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Original poster

Champagne and MIL

133 replies

HermioneAndRoger · 18/12/2021 16:24

I know this is very much a first-world problem so no snarky comments to that effect, please.

All being well we hope to have a few family members here for Christmas. My brother works in the wine industry and it is a bit of a tradition that he gets hold of a nice bottle of champagne for a toast at family celebrations. This year he has excitedly told me that he has got hold of something really special that he sourced in 2020 and has been carefully storing ever since.

My very lovely MIL does not drink wine because it gives her terrible headaches. This is absolutely fine with everyone and honestly nobody gives it a second thought. We always offer her an alternative which she usually accepts but she insists on being given a glass of Champagne along with everyone else and then always tips it down the sink or into a plant pot when she thinks no-one is looking. I saw her do it once and have noticed it every time since. I know this isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things but the waste really irritates me and I just don't understand why she does it. She would be mortified if I said anything but equally the champagne is a rare and special treat for the rest of us and I do not want to see another glass go to my peace lily. Is there anything kind or diplomatic I can do about this? I have tried offering a mimosa / Buck's Fizz in the past to minimise the waste without success.

OP posts:
NeilBuchananisBanksy · 19/12/2021 08:21

@TrundlingAlong

Why can't you get DH to talk to her? It's his mother, not yours or your DB's. Ask him to be polite but frank, explain that he's aware she doesn't actually drink the champagne and give her an idea of how expensive it really is. If she doesn't drink wine she probably has no idea. Surely DH can persuade her to have a soft alternative, or perhaps have a token sip rather than a whole glass poured for her? I agree that dicking about with secret alternatives is likely to end in tears.
This!! Just have a frank conversation with her. I'd go as far as to not give her the option of having it so would she like x or y instead.
RampantIvy · 19/12/2021 08:22

I would hide all the houseplants and just pour her a mouthful.

I don't understand why the OP should just let it go, because I think the MIL is being exceptionally rude. Although if this happened in my house I would just ask her not to pour wine on my houseplants and ask if she would like something else instead.

Sometimes we British pussyfoot round people too much by being "polite" and enable them to get away with poor or rude behaviour.

hotmeatymilk · 19/12/2021 08:25

You could have an awful lot of fun with it, you know. Hiding the houseplants is just the start: “Looking for something, Daphne? My fiddle-leaf fig was looking a bit worse for wear, I’ve moved it.” “Oh! Don’t go near the sink! Bleach fumes.” “Off to the loo? I’ll hold your glass.”

Mark her like it’s 2-1 in the 90th minute.

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General food
RampantIvy · 19/12/2021 08:26

I have just asked DH what he would do and he said he would ask her to stop being so wasteful and he would never give her any again.

We aren't confrontational BTW, but would just not want this to happen.

rookiemere · 19/12/2021 08:27

I've changed my mind. Just give her a small glass and hide the houseplants. She wants to be part of the fun and seems like a nice lady in other respects.

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/12/2021 08:30

Could you brother source a non-alcoholic champagne as a special treat for her. Would that help?

Duvetflower · 19/12/2021 08:38

I used to have a boyfriend like this, not champagne, but other drinks. It used to drive me mad. His feelings were that it was incredibly rude not to accept a drink when offered and nothing I said could change that.

Do you think your MIL would be open to subtefuge of her own to 'protect your brother's feelings'? i.e. 'MIL, I know you always have a glass of champagne to save Bro's feelings, but you must be getting terrible headaches, would you like me to switch your glass for some fizzy apple juice when he's not looking?' Otherwise stunt bubbles all the way.

Original poster
HermioneAndRoger · 19/12/2021 08:42

She sounds like the kind of person who likes to help make others happy. I bet she’s quietly doing a few things for you she’d rather not already. Why not let this be the first one you do for her?

That last question is a really nasty dig and I resent it. How dare you. I have an otherwise excellent relationship with MIL and this matters very little in the grand scheme of things. I simply asked in my OP if anyone could think of a kind or diplomatic way around the situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
HermioneAndRoger · 19/12/2021 08:43

Thank you so much to the many posters who have suggested kind, diplomatic, and creative solutions, including simply allowing the status quo to continue.

