I want to live in a rural village and be a primary school teacher

[MrsCremuel]

Or something of that ilk? I have a DH, baby and toddler and want to overhaul our lives. I’ve never really done anything drastic in life, mainly because family (parents etc) circs but I’ve always hankered after a different sort of life.

I hate the southeast. So busy and over priced. I desperately want to live somewhere rural. DH could take redundancy, sell a flat he owns and we could live mortgage free. I’m planning on retraining anyway so could get a job so could do anywhere. We recently had 6 weeks off together with the new baby and it was bliss. After wfh stops DH will be back to being out of the house from 7.30-7.30 4 days a week with one day wfh. I don’t want to go back to that, it’s been so good for our toddler and me to have him around more!

Anyone done something drastic to overhaul their lives? Am I being a whimsical fool?

My mum was a teaching head of a rural primary. As well as being head teacher, and all that involved, she taught P1 - P3 inclusive. She was on anti-depressants towards the end and we barely saw her. She'd be home to eat then disappear to her room to mark / plan / etc all evening and most of the weekend. Rural villages are goldfish bowls and teachers are pretty visible: she found that hard going, the level of scrutiny by the local community and how any disagreements with parents / school board inevitably seeped over into her private / social life.

I grew up in the countryside: my sister and I both live city centre now. I can see the attraction, maybe when I'm old and retired. But as a teen it was crap, and I was really glad to get away to Uni. And it inevitably means having 1 or 2 cars.

If you like helping people and samaritans look into training to be an occupational therapist, wide variety of jobs in mental health or physical, hospitals and community and there's a major shortage so no problem getting a job. I trained in my 40s with 3 kids and have now moved more rurally than I was. There are plenty of places that are countryside but still accessible to major towns. I've gone for a little town that has every facility I could want but out of my back windows I can see the pennines.

@JesusInTheCabbageVan

I grew up in a proper, chocolate box-pretty rural village and attended a quaint old red brick schoolhouse. The headteacher was very progressive, lots of guitar playing and singalongs etc. He was clearly in his dream job and put a lot of work into it. Still didn't stop him getting absolutely shafted by Ofsted and then having a breakdown. This was over 20 years ago so I hate to think what the job's like now.

This happened at our village school, although not the breakdown bit. Head was old fashioned and the school was a real part of the community. The worst you could say about the school was complacency. They got good results and my children were very happy there. Ofsted hated the absence of box ticking, head retired and was replaced by a a box ticket.

If you want a job you can do anywhere including community based there ishuge demand for physiotherapists.

Speaking as an ex-primary school teacher (who also worked in a rural village school), I was out of the house from 6:45am, to 6:45pm, every weekday. Then I'd also be working a couple of hours at home every night, plus all of a Saturday morning. Definitely not worth it. People have this rose-tinted memory of their own primary school teachers from the 80s/90s... It's not like that any more.

Op there is no reason not to change your lives for the a different one, so don't be disheartened, but you have to have a credible plan B

Definetely retrain FIRST with a view to where you may be able to work with new skills, ie more rurally.
DH needs to know what work and therefore income he will actually be likely to achieve in the sorts of areas you may like to live, ( Salaries are often lower) Serious research on this is crucial.

ATM neither of you would be bringing in an income if you upped sticks tomorrow.

Also l second renting, l grew up in the Southwest ( Devon and Cornwall), holiday makers used to fall in love with it on a summer holiday, buy a cottage and more than half would sell up again in 2 years......lower wages, less jobs, wet winters, and not so many shops and cafes to hang out in depending on how rural...

For those with a workable plan it can be a resounding success but does take lots of planning.
Could you not rent out your property and rent for a year or two in your desired location?Then you won't be priced out should it not work out as planned.....

@Whinge

I crave community.

I know people who were isolated and miserable when they lived in a small rural village. I'm sure some have a great community, but I think a lot of people idealise living in rural areas. It's not always a lovely welcoming environment.

I agree with this, and i live in a rural village. I have watched many people get depressed living rurally, when they are more isolated and lonely. A close family member had a complete breakdown for instance. Also can be hard for teenagers when secondary catchments are huge and their friends can live well over an hour’s drive away. There are pros and cons to rural life and I think many people who have never experienced it see it through a very rosy lens.

I think there's a whole world between 'rural' and 'crowded SE' though. I live in a town - a common or garden small town with two supermarkets, three primary schools, good transport links to the nearby city, a beach, an historic high street, loads of clubs and after school activities and a high school.

It's brilliant.

I hear at OP

We did (sort of) what you dream about

DH quit his well paid job to become a teacher, and we lived on a bit of income we still had, and I looked for a part time job locally

We moved from a big city to a Hampshire village of 500 people

In a way it worked well, kids had a great life with village cricket, little village school, lots of lovely village events, made lots of new friends.

