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Original poster

I feel like a controlling daughter in law

112 replies

Wenjie · 14/12/2021 01:44

I told my husband's parents that it's fine they went overboard with gifts this year, but going forward we can only accept one gift per child, and it has to fit in a 13 long, 13 wide 15 wide cubby on our kallax shelving unit. It was so awkward.

OP posts:
UniBallEye · 14/12/2021 11:01

OP this is your second thread on this, you're very fixated on it.
The pile of boxes you posted doesn't look too bad and as someone already said, they're amazon boxes so full of packaging. Can't you decant the contents into a large sack / gift bag for each child?

I think i commented on your last thread about this and still think there's something else going on here. All this angst can't be about grandparents buying presents for their grandchildren.

If your dh is supervising whilst your 8 year old is calling out a LONG shopping list to her grandparents then he needs to step in and put a stop to that. Or tell his parents that just because the child has asked for it doesn't mean they need to buy it all.

And the 8 year old needs to be told to stop asking for huge shopping lists from their grandparents as it's greedy.

TheCreamCaker · 14/12/2021 11:41

Bloody hell. if you were my DIL, I'd be telling my son to have a word

Aderyn21 · 14/12/2021 14:03

If my mil spoke through my husband instead of to me, I'd pass the message back to fuck off

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Families
BarefootHippieChick · 14/12/2021 15:55

@Aderyn21

If my mil spoke through my husband instead of to me, I'd pass the message back to fuck off

Me too, it's not the 1950s, the husband doesn't rule the roost any more

BookFiend4Life · 14/12/2021 16:36

That amount of stuff is totally insane, especially with the size of your place!! I think the limit you set is fine because they went so crazy.

For your 18 year old:
If she likes makeup what about a nice palette and new brush set
Books (whatever genre she likes best you could look up a best of 2021 list)
Pretty new bedding/bedroom stuff especially if she's moving out soon, it's nice to have some grownup things

Wimblingwombling · 14/12/2021 16:39

Wow! Polar opposite of my in laws who put money in an ISA

Original poster
Wenjie · 14/12/2021 21:17

@Bookfiend4life Thank you! I think I have a few physical gift ideas now for her to open and not feel so left out!

OP posts:
Original poster
Wenjie · 14/12/2021 21:30

@UniBallEye

OP this is your second thread on this, you're very fixated on it. The pile of boxes you posted doesn't look too bad and as someone already said, they're amazon boxes so full of packaging. Can't you decant the contents into a large sack / gift bag for each child?

I think i commented on your last thread about this and still think there's something else going on here. All this angst can't be about grandparents buying presents for their grandchildren.

If your dh is supervising whilst your 8 year old is calling out a LONG shopping list to her grandparents then he needs to step in and put a stop to that. Or tell his parents that just because the child has asked for it doesn't mean they need to buy it all.

And the 8 year old needs to be told to stop asking for huge shopping lists from their grandparents as it's greedy.

I think there is more going on. I think I'm freaking out about how small our home is. And I wish they would have used the money to come visit us instead of sending so many gifts. With that last part, I tried to talk to DH about inviting them to visit and he said he doesn't think about his parents visiting. Ever.
OP posts:
Original poster
Wenjie · 15/12/2021 03:13

Thank you to everyone who responded. It validated my feelings that I was too controlling. I'll talk to my PIL again and say sorry, and to disregard what I said to them before. They'll probably think I'm insane.

OP posts:
AmIgoinghomeforXmas · 15/12/2021 03:46

I wouldn't retract it all OP.
I say that you wish that they would spend money visiting instead.
That you love that they are listening to and thinking about their grandchildren so much.
You would like them to do things with them.
Your house is physically small but they are welcome to gift bearing that in mind.

I don't think any of this is as simple as you just being controlling.

Wotsitsits · 15/12/2021 07:15

I totally get it OP.

Unfortunately I agonized over initiating the conversation this year and by the time I psyched myself up to call, GP had already sent boxes of stuff.

