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Original poster

I feel like a controlling daughter in law

112 replies

Wenjie · 14/12/2021 01:44

I told my husband's parents that it's fine they went overboard with gifts this year, but going forward we can only accept one gift per child, and it has to fit in a 13 long, 13 wide 15 wide cubby on our kallax shelving unit. It was so awkward.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 14/12/2021 04:09

Bloody hell that list! Is there something going on here? I mean, they’ve taken over xmas presents for your dc. Do they think you don’t/cant buy them enough? That you’re terrible parents?

tenredthings · 14/12/2021 04:17

That is an insane amount of presents ! I suppose at least Christmas is sorted for the kids now, you don't need to bother buying anything else. Moving forward you could suggest that because storage is an issue instead of buying tat they could pay for a family day out experience instead !

DorsVenabili · 14/12/2021 04:31

If you have the drawer inserts for the Kallax I think it slightly reduces the dimensions - you may need to factor this in?

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Maxiedog123 · 14/12/2021 04:40

That is ridiculous

Maxiedog123 · 14/12/2021 04:40

The list of gifts I mean

Original poster
Wenjie · 14/12/2021 04:43

@IWentAwayIStayedAway

Any reason why 8 year old appears to have got 'more'? Did the children give a list? That is some amount of stuff. Can you send more back/ keep for regifting?? What have you bought?
I think they spent about the same. Like they got a professional grade screen protector for the Nintendo Game & Watch for my 10 year old. The wooden playset for my 4 year old couldn't have been cheap, but it was massive and we returned it.

For my 18 year old, we were only planning on giving money, but she's seen all the parcels and has expressed a desire to have gifts to open. She's just not sure what she wants us to buy.

For my 10 year old, DH bought replacement game controllers for the Nintendo Switch, but I was thinking of getting him legos and magnetic tiles.

For my 8 year old we got slipcovers for our dining chairs that turn them into a stovetop, kitchen counter, and ice cream shop. I had also planned on getting her a wall mounted dollhouse from ikea, but she has so much that I'm having misgivings.

For my 4 year old we got a blanket we can put on the floor that's city roads on one side for him to play with cars and a prehistoric scene on the other side for playing with dinosaurs. And we got a play tent that folds up. I had thought about getting a fold up tunnel to lead to the tent, but (again) I don't know if that would be too much.

Since this is their first time giving so much, I think it's because this is the first year the kids have really gotten into video chatting with them about gifts. Especially my 8 year old, who can chat with them for hours. She says she told them what to buy. So I think they just bought everything she suggested without any thought of moderation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wenjie · 14/12/2021 05:23

@timeisnotaline

Bloody hell that list! Is there something going on here? I mean, they’ve taken over xmas presents for your dc. Do they think you don’t/cant buy them enough? That you’re terrible parents?
I hope they know we can buy them gifts! We can!
OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 14/12/2021 05:28

Well you’ve got to admire their dedication. This must have taken ages to buy! Yes, it sounds controlling. Equally what your in-laws have done is controlling. So I’d say you saying yours was more a reaction to reinstate a level of control. I think in future, the children need a limit set. This level of gifts is more than most children get from their parents and the wider family! The Amazon gift card for your eldest must be for hundreds, what a waste of money. They would have been much better to give her hard cash.

FixItUpChappie · 14/12/2021 05:40

It might be controlling to set clear boundaries, but it's self absorbed (and a bit thick) to not realize that it's not cool to flood your adult children's Christmas and home with mountains of stuff for the kids.

HandScreen · 14/12/2021 05:51

Maybe limit them to 3 gifts each in future, and no need to specify size (other than the dollhouse these gifts are all appropriate, size-wise. Lots of books in there, for example).

Please do get something for them from yourselves/Father Christmas. It's sad that you're considering not doing this because of these gifts. The 18 and 10 year old will have very few "things" otherwise.

Thissucksmonkeynuts · 14/12/2021 05:53

Thing is OP, you have said out loud what so many of me and my friends are thinking every birthday and Christmas. I am also a nasty controlling dil, im the past I've made it clear that good presents aren't huge, contain 1000000 small pieces that I will spend my time and energy picking up off the floor or retrieving from under furniture and if they need batteries, they come with extra batteries.
Back story: ils are almost entirely self absorbed and would not piss on us if we were on fire.
Oh and I'd be having words about having that heap of Amazon boxes in my sitting room for a fortnight before Christmas, or filling my recycling bin on Christmas day afternoon.

tara66 · 14/12/2021 06:04

I never make lists - life is too short.

