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Original poster

I feel like a controlling daughter in law

112 replies

Wenjie · 14/12/2021 01:44

I told my husband's parents that it's fine they went overboard with gifts this year, but going forward we can only accept one gift per child, and it has to fit in a 13 long, 13 wide 15 wide cubby on our kallax shelving unit. It was so awkward.

OP posts:
Tinsellittis · 14/12/2021 08:46

@LoveGrooveDanceParty

I couldn’t disagree more - I think you sound not only controlling, but a right misery.

Jeez, it’s Christmas. They’re grandparents.

Chill.

This
godmum56 · 14/12/2021 09:18

Please somebody tell me this is a joke

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/12/2021 09:18

Blondes sits on fence pulling splinters

One hand you sound a killjoy with saying has to be a certain size

They are gp who want to spoil

Other hand you don’t have an lot of space and the list of gifts is a lot

I assume they have money as things on list aren’t cheap

Could you ask for premium bonds for a pressie and small gift

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Billandben444 · 14/12/2021 09:22

Hmmm. I'd let them open them all, enjoy them all and, when they get bored with 50% of them, have that chat about charity shops and escort them down there with a sack of old/new toys. I'd gracefully thank in-laws and then later in the year explain about lack of space and perhaps fewer gifts for 2022. If they took on board the list from your daughter (couldn't you hear what was going on?), then they are just being loving grandparents. I wouldn't ask for money/premium bonds instead though as they want to give pleasure to your children not swell the coffers. Actually, I'm with your husband on this, he sounds a blast!

mugoftea456 · 14/12/2021 09:27

That amount of presents is ridiculous.

I started a rule (when my lovely dad bought the kids a trampoline one year) that if they wanted to buy large gifts they had to be kept at their house.

Original poster
Wenjie · 14/12/2021 09:31

@junebirthdaygirl

Mad amount of stuff but have to say they buy decent presents as, at least, it's not all useless crap. Definitely going down to one present each is OK to suggest as it really takes over from ye. If they want to spend money could they add to their savings account. What about driving lessons for dd?
Driving lessons is a great idea! I was so stuck on thinking of stuff!
OP posts:
Original poster
Wenjie · 14/12/2021 09:34

@Billandben444

Hmmm. I'd let them open them all, enjoy them all and, when they get bored with 50% of them, have that chat about charity shops and escort them down there with a sack of old/new toys. I'd gracefully thank in-laws and then later in the year explain about lack of space and perhaps fewer gifts for 2022. If they took on board the list from your daughter (couldn't you hear what was going on?), then they are just being loving grandparents. I wouldn't ask for money/premium bonds instead though as they want to give pleasure to your children not swell the coffers. Actually, I'm with your husband on this, he sounds a blast!
Because of the time difference and my work schedule, they usually talk to their grandparents while I'm at work and DH is working from home. I do hear the conversations when I have a day off.
OP posts:
Asi1 · 14/12/2021 09:35

OP

Can l join your family? Your in laws sound amazing, your children are lucky to have such loving GPs

Walkingthedog46 · 14/12/2021 09:39

Perhaps buy the PIL a tape measure as a stocking filler so they can go equipped next time!!! 😂😂

Motheroftigers · 14/12/2021 09:41

Looks like some one had a few vinos and left alone with the amazon account Grin

loopyapp · 14/12/2021 09:45

I'd be dispersing that equally across them and consider donating some of it to places helping struggling parents with Xmas gifts.

That's obscene. I HATE virtue signaling folk who declare their kids teeny gift list make entirely of eco friendly recycled produce and stocking with a few tangerines and love but.. that list for all 3 has much more than all 4 of mine combined 🙄

BarefootHippieChick · 14/12/2021 09:51

Ah, I remember your thread from the other day. I hope your anxiety is better after telling them.

Triyo · 14/12/2021 09:52

I thought you were bonkers until I read the list. The sizing restriction is still a bit bonkers, I'd maybe roll back on that but I understand where you are coming from how on earth could they think all that was appropriate, so I get why you have set firm guidelines, but I'd suggest ditching the sizing one, just phrase it as small rather then exact.

ComDummings · 14/12/2021 09:58

Ok that is way too much stuff! They definitely got very carried away. I don’t blame you for telling them tbh.

godmum56 · 14/12/2021 10:05

@CatsArePeople

There was a thread on facebook where grandparents were amusing themselves with getting very inapropriate gifts for their grandkids just to piss off their adult children. Flashiest, noisiest toys and way too many of them Grin
DH and i used to do this for his godson and godson's big brother....not the way too many but weird, noisy, messy and so on. Their Mum used to say "anything except a drum kit" When both kids were in local footy teams we bought their Mum a proper wooden football rattle to embarass the kids with. The youngest is 30 now and she still has it :)
Aderyn21 · 14/12/2021 10:08

If you have a tiny house then its really annoying when other people fill it up with masses of stuff. The grandparents are indulging themselves and jot thinking about how the parents are are going to store all this stuff. Or that a parent might want to buy things themselves for their children and not have their presents swamped by grandma raiding Amazon! Yanbu from me - if they hadn't been so ridiculous in their shopping then you wouldn't have to set rules!

elizabethdraper · 14/12/2021 10:09

I agree totally,

I now leave any large presents in grandparents house.

They buy too much stuff, nothing gets played with.

Funny enough they have stopped buying large gifts when they start cluttering up their house which is twice the size of mine

HandScreen · 14/12/2021 10:13

@Wenjie

Does anyone have ideas for my 18 year old? She came up with the idea of getting a Billie Eilish perfume, but it's sold out. I could buy her a projector to watch movies on at university.
Can you really not think of something to get your own child?
Phrowzunn · 14/12/2021 10:16

Oh my God I thought my ILs were bad! How can anyone think that is appropriate? What an absolutely ridiculous amount of stuff! I would honestly return or donate the vast majority of it. Going forward what about asking them to stick to the old ‘something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read’?

Picklechamp · 14/12/2021 10:19

Projector is a great idea. Lots of other bits you can get thinking ahead for uni too. I got my dc a decent wheeled suitcase and filled it with bits like extension cables, mugs, framed pic of best friends etc. went down well.

Nonicknamesforcatapillars · 14/12/2021 10:23

That is a lot of gifts. I can see why you’d tell them to maybe send less next year. But I do think that making them stick to just one and then to dictate the size is controlling.

Original poster
Wenjie · 14/12/2021 10:24

@HandScreen She can't think of a gift for herself. We bought her a new laptop for school already and she bought herself the boots she wanted. She is a respite care worker and always has money to buy herself things. Her boyfriend can't figure out what to buy her, either. But the suggestion to buy her something she can't open is good. I can do something like take her to get her hair professionally colored.

OP posts:
KeepApart · 14/12/2021 10:27

You feel like your being a controlling DIL because you are being a controlling DIl

Look it is a lot of stuff, but everyone but your 4 Yr old is old enough to sort through their own stuff. After Christmas go through your 8r old and your 10yr old stuff with them, and help them clear out to the charity things. Show them how much space they have and they can decide what they do with it. Most of what the GPS have sent is books and pens tbf

Your Dd is right and 5 presents, Or maybe one big present and a couple stocking fillers, with not such a demanding size description would be appropriate. And not when they've just sent the presents! A quiet word after Christmas would have been better.

Tink1989 · 14/12/2021 10:47

personally I would thank them for the gifts but keep a few of them aside and say that you will give them for their birthdays etc from them, as I know how overwhelmed my DS can get with too much

Aderyn21 · 14/12/2021 10:48

Sometimes you need to control a situation though because the people concerned have no sense or self restraint. Controlling isn't always bad.

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