As for previous years, I will be going through and not putting it all out for kids to open. It will be kept in garage to be either gifted at a DC birthday or regifted to someone else.

I know GP want to spoil their GC but the lack of awareness is grating at times. They have forgotten what it's like trying to run a house etc.!

The pic is a ridiculous amount of stuff, completely OTT and frankly bizarre, YANBU at all

saraclara · 15/12/2021 08:11

I've just read your other thread with the description of your accommodation. Jeeeze. Now this OP makes sense.

I don't know how you manage to accommodate ANY presents. Never mind this number. Also the Kallax sized thing also makes sense.

So I retract my earlier post. And I'd send the PILs a photo of the the only bedroom, and the living room that the other three of you sleep in, to explain just how impossible this all is.

I honestly don't know how you all manage to live and sleep in that space.

Billandben444 · 15/12/2021 08:17

I haven't read your previous post but it sounds like a ridiculously small home. Tell them you'd like them to visit instead next year as grandparents are irreplaceable and you want your children to give them a hug x

Nydj · 15/12/2021 08:21

Perhaps a bubble tea set for your 18 year old? They seem very popular.

caringcarer · 15/12/2021 08:26

I would be more interested to know why 8 years old got more than the others. Do they favour that child?

Original poster
Wenjie · 15/12/2021 08:28

That made me look up bubble tea sets! What a brilliant idea! I think I'm most looking forward to her having gifts to open! She's going to be so surprised.

OP posts:
MichaelAndEagle · 15/12/2021 08:29

Don't retract the whole statement. Just say you appreciate their generosity, but you just don't have much space and in future to please bear it in mind.

Original poster
Wenjie · 15/12/2021 08:33

I was assuming that they spent about the same, and it just worked out to more gifts for one. But she is the one who usually talks to them. She can video chat with them for hours.

OP posts:
Coronawireless · 15/12/2021 08:34

A lot going on here probably. Your DH doesn’t want his parents to visit and they haven’t seen your home so were unaware of how small it is. But they love your DCs - and not just in a material way, as in buying them stuff, but they talk to them for a long time on the phone too. So what on earth is going on?
And sorry but a replacement game controller on its own is a rather dull Christmas gift for a child. I get that money may be tight but you can buy cheap little things - including 2nd hand. So maybe the grandparents are genuinely trying to help. But maybe (no one is perfect) being a bit full-on about it. Obviously there is some back story between them and your DH.

Coronawireless · 15/12/2021 08:38

PS I understand your frustration about the space - but they don’t seem to have known how small your home is (why not?). And yes I would find it frustrating if someone else gave my DC so much stuff that I felt it was OTT or left nothing for me to give them.
But they seem to be overcompensating for your own lack of effort or interest? There is some serious miscommunication going on between the grandparents and parents here.

Original poster
Wenjie · 15/12/2021 08:58

I did end up buying my son some legos today! As well as these bygel lego boxes from ikea so he can display his creations. I'll get the magnet tiles next. I know he's not going to be exciting for replacement parts, or that the screen protector his grandparents gave is professional grade. Or maybe he will. He's a sweet boy and only asked for a Nintendo Game & Watch, which they got him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wenjie · 15/12/2021 09:04

And I have no idea why my husband never told them our home was a 1-bed. It's maddening. But maybe he's embarrassed. I need to press the idea of his parents visiting. And do it at a time when he's not trying to do something else.

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 15/12/2021 09:19

You have four children, one of them adult, Plus two parents in a one bed home?

That’s the problem not the presents! I’ve missed your last thread, I’ll go read it...

NalPolishRemover · 15/12/2021 09:24

OP do you never speak to your in-laws?
How far away do they live & why have they never been to your home?
Have they met the dc in person?
This all seems incredibly strange

SequinnedShawl · 15/12/2021 09:48

Ah you're the one who said you wanted to open your children's presents and rewrap them. Without mentioning the fact they weren't actually wrapped, just in Amazon boxes. Hmm