Emma Tustin is a murderer

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

Finally. We can say it.

I've just utterly broken down for Arthur.

Shame on social services. Shame on the Police. And shame on his father and step-mother. Poor, sweet little child. Rest easy now sweetheart.

@Mufasa1118

I see the people on this thread calling Emma Tustin a monster.

What all about all the women you see here on mumsnet saying

• I hate children
• I regret having children

-i hate being a mother

• I hate being a stepmother.

There are SO many threads like that on here. And those women are usually given sympathy on here like "oh yes being a mum is hard". People on here usually focus on how the adult feels, no thought at all is given to how the child feels.

The adults needs and wants are thought of first, you see that all over mumsnet.

I've seen so many absolutely disgusting "I hate being a stepmother threads on here" where the women talk totally about their own feelings and talk about their stepchildren like they are a piece of shit.

Emma Tustin was a stepmother . Taking out the murder. What is the difference between her actions, and the women on here on mumsnet saying they hate their stepchildren? Isn't that abuse ?

Emma Tustin was not a 'stepmother' e.g. married to Hughes. She was introduced to Hughes via a dating site and he introduced Arthur to her on I think the first date and they appear to have moved in together not long after that into her house.

But she was not legally married to Hughes.

It's like saying that Gemma Collins (not comparing her to Tustin) is the stepmother of Rami's son, Tristan - she's not, she's Rami's girlfriend/partner as they aren't married.

Also, there is obviously a huge difference between people who struggle or didn't anticipate how difficult it would be, and people who actively choose to hurt children. A normal person who couldn't cope to such a severe extent would have let the child live with grandparents. ET actively didn't let that happen, because she is a psychopath.

Social workers do a very hard job, sometimes well, sometimes badly. They definitely have caseloads that are too large. There is definite underfunding.

A horror like this takes many people not doing enough, or doing nothing. Yes, there will be important changes needing to be made following this to hopefully make it more likely that key players could act effectively.

But ultimately this child is dead because he was murdered by a manipulative and cruel couple. That is why he has died. SS may get smarter and more scrupulous but neither they nor a teacher will always be able to prevent these tragedies when there are monsters like these in the world. They will never be able to do it.

Lockdown is not to blame for his death either. He was known to SS, concerns were raised, teacher was aware. Lockdown should not have been a problem when so many professionals were aware. It's also the case that we as members of the public have a responsibility to report. Individuals saw him (despite lockdown) in the days leading up to his death and should have raised the alarm.

This murder took a village but ultimately it happened because the people convicted of the crime carried it out.

There are no words.

And any lessons that can be genuinely learned, bring them on. What else do we have.

@Mufasa1118

I see the people on this thread calling Emma Tustin a monster.

What all about all the women you see here on mumsnet saying

• I hate children
• I regret having children

-i hate being a mother

• I hate being a stepmother.

There are SO many threads like that on here. And those women are usually given sympathy on here like "oh yes being a mum is hard". People on here usually focus on how the adult feels, no thought at all is given to how the child feels.

The adults needs and wants are thought of first, you see that all over mumsnet.

I've seen so many absolutely disgusting "I hate being a stepmother threads on here" where the women talk totally about their own feelings and talk about their stepchildren like they are a piece of shit.

Emma Tustin was a stepmother . Taking out the murder. What is the difference between her actions, and the women on here on mumsnet saying they hate their stepchildren? Isn't that abuse ?

Because ''Saying'' 'I regret having children'' on the spur of a moment os different to torturing a child for months and then murdering him.

I have never been a stepmother, but have been a stepchild, and no way can you excuse the beast Tustin's depraved, sadistic actions because she is a 'Stepmother'
She could have handed Arthur back .
She chose to torture him for her own perverse pleasures.

Emma Tustin was a stepmother . Taking out the murder. What is the difference between her actions, and the women on here on mumsnet saying they hate their stepchildren? Isn't that abuse ?

“Taking out the murder” (and I assume all the appalling treatment prior to the murder…) rather defeats the point of the comparison. Thoughts do not equal actions. People can regret having children but still love and do their absolute best for them.

