Trapped toddler parents: support through winter and beyond

[squishymamma]

Following on from the previous thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4292353-Trapped-toddler-parents-Inspiration-and-support-needed-through-the-summer-hols

Not the most inventive name but apt I think...

Been a while!

Don't have any experience sorry @Chocolatetrifle but I've heard books can really help with many things. I remember we also read a lot of (simple) poems when my grandparents died (DSis was only a toddler then). Lovely button art!

@Motherofmonsters oh no sorry to hear you've all been ill. Good that DS has an action plan in place, hope it helps.

We've had a trying few days with DS1, sleep is now resolved for the moment but now he just doesn't tolerate anything that doesn't remotely go his way, screams really loudly and works himself up. Even if I'm washing my hands and he has to wait 5 seconds. It's exhausting! He's perfectly happy and hilarious otherwise. Suspecting this is just a phase he's going through that will last the next 18 years

DS2 has gone into a fussy period now, needs lots of cuddles and milk. Breastfeeding is still painful, he has a tongue tie so we're doing chiropractor and have booked in for a tongue tie revision but it's not until mid Feb. Hoping it gets better before that DS1 had a similar issue and it resolved itself so crossing fingers!

Hope everyone else is okay.

@SecondhandTable Cross posted so didn't see your message - sorry to hear you're also struggling. Babies are so difficult! Hopefully your DS cries less and less over time, they say crying peaks at 6 weeks but I'm not convinced...What kind of issues are you having? I'm working towards qualifying as a breastfeeding supporter so maybe I can help (no promises though ) sending hugs and

I'm sorry for your loss @Çhocolatetrifle I haven't read it myself but I have heard good things about "goodbye Mog"

I'm sorry you are feeling down @SecondhandTable my friend has recently had some success by introducing a dummy to her colicky/reflux baby. Might be worth a try if you haven't already.

We're all ok - had a nice walk to the (far away) post office and different playground this morning with DS2 - and handily the playground is all tarmac so less mud than usual

Had an internal job interview on Tuesday - am soooo nervous waiting to find out, hopefully will hear back Friday!

@SecondhandTable what blare your having? Do you want support?

Thanks everyone. I wrote a very long rambly OP in the infant feeding section about the breastfeeding . Right now he's having a feed and my shoulder/elbow is aching just holding his upper body. He's so big now (nearly 7kg - he's bigger at 3m than DD was at 6m and I didn't BF her past 12 weeks), I feel like I can't even hold him comfortably to feed anymore. His hips/legs/bum are just like hanging off me atm it doesn't seem supportive or comfy for him either?! Anyway.

Camomila - good luck with your job interview! Fingers crossed.

Squishy - ah yes, my DD is like that, it's definitely got worse since having DS. She will be her normal self on the odd occasion he actually has a long nap (although I can't remember the last time that happened...a fortnight ago?), as soon as I need to change or feed him or something she will choose that exact moment to ask me to do something, often things she can do herself and then as I can't do it right that minute she will start screaming hysterically, throwing things, shouting, rolling around in the floor...I mostly just ignore tbh if distraction hasn't worked. My DS is also being fussy, he usually has two feeds a night but woke an extra time last night and wouldn't settle with the dummy so DH had to get up and spend 20+ mins rocking him back to sleep. He is in a leap though so maybe it's that.

Morning everyone,
@Camomila, fingers crossed for the job interview!

@Motherofmonsters, glad you had a meeting with school, really hope they were able to come up with some useful ideas. Hope you are feeling ok about it all and you are feeling better.

@SecondhandTable sorry it's tough at the moment for you, I never breasted so I can't think of anything that might help sorry! It always feels like baby stage battles are never ending, probably because of lack of sleep. He could just be on a growth spurt or leap as you say. Hopefully you will turn a corner soon. Sending you a hug.

@squishymamma, it's also hard approaching 2 I think because they definitely do want to become more dependent and they get frustrated
If they can't express themselves properly or we say no too much!

