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Original poster

Champagne and MIL

133 replies

HermioneAndRoger · 18/12/2021 16:24

I know this is very much a first-world problem so no snarky comments to that effect, please.

All being well we hope to have a few family members here for Christmas. My brother works in the wine industry and it is a bit of a tradition that he gets hold of a nice bottle of champagne for a toast at family celebrations. This year he has excitedly told me that he has got hold of something really special that he sourced in 2020 and has been carefully storing ever since.

My very lovely MIL does not drink wine because it gives her terrible headaches. This is absolutely fine with everyone and honestly nobody gives it a second thought. We always offer her an alternative which she usually accepts but she insists on being given a glass of Champagne along with everyone else and then always tips it down the sink or into a plant pot when she thinks no-one is looking. I saw her do it once and have noticed it every time since. I know this isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things but the waste really irritates me and I just don't understand why she does it. She would be mortified if I said anything but equally the champagne is a rare and special treat for the rest of us and I do not want to see another glass go to my peace lily. Is there anything kind or diplomatic I can do about this? I have tried offering a mimosa / Buck's Fizz in the past to minimise the waste without success.

OP posts:

Peridot1 · 19/12/2021 10:07

I would be annoyed at that too. I’m sure she hasn’t thought it through and just wants to be included but it is rude.

I would present her with a fait accompli and have something else ready for her. My MIL can’t drink much but likes to be included so I make her a cocktail I found on Pinterest of one third Champagne, one third cranberry juice and one third ginger ale. It’s really nice and festive and she still feels included. In your case I would make up a few of these with prosecco or similar and hand it to her saying “I know you don’t really like the champagne so I’ve made you this specially so hopefully it will agree with you more”. Don’t even offer her the expensive one.

RedRobin100 · 19/12/2021 10:07

Oh I thought she didn’t drink at all

Would still do the stunt bubbles so she’s not wasting a very expensive glass not even drinking it and chucking it out.

That would REALLY irk me.

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 19/12/2021 10:09

About £30 down the drain. No.

Stunt stealh bubbles definitely.
Buy no seco... Alcohol free prosecco about £3.80

Interested in this thread?

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General food

ThanksItHasPockets · 19/12/2021 10:12

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

Just leave it, it's one glass of plonk, it's hers to do as she wants with.

Ah, Mumsnet, where a £200 bottle of champagne is ‘plonk’.

Someone will be along shortly to tell us that anything less than a jeroboam of Krug doesn’t count as a ‘treat’ at all.

RandomMess · 19/12/2021 10:15

You can get alcohol free prosecco/bubbles and I would get that for her and hand it over until the flute and go on about how DB has specially sourced it for her!

WeAreTheHeroes · 19/12/2021 10:17

Give her Schloer instead. So selfish of her to waste something special. She could raise her glass and hand it to someone else instead of throwing it away. I see the thread police are out in force questioning the use of the word "source"

ChaosTrulyReigns · 19/12/2021 10:21

Remove all the plants.

And sinks.

ChaosTrulyReigns · 19/12/2021 10:22

And loos too, for good measure.

Unsure33 · 19/12/2021 10:23

I would just give her a small amount ( Sherry glass) and say I know it gives you a headache so if you want a top up let me know.

Gerwurtztraminer · 19/12/2021 10:25

Definitely with the stunt bubbles or the suggestion of offering alcohol free bubbles as a 'special treat' you got especially for her so she can join in without the headache. Buy the prettiest most impressive looking bottle you can find. Ostentatiously open it first so she can't say 'no she'll have the good stuff with the rest of you'.

I am dubious about the 'wine doesn't agree with her'. My mum used to say this about wine but at family occasions/meals out would insist on having a glass like a martyr, as if it was compulsory ( but would happily have several sherries with no side effects...). So my sister stealthily gave her non-alcoholic wine which Mum then declared had given her a headache and she felt tipsy. We never understood why she couldn't just say she didn't like the taste of most wine and preferred sweet stuff.

2022willbebetter · 19/12/2021 10:27

Would annoy me too. She's being ridiculous and I wonder how she'd feel watching a very expensive gin poured away by someone who didn't drink it?

To avoid confrontation however I would have a mini bottle of Prosecco ready to pour into her glass. Noone needs to be any the wiser.

Camembear · 19/12/2021 10:46

Pour the glasses out of sight and give her something you’re happy to see tipped down the sink. As others have suggested. That way she doesn’t get left out.

It’s shitty for her to waste something special. I wouldn’t like it either!

NameChangeCity123 · 19/12/2021 11:17

This is really selfish of your MIL to waste what is obv an expensive drink so she can feel included- she's an adult ffs. I agree with others, pour out of sight and give her an alternative

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 19/12/2021 12:25

Op you will update us won't you!!

Howeverdoyouneedme · 19/12/2021 13:33

I could not bear this, tiptoeing around something so ridiculous. Why can’t she toast with something else? Anyway. Could you start with a cheapo bottle of fizz, she tips her cava down the sink then you ‘normal’ people start on the good stuff.

Camembear · 19/12/2021 15:14

in my family nobody would be offended if someone said they couldn’t manage their glass and offered it to someone else. Maybe this would be considered tacky by some people! But wasting it would cause a bit of of offence if it was good champagne.

RampantIvy · 19/12/2021 17:26

Same here @Camembear, but they would be if the non drinker poured it into a plant or down the sink. It is extremely rude and unacceptable.

Theflamingnerd · 19/12/2021 17:54

I don't think there's really a way to work around this without singling her out and possibly embarrassing her:

Smaller measure could make OP look miserly and prompt someone to ask or point out MIL doesn't have a full glass
Alternative drink as above could also be spotted and pointed out

I'm inclined to go against the grain here and suggest not using the champagne for the toast. Crack out something bog standard for the toast so everyone can be involved and then just circulate the fancy bottle later amongst those that actually enjoy it.

RampantIvy · 19/12/2021 18:05

I'm inclined to go against the grain here and suggest not using the champagne for the toast.

That's a good call, then they can offer champagne afterwards to those who want to drink it.

I still can't get over the fact that she hasn't been pulled up over it though. It is monumentally rude to accept a drink then throw it away. If someone had accepted a plate of food I had made then scraped it all into the bin I would be very offended.

meadowbleu · 19/12/2021 20:24

That's a good idea.

There needs to be a sensible solution because you wouldn't put up with the same behaviour from a toddler, always demanding something that they and everyone else knows they hate and is going to waste on the sly. I particularly hate that you go to lengths to offer her things you know she does like, and in the same kind of glass, but she refuses.

Lots of ideas in the thread, but of course none of us know you, your DH or MIL and your respective personalities. Hope you find the resolution OP.

SarahAndQuack · 19/12/2021 21:46

If it were me, I'd find it really annoying if she tipped it in a plant pot - doesn't it mean you get a whiff of stale booze for a few days after?

I can see it's tricky if she's otherwise lovely, though.

It it at all possible for you/your DH to get her alone and say very calmly that you realise she's been kindly sparing your feelings but you did notice she slipped her drink into the plant pot last year and you feel mortified she felt the need to do that, and you really do want to give her an alternative? That way, you make it clear you feel awkward about it and give her the opportunity to make you feel better by graciously accepting something else?

Laiste · 19/12/2021 22:12

I don't know why some posters are suggesting that pouring a separate glass for her on the quiet is a 'big deal'.

As long as who ever are pouring and handing out the glasses are in the know it's the easiest thing in the world to do this.

I'm sure OPs DH will have a vague idea of roughly the right colour - just get Schloer or whatever. And sit her next to a houseplant so she gets shot quickly and it's all over with

RedRobin100 · 20/12/2021 07:50

She’d probably still want some so she wasn’t left out of the fancy stuff

stuntbubbles · 20/12/2021 17:15

Cut out the middle man and put a houseplant in her glass.

dexterslockedinsantasgrotto · 20/12/2021 17:30

@stuntbubbles

Cut out the middle man and put a houseplant in her glass.

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