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 19/12/2021 08:46

Nope, the utter ridiculousness of a grown adult acting like this while everyone tiptoes around her and then her being called a wonderful MIL is akin to all the great dad comments. If she was that wonderful she’d be able to have a sensible conversation about the fact she doesn’t like the bloody champagne and she’s been offered alternatives.

Remains me of when Pam was a vegetarian in Gavin and Stacey a bit.

I do hate waste, it’s not only about the monetary value here it’s about a rare resource being ruined for absolutely no purpose and folk pandering round a grown woman scared to call her on her behaviour. For some reason this random story of a drink in someone else’s family has irritated me far more than it should have 😂

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 19/12/2021 08:49

Just leave it, it's one glass of plonk, it's hers to do as she wants with.

RedRobin100 · 19/12/2021 09:11

No that’s ridiculous. She can obvsiouky join in the toast with a champagne glass with schloer or appletiser kr something in. That’s what every normal person who doesn’t drink alcohol does.

She doesn’t need a glas of actual expensive champagne just to be included.

You could tell her no, nicely ans twctfully, but I would probably opt for the stunt bubbles, pour it elsewhere, and give her a glass of schloer (for her actual toast) plus a glass of cheap fizz (🙄) for her pretence toast..

gogohm · 19/12/2021 09:13

We give mum a taster in a glass for politeness, but I have a good sparking pomegranate drink for her this year too

RampantIvy · 19/12/2021 09:14

It's the dishonesty in the name of face saving or politeness I dislike, and it is not "just a glass of plonk" Hmm

I would seriously go with either politely suggesting that she has something else, or hiding the plants and only pouring her a mouthful. She is not being polite by accepting a glass. She is being very rude and wasteful, and depriving those who would enjoy it of a slightly larger glass.

Anyone who did this in our house would only ever get to do it once.

RedRobin100 · 19/12/2021 09:16

Also - if you pour her a “symbolic” glass, and she doesn’t touch it, someone else could still have and drink it after the toast - before it makes it’s way down sink or into plant?

crazycrochetlady · 19/12/2021 09:20

It's symbolic though isn't it?
Honestly I wouldn't get her about about it. Pour her the glass and then jokingly ask if you could 'help her out' with it it doesn't agree with her. Either way it's up to her what she does with it. She can't help if if she lives in a society which is focussed on alcohol and it doesn't agree with her

crazycrochetlady · 19/12/2021 09:22

I meant 'het up about it'

BarkminsterBlue · 19/12/2021 09:25

I understand the PP who feel that saying nothing is the kindest way to proceed but if OP has spotted her plant-watering then MIL is obviously not as discreet as she thinks and at some point someone else is going to see it, at which point they'll either be less diplomatic than OP or it will become an open family joke, both of which would be much more embarrassing for MIL.

Far better to take MIL aside and say 'I've got some lovely new gin / cocktail whatever in specially for you for our toast later, MIL. I can't wait to hear what you think of it.'

FrankGrillosFloof · 19/12/2021 09:32

I would pour her stunt bubs and then scream and point when I catch her pouring it into the hydrangea.

Appreciate this isn’t ideal behaviour.

ittakes2 · 19/12/2021 09:46

So if she she drank this without enjoying it - you would prefer that to her throwing it away?
I can see why its a waste and the waste would bother me - I also love champagne and would be gutted! But I can also see why its her choice to do what she wants with it.
So have a tactful conversation -1-1 - I know it gives you a headache would you prefer I have a glass of sparkling water to hand for you to toast with this instead?

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 19/12/2021 09:49

Stunt bubbles 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 19/12/2021 09:52

@HermioneAndRoger

Stunt bubbles might be the way to go!
Fortnum's and Mason do some exorbitantly priced faux champagne. You could get a bottle of that and make a big deal out of her tasting it. Will there be kids / teens there who she could share it with?
MindyStClaire · 19/12/2021 10:02

I think some are missing that the MIL does drink, just not wine, and that OP has already offered various gin cocktails etc and MIL has said no.

allycat4 · 19/12/2021 10:03

All this over one glass of champagne?!?!