I'm sure my dS2 is in a development leap or something, his speech has come on dramatically since he was two in December, his sleep is all over the place and he keeps waking up about 5 times a night shouting random things. He tries to push me away when we are walking outside and rolls around on the floor kicking etc. He makes DS1 look like the model child!
We are slowly getting there now with them being able to play together a bit more, sometimes so that's great.
I managed to find a book called 'tell me about heaven Grandpa rabbit' or something like that anyway!

Hope everyone has a good day. DS2 has been good enough to go on a nap now so I've got some time to get a bit of work done before collecting DS1 from preschool. It's a nice bright day so will get outside this afternoon.

I'm ignoring the cleaning for today because well, we can do everything can we?

Have a good day.

Morning/afternoon everyone! How are we all today?
We got home from our trip late on Tuesday, ds and i managed to pick up a horrendous 24hr stomach bug on our last day. I vomited until I nearly passed out, thankfully ds wasn't quite so bad but he was sick a few times and not himself. Poor dh was on clean up duty. Felt better the day of flying although I felt so weak and shaky, dh practically had to carry us both plus suitcase onto the plane

@secondhandtable I also didn't bf but would a dummy help if the sucking is what gives him comfort and stops him crying? If it makes you feel better my ds was SUCH an easy newborn, i felt rather smug until he hit 3m and he turned into a screaming crying nightmare for most of the day, it all changed again at 5/6m though, I think it must have been a leap with him learning to roll and sit etc.

Waves to everyone else, hope everyone is ok!

@SecondhandTable have you tried lying down and feeding so you don't have to support him at all.
Or a feeding pillow that he can be supported on and raised up at the same time.

What about the chair you are using? Does it need to be more upright as you can use pillows behind you to give a better position.

The other thing to add is a small step like those fold away ones or the ones toddlers use to brush their teeth on. Your knees should be at a right angle and you'll be able to have a bigger lap for him to lie on.

Scots - oh no, so sorry to hear about the bug, that sounds absolutely awful!! I hope you and DS feeling better? Not the same but once as a teen I had to do a lot of travelling and I get travel sickness and I was so so ill and it was similar in that my dad had to help me get up the steps on to the plane (we had been on another plane journey the day before and I still hadn't recovered) and the staff were asking him if I was ok eek. I remember it so well, I was about 13/14 and it was just awful.

DS does have a dummy and I do use it but I sort of feel this pressure to use it as little as possible so it doesn't affect my supply? I use it more when I've got both the kids alone so feel I should try and use as little possible the rest of the time. Thank God he takes one! I haven't tried to feed laying down for ages tbh, in the early weeks he struggled to latch in that position so it was a faff and hurt but maybe will be easier now he's bigger so definitely worth a try ta. He was up loads the last two nights so me and DH knackered but he seems to have a bit of a cold so hopefully will sleep better again when he's recovered...

Thanks @secondhandtable we were both better the next day, just a horrid 24hr thing it seems!
Hope your ds cold goes soon and you get a better sleep tonight!
We've had a bit of a nightmare getting ds back into his usual routine after late nights on holiday, he doesnt want to go to sleep at bedtime and is currently jumping around our bedroom literally bouncing off the walls

I'm glad your both feeling better @scotabroad24. Sounds like a nightmare having a bug when you're away. It's bad enough at home!

I've downloaded a cleaning app, it's the organiser mum method one and I really think it's going to help me get on top of the housework. I was going to create a checklist on paper but this seems to do what I need it to.

DS had another therapy session today, it was both OTs today as his usual one needed some extra advice. It was very intense (DS loved it) they made a slingshot for him and we're flinging him across the room into crash mats and then bouncing him really high. How he wasn't sick I don't know.. feels like it was a good session but I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with it. I need to do loads of input with him but it's so hard having DD as well as she wants to join in but she's to little.