Original poster
Wenjie · 14/12/2021 06:34

Does anyone have ideas for my 18 year old? She came up with the idea of getting a Billie Eilish perfume, but it's sold out. I could buy her a projector to watch movies on at university.

OP posts:
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 14/12/2021 07:33

Holy moly that’s like a toy factory!

Original poster
Wenjie · 14/12/2021 07:40

@OnceuponaRainbow18

Holy moly that’s like a toy factory!
It is, but last year they only sent one gift per kid, plus a blanket for each kid which they said was a hug from them. So maybe I didn't need to be such a killjoy.
OP posts:
Totalwasteofpaper · 14/12/2021 07:41

Did you post before?

Yanbu

Get them to buy one nice thing and if they need to spend more put it in a kids isa and it can pay for driving lessons, tests, insurance or car when the kids are older. Way better than plastic tar and something tangible.

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 14/12/2021 07:46

Lighten up, telling then how large the gift can be is a bit batshit crazy. Asking for less stuff not so crazy.

SSOYS · 14/12/2021 07:54

Nothing wrong with asking for less and for them to bear in mind you have limited space, but I think specifying dimensions is a bit much. I also think the time for the conversation was before they bought so much, or if that wasn’t possible, before they buy next year, rather than straight after they deliver this year’s presents.

TillyTopper · 14/12/2021 08:19

So gifts for your DCs arrived and you opened them to check them? And then measured them and returned some of them when they didn't fit?

I agree the list is long but if that's your reaction I honestly think you need some help. That sounds so controlling and awful t your PILs. Please think about talking to your husband and perhaps seeing counselling because to me your reaction is way over the top.

junebirthdaygirl · 14/12/2021 08:22

Mad amount of stuff but have to say they buy decent presents as, at least, it's not all useless crap. Definitely going down to one present each is OK to suggest as it really takes over from ye. If they want to spend money could they add to their savings account.

What about driving lessons for dd?

Original poster
Wenjie · 14/12/2021 08:25

DH did talk to them when the wooden playset/dollhouse arrived, because we had to return it. There was only seven boxes then. He told them we live in fewer than 700 sqft, which he'd never told them. They didn't warn us that more parcels were on their way.

OP posts:
saraclara · 14/12/2021 08:28

You're timing was terrible. Partly because there was no point giving them this instruction 12 months before it's needed, and partly because you said it straight after they'd given a shedload of presents with generosity and love. You basically shat on their pleasure at giving.

Yes, they've gone way over the top, but jeeze, bring up any present planning in Autumn next year, not right now. And no you can't dictate the size to that degree. That's madness.

justasking111 · 14/12/2021 08:31

PIL here out GCS have so many toys from parents which end up in the bin, we buy 4 each clothes, practical things and one toy

Original poster
Wenjie · 14/12/2021 08:34

@TillyTopper

So gifts for your DCs arrived and you opened them to check them? And then measured them and returned some of them when they didn't fit?

I agree the list is long but if that's your reaction I honestly think you need some help. That sounds so controlling and awful t your PILs. Please think about talking to your husband and perhaps seeing counselling because to me your reaction is way over the top.

We only returned the dollhouse. I have tomorrow off of work, too. Today I spent it trying to wrap presents. Tomorrow I'll go through the kids' things and figure out what I can donate to make room for the new toys. My mom didn't heed the list we discussed, either. And I had planned on her getting things to coordinate with the Father Christmas gifts, so I was probably... I don't know... just not reacting thoughtfully when I spoke to my in laws. My oldest dd says I should set the limit at five gifts and take back the part about dimensions. DH wouldn't take any conversation of it seriously and joked that we should say twenty gifts per kid and just get rid of all their old stuff every year and say it's their grandparents fault all their toys are being donated.
OP posts:
CatsArePeople · 14/12/2021 08:42

There was a thread on facebook where grandparents were amusing themselves with getting very inapropriate gifts for their grandkids just to piss off their adult children. Flashiest, noisiest toys and way too many of them Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread