toddler seems to trump any inconvenience, excessive travelling and hard work that it will cause you. I just honestly would not go. 6 hours travelling in a day is just horrendous and it'll probably take several days for your toddler to get back into routine after it all
I agree. They have made no effort to make their home even a little bit suitable for an 18 month old. If they’re having 10 people over to their small house they won’t exactly be all sad and lonely if you don’t go. I wouldn’t. PP have talked about “teaching your child to behave” but at 18 months they’re at a very early stage, largely still unable to understand what good behaviour means.
MoreAloneTime · 20/12/2021 14:14

I wouldn't do this, 6 hours driving in a day is bad enough without a toddler and you'll just spend the entire time hovering over them. Sounds miserable, will you really be in a mood to socialise with all the stress?

Can't you meet in the middle at least?

FictionalCharacter · 20/12/2021 14:15

@CharlotteGoldenblattYork

They sounds manipulative as well as selfish, putting on the waterworks for something that was law and that you could do nothing about
Yes! It’s about them, not about what’s best for OP and DS, or even (last year) what’s allowed and what isn’t.
HollowTalk · 20/12/2021 14:16

It's not good for your daughter to spend 6 hours in the car. Your relative is very selfish.

heldinadream · 20/12/2021 14:17

@Opus17

Oh and for meal times, take a plastic plate and have DD eat on the floor. Itll do for one day.
Like, where the dogs have poohed at some point? Yeah that sounds like a plan.

OP until you mentioned poo in the house AND poo in the garden making it unusable, I was coming up with solutions. Once you got on to that level of dog poo, I was like - DON'T GO! That's just horrible. You cannot subject your 18 month old to that.

heldinadream · 20/12/2021 14:18

@Opus17

Sorry, me again. I just remembered the poo and hair on the floor 😓
Cross posted. Grin
CharlotteGoldenblattYork · 20/12/2021 14:18

I would honestly just tell them you're not going. Let them cry, hand wring, tantrum etc.

Amichelle84 · 20/12/2021 14:21

I was quite daunted the first time we visited ppl with our toddler but actually it was fine and you might just be overthinking things.

Ask the people you're visiting to try and baby proof the house a bit, I. E remove the bubbles that are lower down etc.

If it's just a day could the toddler not just sit on your lap to eat as a one off? Or maybe they have a friend locally that might have a high chair they can borrow.

Do you have a travel cot? If it's a long journey baby will probably sleep in the car and won't need a nap there anyway.

I just write a list out of things we'd use in a day at home and we pack and take that with us.

It's a one off, go for it and try and enjoy.

Embracelife · 20/12/2021 14:23

Warn them about tree but it us their lookout...
Let her gently touch tree and touch a few child friendly ornaments
Maybe take a few from home she can put on their tree lower branches remove the mystery

Mad to drive three hours there and back in day
Can you stay nearby? Premier Inn? Then you can retreat to get away

Embracelife · 20/12/2021 14:24

She can sit in her buggy to eat. Take a sheet to cover it you can wash it later

KatieKat88 · 20/12/2021 14:37

I'd be amazed if she doesn't sleep a bit on the way there, most will be lulled to sleep by an extended car journey regardless of normal nap time. Which then does mess up naptime! To be fair I wouldn't do it with my 2yo - 6 hours in the car is far too long. PIL are 2.5hrs away and we now break up the journey and do at least 1 night there as DD can't cope with long car journeys. We time the longest stint in the car for her normal nap time which works well.

EL1984 · 20/12/2021 14:45

I have a 16mo and this sounds like an absolute nightmare! 3hrs drive each way 😨 surely you'll have to have a couple of stops to let her out if she doesn't sleep.

I would either cancel, say she is sick in the day... just one of you go or could you leave her at home with a relative/babysitter?

Otherwise if you really wanted to go I'd book an air bnb nearby and stay 2 nights so you don't have all the driving. You could visit your relative in the morning and afternoon and have her nap at the accommodation.

NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 20/12/2021 14:45

Oh I don't know.

It would depend how much I wanted to see them. If I really wanted to see them I'd go & just deal with the toddler, but if I didn't particularly really want to see them I'd just say 3 hours either way if too much for the toddler & they'll be full of pent up energy after being in the car for 3 hours.

What does DH think? Will he be muck in & do his share if toddler wrangling?

Rangoon · 20/12/2021 14:47

Honestly it sounds insane. She'll be in the car for six hours and cooped up in a crowded house with a horde of people and breakables with no usable garden. This will probably not go well.

OakRowan · 20/12/2021 14:51

I wouldn't go for the 6 hours of travelling, at that age DS would've cried for 2 hrs of each 3 and been sick, never mind the toddler wrangling away from everything once you arrive and eating on the sofa/floor, its too far, you'll be knackered, all of you.

Duvetflower · 20/12/2021 14:51

As you arrive you scoop up anything unsafe or breakable and plonk it somewhere high up. A blanket to protect DD and the carpet from each other. A walk to the park or similar, a bit of 'Isla's looking forward to her special auntie taking her to see the ducks' if necessary.

Emmacb82 · 20/12/2021 14:55

Can you not have an honest chat to them and ask them to toddler proof as much as they can? It’s in their best interests as they won’t want their stuff broken. You’re right, it will be stressful, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s only one day and you will have other adults to help out. We have a travel booster chair to use when we go out so could you maybe look on Amazon for one. Just take the buggy so you can take her for a walk if it gets too much. It’s better to go into these things expecting the stress rather than expecting it to be magical and being sadly disappointed!

Lunde · 20/12/2021 15:05

Wow they really expect you to do a 6 hour round trip

If they were that bothered about seeing her then they would come to you!

DinosApple · 20/12/2021 15:10

It will be fine. It's like a parenting right of passage.
You leave at 8, arrive at 11. Show DD off, older relations will hopefully engage with her a fair bit.
Nap time probably won't happen, if it does, great. Take her out for a walk. Keep her on your lap for food. Get her ready for bed somewhere quiet before you leave, (bubble bath?) and leave at bedtime.

If you're worried about ornaments and baubles ask if you can move them up high for your visit, then do it yourself.

Childproofing is something I did in my own house to make my life easier, but in other people's I had to rely on being more on it.

Good luck OP.

BobbieT1999 · 20/12/2021 15:14

In addition to advice you've had so far, I would explain to them you're worries about toddler going for ornaments etc and becoming overstimulated. Ask them to put all things breakable or that they don't want played with out of them way and explain that toddler will need some quiet time left alone with mum and dad.

They might think you're being precious, but you're setting expectations for the day which will reduce stress on both sides when you're there. You're also asking for their help and they might well appreciate being included in toddler management - it makes me feel uncomfortable when a tense parent is trying to keep someone away without explanation. Include them in your management plan and they'll be happier for it.

I'd also ask them if they can source a cheap /borrow a highchair for the day, say you'll reimburse them.