Hi everyone,

Hope everyone is now over the colds and illnesses from the last few days and hopefully your little ones will settle asleep soon @Scotabroad24. How are you feeling today @SecondhandTable?

@Motherofmonsters, that sounds great fun for your ds. I hope it helps him. Could you get someone to mind your DD just while you do your DS's therapy with him? Then you feel like you can give him all your attention? Try not to worry too much, it sounds like the therapists are doing great things for him.

Wildly successful day here, I've dyed my hair and ordered a tuff tray and stand! Obviously very late to the tuff tray club but am hopefully going to get a lot of use out of it outside in the nicer weather, that's what I'm planning anyway!

How is everyone feeling and how is the sleep?

@squishymamma how are you feeling? How old is baby now? The first weeks go so quickly.

Hello everyone!

We're over the other side of Norway visiting BIL and family and buying their old car have brought DS2 but left DS1 with PIL because yesterday was a 7 hour train journey and I just thought nope! He sounds like he's having a great time though and he slept through last night apparently until 8am...why does he NEVER do this with us?!

@Camomila hope you got good news yesterday? Crossing fingers for you!

@SecondhandTable read your post over on the feeding board. In public with DS1 I tended to cross my legs but have the ankle of the top leg resting on the other leg if that makes sense, so my top leg stuck out and then I rested DS1's bum on that. I also occasionally used my changing bag as a pillow to get him a bit higher up since your DS is 3m now I wouldn't worry so much about the dummy affecting your supply, it's pretty established - and if you see that some of the times your DS is just sucking for comfort (ie not actively feeding) then he's not really drawing out so much milk and so replacing those sessions with a dummy won't do anything to reduce supply with DS1 I refused to introduce a dummy until he was like 2m and then he refused it, but DS2 got one shoved in his face at 2 days old

@Chocolatetrifle jealous of the tuff tray! They still don't exist here but I've found an IKEA table that may do a similar job so we just need to figure out where there's space in our apartment. I'm feeling almost back to normal thank you, but still a bit weak in the core muscles! DS2 was 4 weeks on Thursday, it's insane how fast time is going.

@Scotabroad24 what a dramatic end to your holiday! Glad it was only 24 hours. Re-establishing routines is so hard, we tend to slowly readjust DS1 by gradually moving his bedtime back to normal. We found nursery and the usual daily routines also helped with nighttime. Good luck!

@Motherofmonsters what an interesting therapy session! Can understand that it feels overwhelming though. Is there a way to modify his therapy for DD - as in, do a toned down version so she feels like she's part of it?

Sorry for the crazy long post, wanted to respond to everyone and haven't been on for a while

Scotabroad24 Oh no, that sounds horrendous. Glad you all managed to get home. I had a similar experience flying back from Egypt age 19. Spent the entire 4/5h flight wrapped in my headscarf shivering.

@Motherofmonsters that does sound great fun for a 3/4 year old. I second the idea of doing a "light" version yourself on DD so she can join in. Do you have a wobble board? I don't know if it'd be helpful but they look fun.

@squishymamma thank you, I verbally got the job No start date until they can put someone into my role but that works out better for me as nursery doesn't have places on the extra day I need till August (DH and DM will share Wednesday mornings until then).

No exciting plans this weekend, but might make a fruit pie later as I have a lot of apples to use up.

Glad you had a successful day yesterday @chocolatetrifle! I really need to use my tuff tray more, they are really good things to have.

@squishymamma good call on not taking both if them on a 7hour train journey. I don't know how people keep them entertained for long times on transport. Exciting to be getting a new car!

Well done on getting the job @camomila!

Unfortunately I can't get someone to have DD while doing his therapy as I have to it all through the day. Good idea to try adapt bits for DD, I think it's a brain block with it.

PIL have picked the kids up this morning to go and play at there's. I'm currently eating a brownie while watching a dieting programme....

Happy Saturday all,.
@Camomila, congratulations on the job offer! Making some fruit pie sounds like a good plan.