[quote KurtWildesChristmasNamechange]@Mufasa1118 I never offer sympathy to a step mum on MN (and I am one!). My basic response is that if they're unhappy at being a step mum then to get out of their partners life and their step kids lives before they do any damage. I know I'm not the only one on here who says that, which is why MN has a tendency for the whole 'everyone hates step mums' thing. I don't hate step mums, I hate anyone who's awful to kids, period. [/quote]
I wish my stepdad had fucked off out of my mum's life. He had his good points and good sides but though he denies physical abuse, he was verbally very nasty and he admitted years later that he was too young at 25 to take on parenting (he wasn't allowed to do too much of that) 2 young children with my DM who was 10 years older than him.

I will never understand why someone like Tustin, who seemingly hated any child who wasn’t her own, would date someone with a child. The beauty of online dating is you get to be selective about who you meet before you fall for them. If Hughes was open about Arthur- which he was- she should have said thanks but no thanks. There’s no obligation for people to become step parents.

@oakleaffy - Tustin didn't really want to be a mother to any of her children, she wanted to have them for the child benefit etc benefits and got pregnant very quickly after meeting the partners.

She wanted to be with Hughes, not to be a stepmother to Arthur, let's not make any bones about that.

@Bagelsandbrie

I will never understand why someone like Tustin, who seemingly hated any child who wasn’t her own, would date someone with a child. The beauty of online dating is you get to be selective about who you meet before you fall for them. If Hughes was open about Arthur- which he was- she should have said thanks but no thanks. There’s no obligation for people to become step parents.

Hmm to be fair I’ve seen a lot of people say now that you have children you will only be able to date people with children, Not excusing it but as she had 4 children she probably believed she wouldn’t be able to find someone without children to date I’ve certainly see it said on here and irl!

@Gonnagetgoing same thing. I would call the long term girlfriend of a man, stepmother. You dont have to be married. Alot of people dont get married these days. Arthur was in her care. I was the girlfriend of a man with a child for two years, and I was referred to as the child's stepmother by many people around us. That child was in my care every weekend.

This women wasnt a stepmother. She was the latest lay of the Father.

They werent married. She could have been his girlfriend from last night. No way was she a stepmother. She is scum, I do hope she gets what she deserves. I hope they do get a long sentence but that will be shortened for good behaviour.

Couldnt we have actual sentences for these sorts of crimes. She murdered this child after months of abuse.

Aww she's being bullied? 🙄

@Gonnagetgoing I'm sorry he didn't. I had to leave my exh (step dad to my oldest DC, father of my younger ones) because of his abuse towards me that had started filtering down to my older DC. In hindsight he admitted he just didn't know how to handle being a step parent. I'm just not sure how that equates to acting like an absolute bastard to the kids involved.

Clearly Tustin had a hold over Hughes, but at the end of the day he's equally as guilty imo and shouldn't have a say in where that little boy gets buried. He gave up that right when he systematically abused and neglected him and allowed that bitch to murder him.

@Cassimin

I have met lots of people who would make excellent social workers but do not have the right qualifications. They have life experience, they are caring but also wouldn’t have the wool pulled over their eyes

Social work is a regulated profession, you can’t call yourself a social worker unless you have a social work qualification at degree or post graduate level and are registered with the relevant body. Unqualified support workers are not social workers and can’t, by law, lead on a child protection investigation. It need much more than life experience - there are legal duties and powers invested in registered social workers and they are legally accountable for their practice.

Life experience gets you so far, perhaps if the pay, working conditions and support structures were better we’d attract more of those excellent people into social work, they’d be more prepared to do the study required.

"There’s no obligation for people to become step parents"

my guess is that when she met Hughes she did not give a second thought to the fact that he had a child, and the implications of the fact that he had a child only became apparent to her once hughes and arthur moved in due to lockdown. She does not seem the type to think carefully about what she wants and does not want when it comes to children - and certainly not whether she "wants" to be a step parent or not. She just treated Arthur like he was not a living breathing person.

Stepmother my arse. She'd only just met him and they moved in together over lockdown so they could legally have someone to shag.

