No sex because of contraception issues

[JunoMcDuff]

I can't use contraception with estrogen in due to migraines with aura. The mini pill causes virtually constant bleeding (2-3 bleed free days per month) and decimates my libido. Due to issues with mini pill I'm really really reluctant to try the mirena coil. I have a copper allergy.

So we're left with condoms. Which we both find total mood killers and faffy. I hate the feel of them and the smell (on DHs fingers) I have a really sensitive sense of smell.

So we just aren't having sex. We start, we get in the mood, we go to get the condoms and the mood just goes. It is so frustrating.

Argh. Not sure what I'm asking really. We've had sex twice since August. Both times using pull out method after I've ovulated but it's obviously not without risk.

I used contragel green and caya gel with my diaphragm and my taste dominated them. I got no allergy and suspect I'm allergic to a ingredient in durex condom lube.

Condoms are part of life for me. I can’t remember when l last had sex without a condom and l would not risk sexual health for a little inconvenience.

They do not all smell the same, so you could try experimenting with what’s available. And there are fun ways of easing them on.

How many of his friends have actually had vasectomies? Otherwise their opinions are worth nothing.
31 years married, nearly every man we know had one once their families were complete. No problems with any of them. Your partner is selfish.

I agree that diaphragms are really underrated and it sounds like they might be a good option for you.

Try Skyns non latex condoms. They feel much more natural and no rubber smell obviously.
Available everywhere, good bulk buy options online too.

My DH had his vasectomy in his lunch hour, never had any pain or anything else. I think your DH is dramatising the "1% risk ".

I use diaphragm and caya gel. So easy. My dp says he can feel it but small.price to pay.
I also felt like suicidal zombie on mini.pill. the coil I would never do. So that's the best choice. Stick it up when he comes round for afternoon sex, perfect!

Have a look at the natural cycles app. I used it to prevent and plan pregnancies. I'm like you and hormonal contraception isn't good for me and I'm not suitable for copper coils.

This app requires you to take your temperature every morning and for a few months you'll need to use other methods while it learns your cycles. It's approved for contraception.

@Twizbe the problem is stress, illness etc can affect any woman's natural cycles so it's not a very reliable method.

[quote TheGirlCat]@Twizbe the problem is stress, illness etc can affect any woman's natural cycles so it's not a very reliable method.[/quote]
If used correctly it's as effective as the pill. It's the pre ovulation part of a cycle that can be effected. The post ovulation part is very consistent. Tiny changes in our resting body temperature show the approach to ovulation and ovulation itself. Sperm can only live for a certain number of days as well.

The app learns your body and what's normal for you. It will show you red and green days. When you first use it, lots of days are red to account for it not knowing you well. The more you use it the more green days you get.

Would the depo injection not work for you?

OP I think you still have options, the most obvious of which is the Mirena. Yes some people get irregular persistent bleeding but not anywhere near the number who do with the pop.Did you try different pills? Go back to your FP doctor or nurse and talk things through. Mad that you were considering sterilisation when your DH wouldn't have a vasectomy but a mirena could easily be the simplest effective option all round.

Get your tubes tied

I agree with the diaphragm/spermicide. Its not that difficult once you get used to it.

Please don't listen to the posters calling your DH selfish for deciding not to have an operation. It's his choice and he has a right to bodily autonomy as you do.

I'd definitely try the diaphragm.

The female condom also still exists and is different from the male version but it's quite 'present', you can't really forget about it. I rated it though, better feeling than male condoms.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Get your tubes tied

Why should she undergo surgery under general anaesthetic when her partner can have a one-hour lunch break vasectomy?

I couldn't cope with the mini pill. I bled alllllll the time. Had the coil and it was great. Got rid of periods.

It actually brings be so much joy to see so many women recommending the diaphragm.

I’ve used them exclusively since my late teens (36 now) and I really can’t recommend them enough.

I don’t agree with hormonal contraceptives, and I don’t enjoy condoms either.
I 100% definitely do not want to get pregnant, but I’ve been refused sterilisation.

You can but the diaphragm on Amazon
And either get the spermicide gel on repeat prescription (free because it’s a contraceptive) or buy a less chemically one on Amazon too.

It does take a month or so to get use to it, I recommend wearing it often for short bursts of an hour or so at a time and building up, it stops you having any discomfort while you get used to it, it also helps you learn the easiest way to get it in and out, which takes practice but one you get it you’ll be whipping it in and out in seconds.

It’s very comfortable, if it’s in right you won’t even feel it.
I wear mine pretty most days and I’ve never had issues with it.

I got so much pressure to try the mirena coil. Despite me stating many times that hormones don't agree with me and I bleed on pills it was still pushed.

It wasn't until they found a cervical ectropion that they stopped pushing for it.

I'm curious now about diaphragms. I've never tried on but it could be an idea for us while we wait for my surgery.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Get your tubes tied

I tried but was declined. We can't afford to get it done privately.

@Cocogreen

How many of his friends have actually had vasectomies? Otherwise their opinions are worth nothing. 31 years married, nearly every man we know had one once their families were complete. No problems with any of them. Your partner is selfish.

Several. About 5. Of which one had some long term damage.

He's not selfish.

@Nat6999

Look for silicone condoms, no smell & feel more natural. I got thrush every time we used normal condoms & sexual health recommended silicone ones.

Thanks, I will. Thrush is also an issue for me.