If you are a ND adult do you recognise that you were a difficult child?

[ASDmam]

My son’s ‘truth’ is that everyone is horrible and screams at him. the truth is he has lots of family who love him and we are trying our best.

I worry he will grow up and believe we were all against him.

I was looking for a bit of reassurance that this will not be the case.

It sounds like you lack the skills required to parent your son properly.

@ToughTittyWhompus

It sounds like you lack the skills required to parent your son properly.

In what way?

@ToughTittyWhompus

It sounds like you lack the skills required to parent your son properly.

Well where are you supposed to get the skills to parent a neuro diverse child? It’s pretty much diagnosis then the nhs give you a couple of leaflets and wave you on your way

@Ionlydomassiveones

Don’t quite understand the post and title but how old is he?

10, I’m wondering if anyone looks back and thinks, yep that must have been hard for people to cope with or is it just a case of adults failing them.

Exactly @Wfhquery 💯

Yes I’ve grown up and realised how much of a pita I was but I think I always expressed how I felt because I felt safe to do so and knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was really and truly loved, even at my worse.

It’s very easy to blame parenting if you don’t have a neurodiverse child of your own!

If you are a ND adult do you recognise that you were a difficult child?

The implication being that all ND people were difficult children? Are difficult adults?

Quite offensive. And ignorant.

You might love him, but if you're shouting at him he's not going to notice.

I remember no one making adjustments for me when I was a child. Lots of people 'trying their best' but no one asking me what would help.

@FiloPasty

Yes I’ve grown up and realised how much of a pita I was but I think I always expressed how I felt because I felt safe to do so and knew without a shadow of a doubt that I was really and truly loved, even at my worse.

It’s very easy to blame parenting if you don’t have a neurodiverse child of your own!

I really hope that’s how he feel @FiloPasty thank you 🙏

I recognise that I was a difficult child, however I absolutely resent my mother for shouting and screaming at me, not taking me anywhere, and constantly reminding me how "naughty" I was.

It took for me having my own children to truly thank my own mother! So you might have to wait 20 years!

Your phrasing is odd.
My adult children recognise that they had difficulties as children, some of which we dealt with effectively, some of which we mishandled for all sorts of reasons. The stressers often altered as they grew up, some stayed the same but their coping strategies became much more varied and effective.

But no, they don’t see themselves as ‘difficult children who were at fault, and wrong to blame everyone else’

They know that they are individuals with additional needs that are lifelong. So they worked with me and family, friends and teachers to make that life the best it could be. As they got older, they became more receptive to logic and unpicking situations, but I had to be brutally honest with myself about when I’d got things wrong and made things worse.

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

If you are a ND adult do you recognise that you were a difficult child?

The implication being that all ND people were difficult children? Are difficult adults?

Quite offensive. And ignorant.

Not at all, the question would only apply if you were difficult and that doesn’t mean you are difficult as an adult (I hope he’s not a difficult adult).

Please follow Joe James the autistic photographer and Kristy Forbes on Facebook.

They have plenty of advice on how to parent ND children and they are ND too.

Not at all, the question would only apply if you were difficult

Then the title should read “if you were a difficult child, do you now recognise that you were a difficult child?”

Your title as it stands implies that all ND people were difficult children and is offensive. Perhaps ask MNHQ to change it.

Some children are more difficult to parent than others, it’s not a bad thing to admit that you’re struggling. Neurodiversity spans an enormous spectrum of different diagnoses and severities, I doubt anyone could give an opinion that would apply to all. A lot of people look back and realise they were a difficult child or teen at some point. What is it you’re struggling with? Do you have support?

Please don't shout at autistic children. It doesn't get you anywhere it just stresses them out.

@BurningTheClocks I hope he has this understanding too, I’m not saying he’s at fault, just at them moment his life is that everyone is against him and he has nothing to live for.

I am ND and I wasn't a difficult child in the slightest. My godmother, who raised me from a toddler and was more of a mother to me than my biological mother swears I was absolutely no bother at all and a joy to be around for the most part.

What I did have was a ND mother with absolutely no maternal instinct whatsoever. I got no support from her, emotionally, physically, mentally, financially or otherwise, she used me as an outlet for all her own frustrations, punished me for trivialities that passed unnoticed when my sibling or father did the same, openly favoured my sibling (and still does) for no apparent reason, and was quite happy to raise her hands to me until I got big enough that she was frightened (unnecessarily) that I'd hit her back.

So yeah, some ND people are a bloody nightmare, but it isn't always the kids.

One of the most useful parenting strategies I had was to study each child (and they are both ND and very different) as if they were exotic mythological creatures like unicorns. It might look like a horse, but it really isn’t. I looked and listened and suggested and tried stuff, and so did they. Adapting.
It is hard, and few who don’t have first-hand experience of parenting a ND child will understand, but sometimes rage and bewilderment and attack is what a creature that feels cornered resorts to.
Mine can explain how and why things happened a decade ago now, but at the time? No.

@BungleandGeorge

Some children are more difficult to parent than others, it’s not a bad thing to admit that you’re struggling. Neurodiversity spans an enormous spectrum of different diagnoses and severities, I doubt anyone could give an opinion that would apply to all. A lot of people look back and realise they were a difficult child or teen at some point. What is it you’re struggling with? Do you have support?

It’s been a tough 10 years, but it’s only recently he’s having suicidal tendencies. I know there is no one answer, I suppose I’m just searching for a bit hope I suppose that he won’t grown up hating me.

And it’s all the adults in his life that are struggling not just me.

Looking back and being more aware about how "difficult" they were would be hard on someone's self esteem. Maybe a better way of putting this is that someone may have high support needs and it may be difficult for parents in a normal household with little support or resources to meet those needs. If a physically disabled child needed a wheelchair but this was not available and a parent had to carry them everywhere you can imagine how hard this would be on the parent and also frustrating for the child as they could not be as independent as they would with the right equipment. We !is recognise that it's not the child who is difficult but it is meeting their needs with our current lack of resources that is a problem.