Emma Tustin was a stepmother . Taking out the murder. What is the difference between her actions, and the women on here on mumsnet saying they hate their stepchildren? Isn't that abuse

You are a complete fool. You truly can't see the difference between someone coming onto a forum and saying they're struggling being a parent and an evil sub-human piece of shit who tortured a child over a long period and then murdered him?!

There's really no conversing with you.

I'm just saying that people think they are so different to Emma.
But it is a slow slide to evil.
Look through mumsnet. There are some terrible thread on here. Not just saying I regret having children
I have seen people say on here:
I absolutely hate my stepchildren
I am jealous of my stepdaughter
I hate when my partner shows affection to his daughter.
I have seen a thread where a woman says that she wished her stepchildren didn't exist

We can't call Emma a monster without examining all of us. The change starts in the mirror .

A LOT of people are abusive to children. We need to look at ourselves too

If you can grasp it in another angle. This is like when we talk to men about men abusing women, and they say not all men.

We can't say we are nothing like Emma. All adults are at fault with the current huge scale of abuse of children. All of us. We all need to change our attitudes.

Look at all the threads on here that say "I hate children, I don't like being around children, I regret having a child.

I’m sure this wasn’t the intention, but please don’t imply that people who say this are potential abusers or share a mindset with abusers. I said on a recent thread that I am child free and don’t like children - this doesn’t mean I have any tolerance for them suffering. It doesn’t mean I’m cruel or a sadist. Not enjoying being around kids doesn’t equal an indifference to seeing them hurt much less actively wanting that, and I’ve had the same ‘if only...’ feelings in reaction to reading about this as others. This story has upset me very much. Conversely, a lot of abusers don’t seem to have a blanket dislike of children - there are many cases with some children in a house being treated kindly while a sibling is subjected to horrendous abuse.

Emma Tustin was not a 'stepmother' e.g. married to Hughes. She was introduced to Hughes via a dating site and he introduced Arthur to her on I think the first date and they appear to have moved in together not long after that into her house.

But she was not legally married to Hughes.

I think you’ll find that most, on MN at least agree you don’t need to be married to be a step mother. The child was living full time in her home while she was in a relationship with his father. That qualifies her as a stepmother.

@TurnUpTurnip I’ve heard that as well but it’s just not true. When I dated as a single parent I was absolutely adamant I didn’t want to date anyone with children- that may be selfish of me but that was my choice. My dd was 5 at the time, I didn’t want to parent another child, I was up to my eyes in it with an difficult ex and didn’t want another difficult ex added to the mix. I knew I could never love another child like my own. I was honest with myself and thankfully never had an issue with meeting potential partners- lots of people are okay with potentially being a step parent so it works both ways. (Dh and I met online and have been married 15 years now).

Astonishing that even on a forum like this, there will be apologists for a piece of sub-human shit like Emma Tustin.

That's how they get away with it for so long because there is always some daft twat to come along, wringing their hands and making excuses for the inexcusable.

@Smileyduck

I am so sorry to hear of all the difficulties social services put in your life. It is a total lack of common sense that social workers could not see the difficulty of you having to leave for work before any child care was available. Perhaps they could not understand the numbers.

It is of great concern that all these social workers who are told about bruises that they can not see and these people are driving about in cars. What is wrong that they can not see bruises. I have a photo of a bruised child, everyone who has seen that photo can see the bruising apart from social workers. It is a problem.

Social workers also gave out the addresses of single women with children to a man they had been told was not a nice person. They do not seem to understand women's safety or confidentiality.

A PP has stated that my opinion was worthless. To that poster I would say you sound like a social worker or something like. I lived it I am not a liar like social workers have lied and I do not give out any contact details without checking if this is fine with whoever's details are requested. Walk a mile in my shoes before you make any comment on me.

His actual mothers statement is interesting. She seems to be portraying herself as mother of the year.., I’ll never get to read him a bedtime story again. Well she’s in prison for 12 years for murder so presumably he would’ve been too old for bedtime stories by the time she got out.

It’s absolutely not her fault what happened to her son but given she is in prison for murder and was addicted to drugs and alcohol, he witnessed severe domestic abuse in her care I don’t think she is the best placed to be portraying herself in this way.