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Original poster

No sex because of contraception issues

95 replies

JunoMcDuff · 23/11/2021 23:06

I can't use contraception with estrogen in due to migraines with aura. The mini pill causes virtually constant bleeding (2-3 bleed free days per month) and decimates my libido. Due to issues with mini pill I'm really really reluctant to try the mirena coil. I have a copper allergy.

So we're left with condoms. Which we both find total mood killers and faffy. I hate the feel of them and the smell (on DHs fingers) I have a really sensitive sense of smell.

So we just aren't having sex. We start, we get in the mood, we go to get the condoms and the mood just goes. It is so frustrating.

Argh. Not sure what I'm asking really. We've had sex twice since August. Both times using pull out method after I've ovulated but it's obviously not without risk.

OP posts:
Pushmepullyou · 23/11/2021 23:19

The mini pill was a disaster for me, constant bleeding and near suicidal hormonal misery. I have a mirena now and it has been great with no problems at all. I’d really recommend it

MrsFin · 23/11/2021 23:20

Is sterilisation an option for either of you?
Or, isn't there a male pill now?

Original poster
JunoMcDuff · 23/11/2021 23:23

@MrsFin

Is sterilisation an option for either of you? Or, isn't there a male pill now?
I've been refused sterilisation and after discussions with friends and drs DH has decided a vasectomy isn't for him.
OP posts:

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amusedbush · 23/11/2021 23:24

I didn't get on with the mini pill but I get the injection (sayana press, which is the same as the depo provera but self-administered) and I don't get a period at all.

I can't speak to sex drive because I'm asexual Grin but I use it to keep my period away as I'm autistic and really can't stand dealing with them.

Princessbubbles · 23/11/2021 23:25

Look up Jaydess, Kyleena & Mirena coils. Different progesterone to mini pill and delivered straight into uterus so minimal side effects

Wombat46 · 23/11/2021 23:25

@Pushmepullyou

The mini pill was a disaster for me, constant bleeding and near suicidal hormonal misery. I have a mirena now and it has been great with no problems at all. I’d really recommend it
Yep, this. Tried several pills, all awful. Years of faffing then got a Mirena, expected it to also be awful but sorted my moods, 11 years of no periods, apparently has helped with peri-menopause & now part of hrt. Wish I'd got one years earlier.

Ymmv, as the sexual health expert, who fitted my first one said it's different for everyone...

NowEvenBetter · 23/11/2021 23:26

So his choices are
-no penis in or near vagina
-condoms plus pulling out, find a brand that doesn’t have a rubbery smell.
-parenthood.

Original poster
JunoMcDuff · 23/11/2021 23:28

@Princessbubbles

Look up Jaydess, Kyleena & Mirena coils. Different progesterone to mini pill and delivered straight into uterus so minimal side effects
Interesting. I will, thanks.
OP posts:
Original poster
JunoMcDuff · 23/11/2021 23:30

@NowEvenBetter

So his choices are -no penis in or near vagina -condoms plus pulling out, find a brand that doesn’t have a rubbery smell. -parenthood.
Well those are also my choices as well.

I'm really frustrated with this. I don't want more children.

Even if he wanted a vasectomy, it's a 2year wait plus 6 months follow up so not a short term solution.

And it's not a procedure without risk. I'm totally in agreement with his decision.

OP posts:
MrsFin · 23/11/2021 23:39

after discussions with friends and drs DH has decided a vasectomy isn't for him

What are his reasons? It's a fairly quick and simple operation under local anaesthetic.

neamchimpsky · 23/11/2021 23:40

Have you tried a diaphragm at all? I used one for similar reasons (no other contraception tolerated and hated condoms) and although it wasn't ideal, once I got used to it I got on ok with it, better than condoms in the sense you can plan for the possibility in advance but still a mood killer if you have to rush off to put it in! Huge fan now of the mirena but realise that may not suit you as hormone releasing.

justasking111 · 23/11/2021 23:45

Had the cap because I had documented fertility issues was fine with that. As for smell nose plugs or a bit of cotton wool in nostrils

cantgetmyheadroundit · 23/11/2021 23:53

A 2 year wait? Has he told you that, or the doctor? To be honest, I think he's being really selfish. It's a quick and simple operation.