About 10 years in, the kids are teens and have a 45 minute bus journey to the nearest secondary. They don’t mind that though. They also have friends who live far away, and DH and I drive them around a lot

We always promised ourselves that we’d facilitate their social life, as otherwise country life is boring and lonely for teens. I am almost tee total as a result

But all in all it worked for us, even though DH says teaching us very hard, very stressful, for very little pay. I do worry about him burning out.

But do follow your dream, country village life is great IMO, if you embrace it

Another vote for NE Scotland! It’s so lovely here, plenty to do in the towns and cities, but never far from beautiful beaches, castles, countryside. Affordable housing, it’s safe, there’s community spirit. The only thing I would mention is that if you are planning to retrain as a teacher - you would be better to do that here as I believe it can be a bit of a faff to ‘transfer’ the PGCE qualification to the Scottish equivalent (PGDE), although that could be in only some subjects.

We all know that primary school teachers don't work 9-3. The hours are longer than that and there is a ton of bureaucracy involved. It's important work and underpaid.

However I truly wish everyone would lay off the OP as if having 13 weeks leave per year isn't a MASSIVE lifestyle shift for most people. Many many people working in professional jobs work significantly longer hours in the week, with comparable levels of stress and with 4-5 weeks leave per year.

OP - your plan sounds good to me!

@icedcoffees

I reckon kids up to around 12/13 enjoy rural living, then between 13-18 it's a nightmare, then when they can drive, it becomes ok again.

I really think it's down to personality more than age.

If your kids are happy to spend their weekends horse-riding, biking, fishing, surfing etc. and their friends are similar, they'll be happy, but if they prefer shopping, movies, bowling etc. then they'll struggle regardless of how old they are.

True, and it must happen the opposite way around for urban kids who want to do hobbies that are better provided for in the country, but you never hear parents being warned of that! I suspect that most youngsters get interested in whatever activities they are exposed to and their friends do anyway - and that tends to be whatever is most accessible locally. My youngest is a cyclist and getting him track time is difficult our nearest velodrome being 150 miles away. We do go, but nowhere near as much as those who live close by. DS is sometimes envious of them. But they in turn, are envious of the fact that he can ride out of his front door on a sunny day like today and do 50 miles on challenging but quiet country roads with no real pre planning. Or that he has numerous mountain bike trails within easy reach of home. Nowhere has everything and nowhere will suit everyone but I genuinely don't recognise the picture of hoardes of bored unhappy teens that is often painted on threads like this. Everywhere has its pros and cons.

If you really want to do then and your family are happy with the plan.. then why not?

What a lovely idea, go for it!

What about becoming a primary TA rather than teacher? Less stressful and part time usually available. And you'd still be around the kids lots.

Good luck, sounds great

MrsAvocet agree totally

All mine rode horses when older teens and had loads of friends through that. Nothing like sticking a marsbar and a sandwich in a pocket and going off for miles on your pony with a friend. Hanging out in Westfield has never had the same appeal - although they do like city life now older and at uni.

@PinkWaferBiscuit

The countryside lifts my soul and DHs, we feel so happy there rather than a albeit lovely SE town.

This is exactly what I meant by Rose tinted glasses. The country side is a novelty which is probably why you find it uplifting because you're only ever in it when you're on a break away frim the daily grind. Day to day the countryside and rural living is unlikely to be as idyllic as you're imagining.

More family time in the week. DH has a very specific set of skills in a dying industry so will likely need to reinvent himself in the next 10 years anyway.

Surely it would be easier opportunity wise for him to reinvent himself in a larger town or city than somewhere rural?

I crave community.

So did my family when they moved us to the countryside as kids. The reality was we found to suffocating and I hated the feeling that everyone knew each others business. You can have community anywhere as long as you're open to making friends and being part of where you live.

Yep agree with all of this. Living rurally has its pros and cons like anything. I grew up on a farm and some aspects were fantastic. We had loads of space to roam and explore but I sometimes felt envious of friends who lived on estates and could play out in the evenings or weekends. I currently live rurally and buses are every two hours, there's no village shops or pub so it can be pretty boring and then there's the village gossips to contend with. So what I'm trying to say us living rurally can be lonely and isolating and can be frustrating that you haven't got a shop on your doorstep if you need a pint of milk or want a newspaper. Saying that I much prefer rural living to suburban/city living by far.

It sounds like you have a Miss Read style village school fantasy. In reality, living in a real rural village is not all it’s cracked up to be. There are less opportunities like hobbies and clubs for kids, especially when they become teenagers. I’d imagine you need to either be quite hardy and outdoorsy or stay in a lot when the weather’s bad. Plus some rural villages (just my experience) can be cliquey. You know, you’re not ‘one of the village’ unless you’ve lived there a million years and your grandparents lived there and the rest.

