No sex because of contraception issues

[JunoMcDuff]

I can't use contraception with estrogen in due to migraines with aura. The mini pill causes virtually constant bleeding (2-3 bleed free days per month) and decimates my libido. Due to issues with mini pill I'm really really reluctant to try the mirena coil. I have a copper allergy.

So we're left with condoms. Which we both find total mood killers and faffy. I hate the feel of them and the smell (on DHs fingers) I have a really sensitive sense of smell.

So we just aren't having sex. We start, we get in the mood, we go to get the condoms and the mood just goes. It is so frustrating.

Argh. Not sure what I'm asking really. We've had sex twice since August. Both times using pull out method after I've ovulated but it's obviously not without risk.

Diaphragms are only 94% successful in preventing pregnancy. They can also cause UTIs.

@TheGirlCat OP has explained the reasons behind the decision. You may not agree but you don't have too. It's not your life nor your birth control method. Vasectomy was an option ruled out by both OP and her partner.
Good luck OP, I hope you find a method that works for you

@JunoMcDuff certainly generated a discussion with a pretty wide range of options / experiences and I hope you find something that works for you because it must be a bit miserable having to hold off.

[quote anon12345678901]@TheGirlCat OP has explained the reasons behind the decision. You may not agree but you don't have too. It's not your life nor your birth control method. Vasectomy was an option ruled out by both OP and her partner.
Good luck OP, I hope you find a method that works for you [/quote]
I realise that, I was simply putting across how the reasons don't hold water. And I really wonder if the OP did rule it out or he partner ruled it out and she is too afraid to admit it that he spun her a story because the risk is blown right out of proportion. I also thought it important to point out the sexism in some GPs opinions. Usually when they advise against vasectomy posters before on this site have said the GP said what if she dies and the husband wants children? Regardless, I think it's important to note that the GPs pushing the OP to try coils and IUDs that she cannot handle, rather than a vasectomy, says a lot about the misogyny in general of some GPs. Perhaps if OP had told the GPs that she can't have the coils or IUDs, then they would have advised her differently, if they had known. Of course, this all suits the husband doesn't it, conveniently.

I think the misogyny of some GPs is an important thing to note and should be called out. On a woman's forum. That's all. Anyway I'm out.

@TheGirlCat why are you so obsessed with vasectomys? A relationship is a partnership and is about working together to find solutions to the problems. Which is what they are doing.
@JunoMcDuff ignore her. Hope you find an acceptable solution. In the meantime withdrawal mixed with cycle tracking can be very effective. Most failures come from men not actually pulling out in time so if he is in tune with his body it's quite effective. Worked for me between my babies (2 lots of 2years) and I got pregnant as soon as we started trying again.

[quote whosaidtha]@TheGirlCat why are you so obsessed with vasectomys? A relationship is a partnership and is about working together to find solutions to the problems. Which is what they are doing.
@JunoMcDuff ignore her. Hope you find an acceptable solution. In the meantime withdrawal mixed with cycle tracking can be very effective. Most failures come from men not actually pulling out in time so if he is in tune with his body it's quite effective. Worked for me between my babies (2 lots of 2years) and I got pregnant as soon as we started trying again. [/quote]
I had withdrawn (no pun intended) from this thread. Just pointed out that a vasectomy is the safest and most effective way, that's all. And if it is a partnership, that's fine. But what if the male is lying to his partner (which is often the way when it comes to vasectomy). Too many women have the coil or other IUD pushed on them (as the OP has) by misogynistic GPs. Sorry if a woman pointing out the facts and actually going to the effort of posting medical research on a woman's forum bothers you or anyone else.

When I had a diaphram, I popped it in every night. If we had sex, no rush to put it in and spoil the moment. If morning sex I had spermicidal cream handy to top up.

@TheGirlCat

Whilst I totally agree with your point about the relentless pushing of coils, particularly the Mirena (a disaster for me, and I didn't even need it for contraception), I don't think OP sounds at all ill-informed or gaslit

It is perfectly possible to be properly informed yet still unhappy with the available options.

With regard to vasectomy, my DH had one but it was absolutely his choice. I would never have pushed it. Nor would be ever have pushed me into anything surgical (however minor) that wasn't medically necessary.

OP's husband is as entitled to his bodily autonomy as she is to hers. Both are agreed on that.

OP, I hope you do find a solution that works for you. Unfortunately, those of us who don't want or can't take hormonal contraception can find options fairly restricted.

My OH had a vasectomy and it was the best thing ever. He drove home after, slightly tender but was absolutely fine. If you were using a contraceptive method with 99% chance of not getting pregnant would you use it and not worry about getting pregnant? Used correctly condoms are 98% so I guess you would (if they didn't smell). So a vasectomy has a 99% chance of no lasting pain you say but he won't take that chance?

@cantgetmyheadroundit

A 2 year wait? Has he told you that, or the doctor? To be honest, I think he's being really selfish. It's a quick and simple operation.

not for everyone - BIL was really ill after his. And no, it's not ok because women do the childbirth bit, if there are possible alternatives.

He is extremely selfish, not weighing the risk vs benefits vs risk of anything and everything else that could happen to you or him. I urge you to attempt to really push the vasectomy issue with a GP who will perform it. It is the most safest and most reliable form of contraception and you and him are being silly and misinformed

that is your opinion, it is not fact

It's a good opinion though.

@Bobsyer

I apologize for the rude tone. Unfortunately I logged on in the middle of a bad mood and got carried away. I would delete the posts if I could, but since I can't, I'll just say that I was out of line.

Ive never seen a more bonkers discussion about contraception.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Ive never seen a more bonkers discussion about contraception.

Quite.

Diaphragm worked well for us, as does pulling out.

Good luck finding something that works for you both.