Original poster
JunoMcDuff · 24/11/2021 00:00

@MrsFin

after discussions with friends and drs DH has decided a vasectomy isn't for him

What are his reasons? It's a fairly quick and simple operation under local anaesthetic.

Risk of ongoing pain mainly. As high as 1% risk, which isn't good and is possibly irreversible.
OP posts:
Original poster
JunoMcDuff · 24/11/2021 00:03

@cantgetmyheadroundit

A 2 year wait? Has he told you that, or the doctor? To be honest, I think he's being really selfish. It's a quick and simple operation.
A mix. We've a number of GP friends in our area and I'm NHS so can verify it.

I disagree he's being selfish. It's an unnecessary operation that isn't without risk.

OP posts:
Original poster
JunoMcDuff · 24/11/2021 00:04

@neamchimpsky

Have you tried a diaphragm at all? I used one for similar reasons (no other contraception tolerated and hated condoms) and although it wasn't ideal, once I got used to it I got on ok with it, better than condoms in the sense you can plan for the possibility in advance but still a mood killer if you have to rush off to put it in! Huge fan now of the mirena but realise that may not suit you as hormone releasing.
I haven't, I'll look into it.
OP posts:
Bobsyer · 24/11/2021 00:28

Mirena gave me near constant bleeding it was awful. I had it for 4 years and towards the end it was just all the time. Not enough that I could use a tampon, but enough that it would ruin my knickers (before period knickers were a thing). Can't use pads they give me thrush!

Grayskelly · 24/11/2021 00:36

Are condoms so bad you'd rather not have sex?

We were in a similar situation just got used to it.

FelicityBeedle · 24/11/2021 00:40

@justasking111

Had the cap because I had documented fertility issues was fine with that. As for smell nose plugs or a bit of cotton wool in nostrils
I’m sorry but the idea of OP getting it on with her DP with a peg on her nose has really tickled me
TangledUp789 · 24/11/2021 00:52

I’m surprised at someone finding condoms so awful that they’d rather have a sexless relationship instead. Unless you were allergic to them - or had a very low sex drive. Just start using them, I’m sure you’ll get used to it eventually.

BorisStopOffendingYourBarber · 24/11/2021 00:54

@justasking111

Had the cap because I had documented fertility issues was fine with that. As for smell nose plugs or a bit of cotton wool in nostrils
You forgot the smelling salts, that’ll really set the mood off a treat 🤣
Nat6999 · 24/11/2021 01:03

Look for silicone condoms, no smell & feel more natural. I got thrush every time we used normal condoms & sexual health recommended silicone ones.

Hoesbeforebroes · 24/11/2021 01:05

@justasking111

Had the cap because I had documented fertility issues was fine with that. As for smell nose plugs or a bit of cotton wool in nostrils
If they find condoms a turn off I suspect this won't help with the sexy vibes either Grin
JessieLongleg · 24/11/2021 01:34

I similar and use a diaphragm, they are silcone, can put them in before hand, even in rush pre sex. They need a spermicide to be fully good, don't use the traditional one from the GP but you can get ones on Amazon etc that are more gentle and use lactic acid to stop them swimming rather than traditional spermicide that will kill sperm but is harsh on skin as well. I was using them in a fling where we had really good kinky sexy and never got in the way or smelled like condoms. If you have trouble getting it out when you need a poo have you hand in there ready and when you push you will reach it. You will get used to it very quickly. Great when on the end on period at will stop the gunk in the diaphragm. Many couples use with less gel as watch their cycle and get over strick with the rules and gel when fertile. As it's a silicone doom they could feel it but was never unpleasant and if he wants a feel without it he can use his hands.

JessieLongleg · 24/11/2021 01:37

Why? a cap or diaphragm can be put in way before the moment and mine is made of silicone so don't smell at all. It sits on the cervix it's not like a female condom.

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