@Motherofmonsters, that made me smile, kind of thing I would do. Im loosely now following a weight watchers/low sugar diet as I'm 42 this year and get called hippo everyday from my little angels, so I need to take action as I've put on rather than lose weight after having them both (plus not tried hard enough).

Perhaps do a take it in turns game with your DS and DD when you need to do the therapy. Write it all down first so you know where you are up to, I find writing things helps.

@squishymamma, hope the trip goes well. Glad you've got a car.

We have had football this morning and dS1 has a preschool friend over this afternoon to play. His first real playdate at home!

@Lostthetastefordahlias Was thinking how is your new home? Are you all settled in yet?

Happy Saturday everyone! We are just waiting for ds to wake up from his nap and we're off to a friends for an early dinner whilst the toddlers savage each other play

@squishymamma how exciting a new car. Sounds like you could take an extra few days away with your ds sleeping so well!

@chocolatetrifle those tuff trays look amazing. Can't get them over here either so may have to fashion a diy one although I'm not the most creative so let's see

Hi everyone,

Well, we hosted our first playdate at home yesterday, which generally went quite well until towards the end DS1 was getting a bit overtired and announced to everyone he wanted his friend to go home and he wasn't coming here ever again . Ooops.

What is everyone up to today? We've been in this morning and have done some glueing and sticking of arty bits and bobs on to card and played outside. I got the boys some Learning Resources test tubes and pipettes and we made potions with water, food dye and glitter. That went down quite well actually until boys got a bit grumbly and tried to squirt water on each other.

Am having a bit of a moment and keep looking back at old pics of myself whilst pregnant and having some hormonal silly thoughts about wanting to be pregnant again. Oh well I'll soon snap out of it as we are definitely having any more, and know I'm lucky to even have these two considering I thought it would never happen as it took us years and failed fertility treatment etc etc, anyway I'm rambling now.

How is everyone today?

Sounds like you've had a lovely couple of days @chocolatetrifle. They always come out with something embarrassing don't they!

We are not having a good day, we are trying to build the indoor playground thingy but the kids are not making it easy. We've tried getting them to do stickers but then DS's ripped and we've had a 20min meltdown about it. He did stop half way through to cry about the fact we have never been camping?!

DD is asleep already, she's going to wake up at 4am isn't she

Haha the camping thing made me laugh @Motherofmonsters! Please let us know how the indoor playground is when you do get it constructed!
Congrats @Camomila. Hope you are having an ok day @SecondhandTable its so hard when an easier phase becomes less easy isnt it! Glad you had a good break before the illness @Scotabroad24.
Thanks for asking about the house move @Chocolatetrifle tbh the reason I havent been posting much is because I am just really struggling!! We are mostly unpacked but somehow everything is just a mess and neither of the DC are settled enough to just leave me alone for a minute to get stuff done. Then by the evening I am just so tired and down about how the day has been I just dont have the energy to try to plan how to do stuff better. We have had so many family visitors on weekends as well wanting to see the new place so thats been stressful. Has anyone got any advice on getting out of a parenting rut when you are just struggling to do the minimum and as a result its just going really badly?

@Lostthetastefordahlias, visualise your new home looking as perfect as you want it to and keep focusing on that and write a list what you want to tackle first then tick it off when done, no matter how small. Say no more visitors this weekend and give yourself that time to do some unpacking etc...get a couple of early nights if possible. Tonight, when the kids are settled, have a relaxing bath and some time to yourself. Tomorrow is a new day and you can do it!

@Motherofmonsters, really hope it's not a 4 am get up for you. The indoor gym sounds fabulous.

Sleep well everyone.

Sorry your struggling @lostthetastfordahlias, great advice from chocolatetrifle. Would it help to get out of the house and have abit of family time away from it all. Just for a change of scenery and a refresh.

Playground is up and DS loves it. He's been playing on it continuously and fell asleep really easily.

Ive just got to get used to having this in my living room