I think living rurally could be fantastic for some specific people, but I don’t think it’s the easy beautiful life it looks like. And if you go into it like that I think it could become a nightmare.

We have changed careers many times.You need to work out how much capital you will have.Rural living depends where you choose prices vary the cheaper parts of the UK are not always nice and poor services,you may not enjoy that life.You need to decide on an area firstly,spend time looking around.This will take money and time do not make a mistake in choosing the wrong area we did this and it cost us dearly.Terrible schools very lonely no like minded people.Then think what you could do to earn money,It all depends how much money you have sadly this is the starting place.Learn a new skill,get qualifications.We had a small holding and we were able to live cheaply but very hard work.I would choose a small town with good transport links and good schools.Really look carefully,yes you can do it.Good luck.

I would also add, try not to conflate living somewhere with being on holiday because everywhere is wonderful on holiday.

I always say this but it’s like that ‘home or away’ location show. They punt a family off to Australia and have them spend time as a family going to the zoo, kayaking, the beach, barbecues. Then the family happily say ‘we love it here we want to live here.’ But they don’t put the kids in school in the boiling heat, have the parents at work in an unfamiliar culture and rushing to make childcare. They don’t have them dealing with extreme weather. Nothing like that.

It’s the same in my eyes. A holiday in the countryside - yes please. Long walks with the kids followed by a pub lunch, back to the holiday cottage for an after lunch snooze, then taking the kids out to climb trees. Gorgeous.

Waking up in the dark and driving miles and miles because I need to get the kids to school then commute to work, followed by then driving 30 miles for my kids to do sports and clubs because there is only one dance class that offers no exams in the tiny village hall, followed by teens who can’t get weekend jobs and have to be on a bus for two hours to reach a decent sixth form? Not so much.

Quick suggestion - lots of charities have roles in community fundraising which are wfh in rural locations. Unless you have won the toddler lottery, I think you might be glad to have something more than just the village on your doorstep when they’re 3 and 5!

I always say this but it’s like that ‘home or away’ location show. They punt a family off to Australia and have them spend time as a family going to the zoo, kayaking, the beach, barbecues. Then the family happily say ‘we love it here we want to live here.’

Oh gosh yes this is so frustrating. Of course you love it you're spending the afternoon at the beach. But real life isn't like that. It's hard to find the time to spend at the beach when you're working full time and your children have after school club then homework to do. The reality is very different to the rose tinted view.

@Whinge

Glad I’m not the only one 😂 it aggravates me so much when the kids say ‘we love Australia!’ My kids would love Salford and want to move there if they could doss about doing nothing all day and be on holiday. So would I!

Everyone who knows me knows not to mention that programme to me!

But I think it’s sort of the same situation here. I do understand that idea of rural living being peaceful and beautiful and all the stresses of modern life drifting away but unfortunately I think it’s just not a real life situation.

I also think it would be setting yourself up for a disappointment, as opposed to someone who went into it with their eyes wide open to how it will actually be.

@Kanaloa

But I think it’s sort of the same situation here. I do understand that idea of rural living being peaceful and beautiful and all the stresses of modern life drifting away but unfortunately I think it’s just not a real life situation.

I also think it would be setting yourself up for a disappointment, as opposed to someone who went into it with their eyes wide open to how it will actually be.

Offs.

The people I know who moved to the country are happier there. Contrary to some of the woebegonery here - there are jobs in the country - one is an architect, two are doctors, one works in finance and commutes, one is a writer, one is a property developer.

You'd have to be fairly dismally obtuse to think you were walking into Lark Rise to Cranford.

Just a reality check here....

Lived in a rural village for 25 years. Outside of a small market town in the SE.

Villages are not always what they are cracked up to be.

There are cliques and arguments amongst certain groups, there are constant planning applications to build estates (we have just had over 100 new homes tagged on to the existing 350 in this Doomsday village.)

I seem to spend my time writing objections to planning apps which threaten the green spaces we moved here for!

School gates can be unpleasant in a small community if people don't fit.

Social activities are dominated often by noisy egocentric types who like to make their presence in the village felt!

On the other hand we have lovely walks on the doorstep and it's quiet at night usually.

But when your kids are older but not able to drive you spend hours taxiing them in and out at all times of the day and night (we have 3 buses a day here, last one at 6pm.)

Teaching- I am a teacher but not teaching now.
There is a high turnover of staff in the village school here as many are young teachers who go on maternity leave and don't come back.
Most TAs are parents in the village (which can of course be difficult if there are issues!)

There is a LOT you need to think about not least money. I don't know how much the flat is worth, but villages are rarely cheap and often pricier than a town.

In my village, the lowest priced house is around £300K for a 2-bed Victorian terraced.

Average price of 3-4 bed detached is anywhere from £600-£800K.